Let's take a quick poll, shall we? What would you rather watch–the original Love & Hip Hop or the astonishingly crazy, can't look away train wreck that is Love & Hip Hop Atlanta? I don't even need to tally the votes. VH1 needs to learn that if it's going to air a scripted, polished soap opera while calling it a reality show, we need to see more craziness a la Joseline. Am I right?
While most viewers are politely watching this season, I can't help but think that they are doing so out of respect for the new member of the L&HH franchise. If we're going to watch fake reality television, the network should be decent enough to give us more ridiculous drama. Is that asking too much? Apparently not…read on!
Season three of Duck Dynasty with the Robertson family is turning out to be everything I'd hoped for and more. We're treated to an endless supply of Si's one-liners, and Jase is still doing everything in his power to get under brotherWillie's skin. After all of these years, Phil is still hot for Kay, and there is no question as to how much love this family shares. Wednesday nights are great.
Last night's first episode begins with the boys comparing their beards in the warehouse. Who has the longest beard? Who has the thickest beard? Don't know? Let's ask Si who has an arsenal of beard jokes which reference 60 Minutes, Dora the Explorer, and Chewbacca. Si rules. Willie is going out of town for the day, and he needs his boys to make sure that business continues as usual. All Willie asks of Jase is that he signs for a package at 4 o' clock. We'll see how this goes!
At Phil and Miss Kay's, their grandson and his friend come by, but they are unaware that Phil has plans to teach them them the ways of the world. The boys are clueless as Phil whistles his words of wisdom. Meanwhile, in the warehouse, the guys are debating their favorite duck blinds to hunt. Si chuckles about Willie's absence, and Jase is happy to appease whatever dare his uncle is introducing. The men pile into Jase's truck and head out into the woods. The guys are in the wilderness debating wrestling lore. I adore the fact that Si travels with his own gallon of tea. Si spots a black cat cross the blind, and Jase finds it hilarious that most people think that black cats are bad luck. Si claims it's a panther. Wait, did the guys lock themselves out of the truck?
After the ladies' Parisian vacation, Yolanda seemed to let her guard down around her co-stars. She reached out to a clearly struggling Kim Richards, only to have it come back and bite her in the toned and cleansed arse. But Yolanda is so busy juggling her lemons, her laundry, and her magnificent refrigerator that she doesn't have time to let the pettiness get to her. Take that, Splits!
You've all missed Real Housewives of New York'sHeather Thomson, haven't you? I'll be honest. She grew on me during her first season on the Bravo reality series. Girlfriend loves to talk business and wear a bedazzled tee to a cocktail function, that's for sure! Holla!
Now Heather, as the creator of Yummie Tummie shapewear, is ready to face off against her mortal enemy–Jill Zarin's Skweez Spanx! This has the potential to get ugly…while remaining smooth and free of cellulite bulges and panty lines, of course!
It's no secret to any of you that I adore Bachelor host Chris Harrison. He's equal parts diplomatic, fatherly, and humorous. He doesn't mince words. He wears ties that could not be pulled off by the average gentleman. In fact, the only complaint I've ever had about Mr. Harrison was his lapse in judgment when he went out with Justin Bieber's mom (more on her later!). Chris is now speaking outSean Lowe's engagement to Catherine Giudici and ABC's pick for Desiree Hartsock for the Bachelorette.
Chris even expresses his disdain for Sean choosing to doDancing with the Stars because he believes people will perceive him as being a "famewhore" who didn't do the Bachelor for the right reasons. Remember what I said about him not mincing words? Love it! Meanwhile, The Biebs' mom Patti Mallette was live-tweeting all over the place during Monday night's broadcast…perhaps trying to pique the interest of a certain debonair host?
Last night we were treated to two full hours of Abby Lee Miller and Lifetime's Dance Moms. Not only were social issues tackled, Melissa found a very blinged out wedding dress and Abby went on a date with a former stripper. Good times, y'all!
The girls are back in the studio, and Kelly is wearing her finest bondage attire. Abby isn't thrilled with all of the second place finishes, but she's much calmer than normal. She says that everyone needs to be knocked down a few pegs…even Maddie. Abby isn't going to yell this week, she just feels that clearly the girls don't want to be winners. It is what it is. Passive aggressive Abby is almost worse than screaming Abby! MacKenzie is at the bottom of the pyramid for allowing eleven looming points to come between her and the dancer who placed in front of her. Nia is next, with Abby content on blaming the fact that Nia was sick…and therefore sloppy. An also sloppy Paige finishes out the bottom. Maddie is on the second tier for bobbling, and the poor girl fights back the tears. Kendall is one above Maddie thanks to Jill's cut throat tactics. Holly is quick to say that she'd rather have her daughter low on the pyramid than utilize Jill's dirty tricks. Brooke is on the top, and while Kelly is thrilled, Abby reminds her that she has a target on her back. A timid Chloe raises her hand to ask about her placement. Abby explains that Chloe is still suspended, and she hopes that Chloe will realize that her mother is her biggest enemy when it comes to dance. Good times!
The group dance is called "Don't Ask, Just Tell" and is based on the policy of gays in the military. That's some pretty heavy subject matter, right? Brooke, Kendall, and Maddie get solos. Abby dismisses the girls and calls the moms onto the dance floor. She decides to yell at them for wanting a sweet dance teacher instead of someone who creates winners. The mothers then give their daughters a pep talk in the hallway. Abby enlists the girls into a boot camp. She wants blood, sweat, and tears…literally!
In the viewing room, Melissa admits that she's been looking for honeymoon destinations. Christi notices that her friend is wearing a wedding band. Melissa dodges questions as to whether she's already married, and the women joke about times in the past that they've tried to help Melissa plan her wedding. Why bother…they aren't invited! The moms are confused as to why Abby chose this theme for the group dance. Christi thinks this is Abby's way of showing support for the gay community. Holly vocalizes that she doesn't find it fair that Jill was praised for her sneaky ways. The other moms tend to agree with Holly, and Jill makes loads of excuses for her behavior. She's no longer going to hide the fact she'll do whatever to get her daughter to the top.
Everyone involved with Real Housewives of Miami have got to be considered major pioneers. From the "ladies' to the producers to the camera crew, this is one scrappy group of reality television minded people. After the first season's disaster (who wants to watch bee-otchy pseudo socialites take boring cooking classes?), the show was back with a vengance…and a revamp.
Now, as the South Beach staple of Bravo's franchise heads into it's third season, it's making even more changes. On the cast? Perhaps, but that's not what I'm here to tell you about today. No, instead the production crew is focusing on an entirely new way to film the women of RHOM as they engage in their drama, fur shaming, and Girls Gone Wild antics.
I know I sound like a broken record with every recap of Teen Mom 2, but these girls are a broken record, so it's technically not my fault. Jenelle Evans keeps going back to Keiffer (and weed), and Chelsea Houska just can't get Adam's name from escaping her mouth every two seconds. Leah Messer Simms Calvert can't make up her mind between Corey and Jeremy, and Kailyn Lowry can't contain her growing jealously for Jo's girlfriend Vee. It's the exact same thing every week…except they are wearing different PINK sweat pants! Let's get started dishing on last night's episode, shall we?
Not surprisingly, Jenelle hasn't seen Jace or Barbara since she got off probation. She and Keiffer are happy to be back together and smoking up a storm…even though she's trying to keep things under control. Yeah, right. She asks him what will be different this time around, and he assures her that it won't. Um, what? Kidding! He's been in jail, and she's gone to rehab. They have grown up so much. Jenelle still wants to take things *slow.*
Kailyn and Jo are heading back to court to discuss custody. She doesn't want Vee around Isaac. Ever. I hope the judge kicks Javi to the curb if he agrees to that. Could she want a bigger double standard? Jo calls to reveal that he is moving to New Jersey to be closer to work, but it won't affect any of the drop offs or custody arrangements. He plans to stay with his parents whenever he has Isaac. Kailyn sullenly reminds him that she will NOT drive an extra hour to accommodate his new living arrangement. Jo politely reminds her that she won't have to…wasn't she listening thirty seconds ago? He is also unsure whether Vee will be moving in with him. Oh gracious! Again, I love how Kailyn threatened to move to Texas so Jo wouldn't get to see Isaac often, yet Jo moving an hour away and changing nothing is so horrible. Plus, hasn't she been complaining that he needs to move out of his parents' house? At his new apartment, Jo shares his frustrations about Kailyn with Vee. Jo isn't ready for Vee to move in yet. Is he the most mature one on the show?