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It's like a New Year's miracle!  Could it be that Real Housewives of Miami's Elsa Patton is getting her own show?  Andy Cohen would certainly be all for it.  Just think of the craziness draped in fur and subtitles.  It's already my new favorite show!

RHOM fans know that despite some unfortunate plastic surgery, Mama Elsa tells it like it is.  When she's not threatening drag queens, dancing in caftans, or having psychic visions, she's doling out some pretty down-to-earth advice.  She's the Big Ang of Bravo.

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ng the voice 121112

"This is The Voice!"  I don't know what it is lately, but I can't help but get these awful theme songs stuck in my head.  Don't get me wrong, I love the premise behind NBC's answer to American Idol (and watching Adam Levine and Blake Shelton isn't too shabby either!), but couldn't they have come up with a better hook?  It is a music competition after all!

The show is gearing up yet again to premiere in March, and this time around Cee Lo Green and Christina Aguilera are taking a break.  Good riddance to Xtina and her witchy ways!  Replacing the duo will be Usher and Shakira, and while I'll miss Cee Lo, I think these two will be a fun, easy mix with Adam and Blake

In a recent interview, the four judges, old and new, discuss what we can expect from the upcoming season.  Adam admits that he underestimated Shakira's spunk, and Usher, who is responsible for giving us The Biebs, reveals that finding new talent is more difficult than he expected.  The blind auditions have all been taped, but the live portion of the show will resume taping in the spring.

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Kim Kardashian rings in the New Year at 1 Oak Nightclub at The Mirage Resort and Casino Las Vegas, NV

Oh, Kim Kardashian, you saucy minx!  Okay, so I don't find her at all saucy or minx-ish, but I've always wanted to say that.  In today's Kimye news, there is some funny stuff.  Not only is having Kanye West's baby while still married to Kris Humphries causing some problems (we all predicted that, right?), but it seems that no one wants to pay Kim to lose her baby weight.  Tragic! 

Unlike Jessica Simpson, Kim may not be scoring a weight loss deal to shed the massive amount of pounds she's sure to pack on during her pregnancy.  I'm also hoping that, unlike Jessica's two year gestation, Kim's baby will pop out after nine months so we don't have to be on pregnancy watch for the next year and a half. 

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Brandi+Eddie-LeAnn

As you all are well aware, there is a lot of reality celebrity news that gets really old really fast.  Kim Kardashian's pregnancy, anyone?  I'd say that staleness goes double for reality feuds…unless it's Real Housewives of Beverly Hills' Brandi Glanville and Leann Rimes.  For me, their silly beef never gets old.  It is beyond entertaining!

Whether it's a Twitter battle or a photo op war, these women love to let everyone know their issues. It's brilliant–it keeps them both in the media (remember Leann's "tearful" interview–with no real tears–where she hated to be called a homewrecker in light of her true love?), and, selfishly, it makes me giggle.  Given her first stint on RHOBH, I would never think I'd be Team Brandi, but I totally am.  Forgive me in advance for a pro-Brandi post.  These ladies are cray.  I would love the opportunity to drink wine with them one day…in the same room, of course.  Clearly I'd wear a helmet.

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kim kanye

As if Kim Kardashian and Kanye West procreating wasn't enough, now there is even more disturbing news.  I don't even know how one correlates with the other, but perhaps if I type it quickly, it can get out of my head equally as fast.  Or not.  There are just some things you can't unread. 

Here goes nothing!  So, now that Kimye is having an aby-bay, ales-say for her ex-say ape-tay have gone through the roof.  Seriously?  Nothing says "congrats on the bun in your oven" like purchasing a video of the mom engaged in some nasty, nasty sexy times.  Nothing people do surprises me anymore.

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shape magazine 100912

In a controversial move, NBC's The Biggest Loser is tackling something new this season that has a lot of people talking.  I guess that is the whole point of controversial moves, right?

For the first time in the reality show's history, it will be focusing on childhood obesity.  Three young adults will be participating in the program, and trainer Jillian Michaels will be returning to assist the two teen boys and one teenaged girl get their lives back on track with a healthier lifestyle.

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chad-ochocinco-johnson-evelyn-lozada-tattoo-leg

Can I get a slow clap for Chad Johnson Ochocinco Johnson Johnson, please?  The man is unbelievable.  Not only has he been shuffled around the NFL before being fired, he's a literary master at making pizza box metaphors, a D-list playboy, a head-butter, and a reality star who knows that there is no shame in needing subtitles when asking his then fiance Evelyn Lozada how she feels about a threesome.  There is something about that level of shamelessness that deserves some sort of credit.  And gag.

As you all know, Chad can also add amateur porn star to his stellar resume.  Someone leaked a sex tape of Chad and a tatted mistress doing the dirty, and said video was leaked by some media outlets.  Wow, Basketball Wives' Evelyn is certainly a lucky lady as she and her former husband continue to "work on themselves."

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dance moms

I'll be honest, I don't know if I'm emotionally prepared for this premiere…or the season for that matter.  Of course, I can't wait…especially when we get to see a glimpse into Abby Lee Miller's love life.  There seemed to be a lot scripted, but it was still flipping amazing. 

The third season of Dance Moms starts with the girls and moms reunite in the parking lot after a long break during the competition season.  Noticeably absent are Kelly, Paige, and BrookeAbby is beyond pissed at Kelly for breaking up the team, but she's equally as upset with the other girls for not consistently coming to practice during their break…news she just found out having spent her break in L.A. filming her spin-off competition show.  She immediately tosses the pyramid head shots in the trash because none of them belong on the top, and the girls become teary when Abby announces that she's holding an audition to replace Brooke and Paige before the group heads to a competition in Denver. 

The girls are rehearsing their group number, Angels and Demons…except now it's just Angel Singular and Demons because that's what happens when people are quitters.  Is it just me or when Abby describes the characters in her choreography do you think she's envisioning herself as the victim or protagonist?  "This dance is about an angel who is strong, but she has all of these horrible awful bleached blonde crazies with acrylic nails demons trying to tear her apart."  Give me a break!  In the viewing room, Jill is hoping that she can get the other moms onboard with calling for a reinstatement of the pyramid.  She hates Abby trashed it without giving her daughter any opportunity to be at the top.

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