Oh Adrienne Maloof, you silly minx! You were one of my favorite ladies on season one of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, despite your glittery hair threads and questionable taste in clothing. You seemed down-to-earth and genuine. Then a little something called "season two" happened…
Last night was the season premiere of Duck Dynasty, and I must say, I have missed those Robertson boys and their families! While I'm all about a DD marathon, I love new Si one-liners peppered among Willie'santics and Jase and Phil'sdry humor. The episode didn't disappoint as the crew created a surprise wedding with nary a camo tablecloth. I'm shocked! Let's begin, shall we? CHAW!
Jep and Willie are playing Battleship as their wives watch with eyes rolling. Jessica and Korie share a scripted exchange about Phil and Kay's upcoming anniversary. As Willie jokes that the girls will never be able to convince his parents to have a party, Korie suggests planning a surprise vow renewal, and she credits Willie for the brilliant idea. She admits that the best way to get a Robertson man to do what you want is to make them think they came up with the plan in the first place…well, that and sexy time. A second wedding, it is!
Jase, Si, Godwin, and the boy are hanging out in the warehouse, and Missy is blowing up Jase's phone with ideas for the surprise wedding. The men wonder why they need a second walk down the aisle, and we learn that Phil and Kay never had a proper wedding the first time around. Godwin is excited about the idea as long as there is chicken dancing involved. Willie joins the crew in an effort to escape Korie's party to-do list, and Si can do nothing but Indiana Jones his nephew for being so whipped as Godwin yells CHAW in what has to be the worst whip sound ever. Willie denies being a pushover as he hands his credit card to Korie…
It appears that all isn't well in Vodkaville, and Real Housewives of Orange County'sVicki Gunvalson could be back on the receiving end of a law suit claiming fraud and breach of contract. The case, which was previously dismissed, is reportedly about to be re-filed by Vicki's former partner in Vodkas by Vicki, Robert Williamson, III. In it, major allegations are waged against the reality star and her off-again-on-again (off-again) beau Brooks Ayers.
Of course, it doesn't help matters that the relationship status between Vicki and Broke Brooks has gone from lukewarm to non-existent to down right contentious, at least those are the rumors! If this is the end of Vicki's vodkas, however are we going to get to taste Slade's bacon variety?
I'm not going to lie, I didn't miss Abby Lee Miller one bit on last night's Dance Moms. Of course, I could have done without Leslie as well. I guess you really can't have it all!
Abby is missing in action, but thankfully her best choreographers are prepared to teach the girls the group number. With Abby not around to delegate solos, the mothers are up at arms about who is most deserving. First up, Jill and 2.0 are cussing and giving each other the hand and dropping f-bombs all over the viewing room. Keep it classy, moms!
In the studio, Abby's employees are working on a newly minted group routine…while hoping they won't get fired. Christi takes the opportunity to call Kelly and tell her that now it the perfect time for Kelly to bring her girls to dance. In her mind, if Brooke and Paige are still on the pyramid, they are still on the team. Leslie is livid that Kelly's involvement could jeopardize Payton's spot on the team. Kelly arrives and instructor Gianna allows Brooke and Paige to join the group. She's too stressed to deal with extra mama drama.
Quick question for y'all…once you've called off your engagement, how many wedding ceremonies should you have to convince everyone that your marriage is legit? If you are Basketball Wives: LA'sGloria Govan, the answer is two…one in Vegas, and one in Santa Barbara.
What? You weren't invited to either? Say it ain't so! Oh well…you may just get to watch the most recent nuptials on television!
If you learn anything important from TLC (and why wouldn't you? It's The Learning Channel for goodness' sake!), it should be that you don't mess with June Shannon. The Here Comes Honey Boo Boo matriarch may be a fierce mama bear when it comes to protecting her colorful brood. That said, she's just as quick to call them out for bad behavior!
Those of you who admit to watching the show (and those of you who watch it in secret and silently giggle while reading Sugar Bear's one-liners) know that middle daughter Pumpkin (not to be confused with the slightly older Chubbs) often uses negative behavior to gain recognition among her loud and crazy family members. She has complained in the past that she isn't thrilled with the attention she's garnered in her life outside of the hit reality show. While Pumpkin has complained of being the victim of bullies, it seems that she's taken on the role of mean girl.
You wanted them to go away. You petitioned the network. You're secretly glad they'll be back next week. Am I right? The wine-bottle throwing, hair pulling, pocketbook hostage holding, Non-MFing-Factor yelling ladies of Basketball Wives are returning to VH1, but this time we're promised a softer, less violent side of the group. Yeah, right!
Not only does Shaunie O'Neal get into it with her nearest and dearest Tami Roman, but there is also a lot of new drama courtesy of new cast mate Tasha Marbury. We'll be treated to a post-Chad Johnson Evelyn Lozada, and Suzie Ketcham continues to do what she does best–stir up the insanity by talking out of both sides of her mouth!
Can't wait? Check out the extended trailer to tide you over until the premiere on August 19th!
CLICK THE CONTINUE READING BUTTON FOR THE CRAZINESS!
In it, Jacqueline reminds herself for three pages that her goal with Teresa was to be civil, not to mend their friendship. We got. Actually, we got it the first time you wrote it! Likewise, she explains for several paragraphs pages why she felt the need to get the tummy tuck. I'll spare you the detailed description of her pre-surgery lingerie routine. You're welcome.
Of course, I am just giving Jacq a hard time, but I tried to only hit the highlights for you. I feel like Ross on that episode of Friends…"Yes, you went on for eighteen pages…FRONT AND BACK!"