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I'm going to be totally honest, which seems to be my theme with these Here Comes Honey Boo Boo posts.  Here's the deal, one hundred percent of the time when I'm writing, it's because I love to express my opinions through the written word.  Eighty percent of the time I'm snarking, it's because I find humor in such crass sarcasm, and seventy-five percent of the time I'm watching these shows, I'm watching because I'm deeply enthralled…not just on the level of reality television, but as if I'm a sociologist with the stars, the viewers, the blog commenters, and Andy Cohen all as my study materials.

If I had to create a Venn diagram with each circle encompassing writing, snark, and a genuine affinity for programming (respectively), I can only guarantee that one show would make it to the center of that triad on a consistent basis.  That series is, of course, Here Comes Honey Boo Boo.  If you take the viewers, the haters, and the family, you have such a study in socioeconomic groups, family dynamics, gender stereotypes, childhood obesity, charity, pigs as pets…the list is infinite.  Alana Thompson and her family are literally taking pop culture by storm.

I am likely to get skewered as this post continues, but I owe y'all the thanks for my thick skin.  Maybe it's because I'm from the South (and no, I have never seen a family like the Shannon-Thompsons on a regular, non-televised basis), or maybe it's because I spent a lot of time teaching in the public school system where I met my fair share of Alanas who didn't have the support at home, but I look at this family and see something special.  Call me uneducated (you'd be wrong), call me lacking in taste (let's call it a draw), or call me high on a fried chicken binge (I should be so lucky), but I adore this crew.  If you've never watched it because you're disgusted, I can't blame you one second.  I think only my teaching background (there are things with those children you can't un-see!) afforded me the luxury of not gagging during the majority of the season.  However, before you jump to judgment having never viewed anything more than a forklift foot promo commercial, I implore you to read on about Mike "Sugarbear" Thompson's (you know, Alana's dad with the dip and constant subtitles) homosexual younger brother.  Without further ado, I present to you a Poodle retrospective.   

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I apologize in advance for the lengthiness of this post, but we all know that the Kardashian Klan must constantly work to stay in the spotlight.  With so many of them, it's like a revolving door of gossip.  Bless 'em. 

Because things always seem to happen in threes, I have a trio of entertainment to share with you, dear readers.  There's a storm a' brewin' on the set of X Factor as now-confirmed hosts Khloe Kardashian and Mario Lopez are having a difficult time fitting their giant wardrobes–and their egos!–into their dressing rooms.  Of course, at least they HAVE dressing rooms.  Word on the street is that Kim Kardashian and sister Kourtney will have to slum it on the upcoming season of Kourtney and Kim Take Miami due to a slight "misunderstanding" with South Beach.  That misunderstanding being that no one in South Beach wants the Kardashian sisters around.

Last but not least, rapper Kanye West was visiting his girlfriend in her new digs when he found himself competing for attention with her former beau NFL player Reggie Bush.  It's like an awesomely bad episode of Melrose Place

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"Just a small town girl, living in a lonely world, she took a town car to crash the White House correspondents dinner…Just a city boy, born and raised in Oklahoma (I googled it!), he stole a faux cheerleader from a swindling wine maker."  I know the guys from Journey are devastated that they didn't enlist me to help them write their songs.

Sometimes I miss seeing Michaele Salahi and her gnome ex-husband Tareq in the tabloids.  They provided so much entertainment during their stint on Real Housewives of D.C.  There was that minor national security issue, coupled with Michaele claiming (among other things) that she was a former NFL cheerleader and suffered from M.S.  The quintessential cherry on top, however, was when Michaele ran off with Journey member Neal Schon right under her husband's nose, leading him to think she'd been kidnapped.  You just cannot make up this stuff!

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I don't think any marriage counselor ever would advise you to go on a reality show if you and your spouse were having issues…especially not on one of the housewives franchises.  The Bravo freight train is riddled with divorce.  Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think that of all the cities, Real Housewives of New Jersey is the only series that hasn't had a resulting divorce…and we all saw how well those ladies' marriages looked last night, right?

The most recent couple to separate is Real Housewives of Beverly Hills' Adrienne Maloof and Paul Nassif.  The third season hasn't aired yet, but this is the third split we've seen from the housewives of 90210.  While marriages may be falling apart all around her, Kyle "Splits McGee" Richards is quick to say that she and husband Mauricio Umansky will not suffer the same fate.  Their bond is just too strong.

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No one ever likes to admit when they're wrong.  It's humbling and very embarrassing…even more so when you're eating crow about the Bachelor franchise.  Until I fell for quirky One F Jef Holm on the Bachelorette finale, I was a tried and true Arie Luyendyk Jr. fan.  In fact, I loved that Emily Maynard chose Jef because that meant that Arie was still on the market.  In addition to reality television, I am also somewhat of a racing fanatic.  Weird, I know.  Since Carl Edwards is married, I hung all of my hopes on Arie.

Alas, those hopes have been dashed…along with my once Pollyanna-esque views that Arie was a happy-go-lucky, love struck dude who enjoyed awkwardly intense make-out sessions.  It turns out my friend (a Sean Lowe fan, go figure) tried to warn me that Arie was just another player, and it seems she was right.  Why else would he be caught sucking face with fame harlot Courtney Robertson less than a week after she was able to shake former fiance Ben Flajnik?  At least she upgraded in the hair department!

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This is a big deal for me, but I'm going for it.  I dare you, and I mean I DARE YOU, to have something negative to say about my one true love Honey Boo Boo and her family.  Time and again, I've tried to spout off about how amazing this crew is, yet I don't feel like I've gotten all of y'all on board.  Are they sometimes disgusting?  Yes.  Do they have a weird obsession with cheese balls?  Of course.  However, beyond those minor faults, this family is extraordinary.  Not only do they want to maintain status quo, they want to make sure they are giving back to their community.  Ever heard that from a housewife?

Alana Thompson was thrust into the public eye thanks to Toddlers and Tiaras.  When her family was catapulted into the limelight with TLC's Here Comes Honey Boo Boo, many people had not so nice things to say about Mama June and company and their love of dumpster diving, sketti, and being together.  Such a crime.  I'm getting up on my soap box to say that I think we could all learn an important lesson from Honey Boo Boo's family.  Charity is their middle name, and I, for one, think it's amazing. 

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Before I start this Jersey Shore recap, I have to tell y'all that I used to love this show.  It was entertaining.  I adored that Vinny Gaudagnino and Pauly Delvecchio had a true bromance.  I cringed at Ronnie Ortiz-Magro and Sammi Giancola's volatile relationship.  I loved that Jenni Farley and Nicole Polizzi were like sisters, and I enjoyed the dynamic of crazy meatball Deena Cortese.  And Mike Sorrentino was there too. 

However, this show seems to have run its course.  I am not saying I want it to end, and I still love how much these crazy orange kids care for one another, but seriously?  Two hours?  Something's got to give, MTV.  Something has GOT to give.

Last night's episode begins as Snooki is moving into her own apartment right next door.  Jenni and Pauly help her pack up her stuff and head over to her cute "granny shack."  Jenni is still floored that the girl who hooked up with everyone (and peed on almost everyone), will be responsible for another human life.  Rawn comes over as well to check out Snook's new digs.

Mike chats with his sister on the duck phone and reveals he's going to a check-up and may get a shot to block opiates and alcohol.  His sister urges him to get the shot, but he doesn't want to be reminded of such a bad place in his life.  The Situation feels like his family and friends don't trust him.  His sister corrects him…they are just concerned and want the best for him.  Mike decides to get the shot.

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As we reported the other day, Grayson, the son of Real Housewives of Orange County's Slade Smiley, underwent brain surgery for a tumor hes been battling for years.  Many of our readers were upset that Gretchen Rossi was Facebooking the status of Grayson's surgery.  Unless you've been living under a rock, you know how tense things are between Slade and Grayson's mother as he claims he can't afford to pay child support or help with their son's mounting medical bills.

While Gretchen was asking for prayers for Grayson from her fans, many wondered how Grayson's mother would feel about her updating the world on her boyfriend's son.  I think she's more interested in her son's well-being and sharing how you can donate to help pay his bills than to worry about Gretchen. 

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