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Real Housewives of Atlanta's Kim Zolciak should have some extra cash lying around, don't you think?  After all, she and Kroy Biermann downsized to Big Poppa's already paid for condo, and you know they are selling baby pictures left and right.  So why hasn't she paid for her million dollar wedding?  I guess that's what happened when you live way, way, WAY above your means!

While Wig is pretending that everything is hunky dory, there are some people, celebrity party planner Colin Cowie for one, who are waiting to get compensated for their services.  It's a good thing Kim has another Bravo spin-off in the works! 

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So yeah, this post is going to give me nightmares.  I am totally freaked out by the paranormal.  I have seen a ghost zero times…I have never had any kind of creepy encounter, but I did baby-sit for a family in college (the type of family who would NEVER believe in ghosts) who totes knew they lived in a haunted house.  It was the old gallows house (the hanging tree was still in the backyard) and later a hospital during the Civil War.  Their young sons would often talk of the "man in the white coat" until they got to the age where things you couldn't see didn't exist.  They had countless happenings in that house that couldn't be explained by anything normal.  I get chills just thinking about it, but they were such sweet kids.  I hope college is treating them well.  #old

Anyway, I am equal parts intrigued and terrified of ghost stories.  Give me Kiss the Girls on repeat in the middle of the night with a known murderer on the loose than The Ring at 9am surrounded by puppies and friends.  Weird, I know.  Every now and then I like to scare myself silly with a random episode of A Haunting during the middle of the day, but those times are few and far between.  Long Island Medium is about as supernatural as my television watching gets, and I'll admit I'm addicted. 

That said, the Syfy Channel has just announced three new shows that I'll likely be watching in broad daylight with one hand covering my eyes.  Curses!  Admittedly, I want to watch each of them…with the lights on, of course!

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Yawn.  It's like the most dramatic rose ceremony Kim Kardashian divorce ever.  How is it possible that the divorce proceedings are lasting three times as long as the actual marriage.  Why oh why can't Kim just admit that her marriage to Kris Humphries was for her reality show and spare us all the endless gossip and back and forth of this silly divorce?  I mean, part of me is glad she isn't…I like my job, but we all know Kim didn't really want to marry him for real life purposes.  The girl changes boyfriends/potential fiancés/randoms who may or may not be willing to walk down the aisle with her as often as I brush my teeth…and I have excellent oral hygiene.  Never had a cavity!

What bothers me most about this divorce isn't the ridiculousness of it all or even the drawn out nature and pettiness from both sides.  It is this:  The whole thing could be over and done with if Kim would just admit the marriage was for show.  Kris gets none of her fortune regardless…her prenup bars him recovery in the event of a divorce, and if there was never any marriage (which would happen with Kris' desired annulment), he has no basis for monetary gain there either.  You can't get alimony if you never had a marriage.  Sure, I guess they could find the prenup void and the marriage valid, but that doesn't work for the premise of my argument.  :) 

All Kris wants her to do is tell everyone what we already know…the wedding was for ratings.  Nothing more, nothing less.  I mean, she is literally laughing in our faces, thinking we are stupid enough to believe that it was a fairytale romance.  We watch your show, Kim.  You have more chemistry with the doormen of whatever building in whatever city you happen to be living in currently than you did with Kris.  Basically, I just don't like being played for a fool.  Kim, quietly admit to what we all already know and be done with it.  It could actually help your sad image more than the path you're choosing.  Off my soapbox and on to the divorce drama…thanks for indulging me!

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It's the season finale of Flipping Out, y'all, and the drama from last night's show is palpitating.  Poor Monkey the cat is sick, and Jeff Lewis thinks that maybe he should take his pet to Dr. Donna so they can work out their issues.  I mean, I think the cat is the last living thing at JLD (save for Vanina who never talks) who has yet to meet the therapist.  Gage Edward and Zoila Chavez are surprised to learn that Jenni Pulos hasn't given Jeff the apology he so desperately needs for Cabo-gate.  Sure, she's said she's sorry for hurting his feelings or sorry for not telling him…but she still isn't sorry she used the house.

For once, Gage encourages Jeff to try to work things out with Jenni, and Zoila is worried that Jenni is going to get fired.  Jeff takes Andrew and Vanina to Gramercy while chatting with his realtor on the phone.  He thinks Gramercy isn't selling because it's not furnished.  His plan is now to sell Spring Oak, move to Gramercy, and then try to sell it again once he's furnished it.  Gage is beside himself, and he is hopeful that once they move in, Jeff will change his mind about keeping Gramercy on the market.  If they stay in Gramercy, Gage is convinced that they will be able to finally start a family.

Meanwhile, Monkey's vet makes a house call.  Jeff tells him of the emergency surgery that yielded nothing in his stomach but gas bubbles.  The poor cat is then diagnosed with herpes of the eye.  What?  How does that even happen to a cat?

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You may not agree, but I think Brandi Glanville is the spice so needed for Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.  She's brash, she's offensive, she's everything her counterparts want to be but pretend that they're not.  You add in the fact that Brandi's ex-husband Eddie Cibrian couldn't keep it in his pants, and she proceeds to run into his former mistresses throughout 90210, and you've got a great reality recipe for drama.

I know y'all recall the SUR party last season (you know, the one Cedric  Martinez tried to crash, not to be confused with this season's Villa Blanca party when Adrienne Maloof sent that passive aggressive jungle arrangement to Lisa Vanderpump) when Brandi ran smack dab into SUR waitress Scheana Marie who had once gotten to know Eddie really well…if you catch my drift.

Fast forward to Scheana starring in Bravo's new Vanderfabulous spin-off Vanderpump Rules, and she's all over the media yet again for that unfortunate run in with Brandi.  Of course, Brandi handled the situation with as much class as Brandi can…she did a better job than I would have expected.  From previews, we know that the women will come face-to-face yet again (thanks producers!) to finally say their peace, and now media outlets are revisiting that original awkward meeting as Bravo hypes its newest reality show.

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She's back and larger than life…and before you get on me, I'm talking about her over-the-top personality.  Dance Moms' Abby Lee Miller is no stranger to controversy or ridiculous statements targeted at her young dancers, but isn't that why we watch? 

The sharp-tongued studio owner and choreographer is back, with her show's newest season premiering in January of the new year.  I've been watching this show since it started, and several things remain the same.  The moms are still crazy, Abby's teaching style is still incredibly offensive, the young dancers are still as precious and talented as ever, and the more popularity the show gains, the more scripted I'm convinced it's becoming.  But again, isn't that why we watch?

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Every week I get a little more frustrated with these girls of Teen Mom 2.  MTV is paying them, and they are learning nothing except how to be more whiny and entitled.  I really think the network should incorporate some kind of weekly therapy session for Jenelle Evans, Chelsea Houska, Leah Messer, and Kailyn Lowry to make it a little more relevant and a little less rewarding immaturity and bad behavior.  Anyone agree?

Case in point, we begin with Chelsea trying to tame her peroxide weave while lamenting about taking her GED practice test in the following week.  She really needs to study, but she has way more important things to do…like plan Aubree's birthday party, attend freeloading Adam Lind's motocross race, and devise a plan to keep her dad from finding out that Adam is squatting on his dime.  Priorities, of course.  Of course, Chelsea's third priority didn't work out so well because she forgot her dad has a key to her house and decided to take a peek inside when he came to pick up Aubree.  She tries to act indignant, like what are you doing in my house?  I want him to retort with, um, it's actually my house considering I pay for it, but instead Randy promises her they will discuss the situation later.

Oh wait, Chelsea explains that she pays her own rent, so maybe I would be a tad upset if my dad busted in, but still.  She arrives at the race, and it's so pitiful to watch her try to kiss Adam and hold his hand while he totally brushes her off and then walks away.  Chelsea acts totally oblivious to his behavior. 

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I'm going to be totally honest with y'all…every time I'm assigned a Real Housewives of Atlanta post which involves NeNe Leakes and Kim Zolciak I hear NeNe's voice in my head screaming variations of "Keep your legs closed to married men" and "WIG!" the entire time I'm typing.  It's equal parts awesome and a tad crazy.  It's like I have NeNe Tourettes. 

We all know that the once besties turned frenemies turned mortal nemeses (Looky there!  I just learned the plural of nemesis…informative and educational!) have been going back and forth about the real reason Kim allegedly leaves the show mid-season.  There's even a Twitter battle immortalized on the Internet where they spewed insults.  Kim claims she quit, while NeNe has her on blast for being fired. 

Kim counters with her own spin-off in the works (why would Bravo fire her, it basically promoted her?), while the Neenster cites pre-existing contractual obligations regarding said spin-off.  Is NeNe going to law school in between filming her reality show, her sitcom The New Normal, and her guest spots on Glee? Kim's new spin-off is set to premiere in April and is creatively titled Don't Be Tardy… does she owe Kandi Burruss royalties for that title?

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