According to the rumor mill, Kourtney is still refusing to make things official with the father of her two children. Seeing as both Kim and Khloe Kardashian offered up million dollar nuptials in the name of ratings, one would think that Kourtney would be on board with using her walk down the aisle to attract viewers. She's not. It looks like Kris may need to find a quick beau for younger daughters Kylie and Kendall if Kourtney isn't willing to use her relationship to spearhead the finale! Gah!
Call me crazy, but I don't think this feud between LeAnn Rimes and Real Housewives of Beverly Hills'Brandi Glanville is going to end any time soon. I know things were looking up about a year or so ago, but then LeAnn decided that Twitter was her new reality and started trying to turn her followers against an equally Twitter-obsessed Brandi. Recently, LeAnn sought treatment for her Twitter addiction, cried crocodile tears during an exclusive television interview about how she didn't have a normal childhood and the term "home wrecker" is so clichè and hurtful. Brandi, meanwhile, is promoting her new book and starring on a hit Bravo show.
While LeAnn claims she just wants a settled, drama-free life with Eddie Cibrian and her "bonus children," she can't seem to keep her new husband's former wife's name out of her mouth. Of course, talking about Brandi may be better than singing on the X Factor. Ba-doom ching! I kid, I kid. I think it was very admirable of LeAnn to do everything in her power to make sure that little girl looked so amazing in comparison…not that she needed any help.
LeAnn is now claiming to be flattered that Brandi is so caught up in her life. Um, what? She's also conveniently promoting her new song "Borrowed" which is a blatant dig at her husband's ex while painting a picture of her affair with Eddie. It's not exactly Christmas music. You just can't make up this stuff!
So, earlier last night we watched the end of an overly tanned, liquor-infused, fist-pumping era. I'll admit, while Paula's cake to Mike was ridiculously disgusting and disturbing, I giggled a bit…and for that, I'm ashamed. Even if the house thought it was funny, it wasn't okay. At all. Now, it's time for the Jersey Shore reunion.
We revisit seasons past: t-shirt time, Snooki's initial entrance into the house, and Vinny's faux hawk. The gang jokes about how their random sayings work their way into the conversations of us regular folks before showing a highlight reel of many roommate fights. While they are all about throwing punches and pulling hair, they can laugh it off knowing they were quick to forgive once everyone got sober. For once, Snooki's hair is more orange than her skin. Cue a duck phone montage. Everyone jokes about Mike's final beat down of the poor mallard.
I'm not going to lie, but I've got some tissue on hand for the series finale of Jersey Shore. I always get super teary when shows end…Zack and Kelly's wedding, the final Family Ties, Who's the Boss, and don't even get me started on Friends! However, I can honestly say I've never gotten sad about the end of a reality show. Hopefully, that's the norm. I don't remember getting upset saying good-bye to any of the Real World casts (more like good riddance!), and I barely noticed when my fave Rosie Pope didn't get renewed. However, for some odd and unknown reason, these orange meatballs and gorilla juiceheads are different.
After being accosted by a friend to give the show a chance, I was appalled. Who wears slippers out in public and thinks it's funny to show their Britneys while on the dance floor? What idiots tan every day and use enough hairspray that we may have cause to sue them for global warming? Sadly, I was quickly won over by Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi, Jenni "JWoww" Farley, Vinny Guadagnino, DJ Pauly D Delvecchio, Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino, Deena Cortese, Ronnie Ortiz-Magro, and Sammi "Sweetheart" Giancola. Yes, their antics showed no inkling of decorum or maturity, and yes, I was (and still am) grossed out by many of their actions, but in a world of reality television show where cast mates hate one another, it was beyond refreshing to see this group grow into a legitimate family. I have no doubt that the majority of them will still be pranking each other in the assisted living facility. Hanging out for a day with Vinny and Pauly is on my bucket list. Instead of VPL being code for visible panty line, it would be Vinny/Pauly/Lauren. I digress (what else is new?). On to the recap…I'm wearing my favorite airbrushed tank top, my whitest pair of sneakers, and leopard print track pants. My hand is wrapped around some Ron-Ron juice (kidding, I don't want to die!), and I'm ready to wish these imbeciles well. Do you think it's a coincidence that their show ends the night before many doomsdayers think we're all goners?
The roommates have decided to throw a giant bonfire party on the beach. They plan to invite all of their family and friends to commemorate their final MTV summer together. Pauly and Vinny are in charge of getting wood. Erection jokes ensue. The wood won't fit in their vehicle, so Vinny is forced to wheel it home on the handcart while Pauly follows behind him in the SUV. Classic VP. A party rental place is delivering tables, chairs, and the like. I guess these people can finally afford a legitimate party. They even bring the grill to the beach. Pauly lights the bonfire. Oh yeah, fi-arh, yeah!
Camille Grammer is dishing on ex-husband Kelsey's recent parenting snafus as well as her holiday plans. Also, there is some fun gossip about Yolanda Foster's predecessor in David's life who apparently really, really, really wants to be on the show. It's some fun stuff, y'all!
Shocking news, y'all! I know you are going to be floored when you hear this…because it totally wasn't anything you were expecting to hear! Basketball Wives star Tami Roman is claiming that the fifth season will stay away from lady drama and focus on the women's families. Did you ever think you'd hear that announcement? Shaunie O'Neal's PR people must be working overtime. These girls must think their fan base is totally idiotic.
Let's get this straight, we have four seasons of bottle throwing, weave pulling, bad press, and negative viewer response, and we're all just supposed to forget about it because now your focusing on families? It's a brilliant marketing ploy if I've ever heard one…if the watchers of BBW were ten years old! Am I being too harsh?
Everyday Real Housewives of Beverly Hills' star Lisa Vanderpump gives me a reason to love her even more. I'll be honest, I wasn't on board with Lisa in earlier seasons. It's not that I didn't like her, it's just that I was indifferent towards her. Oh, how times have changed!
This season's Lisa is every bit as stylish and classy as she's been the past two seasons, but it's awesome to see her forming opinions and standing up for her friends. Yes, she's brash and brutally honest, but she's also (in my opinion) totally genuine and grounded. Not to mention, I love her wardrobe, her precious son-in-law, and the romance that is still totally alive between her and Ken Todd. You just can't fake that kind of relationship. She's real…and she could buy and sell me a thousand times over!
Not only has Lisa gained a spin-off (can't wait!) due to her RHOBH popularity, but she's also getting outside deals. First up? She's judging the Miss Universe pageant alongside Kourtney Kardashian's beau Scott Disick. Did I mention that she's nothing if not honest?
Oh Phaedra Parks, you always tell it like it is. The lawyer/mortician hybrid from Real Housewives of Atlanta loves to enlighten us all with her Southern analogies and Donkey Booty. While she can be sweet as sugar, I certainly wouldn't want to cross her.
This season we're seeing more of Phaedra (literally! Was she serious with that thong bathing suit??), and we're also getting to see more of her spitfire personality. In other words, we learn that Phaedra doesn't like to share…when it comes to her husband Apollo Nida. Of course, who can blame her?