Last night we were treated to two full hours of Abby Lee Miller and Lifetime's Dance Moms. Not only were social issues tackled, Melissa found a very blinged out wedding dress and Abby went on a date with a former stripper. Good times, y'all!
The girls are back in the studio, and Kelly is wearing her finest bondage attire. Abby isn't thrilled with all of the second place finishes, but she's much calmer than normal. She says that everyone needs to be knocked down a few pegs…even Maddie. Abby isn't going to yell this week, she just feels that clearly the girls don't want to be winners. It is what it is. Passive aggressive Abby is almost worse than screaming Abby! MacKenzie is at the bottom of the pyramid for allowing eleven looming points to come between her and the dancer who placed in front of her. Nia is next, with Abby content on blaming the fact that Nia was sick…and therefore sloppy. An also sloppy Paige finishes out the bottom. Maddie is on the second tier for bobbling, and the poor girl fights back the tears. Kendall is one above Maddie thanks to Jill's cut throat tactics. Holly is quick to say that she'd rather have her daughter low on the pyramid than utilize Jill's dirty tricks. Brooke is on the top, and while Kelly is thrilled, Abby reminds her that she has a target on her back. A timid Chloe raises her hand to ask about her placement. Abby explains that Chloe is still suspended, and she hopes that Chloe will realize that her mother is her biggest enemy when it comes to dance. Good times!
The group dance is called "Don't Ask, Just Tell" and is based on the policy of gays in the military. That's some pretty heavy subject matter, right? Brooke, Kendall, and Maddie get solos. Abby dismisses the girls and calls the moms onto the dance floor. She decides to yell at them for wanting a sweet dance teacher instead of someone who creates winners. The mothers then give their daughters a pep talk in the hallway. Abby enlists the girls into a boot camp. She wants blood, sweat, and tears…literally!
In the viewing room, Melissa admits that she's been looking for honeymoon destinations. Christi notices that her friend is wearing a wedding band. Melissa dodges questions as to whether she's already married, and the women joke about times in the past that they've tried to help Melissa plan her wedding. Why bother…they aren't invited! The moms are confused as to why Abby chose this theme for the group dance. Christi thinks this is Abby's way of showing support for the gay community. Holly vocalizes that she doesn't find it fair that Jill was praised for her sneaky ways. The other moms tend to agree with Holly, and Jill makes loads of excuses for her behavior. She's no longer going to hide the fact she'll do whatever to get her daughter to the top.
Everyone involved with Real Housewives of Miami have got to be considered major pioneers. From the "ladies' to the producers to the camera crew, this is one scrappy group of reality television minded people. After the first season's disaster (who wants to watch bee-otchy pseudo socialites take boring cooking classes?), the show was back with a vengance…and a revamp.
Now, as the South Beach staple of Bravo's franchise heads into it's third season, it's making even more changes. On the cast? Perhaps, but that's not what I'm here to tell you about today. No, instead the production crew is focusing on an entirely new way to film the women of RHOM as they engage in their drama, fur shaming, and Girls Gone Wild antics.
I know I sound like a broken record with every recap of Teen Mom 2, but these girls are a broken record, so it's technically not my fault. Jenelle Evans keeps going back to Keiffer (and weed), and Chelsea Houska just can't get Adam's name from escaping her mouth every two seconds. Leah Messer Simms Calvert can't make up her mind between Corey and Jeremy, and Kailyn Lowry can't contain her growing jealously for Jo's girlfriend Vee. It's the exact same thing every week…except they are wearing different PINK sweat pants! Let's get started dishing on last night's episode, shall we?
Not surprisingly, Jenelle hasn't seen Jace or Barbara since she got off probation. She and Keiffer are happy to be back together and smoking up a storm…even though she's trying to keep things under control. Yeah, right. She asks him what will be different this time around, and he assures her that it won't. Um, what? Kidding! He's been in jail, and she's gone to rehab. They have grown up so much. Jenelle still wants to take things *slow.*
Kailyn and Jo are heading back to court to discuss custody. She doesn't want Vee around Isaac. Ever. I hope the judge kicks Javi to the curb if he agrees to that. Could she want a bigger double standard? Jo calls to reveal that he is moving to New Jersey to be closer to work, but it won't affect any of the drop offs or custody arrangements. He plans to stay with his parents whenever he has Isaac. Kailyn sullenly reminds him that she will NOT drive an extra hour to accommodate his new living arrangement. Jo politely reminds her that she won't have to…wasn't she listening thirty seconds ago? He is also unsure whether Vee will be moving in with him. Oh gracious! Again, I love how Kailyn threatened to move to Texas so Jo wouldn't get to see Isaac often, yet Jo moving an hour away and changing nothing is so horrible. Plus, hasn't she been complaining that he needs to move out of his parents' house? At his new apartment, Jo shares his frustrations about Kailyn with Vee. Jo isn't ready for Vee to move in yet. Is he the most mature one on the show?
Uh oh. I hope this isn't a case of biting the hand that feeds you! Gloria Govan of Basketball Wives: LA hasn't exactly been loyal to the network who made her a reality star, and VH1 needs to take note about what the reality star is saying in the media. She's got way more important projects in the works, yall like that web series…!!
On season two of the show, Gloria pretty much alienated all of her cast mates except for sister Laura, and it's no secret that her husband Matt Barnes isn't a fan of his wife's involvement with the reality series. And speaking of her husband, Gloria didn't even inform the network when she eloped with Matt while the season was filming. That certainly couldn't have gone over well!
Is it just me, or do y'all also need a flow chart to keep up with the cast of VH1's Love & Hip Hop? I can't even think of a proper introduction because there are so many people in and out of this show! Last night's episode was no exception.
Welcome back, Olivia Longott! Rich Dollaz is happy to reunite with his friend so she can tell him "I told you so." He's ready to oblige when it comes to his relationship with Erica Mena. Liv is quick to call him out as a giant douchebag. She's got his number for sure. Rich apologizes and promises to be focused on her career. He tells her about the ballad that he gave Erica, and Olivia pressures him to give her the song. Rich caves, even though he knows it will hurt Erica to no end when she finds out Liv is singing her ballad.
Tahiry Jose is going to a mixology class hosted by Rashidah Ali. Jen Bayer is also in attendance. Rashidah has a lot of insight into ladies shoes. She reveals that Raqi Thunda has made her way onto a list of up and coming women in the industry. Rashidah wonders who she slept with to get on this list. Tahiry and Rashidah are surprised to learn that Jen is no longer on Raqi's love train, and Jen tells them about what Raqi said about Consequence. Jen also shares that Raqi had choice words for Rashidah, and Rashidah intends to address her gossip when the time presents itself.
Can I get a slow clap? Finally–FINALLY!–a former reality star proves that she paid attention in Relevancy 101. After Mob Wives Chicago wasn't renewed for a second season, many of the ladies faded into reality obscurity. However, I'm happy to report that one of the "ladies" appreciates the importance of keeping her name in the media.
Pia Rizza has skipped over multiple steps while majoring in Nude Photo Release, and I have to give her mad props. Girlfriend is releasing her own naked pictures to make sure that other people don't profit on her womanly form. I tend to think that Pia is just sending her nudie pics to media outlets hoping for a bite, but I love that she's claiming to be jumping the gun before someone else can beat her to the punch. Sure she is…
If you live in the Garden State, spend far above your means, and at least eighty percent of your wardrobe contains sequins and/or faux fur, you could possibly be a Real Housewife of New Jersey. If you're racing your former friends and family members to the top of the New York Times Bestseller List, you are on Bravo's short list for sure!
Depending on what floats your boat, there's a book penned by a RHONJ star that is just right for you. Do you like sampling new Fabulicious recipes? I think we all know that Teresa Giudice has you covered. Is party planning one of your hobbies? Pick up a copy of Dina Manzo's new book. Is TMI in the bedroom the kind of juicy gossip you crave? Look no further than Melissa Gorga to dish on her relationship with Poison! And, of course, if you want straight talk, Caroline Manzo is going to tell it like it is in her new tome. It looks like this Bravo franchise has the book market cornered!
Speaking of, last night's episode starts as Big Ang is prepping for her Christmas party. Even without Renee and Love, she knows things are going to be jolly! Drita arrives and is floored by Ang's hot pink and silver tree. Ang fills her in on Ramona's engagement, and Drita can't believe that Ramona is considering getting married to someone who could be spending decades behind bars. She wouldn't wish that fate on her worst enemy…and her worst enemy used to be Ramona! Karen is the next guest to show up, decked in a feather boa and a Santa hat. Ramona arrives next. Drita is glad to know that Love won't be in attendance because of her issues with Carla.
When Karen learns that Renee isn't ready to be around Carla, she is excited. Karen was only ever nice to Carla because she was Renee's friend. Ang teases Carla for being late, and Karen and Ramona give her the cold shoulder. The tension is awkward, and Karen breaks the ice by telling Carla that Renee isn't there because of her. She is being double teamed by Karen and Ramona, and Ang doesn't think it's any of their business. Carla wants to know why everyone has such an issue with the butter knife…it's not like she was wielding a machete. When Karen asks Drita's opinion, Drita says that if anyone waved a knife at her, she'd shove it where the sun don't shine. Ramona loves Drita's response.