Another day, another math conundrum in the realm of the Kardashians. Kim Kardashian is helping us train our brains with some weighty word problems. The Keeping up with the Kardashians star, who is preggers with Kanye West's baby (duh!), is slyly revealing just how many pounds she's gained. Using terms like "only half" and "60 pounds off," she is causing my brain to fry with the computations.
When she's not making the public subtract and divide, she's being coy about Kimye Jr.'s potential moniker and how she wishes she had some junk food cravings. Pregnancy is the one time that she has the excuse to eat whatever she wants, but all the baby seems to desire is rabbit food. Poor Kim just kan't katch a break!
This may sound a bit odd, but I've taken to thinking of Teen Mom 2 (actually the entire franchise) as MTV's personal Truman Show. It's not true, it's just the network's way of punking everyone everywhere. In fact, it's getting to be the only way I can rationalize these girls and their unapologetically abhorrent behavior (that includes you, Farrah Abraham!). It has to be some sort of joke or satirical take on modern society, right?
In my head, Jenelle Evans is using this as her doctoral thesis, and Leah Messer Sims Calvert is planning to use her footage to create a poignant yet ironic documentary on the importance of self-esteem and the teenage girl. Kailyn Lowry is working undercover to fix glitches in the family court that allow one parent to abuse the legal system just to get back at the ex who scorned them…she's good at her job, by the way. Finally, Chelsea Houska is having the last laugh, as she's actually fluent in eight languages (whining is the ninth!), and she's testing a scientific theory regarding how high pitched and nasally a voice must be before viewers press the mute button. Well played, ladies. Well played. Too bad my alternate Teen Mom universe is just one blogger's sad delusions.
So, let's get to last night's episode, shall we? Jenelle is recovering from her boob job, and she can't wait until she's fully recovered so she can spend some time with Jace. Sadly, that won't happen until the poor child is at least eighteen. Gary is taking good care of her, and Jenelle wants to talk about three things: 1) Kieffer; 2) what Gary thinks of her new ta-tas; and 3) Kieffer. Oh, wait… Kieffer has been texting Jenelle, and Gary isn't willing to lose his "career" to fight with such a loser if he decides to come visit. He'd rather get back to checking out Jenelle's new rack.
Did y'all watch The Voice last night? I have to be honest, I have so much in my DVR on Mondays, that I'm going to have to save it for later in the week. That said, I can't wait to see what I anticipate being a much more fun and positive camaraderie among the judges. Don't get me wrong, I'll miss Cee Lo Green, but I think that Shakira and Usher will be great additions alongside Blake Shelton and Adam Levine. As for Xtina? No comment.
There is something about this competition that I truly adore. It's equal parts the design of listening without looking and the witty back and forth among the judges that makes it all the more entertaining. Add in incredible talent, and it's a hit. Of course, there is the always hilariously honest Blake to keep things in check, and he's dishing on the two newbies.
How quickly all good things come to an end! I had no clue that we are just one episode away from the season finale of Love & Hip Hop. Thank goodness. Basically, at this point, the show is only focusing on two tumultuous relationships and a potential prison term. Everyone else is just along for their five minutes of screen time every other week. You all know who I mena mean!
The episode begins with Raqi Thunda heading to Olivia Longott's performance in hopes of finding Tahiry Jose to apologize. She explains that Joe Budden wants her to mend fences, but after a half-baked apology, they are yelling at each other. Ahhh, maturity.
At home, Yandy Smith is snuggling with little Mendeecees and baby Amir while Mendeecees, Senior looks on happily. They share their engagement news with the little guy, and he's excited about having Yandy in the family. Sure, he's only seven, but VH1 made sure he was over the moon upon hearing the news. There is no doubt about it–Mendeecees produces some precious children.
Love has an appointment with her neurologist. She was involved in a horrible car accident a few years ago, and she still suffers from pain as a result. Her doctor questions her headaches, temper, and memory loss, and Love is worried that she's getting worse. In fact, just the other day, she got into a fight with some girls in the bathroom at a club, and she has no recollection of shoving one of the women's faces in the toilet. No way. The neurologist believes she's suffering from post traumatic stress disorder after cracking her skull in the accident, and he urges her not to get in situations where her temper could be exacerbated and she could lose consciousness in a fit of rage.
Karen and Ramona are preparing to go back to Staten Island, and Karen is thankful that she was able to work things out with Dave and meet his girlfriend. She feels they made a lot of progress, and that will only be a positive step for Karina. Dave drops by to say good-bye, and he's pleased that the pair have opened up their lines of communication. Now Karen can focus on reopening her father's case.
Well, I certainly didn't see this gossip coming! As always on Dancing with the Stars, the producers feel the need to incoporate a Bachelor franchise crossover to make Monday's viewing transition a little more seamless. Of course, this go-round, Sean Lowe is taking a break from planning his wedding to cha-cha for the mirror ball trophy. While the virginal good guy may have won over fans while looking for love, sources are saying he's not making any friends among the other DWTS contestants.
On the flip side, Disney Channel star Zendaya Coleman is proving to be a break-out star in the competition…and not just because of her killer dancing skills. People are falling in love with her bubbly personality. At sixteen, she's the youngest contestant in the show's history, but she's proving that she can dance with the best of them!
Since Jenelle Evans is the reigning train wreck on Teen Mom 2, someone needs to step up to the plate in the original franchise…especially with Amber Portwood stories at a lull due to her incarceration. Leave it to Farrah Abraham to take over the role as most idiotic Teen Mom. Speaking out about her recent DUI arrest (you know, the one where she blew nearly twice the legal limit!), Farrah wants to set the record straight about what happened. Clearly, it wasn't her fault.
Blaming her sister, mainly, and being sick, in part, Farrah wants everyone to believe she didn't do anything wrong. I'm actually insulted that she truly thinks that people will be dumb enough to buy into her ridiculous story. Add in the arrogance of seeking out a media outlet to spread her crap, and I'm totally befuddled by little Miss Farrah. Geez.
If you turn on the Style Network at any given time of the day, chances are you're going to see Kimora Lee Simmons sharing her fashion tips during the commercial breaks. The model, actress, fashion designer, and author (she wrote Fabulosity: What It Is And How To Get It) is known just as much for her high profile relationships as she is for her multiple business ventures. Married and divorced from fashion and music mogul Russell Simmons (the pair has two tween daughters), Kimora recently separated from her latest beau Dijimon Hounsou with whom she has a three-year-old-son.
Kimora showcased her life on the reality series Kimora: Life In The Fab Lane which aired on Style and featured her family and business as she ran Phat Fashions. Now that she and Dijimon have split–they never legally married in the United States but did participate in a traditional ceremony–Kimora is dishing on the importance of putting children first and focusing on the positive.