My good gracious! Another Kardashian post so close to Christmas? I must be on the naughty list this year. I'll be honest, I'd rather receive a lump of coal than to have to pontificate on this fake family during the holidays. I do it for you, dear readers. You mean more to me than my disdain for this crowd. Isn't that what Christmas is all about? You're welcome.
In today's news, Kris Jenner is trying to maintain her now faux marriage to husband Bruce despite a ridiculous amount of divorce rumors circulating in the media. Also, sources are claiming that Nick Cannon was also a victim of Kim Kardashian's infamous sex tape. I can't wait to hear the chain of information that led him to this conclusion!
Finally, Bruce is opening up to the media about his ties to Newtown, Connecticut and the Sandy Hook murders. While typing that makes me want to vomit (let this community grieve without reality television intervention!), it's what he's talking about now. I used to like you, Bruce, but I've lost all respect if you're trying to maintain relevancy in light of this horrific event. Sidebar, and this has nothing to do with this blog, but from here on out (sorry for the soapbox) will we please refer to the Sandy Hook shootings as a mass murder and the man that took those innocent lives (I won't give his name more credence here) as a murderer? I read a compelling article the other day that noted in school shootings the public regresses to words like "shooter" and "victims" instead of using "murderer" and "slain" or "dead" in these types of tragedies. If someone killed a gas station attendant, we'd call it a murder, why don't we say that now? Off my soapbox and onto the Kardashian kraziness. I taught first grade for several years, so I am a tad raw at the moment…as no doubt you are.
Moving along (so, so sorry for the rant!), Kris is determined to make sure that her failing marriage doesn't drown the empire she's created around her children (notice I don't say the empire created FOR her children). What won't this woman do?
Oh, Pauly "DJ Pauly D" Delvecchio…have you been cheating on me? No? Well, you've been cheating on MTV, although I can't say I blame you. You were enticed by the dimples and flashy Kardashian representation that Ryan Seacrest provides. I don't think anyone will judge you.
The acronym creating, high hair wearing, "cabs are heeya" screaming star of Jersey Shore is getting a new show…and it's not on the network that made him an international reality star and a household name. That's right. He's potentially moving on to E! What a tangled web we weave when first we practice to hop to another channel for more money. I'm not hating, Pauly…I want you in my TV line-up regardless.
We begin as Leah and Jeremy make it official after her first motorcycle ride. When he asks about what went wrong with Corey to which she replies, "He did some things, I did some things." Jeremy doesn't care. He couldn't be happier that he sent that Facebook friend request!
Chelsea's friend has encouraged her to see a therapist. Chelsea isn't ready to give up Adam, but she admits to having issues with depression and low self-esteem before Adam ever came along.
Jenelle is passing all of her drug tests, and she's back in school. She has lunch with her mom Barbara, and she admits that she's stopped taking her bi-polar meds. Barbara wants Jenelle to make a doctor's appointment to refill her prescription which Jenelle says she'll do "when she has time." We all know how that turns out, don't we? She admits to her mother that she's going to hang out with a new guy. Barbara thinks that a new skinny kid is exactly what her daughter needs to take her mind off of Kieffer. She praises Jenelle's more responsible attitude and agrees to let her take Jace to Myrtle Beach for the day.
When Jo comes to pick up Isaac, Kailyn is crying over Jordan. He tries to console her by telling her any guy that would stand her up isn't worth the tears. Poor Jo. He can't win for losing.
And we're back with the second dose of Basketball Wives LA Reunion madness. I don't know if you're considering it a Christmas miracle to get two recaps back to back or if you're wondering how naughty you must have been this year to deserve two helpings of this madness in one day. I hope it's the former. Let's check in with John Salley and his purple plaid, shall we?
We return with the ladies holding up their cards sharing who should exit stage left from the show next season. You have captivated me, John Salley, that is for sure! Laura and Jackie's duel is in full force, and I adore that John has finally stood up so that we could regale his attire in all it's Urkel glory. Who is styling these folks? Getting back to the situation at hand, the majority of the women are ready to get rid of the Sisters Govan and Bambi for next season. Most of the women believe that Gloria is too snooty for the show. Jackie calls out herself…just to play the martyr. She was concerned that most of the women would pick her (they didn't). Jackie says that even though no one may want her back, she'll be back regardless.
RT readers and Basketball Wives LA fans, please accept my sincerest apologies. I had no clue that the first half of the reunion was airing immediately after the finale, and for some reason my season pass didn't record it. I realize it's a week late, but I hope you enjoy the recap. The second half of the reunion will be posted later today.
John Salley introduces the newbies, and is it just me, or is he dressed like Willie Wonka? He welcomes Brooke Bailey and Bambi before touting the veterans, Gloria Govan, Laura Govan, Malaysia Pargo, Draya Michele…and of course, the lady who carried the season, Jackie Christie. John shares that this year the reunion will have some surprises and many more fan questions. Jackie is sporting her finest vinyl dominatrix attire. We revisit the beginning of the season when Malaysia was trying to get the girls on board with reconciling with Jackie. We all know how that went! Jackie reveals that she returned to prove that she wasn't the pot stirrer we saw last season. Uh huh.
Starting in with the viewer questions, John asks why Malaysia worked so hard to bring Jackie back into the group. Malaysia counters that she is an actual basketball wife (smack in the face of 90% of her co-stars), and her breasts on On Display, as Melissa Gorga would say. Another viewer wonders about Laura's evil behavior to Jackie, and Laura owns up to it. Her girls are also all out for us to see. I'm starting to notice that they all are…except for that random blonde chick…oh wait, that's Bambi. Laura and Jackie get into a back-and-forth about Laura's need for tit-for-tat. Insults are hurled and John Salley can't seem to bring the women back into the Chocolate Factory. VH1, you are usually so generous with the subtitles….what happened?
Do you think former Real Housewives of New York star Jill Zarin ever really listens to what is coming out of her mouth? I don't mean that to sound ugly, but I honestly don't think she hears herself…or if she does, she has to be one of the most self-confident, yet always victimized, women in reality show history. It's almost comical.
Perhaps I shouldn't have watched her again on a Watch What Happens Live rerun, but I'll admit I got sucked into it. It's as if Jill was watching an entirely different show than the rest of us! When you read her recent interview after the jump, you'll get an even better taste of what I mean. She touts Kim Kardashian's work ethic (she's almost as hard-working as Jill herself!), and pretty much poo poos poor people…or at least people who like to shop at K-Mart. Perhaps she's never seen some of Sofia Vergara's line!
Last night we were treated to a double dose of Sister Wives, but it wasn't really more of Kody Brown's lion mane. TLC just gave us two thirty minute episodes instead of one hour-long program. There's drama and Kody tears…it's not funny. So why am I laughing as I type? Perhaps because when I typed it, I didn't realize that Kody was crying over the loss of a dog…I am a horrible person. I am so saddened that the Browns have to deal with putting down their twelve-year-old family member.
On the first episode, the family meets to go over the different options for the homes. Granite countertops? Christine Brown is quick to pick her back splashes and cabinets, but Meri Brown and Robyn Sullivan Brown are slow to make a decision. Meri is willing to get another job so she can have what she wants in the house. Seriously, Meri? You're too good for sliding glass doors? She really isn't willing to budge on what she wants in her home even though she's over budget. I love that Christine won't offer up any of her extra cash even though she comes in under budget. I totally get that Meri shouldn't be punished budget wise just because she wasn't able to have more kids, but on the flip side, she should be thanking her lucky stars she's getting a ginormous home for herself while her sister wives will have kids doubling up in bedrooms. I normally really like Meri, but she needs to get over herself.
Thanks Meri, for making me tear up by showing me an aging, sick dog. It breaks my heart. I'm such a dog person, and I've lost two dogs when I was growing up to old age, and one who was hit by a car as an adult. I just let my four-legged child get up on the sofa with me to watch this show because all of this dog story line is so sad. Meri and Kody call in all the children to say good-bye to Drake, and the kids are bawling crying and taking pictures with the sweet pooch.
Over at Janelle Brown's house, it's time to hit the gym. She is up at quarter till five in the morning, and she's heading to meet with her trainer. I think it's very brave of Janelle to share her weight loss struggles. Christine is very proud of her sister wife's dedication. Janelle's trainer is is not only working on her body, but he's also trying to help her change her eating behavior. She is very determined.