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Womp, womp, womp.  You tried, Kris Humphries!  If you were hoping to get to watch Kim Kardashian squirm her way through her deposition, you’re out of luck unfortunately.  Unlike her intimate moments with Ray J, her deposition will not be taped.

An insider close to the divorce proceedings tells RadarOnline.com, “Both parties mutually agreed that it wasn’t necessary to have Kim and Kris’ deposition filmed.  There will be a private stenographer present that will provide a transcript of the proceedings.”  50 Shades of Kartrashian, perhaps?

“There was concern about the depositions being filmed and then getting leaked to the media. To ensure that won’t happen everyone recognized and agreed to not have proceedings filmed,” continues the source.  “However, Kris’ lawyer, Lee Hutton has told Laura Wasser that they absolutely intend to ask that cameras be permitted in the courtroom when this divorce goes to trial.”

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Hear that?  I’ll tell you what it’s not—it’s not the sound of ice clinking in a vodka cocktail for one of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, that’s for sure.  After numerous reports of drunken meltdowns for everyone’s favorite lady (it’s called sarcasm…), sources are telling RadarOnline.com that Taylor Armstrong has eased off the sauce a bit as the women continue to film their third season.

“Taylor has been noticeably more subdued and under control since the horrible trip to Ojai. She is trying to curb her drinking when the cameras are rolling because she recognizes that she has a very low tolerance for alcohol,” explains an insider close to the show.

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If you thought messing with Phaedra Parks from Real Housewives of Atlanta was a bad idea, don’t even consider messing with her mom!

As you know, Phaedra, reality starlet, quotable wordsmith, lover of pickles, and attorney extraordinaire, did not take kindly to Vibe.com financially backing Angela Stanton’s tome of slander “Lies of a Real Housewife: Tell the Truth and Shame the Devil,” and she recently filed a multi-million dollar lawsuit against the site’s parent company.  Now it appears that her mother, Pastor Regina Bell, is following suit…literally!

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Extra host and Dancing With the Stars alum Maria Menounos shared a shocking secret with Howard Stern.  Yesterday, during an interview with the shock jock, she admitted she was terrified of doctors…and she has good reason to be.  HollywoodLife.com reports on Maria’s admission that she has been molested by not one, but two doctors.  A few years ago, the entertainment correspondent was asked to disrobe during a throat exam.  The doctor then began fondling her genitals.

She reveals, “I was really young, so I was uncomfortable.  [My boyfriend] Kevin was in the waiting room and I literally started screaming . . . I was just so uncomfortable I didn’t know what to do.”

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John Salley is back to lead us through the second installment of the Basketball Wives reunion special.  Last night’s portion proved to be more of a train wreck than the first time around which was basically just one giant PR move.  I don’t know about y’all, but I am ready to say good riddance to these “ladies” for a very long time.

John reminds us of Evelyn Lozada and Chad Ochocinco’s relationship.  Besides the Masarati, I wonder if Evelyn can watch this and not see how poorly he speaks to her.  Chad is funny and all, but she is a doormat with him!  Evelyn promotes the couple’s spin-off for a bit, happy she has the opportunity to show viewers a softer side.  John then segues into listing Royce Reed’s relationships throughout the seasons.  Of Dezmon Briscoe, Royce will only say curtly that they are doing “good.”  John reminds her of Dezmon and his baby mama’s twitter drama.  Royce says she chose to stay with him for all the things he did right instead of the one thing he did wrong.  Footage of her fight with her father is shown.  John jokes that Royce is a crybaby, and he pretty much sides with her dad while doling out his own fatherly advice.  John also shows clips from her New York acting debut that ended up on the cutting room floor.  Tami Roman reveals she was pleasantly surprised at Royce’s talent.  John touts that as quite a compliment because he believes Tami is an amazing actress.  Huh?

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I’m guessing the newcomers on Real Housewives of New York didn’t realize they would be jumping back into last season!  With Jill Zarin, Kelly Bensimon, and Alex McCord out of the picture, it seems like the Count(l)ess LuAnn and Pinot Singer are vying to see who will be the biggest, baddest housewife in all the Upper East Side land.  The claws are out, which isn’t surprising given this pair.

On the season premiere, Countless told her new co-stars of Ramoana’s threat regarding her children.  The maven of manners also demanded an apology for last season’s drama during a party.  I find her public admonishment of ol’ Crazy Eyes a tad hypocritical, given there is, according to LuAnn, a time and a place for everything.  For example, you don’t talk about losing a parent over drinks with friends.  It’s poor form.  However, making others uncomfortable at a party is completely acceptable behavior.  In her Bravo blog, she explains it all…and with words we serfs can understand.

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On last night’s Sister Wives we were treated to two family filled episodes.  In the first, we are introduced to Kody’s brothers.  In the second, the older teens are highlighted, and I must say I really like them.

Kody’s brothers arrive to take on Vegas. The family is gathered at Meri’s house. The wives haven’t seen his brothers since the family moved from Utah. We are introduced to Scott and Curtis, and the three Brown brothers head off on motorcycles with Curtis joking he’s going to pick up some ladies. It’s hilarious because Curtis is monogamous unlike his older brothers.

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And so it begins…The cast of Jersey Shore hasn’t been filming their final season for very long, and they are already duking it out in bars, getting arrested, and leaking nude photos.  That didn’t take long, did it?

Radaronline.com is reporting that the crew (sans a pregnant Snooki) got into a massive bar brawl Friday night at Bamboo Bar in Seaside Heights.  A source reveals, “It started as a small fight, then turned into a massive brawl.  Jenni’s boyfriend beat up a few guys, Pauly knocked some guy out, [and] Ronnie [and] Sitch were all there as well, fighting off guys. Jenni sprained her ankle.”  No doubt all of these shenanigans happened with MTV’s cameras rolling.  I can only imagine the smack down that ensued if the fight involved Roger!

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