Oh Robertsons, it's been far too long! Like most of y'all, I have been waiting for last night's season premiere of Duck Dynasty, and (no shocker) Willie, Jase, Si, Phil, and their families did not disappoint. I couldn't love this show more if I tried. Sure, there are some scripted elements, but the family love, the faith, and the humor are anything but, and it's just as humbling as it is entertaining to watch. I'm so thrilled to get to recap the new season.
The guys are hanging out in the warehouse, and I feel like it's a bunch of Santa's elves hanging out…if Santa's elves wore camo and had a subscription to Field and Stream. It's no coincidence that Jase likens the boys' anticipation on Duck Season Eve to be that of children waiting for Old St. Nick to make an appearance. Si thinks he'll be sleighing slaying (sorry, horrible word play!) ducks with not only his rifle, but with his mesmerizing stare. No doubt we have some readers who wouldn't mind being hypnotized by Si's googly eyes, but I won't call out any of y'all Soncee! Si must be very careful with how he directs said stare…he doesn't want to knock himself out with its power when he looks in the mirror!
Jase is shocked to hear that Willie will be camping with the boys on Duck Season Eve. Willie reminds him that it is a family tradition. He's still a redneck, right? RIGHT? Si and Jase then start in on a hilarious diatribe of Willie's idea of roughing it…like opening a garage door manually, having the wrong comfort setting on his sleep number bed, watching a DVD instead of Blu-Ray (you KILL me, Si!), or having to unload the dishwasher because his wife is out of town. Jase can't believe that Willie is ready to brave the wilderness…after all, he frequents coffee shops. God, I LOVE this family! The boys convince Willie to give them the day off so they can prepare for their camping adventure.
"Sean Lowe and one of his final two sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G, first comes a televised reality dating competition, then comes marriage, then comes…" Yeah, this isn't quite working out as I'd planned. I guess the nursery rhyme didn't take modern day fame-whore-dom romance into consideration when singing about baby carriages. Who makes out in a tree anyway?
Things are heating up as the Bachelor season draws to a close. Will Sean find true love? Will he propose? If so, will he be able to keep it in his pants until saying "I do"?
ABC is constantly out-doing itself by touting the "most dramatic" or the "most romantic" or the "most shocking" rose ceremonies/hometown dates/proposals in Bachelor franchise history. I would have appreciated the network's stance even more had it just been honest for once. If Chris Harrison told me it was going to be the "most vanilla" season in the franchise's history, I would have still tuned in every Monday. ABC needs to give its viewers more credit. We're creatures of habit. No matter how much we never again want to see anyone making out in a hot tub or handing out a rose, we'll still be there. Count on it.
Also, now that Julianne Hough is a bona fide movie star, will her brother Derek continue to dance on the show (well, duh…he needs to find girlfriends!) or will he be looking beyond ABC for other career opportunities? Burning questions, people, burning questions!
Last night's Dance Moms had to have been one for the record books. Not only did it have the return of Black Patsy, but we got to see Abby Lee Miller express emotions other than hatred or favoritism. I didn't know she had it in her!
The episode begins as the girls and moms convene in the studio, but Abby is missing. She arrives late and explains to everyone that her dog Baby has passed away. Abby fights through the tears to remind her troupe that this week they will be competing in St. Louis. The girls are visibly saddened to see their teacher so upset. Pets are family members, so my heart goes out to Abby. Losing a pet is devastating. Abby quickly runs through the pyramid. Paige is on the bottom for her apparent lack of confidence. Brooke joins her for only scoring fifth. MacKenzie rounds out the lowest level. Kendall is on the second rung, along with Nia whose facial expressions garner praise from Abby. Maddie seems to have once again secured a permanent residence in the top spot.
The group number will have some ballet choreography, and MacKenzie is once again out of the dance. Abby touts the piece as an epic love story, and she hopes she'll be able to escape into the fantasy of the dance to forget about the loss of Baby. Nia is given a solo, and Holly is over the moon for her daughter. Maddie will also be dancing a solo. Abby reminds the girls that St. Louis is the home of Nicaya, who is the daughter of blink-and-you-missed-her-but-man-was-she-sassy-putting-the-crazies-in-their-place Black Patsy. Abby pleads with the moms to be on their best drama-free behavior. Good luck with that!
Now, I'm not one to call out someone else on their convictions, but the story you are about to read is ridiculous. Actually' I don't mean any of that. It's my job to call out celebrities on everything from political views to fashion mishaps, and this story isn't all that crazy. Of course, I am just qualifying that last part to prove that I really don't enjoy calling out anyone based on their beliefs. I could go on forever with this round of circular reasoning.
It's no secret that I am a huge fan of Duck Dynasty. The Robertson boys make me laugh, give me hope in the family unit, and, if you listen to my friends, solidify the notion that I have a definite type, and that type is anything with a beard. It's hard for me to imagine anyone not liking this show or this family, but I'm not going to judge someone who doesn't…even if it means that someone cancels a late night talk show appearance last minute to avoid the cast. Sticking up for what you believe in is an important character trait; however canceling last minute is just plain tacky.
As if they weren't enough for 'Merica to handle, Alana Thompson and her family are all set to internationally dominate all things deer statutes, four-wheelers, and forklift foot. June Shannon, Sugar Bear, and Uncle Poodle are going to have people all over the world talking about the small town of McIntyre, Georgia…heck, the South in general. Here Comes Honey Boo Boo is going global! Frightening, huh?
I am a huge fan of the show–and a proud Southerner–but gracious, this is a lot to digest (and not just because I had 'sketti for dinner. Kidding–gag!). On one hand, I'm happy for the family and their successes. However, I hope that people in other parts of the world don't assume we're all eating pigs feet and going dumpster diving…not that there's anything wrong with those things!
Is it just me or has Love & Hip Hop over extended itself on cast members and bad story lines? Some nights we see everyone, some nights we don't see some of the more "popular" characters. Heck, there are some women in the opening credits who have had maybe five minutes of screen time all season. It's nothing short of terribly confusing, but I guess it's one of the reasons I watch! You never know what–or who–you're going to get!
Last night commenced with Yandy Smith fighting mad after learning that her boyfriend Mendeecees jumped her personal trainer/cousin. He is all in her face about not caring that her cousin is in the NFL, and she's upset that he doesn't respect her family members. After lots of cussing, Yandy storms off into the night. Props to Mendeecees for being super mature about the situation. Oh wait…
Lore'l and Winter Amos are having drinks and discussing Lore'l's new record and their dating lives. Lore'l thinks they have different priorities in relationships…she is looking for love while her friend Winter is looking for cash. Classy. Winter is thrilled to hear that Lore'l has let her manager-friend go, and she's even more excited about her upcoming tell-all. She plans on exposing lots of past relationships, and Lore'l is a bit concerned to find out she's mentioned in the book.
Another day in the life of the girls of Teen Mom 2's craziness. I feel like the girls are starting to morph into one another. Leah Messer Simms Calvert is starting to act a lot like Chelsea Houska when it comes to getting over old boyfriends, and Kailyn Lowry is getting to know the inside of courtroom almost as familiarly as Jenelle Evans. What is going on with these girls? Let's get on with it, shall we?
It's been nearly two weeks since Kailyn or Isaac has seen Jo. The hearing for her Protection From Abuse Order is coming up, and Kailyn is going to see her lawyer to prevent Jo from harassing her. However, she admits to her friend that she really just filed it to prove her point. Once at the attorney's office, her lawyer asks that her friend remove Isaac from the meeting so they aren't talking about his dad in front of him. Kailyn suggests that the pair take anger management classes, and her attorney recommends a co-parenting class the two could take together. Kailyn's eyes light up at the thought of it…more time with Jo!
At her new digs, Chelsea is caking on the make-up and trying not to think about the fact that Aunt Flo still hasn't made her monthly visit. She hasn't talked to Adam since they hooked up, but Chelsea can't worry about him as it's her first day of beauty school and Aubree's first day of daycare. She is such a cute little girl, and I only hope that her mother's whining won't screw her up for years to come. You can practically see the excitement in Aubree's eyes as she's passed off to the daycare administrator. "Freedom!"
It's hard for Jenelle to focus on schoolwork now that Kieffer's out of jail. She explains to a friend that she would probably be with Kieffer if Gary wasn't in the picture, but Kieffer isn't what is best for her. Gary has a job and a car, so he's clearly the mature choice.