It’s no secret that I am a massive fan of the GTL. Sure, my gym is feeling inadequate when I only get 20% of my daily Fitbit steps while walking back and forth to the office copier with no other form of exercise. My tanning is of the spray variety, if at all…and that’s only for special occasions when orange is better than transparent. As for laundry, let’s not even go there. But I adore those kids of the Jersey Shore. I loved them when they were wasted fools making a mockery of everything Seaside Heights wanted to preserve, and I have enjoyed seeing them grow into actual normal(ish), successful adults.
That said, following Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi’swalk down the aisle with Jionni LaValle (who recently lost his license thanks to a DUI) has been a lot of fun. Who doesn’t love to see a true friendship like Snooki and JWoww’s that was born of reality television. It’s a true rarity…like a unicorn, or a decent, handsome, rich guy who opens doors, pulls out chairs, and pays my student loans. That said, there were some guests missing from Snooki’s nuptials. I don’t really care about the whereabouts of Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino, but where, oh where was my precious Vinny Guadagnino? Sidebar: is it weird that I have to look up the spelling of “notoriety” (I just did again…always want to put an “a” in it) any time I want to use it, but “Guadagnino” is ingrained in my own personal spelling bee?
Y’all, sometimes it just boggles my mind how much people seemingly change when they become reality stars. You can always spot the green newbie, innocent and wide-eyed, who seems almost terrified of the drama brought on by her veteran co-stars. Sometimes, these first-timers won’t compromise changing themselves to create craziness and become fan favorites or the one everyone loves to hate. Their desire to stick to their morals often makes them come across as boring, making them one-and-done in the reality television world. Real Housewives of Orange County’sLydia McLaughlin, anyone? Of course, then there are those who start out timid and almost goody-goody, but they quickly learn from their counterparts and become masters of their own reality destiny. You know I’m talking about Real Housewives of Atlanta’sPorsha Stewart!
Girlfriend started out as a pretty wallflower, but she’s taken pages out of the brazen NeNe Leakes’ and the kray-kray Krayonce Moore’s playbooks to become quite a reality vixen. She’s building a brand, y’all! She’s got a lingerie line. Heck, she even assaulted a cast mate at a reunion! Now, she may even have her own platform for finding her next sugar daddy. Porsha’s clearly figured out this game!
After last night’s conclusion of the Love & Hip Hop Hollywood reunion, you can rest assured that the other franchises are going to be forced down on throats so Mona can keep riding the wave of ratchet popularity and strike when the iron is hot. Who am I kidding? I live for this stuff!
With the original member of the franchise premiering next week, we’ve got extended footage of your favorite past New York cast members and a veritable swarm of newbies. It seems everyone involved is ready to shock and awe as they prepare for the season while sharing their backgrounds…aka, why they are crazy enough to be on the show! Make sure to check it out after the jump! Of course, not to be outdone, Mimi Faust, the resident sex tape star of Love & Hip Hop Atlanta certainly knows how to stay in the fray. Capitalizing on the hype surrounding the seasons transitioning, Mimi is speaking out about how Nikko Smith used her. *Eye roll* *palm to forehead* At least Ariane isn’t the kind of friend to say, “I told you so…” but I will!
I mean, I don’t know if it’s healthy to have back-to-back nights of any VH1 reunion, but last night’s conclusion to Love & Hip Hop Hollywood left me feeling especially brain dead. Nana seems a bit spent after her twerking shenanigans. Mally Mal is on the stage, and he thinks Masika is a cool chick, but Berg is going to learn soon enough that she’s always after the next best thing. When I close my eyes, Mal’s voice belongs to someone who looks like he could be a character on The Big Bang Theory, not this big guy with the girlishly tweezed eyebrows. Berg warns Uncle Fester to stop talking about him, and Mally puts on his shades and takes off his jacket. It’s the equivalent of a Basketball Wife taking off her heels before going bat shiz cray. Mal and Masika argue over who was using who (whom?) to get on the show. Berg reminds Nikki that he’s the one who got her on the franchise. Masika then reveals that Mally Mal is still in contact with her.
Thankfully we move onto a more sane story line…and that says a lot given it revolves around Fizz, Moniece and Amanda. Moniece, as calm and composed as she is, is clearly certifiable…and stunningly gorgeous. I love that she’s the most well-spoken person on the show, as well as the craziest. As annoying Amanda tries to explain her behavior, Moniece spouts off a list of her amazing qualities and receives a round of applause from her co-stars. Game, set, match…Moniece. Mona revisits Amanda’s infidelities, and Amanda admits that she fell in love with someone else (the other man) after she broke up with Fizz. Fizz reminds her that they didn’t “break up,” he left her sarong-wearing azz. Dear VH1, please don’t make me watch Nikki trying to eat Fizz’ face again. They’re just friends, y’all. #fakerelationshipbymona
Lord help us all, last night’s Love & Hip Hop Hollywood Reunion was absolutely ridiculous. Let’s face it, thanks to the Atlanta franchise, these fools (not you, Omarion!) are going to try to amp up the drama just for insanity’s sake. Way to go, Mona! Speaking of, Mona is channeling Madonna circa the mid-90′s with her wardrobe, and everyone giggles when the host jokes about all the partner swapping that goes on in this group. Of course, laughing and getting along doesn’t make for good television as far as VH1 is concerned, and Ray-J somberly reminds everyone that friends sleeping with friends’ exes isn’t cool. Berg quickly reminds his pal that Ray slept with Hazel-E. Wait, does this mean Berg is claiming her as an ex? Surely not! Ray stays mum, and Hazel proudly announces that Ray was her first Hollywood conquest when she was in college.
Teairra Mari and Ray’s relationship is highlighted, from RayJ.com (is that really a thing?) to the Monistat box of clothing to the luggage gifting. Those crazy kids…I hope they make it! Ray seems to be taking anger management seriously, and he apologizes (dare I say, sincerely?) for humiliating his former girlfriend. He seems to genuinely feel badly for his actions. However, he and Teairra are no longer working on their relationship, which is Mona’s cue to bring Princess on stage. She’s looking a lot drier than the last time we saw her, isn’t she? She shares that she and Ray are working things out, and we are reminded of the Ray-Princess-Teairra love triangle. Keeping it classing, Teairra calls Princess a prostitute and requests that she “go choke on a d!@k,” to which Princess sweetly replies, “You were the one choking on a d!@k in a back alley last week.” Whose d!@k, you ask? Why, Yung Berg’s of course! Teairra warns Princess that she is one violent lady, and security starts flanking the stage as Ray tries to calm both “ladies.”
Not only did Lisa put Andy in the hot seat, she even got him to apologize to her for she considered harsh treatment on the most recent RHOBH reunion. Of course, not wanting to endure the wrath of Queen Lisa, Andy happily obliged. Lisa chastised, “I didn’t feel you gave me a break. I don’t think you made everybody else answer to some of the things that had gone down on my behalf.”
I think someone is starting to realize that she may not be mean and scary enough to channel her inner cage fighter, which makes her not the best match for a reality show like Mob Wives. We’ve all seen last season’s spandex wearing newbie talk a big game, but Natalie Guercio doesn’t seem big on the face-to-face confrontations and physical altercations. Of course, that’s not a bad thing (dare I say it’s normal?), but it doesn’t mesh with the actions (and right hooks) of her counterparts.
Season five premiered on Wednesday, and Natalie, at least in the beginning, has seemingly aligned herself with the lovable Big Ang and the foul-mouthed, face crushing fighter with a heart of gold, Drita D’Avanzo. I do adore that pair! Of course, Renee Graziano, currently hating everyone except for Karen Gravano, is out for blood when it comes to Natalie. What does Natalie have to say about things?
You know who could use a drink right about now? Andy Cohen. You know he’d just like to throw back a stiff glass of Vicki’s Vodka to get a bit more press out of this story, but alas, that won’t be happening any time soon. It’s a shame, given the now defunct brand is giving Andy’s clubhouse some free (?) publicity.