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Uh oh.  Poor Real Housewives of Miami newbie.  I love the totally plastic Lisa Hochstein, but she's going to have Alex McCord and Simon van Kempen after her screaming trademark infringement….mainly because they have nothing better to do and desperately need to remain relevant.  I kid, I kid.  If anything, Lisa is boosting Silex's t-shirt sales.  The uber-enhanced housewife is sharing her insight on the most recent episode of RHOM, and I have to say, it's both spot on and hilarious.  It's why I adore Lisa–at first glance, you expect nothing under those injections but a ditzy airhead, but she's actually extremely down-to-earth and objective (except when she's bathing her dogs, of course).

Taking to her Bravo blog, Lisa dishes on the fashion show drama that had Marysol Patton literally running away from the teetering and towering drag queen Elaine Lancaster.  Stealing the words right out of Silex's mouth, Lisa writes, “It was the wrong time, wrong place, wrong attitude. She looked like a thug in a cocktail dress," adding, “I understand Elaine was angry, but the pointing, tone of voice and chasing made the guests uncomfortable. Although Elaine is dressed as a woman, she/he is still a man.”

Yes she he is…and a hot mess at that! 

[Photo Credit: Bravo]

 

Love and light, readers, love and light.  What do you do when one of the housewives franchises has become beyond toxic?  Well, if we're talking about Real Housewives of New Jersey, you'd bring back the most controversial woman ever…prostitution whore Danielle Staub

The former stripper, singer, stage mom, perpetual victim, and employer of personal security is set to return in the upcoming season to set the record straight about all the drama she was reportedly stirring up behind the scenes with Melissa Gorga about the table-flipping Teresa Giudice.  Now, I am terrified of Danielle.  I wouldn't want to meet her or her "friend" Danny in any sort of dark alley situation, that's for sure.  However, this new twist could be very interesting. 

Will Danielle side with the one woman who hated her the most in an epic effort to take down a shiny sister-in-law?  Will Danny return to intimidate Poison Gorga while plotting to bring an end to the Manzos and their blk water?  Can we get Ashlee Holmes back for an episode or two to rip out more of Danielle's weave?  Oh, the possibilities are endless. 

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Last night's Flipping Out continued the insanity with Jeff Lewis, Jenni Pulos, Gage Edward, Zoila Chavez, and crazy Andrew.  Actually though, the episode was really sad.  It seems to be the downfall of Jenni and Jeff's friendship, which of course would mean the demise of their long-time working relationship.  There is jealousy and deception from both sides, and if it continues, it's easy to see why it was so easy for Jeff to slap Jenni with that lawsuit.  It was actually kind of heartbreaking to watch. 

Right off the bat, Zoila announces her fake pregnancy while Jenni's alter ego Deb calls Eddie the carpenter.  She's hilarious.  Just start with the craziness…do not pass go, do not collect two hundred dollars.  Poor Eddie is stuck coaching t-ball while getting hazed by Deb.  Jeff loves that Jenni doesn't care at all about what people think of her.  Jenni and Jeff head out to their project.  Jeff is surprised to learn that Jenni wants to start trying to get pregnant immediately.  She gives us a quick lesson on how to make a baby.  Jeff isn't ready for a Jenni pregnancy.  He still hasn't recovered from Jenni's wedding.  They arrive at Jeanne's house, and poor Jenni plays a prank on her husband Tommy Shaw, front man of Styx.  Jeff feels like he's doing a lot of free consultations for Jeanne to repay Tommy for singing for free at Jenni's wedding.  Jeanne hasn't asked for the extra perks, but Jeff feels guilty that Jenni took advantage of their clients.  Jeff tries his hardest to convince Jeanne that she needs to do further renovations to increase their property value.

Jenni, Jeff, and Vanina are discussing Jeff's new paint line.  He and Gage are partnering with paint company Dunn-Edwards.  Jenni hopes he'll name a color after her and call it Cougar.  The rest of the names they come up with I would blush if I had to type here.  DTF is the tamest of them all.  At Spring Oak, Gage and Jeff are awaiting a representative from Dunn-Edwards to come meet with them about the line.  Gage is hoping that the paint will be a new form of revenue that will free up Jeff to start thinking about starting a family.  Jenni is all dolled up for the meeting, and both she and Gage are hoping Jeff won't make things uncomfortable for the rep with his inappropriate humor.  The group toasts the deal, and Jeff starts in on paint names.  Gage is freaking out about the names, as he should be. 

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Last night's Teen Mom 2 brought tears, tears, and more tears.  Leah Messer finds that a reconciliation is not in the cards, while Jenelle Evans continues to screw up her life one failed drug test at a time.  Kailyn Lowry can't understand why Jo Rivera is playing her.  It's totally different than when she did it to him!  Finally, poor Chelsea Houska.  I think all that bleach has permanently affected her brain and her judgment.  Who am I kidding?  I am giving her hair dye far too much credit!

We begin the episode with Leah.  She's upset that estranged husband Corey Simms doesn't want to try to salvage their relationship.  She only cheated once, so what is the big deal?  Their twins are precious, but they are even cuter when they are biting their mom.  Leah receives an e-mail from her attorney about a settlement agreement.  Also not wanting to reconcile is Jo with his ex Kailyn.  Kailyn is sad that Jo has moved on with his own video vixen, but at least her bestie is home from college to keep her company.  She tells her friend about her love triangle with Jo and Jordan, as well as her non-existent relationship with her mom.  It's been five months since the pair has talked, so Kailyn calls her.  After being sent to her mother's voicemail, Kailyn has Isaac leave a giggling message of nonsense before she talks.  She doubts she'll get a call in return.

Chelsea is thinking about quitting her job at the tanning bed.  I don't think she's thought this through.  How is she going to maintain that natural orange glow throughout the winter months?  I am also confused as to what kind of headdress she is sporting.  Oh wait, that's her actual hair.  WTH?  Doesn't she want to go to beauty school?  Who would let her color their hair after seeing what she does to her own?  Chelsea and Adam Lind are hot and heavy again, despite Chelsea's best efforts to take things slow.  Bwahahahaha!  Adam arrives, and Chelsea begins the requisite baby talk we've all grown to loathe.  With her twentieth birthday being the following day, Chelsea requests her gift from Adam.  It's a promise ring.  He promises not to be as much of a d-bag as in season's past.  It's a start.  Baby Aubree bursts into tears at her mother's excitement.  Smart kid!

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Oh good gracious, I don't even know where to begin.  It's absolutely amazing to me how all of the housewives from every last franchise are able to keep their names in the media when their shows are on hiatus.  You'd think they'd appreciate the break!

This time around, we've got Gretchen Rossi from Real Housewives of Orange County scoring a restraining order against former boyfriend/alleged stalker (depending on you believe) Jay Photoglou.  In the lawsuit Gretchen waged against Jay for slander, stalking, assault, and infliction of emotional distress, the jury believed the latter, awarding Gretchen $500,000 in damages.  I bet Tamra Barney feels pretty stupid now.  Correct me if I'm wrong, but when she and Gretchen were on the outs, didn't Tamra and Jay have each other on speed dial to share juicy Gretchen gossip?

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This November, I am thankful for Basketball Wives: LA.  Seriously.  They make me feel a wee bit better about my life.  I may not have money or reality fame, but at least I've got great friends and family and don't look like a fool week after week for the whole world to see.  That is definitely something for which to give thanks!

Once again, last night's episode was the Jackie Christie show, and I have to wonder why she doesn't just get a spin-off already!  Fortunately for the viewers, the ladies seem to have veered from their whole meet for lunch/drinks/dinner/canyon/walks/cat fights premise.  Sorry, I couldn't even type that with a straight face.  We begin with Jackie meeting Gloria Govan for lunch to discuss Laura Govan's recent behavior.  Jackie needs to get her personal life sorted out so the drama doesn't interfere with the most important thing in her life–her daugters New York Fashion Week.  I am still shocked that she has a show.  Are we sure this is New York City Fashion Week?  In Manhattan?  Perhaps it could be New York Missouri Proper Fashion Week?  Jackie reveals that Malaysia Pargo will be walking in her show, and she had planned to ask Draya Michele as well.  Gloria is confused.  Doesn't Jackie hate Draya?  Gloria is too involved in her webisodes.  Jackie decides to vent about Laura to her sister, and Gloria totally flakes.  Jackie knows Gloria is the mouthpiece for the group, but she hopes Gloria will be nice when she sees Jackie's clothing line.

Malaysia and Bambi are returning to volunteer with Educated Ballers.  They have two high school girls they are going to mentor.  Well, this is a refreshing change if we have to see a "meet up" with the women.  Malaysia wonders if the girls would like to work in fashion.  One girl would like to be a social worker while the other would like to work in a correctional facility.  They are going to be roommates when college starts in the fall.  I must say that both Bambi and Malaysia are good at talking to the girls without talking down to them.  Malaysia is inspired.  She wants their next vacation to be a volunteer endeavor, like building houses in New Orleans. 

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Oh my.  This is good.  I mean, when I say this is good, y'all, this.  Is.  Good.  It speaks volumes to the characters of the women from the original Basketball Wives.  VOLUMES!  As you know, Shaunie "Nostrils" O'Neal, after a face-saving attempt to seek counseling from her pastor at the end of last season to end the show's violent ways, is bringing back her two explosive, bullying best friends Evelyn Lozada and Tami Roman

Evelyn and Tami want to use the fifth season for redemption after all of their heinous behavior in seasons past.  Well, they are off to a great start, I tell you!  The two ladies are hoping to revamp their images, and Shaunie and Suzie "Both Sides of her Mouth" Ketcham are also along for the ride.  Guess how the four ladies are planning to show that they've changed for the better??  Why, they're planning a walk out if they don't get their salaries hiked!  They truly have changed.

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We've got a situation here!  I have to thank Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino for making that his catchphrase.  It just makes blogging life easier.  This time around, the Jersey Shore star is not only battling sobriety, but also a vodka company.  If it were anyone other than Mike, I'd say they would likely chuckle at the irony. 

Mike is suing Devotion Spirits, a company with which he penned an endorsement deal in 2010 (long before heading to rehab for addiction issues).  The Situation claims that he maintained his end of the bargain, promoting the protein-infused vodka (yes, you read that correctly…protein-infused.  It's alright to gag.  I did.) and making the brand the success it is today.  While I've never heard of it, I'm not surprised.  I prefer to get my protein from some fancy scrambled eggs not my vodka tonic. 

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