This November, I am thankful for Basketball Wives: LA. Seriously. They make me feel a wee bit better about my life. I may not have money or reality fame, but at least I've got great friends and family and don't look like a fool week after week for the whole world to see. That is definitely something for which to give thanks!
Once again, last night's episode was the Jackie Christie show, and I have to wonder why she doesn't just get a spin-off already! Fortunately for the viewers, the ladies seem to have veered from their whole meet for lunch/drinks/dinner/canyon/walks/cat fights premise. Sorry, I couldn't even type that with a straight face. We begin with Jackie meeting Gloria Govan for lunch to discuss Laura Govan's recent behavior. Jackie needs to get her personal life sorted out so the drama doesn't interfere with the most important thing in her life–her daugters New York Fashion Week. I am still shocked that she has a show. Are we sure this is New York City Fashion Week? In Manhattan? Perhaps it could be New York Missouri Proper Fashion Week? Jackie reveals that Malaysia Pargo will be walking in her show, and she had planned to ask Draya Michele as well. Gloria is confused. Doesn't Jackie hate Draya? Gloria is too involved in her webisodes. Jackie decides to vent about Laura to her sister, and Gloria totally flakes. Jackie knows Gloria is the mouthpiece for the group, but she hopes Gloria will be nice when she sees Jackie's clothing line.
Malaysia and Bambi are returning to volunteer with Educated Ballers. They have two high school girls they are going to mentor. Well, this is a refreshing change if we have to see a "meet up" with the women. Malaysia wonders if the girls would like to work in fashion. One girl would like to be a social worker while the other would like to work in a correctional facility. They are going to be roommates when college starts in the fall. I must say that both Bambi and Malaysia are good at talking to the girls without talking down to them. Malaysia is inspired. She wants their next vacation to be a volunteer endeavor, like building houses in New Orleans.
Oh my. This is good. I mean, when I say this is good, y'all, this. Is. Good. It speaks volumes to the characters of the women from the original Basketball Wives. VOLUMES! As you know, Shaunie "Nostrils" O'Neal, after a face-saving attempt to seek counseling from her pastor at the end of last season to end the show's violent ways, is bringing back her two explosive, bullying best friends Evelyn Lozada and Tami Roman.
Evelyn and Tami want to use the fifth season for redemption after all of their heinous behavior in seasons past. Well, they are off to a great start, I tell you! The two ladies are hoping to revamp their images, and Shaunie and Suzie "Both Sides of her Mouth" Ketcham are also along for the ride. Guess how the four ladies are planning to show that they've changed for the better?? Why, they're planning a walk out if they don't get their salaries hiked! They truly have changed.
We've got a situation here! I have to thank Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino for making that his catchphrase. It just makes blogging life easier. This time around, the Jersey Shore star is not only battling sobriety, but also a vodka company. If it were anyone other than Mike, I'd say they would likely chuckle at the irony.
Mike is suing Devotion Spirits, a company with which he penned an endorsement deal in 2010 (long before heading to rehab for addiction issues). The Situation claims that he maintained his end of the bargain, promoting the protein-infused vodka (yes, you read that correctly…protein-infused. It's alright to gag. I did.) and making the brand the success it is today. While I've never heard of it, I'm not surprised. I prefer to get my protein from some fancy scrambled eggs not my vodka tonic.
Kody Brown and his Sister Wives are back, and the family seems to be feeling the strain of their Las Vegas move even more intensely than last season. Even Kody's once fluffy, blonde mane is now straw-like with a dishwater hue. Oh, the hairmanity! Seriously, if I'm going to watch a show about a polygamist (and I do like watching, don't get me wrong), couldn't TLC have found one a little more Bradley Cooper and a little less Harry from Dumb and Dumber?
The family remembers how difficult the transition to Las Vegas was, especially for the older children. There is definite tension on the sofa, that's for sure. All of the wives blame being separated on the break down of their family unit. The family is still trying to secure financing for their cul-de-sac village. Christine is concerned that Robyn and Janelle's credit won't allow them to qualify for a loan. If one of them can't get their home, no one will be able to move forward.
It's been said that in life only two things are certain–death and taxes. Well, dear readers, I'd like to think y'all would agree with me if I tweaked that saying just a bit. In the reality world, the only two things that are certain have to be Kris Jenner creating rumors about her family in order to stay relevant and Kim Kardashian talking when she should just smile, look plastic pretty, and wear heinous tiny rapper inspired outfits. Am I right or am I right? Of course death, taxes, and all that jazz come into play as well…although have we seen any Kardashian 1099s?
Where to start, where to start? Should I lead with Kim's unfortunate but likely well-intended Twitter posts or Kris speaking out about the gossip she planted about her marriage? It's quite the conundrum. Thank goodness I've got a glass of pinot noir and a Ducky Dynasty marathon to soothe my Kardashian-riddled nerves. Join me, won't you?
We begin with Rawn, Snooki, and Deena working at the Shore Store. The meatballs are already hoping to bail on their shift, and hard-working Ronnie is beyond frustrated. He and Danny retaliate by donning trucker hats and ditching work like true meatballs. Mike calls his sister and dishes on Paula. He wants a classy girl, and his sister gives him advice on how to proceed with "shocking" Paula. A giant storm rolls in (which I realize is nothing compared to the super storm), and Snooki and Deena are freaking out. Down the boardwalk, Ronnie and Danny drink fruity cocktails and laugh about the chaos the girls are likely unleashing on the store.
Can I get a slow clap for Shaunie O'Neal? She said she was going to clean up the violence and drama on Basketball Wives, and by God, she's going to deliver. Oh wait. Nevermind. Instead, Ms. Nostrils O'Neal fired the calm ladies and kept her violent, bullying friends for the fifth season. They say they want to redeem themselves. I think Kenya Bell needs to duck!
That's right, folks! Both wine bottle tossing, table jumping Evelyn Lozada and purse snatching, in-your-face screaming Tami Roman will be back for another round. Apparently, they've "grown" in light of recent circumstances and deserve a fifth second chance. Tami suffered a mild heart attack, so she has a new lease on life, while Evelyn had a short-lived marriage that ended in a head butt from Chad Johnson, so surely she's learned that violence isn't the answer. Right? Hello? Anyone believe that?
It's been how many seasons now? I think everyone on the planet knows not to cross Ms. NeNe Leakes. Clearly Kandi Burruss hasn't gotten that memo. Like her or not (and I waiver–loved her, didn't like her so much, she's definitely growing on me again), the Real Housewives of Atlanta star is one of the franchise's biggest break-outs, and it was her hard work and hustle that made it happen. She took her gig on Bravo and surpassed all the cookbook writers, spin-off ladies, and talk-show hopefuls. NeNe has arrived, and she's a bona fide star. If you'd told me this would happen three years ago, I would have laughed at you while singing in a limo. If you tried to convince me of the same a year ago, I'd just yell "Wig" at you and tell you to close your legs to married men. You have to admit, the lady has one-liners!
Maybe it's her brashness, her biting honesty (she's the only one who proudly owns up to stripping in the past), or unapologetic nature, but NeNe has become a force to reckoned with among all of the housewives. To be quite honest, I'm still a little surprised that she stuck around this season to cause drama given her new presence in Hollywood. I'm equal parts terrified of her and want her to be my friend…of course, maybe I want her to my friend because I'm so scared of her. Regardless, call me Neenster!