I'm going to be totally honest with y'all…every time I'm assigned a Real Housewives of Atlanta post which involves NeNe Leakes and Kim Zolciak I hear NeNe's voice in my head screaming variations of "Keep your legs closed to married men" and "WIG!" the entire time I'm typing. It's equal parts awesome and a tad crazy. It's like I have NeNe Tourettes.
We all know that the once besties turned frenemies turned mortal nemeses (Looky there! I just learned the plural of nemesis…informative and educational!) have been going back and forth about the real reason Kim allegedly leaves the show mid-season. There's even a Twitter battle immortalized on the Internet where they spewed insults. Kim claims she quit, while NeNe has her on blast for being fired.
Kim counters with her own spin-off in the works (why would Bravo fire her, it basically promoted her?), while the Neenster cites pre-existing contractual obligations regarding said spin-off. Is NeNe going to law school in between filming her reality show, her sitcom The New Normal, and her guest spots on Glee? Kim's new spin-off is set to premiere in April and is creatively titled Don't Be Tardy…does she owe Kandi Burruss royalties for that title?
I don't know about you, but I've been waiting with baited breath for Jackie Christie's line to debut at New York Fashion Week. Can you even fathom the insanity that is going to head down that runway. Well, on last night's Basketball Wives LA, the ladies let it all hang out while working that catwalk. Apparently Jackie's line doesn't include a bra big enough to tame Brooke Bailey's giant chest, so she commandos it down the runway. Laura Govan follows in braless suit, but she's thankfully not about to put out her own eye…or anyone else's. But we'll get to that later…
Draya Michele and Malaysia Pargo are trying on Jackie's fashions for the show. Draya is beyond impressed with Jackie's pieces. Why doesn't she wear these kind of clothes in her real life? Brooke invites the women to a business deal, but she makes sure to get in a dig to Draya about the magazine cover shoot. Draya can't cover up her jealousy. Gloria Govan and Brooke are walking in another show, and Draya, Laura, Jackie, and Malaysia are going to be be supportive. Draya is confused as to why Jackie and Laura are being so buddy-buddy. Jackie wishes that Draya would stop butting into her and Laura's friendship. Laura thinks it's funny that people are concerned about her behavior towards Jackie. Her master plan isn't going to go down at a fashion show where she's supporting actual friends!
Brooke takes the catwalk…or the slim slice of floor not overrun by revelers looking like a poor man's Nicki Minaj. I'm sorry, but that wig is all kinds of unfortunate. Gloria follows suit and she's dressed in the outfit that Hello Kitty would wear if she ever decided to be a construction worker. Backstage, the women are being supportive of the models, but Draya backs out on a dinner celebration to honor Brooke's magazine cover. Draya feels like she's being a good friend by not going to the dinner where she'd be sure to be a pouty Debbie Downer. At Brooke's celebration, the other women wonder about Draya's absence, but Malaysia tries to play devil's advocate on Draya's behalf.
Egads! A post where I actually have to exercise sensitivity…and about Kim Kardashian and her tiny rapper no less! I guess now that it's officially the holiday season, I need to practice more kindness and goodwill, right? Well, here it is.
While we were gorging on leftovers and shopping for major deals, KanyeWest was facing a heartbreaking anniversary…five years since the death of his mother Donda West after plastic surgery gone horribly wrong. Kanye, who has been fiercely protective about his mother's memory, has finally found a woman with whom he wants to share that part of his life. That's a pretty big deal, if you ask me. After the couple spent Thanksgiving with Kim's family, Kanye whisked his lady love to Oklahoma City to introduce her to his mom's family and visit Donda's grave site.
Holy majoley! I wonder how much Shaunie O'Neal pays her minions on Basketball Wives. Former star Royce Reed (who got the ax from the upcoming season) apparently didn't make much, although that makes sense considering Shaunie couldn't stand her anyway.
Royce and her ex-boyfriend are now embroiled in a bitter custody dispute, and she's asked the judge to have her son's father pay her legal fees because she can't afford to play hardball like he can. Of course, her ex is NBA star Dwight Howard who reportedly makes millions each MONTH (!!!), so it's no shocker that her BBW earnings would pale in comparison.
She's brash and loud and skinny and quite the alcohol mogul. Whether you're her biggest fan or she's the reality star you love to hate, everyone seems to have an opinion on Bethenny Frankel.
The former Real Housewives of New York star has made a name for herself with spin-offs, cocktails, and a daytime talk show. She has a cult like following and an equally large number of people who can't stand to hear her voice. However, you can't deny that her sharp wit and acidic tongue can be downright hilarious.
It seems that Kody Brown has gotten some sort of hairstyle/hairdo/haircut situation since last week's Sister Wives premiere. His bowl-cut/mullet hybrid seems more tame. Is he not watching these old home videos of himself that we're forced to watch? He's actually not bad looking with shorter hair. I don't know if I'll ever get over his mane situation. Kody drones on and on about how many polygamists don't raise their children in such a public manner due to the stigma of the lifestyle. Of course Kody wants to be front and center with each of his bazillion kids so they realize how strong the family bond is.
Kody and his wives are heading to the high school for a parent(s)-teacher conference. Oddly enough, they opt for the mini-van instead of Kody's convertible. Strange. The first meeting is with Mariah's Spanish teacher. Mariah reminds us that she was inducted into the National Honor Society…last episode year. A little editing problem there, TLC? That would explain Kody's haircut. Anyhoo, the Spanish teacher is meeting with three of the kids moms. It's funny watching the wives pretend like they understand Spanish. Christine thinks that Senora Hess is hot. She would totally learn Spanish from her…and there is next season's story line–recruiting Senora Hess as the next wife.
Next, the women meet with the P.E. teacher. While she's only teaching Aspyn this year, she had many of the daughters last year. Aspyn likes to skip P.E. a lot, but she's making up the work to increase her grade. Christine allows Aspyn to skip school a lot because she's such a good student. That's good…it's totally like that in the work force too, so kudos to you Christine for preparing her for real life. Meri admits that Mariah often tries to skip citing Chistine's lax nature with Aspyn, but Meri won't stand for it. However, like Mariah, Aspyn also wants to be in a plural marriage like her parents.
You can't not love Mama Elsa. Or maybe you can. I will say she's given me several moments of pause this season. I like to think that the celebrity has just gone to her head, and who can blame her for that?
I will say that Real Housewives of Miami has come back in a way no one anticipated. Sure, the series started out as an awkward cooking show that morphed into a housewives favorite, but I'm still shocked. I just can't believe that these women have become such a popular reality staple. Yes, I love them, but I'm also really proud. I feel they've come a long way. Mama Elsa totally forged this franchise.
Now there is speculation that said mystery brunette could be a new cast member. Her name is Lydia Stirling McLaughlin, and she's a thirty-one-year-old heiress, business woman, and mother of two with ties to both Heather Dubrow and Real Housewives of Beverly Hills'Lisa Vanderpump.