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Sweet relief!  A certain network realized this week that two hour long episodes of the Jersey Shore weren't holding our attention.  Thank you, MTV!  Do you know what I realized?  It's fun to watch the intro that features the gang circa season one given the amount of plastic surgery the girls have had.  I almost don't recognize Jenni "J-Woww" Farley when she talks about ripping guys' heads off after sex!  Of course, DJ Pauly Delvecchio looks exactly the same. 

Last night begins at the tail-end of the Bamboo brawl.  Andre 3000's twin is dressed as "Where's Waldo" and his entire purpose seems to be holding back an overly aggressive Vinny GuadagninoRoger is scrapping with bouncers and pushes Jenni aside.  She quickly throws a drink in his face in an effort to get him to chill.  Ronnie Magro-Ortiz is the voice of reason.  We all know that's never a good sign!  The gang vacates Bamboo, with Roger storming ahead, not listening to anyone who tries to reason with him. 

Jenni is wearing some God awful hot pink platform heels, and she seems to be limping.  Roger yells at her about getting involved in the fight while his friend tries to calm him.  Jenni tries to placate Roger, telling him she knows he didn't recognize her, and she's not mad at him for throwing her down because he clearly didn't mean to do it.  His reply?  "I knew it was you, and you deserved it."  Oh alcohol, bringing couples together for centuries!  Jenni and Deana Cortese head back to the house, and Deena is devastated by Roger's behavior.  Back at the house, Jenni is worried that she has a broken ankle.  Ronnie calls Roger to make sure he's okay and not sitting in jail, and Roger starts yelling about Jenni controlling him and playing the victim.  

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Admittedly, sometimes I get in my own head about things, which may explain a little bit more about my love of Here Comes Honey Boo Boo.  No, this isn't a Honey Boo Boo post because that would be easy.  No, this entry focuses on LeAnn Rimes' Twitter battle with a Real Housewives of Beverly Hills' Brandi Glanville fan which led to the country singer suing the fan who is a teacher.  Don't get me wrong, LeAnn is three-star cray in my book but this disgruntled fan isn't doing herself any favors by continuing to talk to the press.  I have to wonder if either of these ladies realize there are actual and legitimate problems going on in the world.  Probably not.

Here's a mini-break down.  LeAnn and Brandi's Twitter followers were embroiled in a toxic tweeting war.  Fans of each woman were bashing the wannabe celebs and their followers in what can only be described as mean girl bullies hiding behind their lattes and laptops.  Do these people not have jobs?

Anyhoo, LeAnn was particularly sensitive to the negative things being said about her.  Instead of doing what a normal person of her status would do (ie, deleting her Twitter, because who cares about what the commoners think?  OR laughing maniacally while dancing around with millions of dollars, pitying those who have only enough money to afford the Internet with which they are bashing her), she went into the trenches, launching her own attacks.  Somehow (I'm still foggy as to how this occurred), she ended up with the phone number of one of her greatest haters.  And she called her.  I'm assuming LeAnn thought that Kim Smiley getting a phone call from a quasi famous person would immediately render her star-struck, and she's stop hatefully tweeting like a mad woman.  Boy, did LeAnn misread that situation. 

Not only did Kim not buckle to LeAnn, she recorded their phone call which apparently has the singer going from kind to cursing in a matter of minutes.  Again, who (on either side) has the time for this?  Blah, blah, blah, and LeAnn is suing Kim for illegally recording her.  Our tax dollars at work, ladies and gentlemen.

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Wedding bells are ringing for the Real Housewives of Orange County all over Laguna Beach!  If you listen carefully, you can hear them…just make sure you're wearing a rain poncho.  As you all know, where there's a formal event with these ladies, there is also a copious amount of wine hurling. 

Today's RHOC news brings you the setting of a wedding date and an engagement.  I really wish I could be with y'all in person as you read this, just because I think it would be fun to play a guessing game to find out who was recently proposed to and who is about to get hitched.  Okay, okay, the wedding news is easy.  Tamra Barney and boy-toy Eddie Judge have set the date for the first of I'm sure SEVERAL ceremonies.  They've got to do at least one for the show you know!

But who got engaged?  Drum roll please…congratulations Vicki Gunvalson!  I kid, I kid.  However, wouldn't that be some juicy gossip?

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Oh Lord.  Who knew that stripper-gate would be the scandal of our generation?  Somewhere Richard Nixon is laughing his arse off at all of this.  I gave up wishing the ladies of Real Housewives of New Jersey would go away in the off season, but doesn't it sound like such a nice break? 

We'll probably never know exactly what happened between Melissa Gorga and sister-in-law Teresa Giudice.  To be honest, I don't even care anymore.  At all.  Of course, the women think we do, so they're going to keep talking about until the next big drama occurs.  You do realize that means we'll be hearing about this until the show airs again, right?  That's kind of a long way off from now.  Yikes.

I know you're waiting with baited breath, so I'll get right to the point of this post.  Melissa takes to her Bravo blog to answer her fans' most burning questions.  It's deep y'all!

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Can we get a slow clap for everyone's favorite momager Kris Jenner?  On the heels of Khloe Kardashian being named an X Factor host alongside Albert Clifford Slater Mario Lopez, we're now learning more about the negotiations–or rather break down in negotiations–that occurred prior to the big announcement.

I, for one, am thrilled to see Khloe separating herself from her sisters in the business world.  She needs her own platform to shine, and that will never happen if Kim is involved.  I mean, didn't Kim make Khloe's infertility issues about herself when she decided to freeze her eggs so that she could breed on down the line with the tiny rapper?  Khloe can't have anything–even a heartbreaking situation–that isn't overshadowed by a certain ego-driven sibling.  Mark my words, Khloe and Mario will be sharing strained banter on the upcoming X Factor season, and Kim will streak across the stage, upstaging the next Susan Boyle (yes, I know she was Britain's Got Talent, but her first foray into reality television is still the most amazing thing I've ever seen.  Tears.) wearing nothing but Kanye West's $5,000 high tops and a smile.  I hate that I can picture it.

Now, we're learning that there is one other person in the family who also needs to reap the headlines when one of her offspring does something right.  That's right.  Kris Jenner needs to go quietly into the background and watch her creations succeed at…well, just being alive…and talking…in a microphone. Of course, we all know Kris' contract won't allow her to do that!

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Last night's Flipping Out showed a break down in the relationship between Jeff Lewis and Zoila Chavez, and they head to therapy after some tense fighting.  Jenni Pulos and Gage Edward are very secondary on the episode, with Andrew barely making an appearance.  He's certainly toned it down, hasn't he? 

Jeff sees Lupe as a long term employee, and he wants her to come on full time to help Zoila.  He has Zoila translating for Lupe since Lupe speaks very little English and Jeff knows zero Spanish.  He admits that he probably should have found another translator because as far as he knows, Zoila could be telling Lupe to hand over half of her salary.  Zoila will be Lupe's manager, a title she clearly loves, but Jeff still needs to stir the pot and encourage some friendly competition between the two maids.  Gage unveils a portrait of Lupe (seriously?  I have got to work for this man.), and you can see how threatened Zoila is. 

We learn that Jenni lives across the street from Jeff's brother Todd and his wife.  Todd has become such good friends with Jenni's fiance that he will be planning the bachelor party.  He and Jeff tease Jenni about strip clubs and hookers.  Jenni is a tad worried about the party where Todd is concerned, but she really doesn't listen to Jeff…it's not like he knows what goes on at bachelor parties!  Jeff, Jenni, and Vanina are meeting with Extra producer Lisa to pick out tile and back splashes for her home.  They are not having much luck finding something that Lisa likes.  When they finally do, Jenni raps to celebrate.  On the way home, Jeff chides Jenni about her pre-marital counseling.  Jenni reveals that the priest thinks she interrupts too much, and Jeff is thrilled that someone else has finally noticed.

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I guess it's par for the course.  If you go on a Housewives franchise, chances are people will dig up dirt on your past.  Even better?  If you don't have a juicy past, they'll make up some stories!  Just ask Real Housewives of Miami's Joanna Krupa.  She was recently accused by The Dirty (because that's a legit site) of being a high priced call girl.  As you know, the story was quickly retracted (or taken down…I doubt anyone at The Dirty knows the meaning of the word "retracted") when the supermodel threatened legal action. 

So, what have we learned?  The Polish beauty never accepted money in exchange for boring, rich, socially awkward men's attention.  Color me shocked…not.  However, the reason her name (and picture) was brought into this crazy gossip has finally come to light.  It's basically the ol' bait and switch…some millionaire Madame shared Joanna's pictures on her website, and when men would request the leggy blonde, said madame would do her best to hook him up with a lookalike.  That is not shady at all…said no one EVER.

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I don't know what it is lately that I feel the need to put a disclaimer in all my blog posts, but here's another one.  I really do like the Sister Wives!  Actually, you need to take that statement literally.  I like the Sister WivesKody Brown and his golden mane I can take or leave.

It's almost as if I've started liking reality shows that don't provide the normal extravagant lifestyle, Botox, and Patron-infused escape.  Now, I truly enjoy watching the reality programs that make people think and make people mad…for a better reason than someone said something contrived in a cookbook.  Social issues, family dynamics, real problems…this is what I'm now drawn to these days.  I have to ask, WHAT'S WRONG WITH ME?  I like to think I'm growing up…maybe?  Enjoying fluff and Cartier is so much simpler.  Being concerned about who got blackballed from the season's charity event is way cooler than worrying about how real people are actually perceived.  Am I right, or am I right?

That said, I think the Sister Wives are awesome.  Can we just have an understanding from here on out that when I say "Sister Wives" I mean Meri, Janelle, Christine, and Robyn?  We can leave the adult Simba out of my praise.  Regardless of how progressive his wives are, he's still a tad too controlling for my tastes.  Here's the deal.  Do I think polygamy is weird?  You can bet Annie's bottom dollar I do!  Would I share my future husband ever with some Midwestern hussy(ies)?  I think not…of course Ryan Gosling knows better (Eva who?).  But was I put on this earth to judge? No.  To snark?  Well, duh, but to truly judge?  Absolutely not.  Apparently UNLV shares my beliefs, as the Browns were recently the subject of a campus-wide panel discussion.

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