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Don’t Be Tardy for the Wedding…oh oh oh ohhhh!  It’s time for the much anticipated Zolciak-Biermann nuptials. Can you hear the wedding bells?  They’re auto-tuned!

There is a lot of construction and place settings happening at Kendra Davis‘ abode.  A trailer filled with high-end porta-potties pulls into the driveway.  Kim forgoes the regular conversation with KJ, just singing to him while he’s held by an assistant and praying he won’t be fussy for her ceremony.  Kroy and the couple’s officiant (and former Kroy teammate) Koy decide to imbibe a few beers.  Kroy thinks this wedding is a gift from God, therefore, he isn’t the least bit nervous.

Kim wants to sent him a voice message professing her love.  Kroy’s mom and sister are getting their make-up did done.  His mom is trying to convince everyone about how young her skin looks.  Kim’s mom enters stage wasted and finds Sheree Whitfield getting the full make-up/hair treatment.  Mama Zolciak is jealous.  Sheree seems to have popped some Xanax before being filmed…perhaps she’s dealing with some RHOA withdrawals.

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Unless you’ve been living  under a rock, you know that there has been a lot of back and forth about Kim and Kroy’s living situation, which all came to a screeching halt when Kendra Davis, homeowner and landlord of Kim’s Barbie dream house, kicked the family to the curb.  Where to Zolciak-Biermanns?  To Big Poppa’s condo it is!  Tamara Tattles has some very insightful notions as to why Kim and Co. moved back into her Atlanta townhouse, not the least of which being it seemed the only viable option.  She also has some interesting (and quite probable!) views on why Kendra finally said enough is enough!

Tamara also enlightens viewers about some of the wedding hullabaloo.  What I found most interesting is that, in previews, Brielle informs her mother that there are helicopters flying over the property.  My first thought?  Paparazzi.  My second thought?  This isn’t Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston’s wedding.  Why is the paparazzi going to such extremes to snap a picture of a Bravolebrity couple?  According to her blog, those helicopters don’t belong to invasive tabloid photographers, but Bravo cameras which are shooting all the aerial scenes for the wedding.  Oh Kim, you had me fooled!

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As if any of you were planning to watch the fifth season of Basketball Wives, I have some breaking news that may just send you over the edge completely.  TMZ.com is reporting that three of the ladies (and yes, these may actually be considered ladies) are getting axed from the show.  While nothing has been confirmed, VH1′s official statement is, “We don’t comment on casting until everything is final. Thanks for checking in.”  However, when you hear who is getting the boot–and why–I doubt you’ll be surprised.

First to hit the road is Royce Reed.  Why?  I would say it’s obvious.  First, a lot of the women, including Queen Bee Shaunie O’Neal herself, refuse to film with Royce.  I am guessing that makes it more difficult to have a legitimate story line.  She doesn’t go on the cast trips, isn’t invited to birthday dinners, and misses out on all the bottle throwing and brawls.  Lucky.  Second, due to a gag order that has been in place since 2009, she isn’t even allowed to say the name of the basketball player to whom she was never a wife.  Sorry, Royce, but the writing seems to be on the wall for you.

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Last night’s Around the World in 80 Plates found the chefs in Bologna, Italy.  It’s a tad awkward because the teams remain on the same team.  That means Liz Garrett and Jenna Johansen are going to have issues.  After an immune Liz voted for Jenna in the last challenge, Jenna is confused.  Wasn’t she Liz’s biggest cheerleader in the kitchen?  Um, maybe Jenna is confusing “cheerleader” with “bitter Betty.”  John Vermiglio reminds his remaining teammates that they are all great chefs…although some might be clumsier than others.  #curseofthewhitebeans

The black team (Nookie Postal, Avery Purcell, Nick Lacasse, and the immune Nicole Lou) is riding the high of their win.  Both teams arrive at the Parmigiano Reggiano Creamery where they get their first clue.  They learn that the winner of this course will win $10,000.  Each team must find three wheels of cheese which are marked with a triangle, signifying that the cheese hasn’t aged properly.  No big deal, right?  Both teams enter the creamery where they are greeted by walls and walls and walls (and WALLS!) of cheese.  Right of the bat, the red team finds one marked wheel, then another.  They are leaving with their third wheel as the black team finds their second.  The members of the red team collect their next clue.  They must deliver one wheel of cheese to Tamburini Salumeria in the historic district of Bologna.  John is glad that Jenna and Liz have put aside their differences to work together.

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Oh Abby Lee!  You are livin’ on the dance floor…that’s for darn sure!  First off on last night’s Dance Moms, Abby reminds her girls that they are every bit as sluggish and boring as they were at the competition.  B to the O to the Ring were these little ladies last week…according to the all-knowing Oz Abs.

Shockingly, Maddie is at the bottom of the pyramid.  Melissa thinks that her daughter’s place is not okay, but she’s willing to let the other girls have their position at the top.  Joining Maddie is McKenzie who placed tenth.  In case you didn’t know, Abby doesn’t do tenth.  Paige rounds out the bottom of the pyramid for missing a step.

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Womp, womp, womp.  You tried, Kris Humphries!  If you were hoping to get to watch Kim Kardashian squirm her way through her deposition, you’re out of luck unfortunately.  Unlike her intimate moments with Ray J, her deposition will not be taped.

An insider close to the divorce proceedings tells RadarOnline.com, “Both parties mutually agreed that it wasn’t necessary to have Kim and Kris’ deposition filmed.  There will be a private stenographer present that will provide a transcript of the proceedings.”  50 Shades of Kartrashian, perhaps?

“There was concern about the depositions being filmed and then getting leaked to the media. To ensure that won’t happen everyone recognized and agreed to not have proceedings filmed,” continues the source.  “However, Kris’ lawyer, Lee Hutton has told Laura Wasser that they absolutely intend to ask that cameras be permitted in the courtroom when this divorce goes to trial.”

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Hear that?  I’ll tell you what it’s not—it’s not the sound of ice clinking in a vodka cocktail for one of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, that’s for sure.  After numerous reports of drunken meltdowns for everyone’s favorite lady (it’s called sarcasm…), sources are telling RadarOnline.com that Taylor Armstrong has eased off the sauce a bit as the women continue to film their third season.

“Taylor has been noticeably more subdued and under control since the horrible trip to Ojai. She is trying to curb her drinking when the cameras are rolling because she recognizes that she has a very low tolerance for alcohol,” explains an insider close to the show.

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If you thought messing with Phaedra Parks from Real Housewives of Atlanta was a bad idea, don’t even consider messing with her mom!

As you know, Phaedra, reality starlet, quotable wordsmith, lover of pickles, and attorney extraordinaire, did not take kindly to Vibe.com financially backing Angela Stanton’s tome of slander “Lies of a Real Housewife: Tell the Truth and Shame the Devil,” and she recently filed a multi-million dollar lawsuit against the site’s parent company.  Now it appears that her mother, Pastor Regina Bell, is following suit…literally!

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