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The countdown is officially on until the final Jersey Shore.  Last night's episode showered Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi with baby gifts at a party planned by Jenni "JWoww" Farley with the help of Deena Cortese, and Sammi "Sweetheart" GiancolaMike "The Situation" Sorrentino, Vinny Guadagnino, and DJ Pauly D Delvecchio were back in action as MVP with not much luck, and Ronnie Ortiz-Magro found comic relief in a gorilla costume. 

The meatballs decide to have a dressy dinner date since Jionni is too preoccupied with his softball game to come visit Snooki.  Rawn decides it's the perfect opportunity to put on a giant gorilla suit and scare the crap out of a napping Jenni.  The gang is heading to dinner (minus the meatballs), and Jenni shares her scare with SamMike wonders why Snooki can't just smile and have a good time with the roommates.  Rawn totally disapproves of Jionni putting softball before his pregnant fiance. 

Snooki and Deena are enjoying a chill meatball evening.  Snooki is glad that they can still have fun without being blackout drunk and getting arrested.  She asks Deena to accompany her to the baby store the following day after work.  Deena hems and haws about how she already promised Sam she'd go with her to the grocery store.  She can't let Snooki go shopping for the baby when they've already bought her everything for her surprise shower.  Great save there, Deena!  She manages to change the subject to not sleeping naked because she's terrified of bugs laying eggs in her Britney.  It's perfectly acceptable dinner conversation, right?

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Oh no.  I thought I'd have at least a few months before I had to write another Real Housewives of New Jersey post.  They're just so…so…draining.  Y'all know what I'm talking about, right?  Well, now Caroline Manzo is speaking out about rumors that Danielle Staub will be returning to the shiz show and her feelings regarding Teresa Giudice

I know, I know…all of these ladies are wearing on our last nerves.  However, Caroline is promising to come back for next season with a positive attitude, and she has no time for the negativity that may surround the potential comeback of Danielle (not happening!) or the ensuing drama that swirls around her nemesis Teresa.  Why are we still listening to any of these women?  Oh yeah, it is mildly entertaining to hear them trade passive aggressive barbs in the tabloids.  'Tis the season!

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Leave it to Ashley "Build-A-Bear" Hebert to buck the system when it comes to wedding etiquette.  Seriously, someone get this girl an Emily Post book stat!  No, I'm being too hard on Ashley and her fiancé J.P. Rosenbaum.  I should be applauding the Bachelorette pair for actually making it down the aisle given the curse that seems to plague all relationships born of the Bachelor franchise.  Did you know that out of twenty-four seasons there have been twenty-one engagements that failed?  I mean, yes, two of those engagements belonged to both Brad Womack and former flame Emily Maynard, but those odds aren't good!  My math is bad…I realize that Emily's engagement to Brad doesn't factor in, but I feel like it is worth mentioning.  Lots of failed relationships!

Of course, when Chris Harrison talks about the most dramatic rose ceremonies ever I never thought that he would try to orchestrate the most dramatic televised wedding ever.  I don't know whether to be disgusted or proud for what will surely be Bachelor Pad style television.  Slow clap, Mr. Harrison, slow clap.

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Real Housewives of Atlanta's Kim Zolciak should have some extra cash lying around, don't you think?  After all, she and Kroy Biermann downsized to Big Poppa's already paid for condo, and you know they are selling baby pictures left and right.  So why hasn't she paid for her million dollar wedding?  I guess that's what happened when you live way, way, WAY above your means!

While Wig is pretending that everything is hunky dory, there are some people, celebrity party planner Colin Cowie for one, who are waiting to get compensated for their services.  It's a good thing Kim has another Bravo spin-off in the works! 

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So yeah, this post is going to give me nightmares.  I am totally freaked out by the paranormal.  I have seen a ghost zero times…I have never had any kind of creepy encounter, but I did baby-sit for a family in college (the type of family who would NEVER believe in ghosts) who totes knew they lived in a haunted house.  It was the old gallows house (the hanging tree was still in the backyard) and later a hospital during the Civil War.  Their young sons would often talk of the "man in the white coat" until they got to the age where things you couldn't see didn't exist.  They had countless happenings in that house that couldn't be explained by anything normal.  I get chills just thinking about it, but they were such sweet kids.  I hope college is treating them well.  #old

Anyway, I am equal parts intrigued and terrified of ghost stories.  Give me Kiss the Girls on repeat in the middle of the night with a known murderer on the loose than The Ring at 9am surrounded by puppies and friends.  Weird, I know.  Every now and then I like to scare myself silly with a random episode of A Haunting during the middle of the day, but those times are few and far between.  Long Island Medium is about as supernatural as my television watching gets, and I'll admit I'm addicted. 

That said, the Syfy Channel has just announced three new shows that I'll likely be watching in broad daylight with one hand covering my eyes.  Curses!  Admittedly, I want to watch each of them…with the lights on, of course!

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Yawn.  It's like the most dramatic rose ceremony Kim Kardashian divorce ever.  How is it possible that the divorce proceedings are lasting three times as long as the actual marriage.  Why oh why can't Kim just admit that her marriage to Kris Humphries was for her reality show and spare us all the endless gossip and back and forth of this silly divorce?  I mean, part of me is glad she isn't…I like my job, but we all know Kim didn't really want to marry him for real life purposes.  The girl changes boyfriends/potential fiancés/randoms who may or may not be willing to walk down the aisle with her as often as I brush my teeth…and I have excellent oral hygiene.  Never had a cavity!

What bothers me most about this divorce isn't the ridiculousness of it all or even the drawn out nature and pettiness from both sides.  It is this:  The whole thing could be over and done with if Kim would just admit the marriage was for show.  Kris gets none of her fortune regardless…her prenup bars him recovery in the event of a divorce, and if there was never any marriage (which would happen with Kris' desired annulment), he has no basis for monetary gain there either.  You can't get alimony if you never had a marriage.  Sure, I guess they could find the prenup void and the marriage valid, but that doesn't work for the premise of my argument.  :) 

All Kris wants her to do is tell everyone what we already know…the wedding was for ratings.  Nothing more, nothing less.  I mean, she is literally laughing in our faces, thinking we are stupid enough to believe that it was a fairytale romance.  We watch your show, Kim.  You have more chemistry with the doormen of whatever building in whatever city you happen to be living in currently than you did with Kris.  Basically, I just don't like being played for a fool.  Kim, quietly admit to what we all already know and be done with it.  It could actually help your sad image more than the path you're choosing.  Off my soapbox and on to the divorce drama…thanks for indulging me!

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It's the season finale of Flipping Out, y'all, and the drama from last night's show is palpitating.  Poor Monkey the cat is sick, and Jeff Lewis thinks that maybe he should take his pet to Dr. Donna so they can work out their issues.  I mean, I think the cat is the last living thing at JLD (save for Vanina who never talks) who has yet to meet the therapist.  Gage Edward and Zoila Chavez are surprised to learn that Jenni Pulos hasn't given Jeff the apology he so desperately needs for Cabo-gate.  Sure, she's said she's sorry for hurting his feelings or sorry for not telling him…but she still isn't sorry she used the house.

For once, Gage encourages Jeff to try to work things out with Jenni, and Zoila is worried that Jenni is going to get fired.  Jeff takes Andrew and Vanina to Gramercy while chatting with his realtor on the phone.  He thinks Gramercy isn't selling because it's not furnished.  His plan is now to sell Spring Oak, move to Gramercy, and then try to sell it again once he's furnished it.  Gage is beside himself, and he is hopeful that once they move in, Jeff will change his mind about keeping Gramercy on the market.  If they stay in Gramercy, Gage is convinced that they will be able to finally start a family.

Meanwhile, Monkey's vet makes a house call.  Jeff tells him of the emergency surgery that yielded nothing in his stomach but gas bubbles.  The poor cat is then diagnosed with herpes of the eye.  What?  How does that even happen to a cat?

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You may not agree, but I think Brandi Glanville is the spice so needed for Real Housewives of Beverly Hills.  She's brash, she's offensive, she's everything her counterparts want to be but pretend that they're not.  You add in the fact that Brandi's ex-husband Eddie Cibrian couldn't keep it in his pants, and she proceeds to run into his former mistresses throughout 90210, and you've got a great reality recipe for drama.

I know y'all recall the SUR party last season (you know, the one Cedric  Martinez tried to crash, not to be confused with this season's Villa Blanca party when Adrienne Maloof sent that passive aggressive jungle arrangement to Lisa Vanderpump) when Brandi ran smack dab into SUR waitress Scheana Marie who had once gotten to know Eddie really well…if you catch my drift.

Fast forward to Scheana starring in Bravo's new Vanderfabulous spin-off Vanderpump Rules, and she's all over the media yet again for that unfortunate run in with Brandi.  Of course, Brandi handled the situation with as much class as Brandi can…she did a better job than I would have expected.  From previews, we know that the women will come face-to-face yet again (thanks producers!) to finally say their peace, and now media outlets are revisiting that original awkward meeting as Bravo hypes its newest reality show.

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