Ewww. I guess I should know that if a post is going to involve Girls Gone Wild creator Joe Francis, I'm not going to be writing about rainbows and kittens…unless rainbows and kittens are involved with whatever sexual escapade he's describing. Of course, if that's the case, someone needs to call PETA stat.
This time around Joe makes a cameo on Real Housewives of Miami where he alleges that he slept with both Joanna Krupa and her sister Marta. Again ewww. How old is this guy again? Oh, that's right! He's thirty-nine…a perfectly acceptable age to still be bragging about sexual conquests like he's hanging out in his high school locker room. Ewww ewww ewww. Thankfully, we'll all get to witness the madness on this week's episode.
I'll be honest, when I first saw the headlines for this piece of gossip, I was more than slightly disturbed that Joe was implying he had a three-way with the sisters, but I am relieved that my assumption is incorrect. Small favors, right?
Is there no end to today's disturbing entertainment news? Do I really want to think about Kate Gosselin disrobing for a potential new gig? No, not at all a-thank-you-very-much!
As we all know, Kate was very recently (and very publicly) fired from her coupon blogging gig. Fear not though, she has a new offer on the table…and it's a doozy! Vivid Entertainment (yes, porn) has reached out to Kate to host her own show. Isn't that what she's been vying for all along?
It's like a Bravo break-up…or is it? There is a lot of gossip swirling about a feud between a neurotic former non-housewife from Real Housewives of New York and a certain Bravo front man who has basically made said woman into what she is today—with multiple spin-offs. Jill Zarin knows what I'm talking about, right?
There is news that Bethenny Ever After star Bethenny Frankel is biting the hand that once fed her. And that hand is attached to a man who will one day be my biffle for life. Ride or die. Perhaps when he stops engaging in housewives of past drama, he'll have more time to cultivate a friendship with me. A girl can dream, can't she?
So according to the interwebs, Bravo main man Andy Cohen isn't feeling the love from the woman–and empire–he had a hand in creating. That has to hurt! Many media outlets are reporting that Bethenny is turning her back on the network and the man who made her into the ultra-skinny multi-millionaire she is today. Again, somewhere Jill is laughing her butt off…while trying to secure a new contract for the upcoming season. Heather who? Holla!
Sweet relief! A certain network realized this week that two hour long episodes of the Jersey Shore weren't holding our attention. Thank you, MTV! Do you know what I realized? It's fun to watch the intro that features the gang circa season one given the amount of plastic surgery the girls have had. I almost don't recognize Jenni "J-Woww" Farley when she talks about ripping guys' heads off after sex! Of course, DJ Pauly Delvecchio looks exactly the same.
Last night begins at the tail-end of the Bamboo brawl. Andre 3000's twin is dressed as "Where's Waldo" and his entire purpose seems to be holding back an overly aggressive Vinny Guadagnino. Roger is scrapping with bouncers and pushes Jenni aside. She quickly throws a drink in his face in an effort to get him to chill. Ronnie Magro-Ortiz is the voice of reason. We all know that's never a good sign! The gang vacates Bamboo, with Roger storming ahead, not listening to anyone who tries to reason with him.
Jenni is wearing some God awful hot pink platform heels, and she seems to be limping. Roger yells at her about getting involved in the fight while his friend tries to calm him. Jenni tries to placate Roger, telling him she knows he didn't recognize her, and she's not mad at him for throwing her down because he clearly didn't mean to do it. His reply? "I knew it was you, and you deserved it." Oh alcohol, bringing couples together for centuries! Jenni and Deana Cortese head back to the house, and Deena is devastated by Roger's behavior. Back at the house, Jenni is worried that she has a broken ankle. Ronnie calls Roger to make sure he's okay and not sitting in jail, and Roger starts yelling about Jenni controlling him and playing the victim.
Admittedly, sometimes I get in my own head about things, which may explain a little bit more about my love of Here Comes Honey Boo Boo. No, this isn't a Honey Boo Boo post because that would be easy. No, this entry focuses on LeAnn Rimes'Twitter battle with a Real Housewives of Beverly Hills'Brandi Glanville fan which led to the country singer suing the fan who is a teacher. Don't get me wrong, LeAnn is three-star cray in my book but this disgruntled fan isn't doing herself any favors by continuing to talk to the press. I have to wonder if either of these ladies realize there are actual and legitimate problems going on in the world. Probably not.
Here's a mini-break down. LeAnn and Brandi's Twitter followers were embroiled in a toxic tweeting war. Fans of each woman were bashing the wannabe celebs and their followers in what can only be described as mean girl bullies hiding behind their lattes and laptops. Do these people not have jobs?
Anyhoo, LeAnn was particularly sensitive to the negative things being said about her. Instead of doing what a normal person of her status would do (ie, deleting her Twitter, because who cares about what the commoners think? OR laughing maniacally while dancing around with millions of dollars, pitying those who have only enough money to afford the Internet with which they are bashing her), she went into the trenches, launching her own attacks. Somehow (I'm still foggy as to how this occurred), she ended up with the phone number of one of her greatest haters. And she called her. I'm assuming LeAnn thought that Kim Smiley getting a phone call from a quasi famous person would immediately render her star-struck, and she's stop hatefully tweeting like a mad woman. Boy, did LeAnn misread that situation.
Not only did Kim not buckle to LeAnn, she recorded their phone call which apparently has the singer going from kind to cursing in a matter of minutes. Again, who (on either side) has the time for this? Blah, blah, blah, and LeAnn is suing Kim for illegally recording her. Our tax dollars at work, ladies and gentlemen.
Wedding bells are ringing for the Real Housewives of Orange County all over Laguna Beach! If you listen carefully, you can hear them…just make sure you're wearing a rain poncho. As you all know, where there's a formal event with these ladies, there is also a copious amount of wine hurling.
Today's RHOC news brings you the setting of a wedding date and an engagement. I really wish I could be with y'all in person as you read this, just because I think it would be fun to play a guessing game to find out who was recently proposed to and who is about to get hitched. Okay, okay, the wedding news is easy. Tamra Barney and boy-toy Eddie Judge have set the date for the first of I'm sure SEVERAL ceremonies. They've got to do at least one for the show you know!
But who got engaged? Drum roll please…congratulations Vicki Gunvalson! I kid, I kid. However, wouldn't that be some juicy gossip?
CLICK THE CONTINUE READING BUTTON TO FIND OUT WHO GOT ENGAGED!
Oh Lord. Who knew that stripper-gate would be the scandal of our generation? Somewhere Richard Nixon is laughing his arse off at all of this. I gave up wishing the ladies of Real Housewives of New Jersey would go away in the off season, but doesn't it sound like such a nice break?
We'll probably never know exactly what happened between Melissa Gorga and sister-in-law Teresa Giudice. To be honest, I don't even care anymore. At all. Of course, the women think we do, so they're going to keep talking about until the next big drama occurs. You do realize that means we'll be hearing about this until the show airs again, right? That's kind of a long way off from now. Yikes.
I know you're waiting with baited breath, so I'll get right to the point of this post. Melissa takes to her Bravo blog to answer her fans' most burning questions. It's deep y'all!
Can we get a slow clap for everyone's favorite momager Kris Jenner? On the heels of Khloe Kardashian being named an X Factor host alongside Albert Clifford SlaterMario Lopez, we're now learning more about the negotiations–or rather break down in negotiations–that occurred prior to the big announcement.
I, for one, am thrilled to see Khloe separating herself from her sisters in the business world. She needs her own platform to shine, and that will never happen if Kim is involved. I mean, didn't Kim make Khloe's infertility issues about herself when she decided to freeze her eggs so that she could breed on down the line with the tiny rapper? Khloe can't have anything–even a heartbreaking situation–that isn't overshadowed by a certain ego-driven sibling. Mark my words, Khloe and Mario will be sharing strained banter on the upcoming X Factor season, and Kim will streak across the stage, upstaging the next Susan Boyle (yes, I know she was Britain's Got Talent, but her first foray into reality television is still the most amazing thing I've ever seen. Tears.) wearing nothing but Kanye West's $5,000 high tops and a smile. I hate that I can picture it.
Now, we're learning that there is one other person in the family who also needs to reap the headlines when one of her offspring does something right. That's right. Kris Jenner needs to go quietly into the background and watch her creations succeed at…well, just being alive…and talking…in a microphone. Of course, we all know Kris' contract won't allow her to do that!