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I'm not going to lie, but I've got some tissue on hand for the series finale of Jersey Shore.  I always get super teary when shows end…Zack and Kelly's wedding, the final Family Ties, Who's the Boss, and don't even get me started on Friends!  However, I can honestly say I've never gotten sad about the end of a reality show.  Hopefully, that's the norm.  I don't remember getting upset saying good-bye to any of the Real World casts (more like good riddance!), and I barely noticed when my fave Rosie Pope didn't get renewed.  However, for some odd and unknown reason, these orange meatballs and gorilla juiceheads are different. 

After being accosted by a friend to give the show a chance, I was appalled.  Who wears slippers out in public and thinks it's funny to show their Britneys while on the dance floor?  What idiots tan every day and use enough hairspray that we may have cause to sue them for global warming?  Sadly, I was quickly won over by Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi, Jenni "JWoww" Farley, Vinny Guadagnino, DJ Pauly D Delvecchio, Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino, Deena Cortese, Ronnie Ortiz-Magro, and Sammi "Sweetheart" Giancola.  Yes, their antics showed no inkling of decorum or maturity, and yes, I was (and still am) grossed out by many of their actions, but in a world of reality television show where cast mates hate one another, it was beyond refreshing to see this group grow into a legitimate family.  I have no doubt that the majority of them will still be pranking each other in the assisted living facility.  Hanging out for a day with Vinny and Pauly is on my bucket list.  Instead of VPL being code for visible panty line, it would be Vinny/Pauly/Lauren.  I digress (what else is new?).  On to the recap…I'm wearing my favorite airbrushed tank top, my whitest pair of sneakers, and leopard print track pants.  My hand is wrapped around some Ron-Ron juice (kidding, I don't want to die!), and I'm ready to wish these imbeciles well.  Do you think it's a coincidence that their show ends the night before many doomsdayers think we're all goners?

The roommates have decided to throw a giant bonfire party on the beach.  They plan to invite all of their family and friends to commemorate their final MTV summer together.  Pauly and Vinny are in charge of getting wood.  Erection jokes ensue.  The wood won't fit in their vehicle, so Vinny is forced to wheel it home on the handcart while Pauly follows behind him in the SUV.  Classic VP.  A party rental place is delivering tables, chairs, and the like.  I guess these people can finally afford a legitimate party.  They even bring the grill to the beach.  Pauly lights the bonfire.  Oh yeah, fi-arh, yeah!

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camille_grammer_closeup_rhobh

It's  your daily dose of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills gossip, and this time it has nothing to do with Brandi Glanville or Adrienne Maloof. It's the little things, right?  I don't know if its technically "housewife" gossip…maybe "friends of housewife" drama.

Camille Grammer is dishing on ex-husband Kelsey's recent parenting snafus as well as her holiday plans.  Also, there is some fun gossip about Yolanda Foster's predecessor in David's life who apparently really, really, really wants to be on the show.  It's some fun stuff, y'all!

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tami roman

Shocking news, y'all! I know you are going to be floored when you hear this…because it totally wasn't anything you were expecting to hear!  Basketball Wives star Tami Roman is claiming that the fifth season will stay away from lady drama and focus on the women's families.  Did you ever think you'd hear that announcement?  Shaunie O'Neal's PR people must be working overtime.  These girls must think their fan base is totally idiotic. 

Let's get this straight, we have four seasons of bottle throwing, weave pulling, bad press, and negative viewer response, and we're all just supposed to forget about it because now your focusing on families?  It's a brilliant marketing ploy if I've ever heard one…if the watchers of BBW were ten years old!  Am I being too harsh?

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lisaEveryday Real Housewives of Beverly Hills' star Lisa Vanderpump gives me a reason to love her even more.  I'll be honest, I wasn't on board with Lisa in earlier seasons.  It's not that I didn't like her, it's just that I was indifferent towards her.  Oh, how times have changed!

This season's Lisa is every bit as stylish and classy as she's been the past two seasons, but it's awesome to see her forming opinions and standing up for her friends.  Yes, she's brash and brutally honest, but she's also (in my opinion) totally genuine and grounded.  Not to mention, I love her wardrobe, her precious son-in-law, and the romance that is still totally alive between her and Ken Todd.  You just can't fake that kind of relationship.  She's real…and she could buy and sell me a thousand times over!

Not only has Lisa gained a spin-off (can't wait!) due to her RHOBH popularity, but she's also getting outside deals.  First up?  She's judging the Miss Universe pageant alongside Kourtney Kardashian's beau Scott Disick.  Did I mention that she's nothing if not honest?

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twitter-phaedra-parks

Oh Phaedra Parks, you always tell it like it is.  The lawyer/mortician hybrid from Real Housewives of Atlanta loves to enlighten us all with her Southern analogies and Donkey Booty.  While she can be sweet as sugar, I certainly wouldn't want to cross her.

This season we're seeing more of Phaedra (literally!  Was she serious with that thong bathing suit??), and we're also getting to see more of her spitfire personality.  In other words, we learn that Phaedra doesn't like to share…when it comes to her husband Apollo Nida.  Of course, who can blame her?

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kim.kardashian.kris.bruce.jenner

My good gracious!  Another Kardashian post so close to Christmas?  I must be on the naughty list this year.  I'll be honest, I'd rather receive a lump of coal than to have to pontificate on this fake family during the holidays.  I do it for you, dear readers.  You mean more to me than my disdain for this crowd.  Isn't that what Christmas is all about?  You're welcome.  ;)

In today's news, Kris Jenner is trying to maintain her now faux marriage to husband Bruce despite a ridiculous amount of divorce rumors circulating in the media.  Also, sources are claiming that Nick Cannon was also a victim of Kim Kardashian's infamous sex tape.  I can't wait to hear the chain of information that led him to this conclusion! 

Finally, Bruce is opening up to the media about his ties to Newtown, Connecticut and the Sandy Hook murders.  While typing that makes me want to vomit (let this community grieve without reality television intervention!), it's what he's talking about now.  I used to like you, Bruce, but I've lost all respect if you're trying to maintain relevancy in light of this horrific event.  Sidebar, and this has nothing to do with this blog, but from here on out (sorry for the soapbox) will we please refer to the Sandy Hook shootings as a mass murder and the man that took those innocent lives (I won't give his name more credence here) as a murderer?  I read a compelling article the other day that noted in school shootings the public regresses to words like "shooter" and "victims" instead of using "murderer" and "slain" or "dead" in these types of tragedies.  If someone killed a gas station attendant, we'd call it a murder, why don't we say that now?  Off my soapbox and onto the Kardashian kraziness.  I taught first grade for several years, so I am a tad raw at the moment…as no doubt you are. 

Moving along (so, so sorry for the rant!), Kris is determined to make sure that her failing marriage doesn't drown the empire she's created around her children (notice I don't say the empire created FOR her children).  What won't this woman do?

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vin paul

Oh, Pauly "DJ Pauly D" Delvecchio…have you been cheating on me?  No?  Well, you've been cheating on MTV, although I can't say I blame you.  You were enticed by the dimples and flashy Kardashian representation that Ryan Seacrest provides.  I don't think anyone will judge you. 

The acronym creating, high hair wearing, "cabs are heeya" screaming star of Jersey Shore is getting a new show…and it's not on the network that made him an international reality star and a household name.  That's right.  He's potentially moving on to E!  What a tangled web we weave when first we practice to hop to another channel for more money.  I'm not hating, Pauly…I want you in my TV line-up regardless. 

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josh

Last night was a big night for the ladies of Teen Mom 2Chelsea Houska is taking baby steps to get her life in order, while Jenelle Evans seems to have found an somewhat upstanding guy.  Leah Messer moves on with a new love while Kailyn Lowry wants to live in the past.  These girls are exhausting!

We begin as Leah and Jeremy make it official after her first motorcycle ride.  When he asks about what went wrong with Corey to which she replies, "He did some things, I did some things."  Jeremy doesn't care.  He couldn't be happier that he sent that Facebook friend request!

Chelsea's friend has encouraged her to see a therapist.  Chelsea isn't ready to give up Adam, but she admits to having issues with depression and low self-esteem before Adam ever came along.

Jenelle is passing all of her drug tests, and she's back in school.  She has lunch with her mom Barbara, and she admits that she's stopped taking her bi-polar meds.  Barbara wants Jenelle to make a doctor's appointment to refill her prescription which Jenelle says she'll do "when she has time."  We all know how that turns out, don't we?  She admits to her mother that she's going to hang out with a new guy.  Barbara thinks that a new skinny kid is exactly what her daughter needs to take her mind off of Kieffer.  She praises Jenelle's more responsible attitude and agrees to let her take Jace to Myrtle Beach for the day.

When Jo comes to pick up Isaac, Kailyn is crying over Jordan.  He tries to console her by telling her any guy that would stand her up isn't worth the tears.  Poor Jo.  He can't win for losing. 

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