There are days when I really, really love my job. This is one of those days. When I get a little gem like this to write about, it just makes me so happy. MTV's Teen Moms provide us with massive amounts of entertainment, and Farrah Abraham is no exception. She whines…a lot. She fights with her mother. She waxes her toddler's unibrow for goodness sake! Now, Farrah is channeling her inner E.L. James. That's write right! Girlfriend wants to pen some porn.
Of course, before Farrah can focus on becoming the next best selling phenomenon, she has some legal woes to settle. After her Twitter account was hacked in December, Farrah has alleged that an ex-boyfriend is to blame, and she wants him punished. Let's start with that. We'll save the best for last.
Y'all realize that, no matter what, the Kardashians aren't going anywhere any time soon. That said, don't shoot the messenger! Actually, today's Kardashian trash is at least humorous enough to provide some sort of entertainment.
Here's a quick breakdown: Kim Kardashian doesn't want to still be married to Kris Humphries when she gives birth (but there is quite a catch!), and Kim and Kanye West maintain that Kimye, Jr. will not be a part of E!'s fall line-up. Again, I'll believe that when I see it! Finally, the youngKendall Jennerdoesn't want to follow in her family's famewhoring footsteps. Sure.
Real Housewives of Atlanta continues to be a favorite among the Bravo franchise, which is amazing. It's rare that a show can bring in new and volatile cast members and still remain on top of the ratings. If you've been watching RHOA, you know that Kenya Moore fancies herself the show's new break-out star.
Of course, for me, it's refreshing to hear from someone other than Kenya. The usually quiet (give or take a housewives spat) Porsha Stewart has found her voice, and she wants to be known for her philanthropy moreso than any RHOA drama. Can you blame her? In the meantime, Porsha is working really hard to remember how many days are in a year. 365, Porsha, three hundred and sixty-five.
I always wanted a sister, and maybe that's why it is so heartbreaking for me to see the demise of Kim Richards and Kyle "Splits" Richards relationship on the past and present seasons of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Check that. If I'd had a sister, there is no question we would fight like cats and dogs (I'm feisty!). However, no imaginary sister of mine would have been cool enough in my younger years to carry Disney's Witch Mountain franchise. Furthermore, had I been blessed with two sisters, the lesser known, but very flexible one could never have pulled off starring along side Bette Davis in the freaky Watcher In The Woods. NERAK!
I realize that I often reference this movie when discussing Splits, but it's amazing. I'd tell you to Redbox it, but you probably need to find your local dying Blockbuster to locate it and see Splits in all of her supernatural glory. I feel like knowing the Richards sisters' past makes me more cognizant of their present. A sober Kim is clearly ridding herself of the demons that found her playing the teenage breadwinner, and Kyle is still uber-jealous that her older sister was the breakout child star. I should stop playing arm chair psychiatrist and get on with the post, right? My apologies.
Thankfully, now that the season we're currently watching has wrapped, everything seems to be much better with the Richards sisters. Thank goodness. Their family drama was painful to endure…at best!
This was a good week for our favorite reality shows! It seems that everyone is getting back into the swing of 2013, and with a routine comes our favorite old habits…watching some of the most fantastically trashy television series known to man.
It's official! Kim Kardashian and Kanye West are moving in together. Unfortunately for us, the house is on this planet. Despite my best efforts to convince Sir Richard Branson, he refuses to offer them a free space flight and leave them stranded on the moon. I really tried to pull some strings. Sorry.
As you all can imagine, the tiny rapper and his poorly dressed lady love (I have to remind y'all of this. Seriously?) aren't just moving into any house. To paraphrase a drunk Kanye, I'm gonna let you talk, but this is the best house of all time. For realsies.
Oompah Loompah, Doopity Doo, Snooki wants another baby, it's true! Twenty-five-year-old Jersey Shore star Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi is a new mom to baby Lorenzo with her fiance Jionni LaValle. We watched her pregnancy progress on the final season of JS, and we'll get to the birth on this season of Snooki & JWoww.
Like a good meatball, Snooki wants lots of kiddos with her gorilla juicehead. They seem to make adorable babies together, so I am sure Lorenzo won't have any grenades as siblings.
There was a coup on last night'sDance Moms, and it was amazing. Abby Lee Miller plans to replace the entire ALDS company after the moms go AWOL in an attempt to bring back Kelly. The star this season seems to be Scripty McFauxdrams. Unfortunately for Abby, only one of her super group performs to her highness' expectations. The original girls don't care…they attract enough attention at their own event!
Christi, Holly, Melissa, and Jill are trying to figure out how to scheme Kelly's way back into the studio. Abby can't believe how strangely the mothers are acting when they all head into the restroom together. The moms have decided to have a stand-off with Abby. They refuse to take part in the pyramid, and they plan on sitting silently in the lounge area. Hard core! Abby is getting a freeze out whenever she attempts conversation. The girls are no where to be found as well. Abby calls Melissa and leaves her a threatening voicemail. Does Melissa really want to jeopardize her daughters' future for Kelly and her girls? Abby is now solely focusing on Ally's solo, and Shelly is curious as to the missing moms. Ally is overwhelmed by the pressure that Abby is putting on her in light of her troupe's absence.
The moms seem to be staging a sit-in in the studio parking lot. Abby is getting the cold shoulder, and no one will look at her nor will they respond. Abby is berating the mothers, and I have to say that these women are getting to be better actors as the seasons continue…because that is clearly what they are doing. Abby decides to take matters into her own hands and calls the police. She's got trespassers, y'all! Abby is laughing maniacally at her diabolical plan as the officers swarm the parking lot. Yes, the moms' behavior is childish, but I so love to see them working together for a common and unselfish goal.