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dance moms maddie bow

Last night’s Dance Moms starts off on a high note…for once! After succeeding in the group number against the Candy Apples, the girls gather in the studio. Gino is a distant memory and will go down in ALDC history as the kid who made perfect Maddie lose a duet. Poor kid. Maddie is absent because she’s in Los Angeles recreating her Chandelier video on Ellen. Have you seen it? It’s almost creepier than the actual video because Sia spends the entire time refusing to show her face and singing in a corner. Of course, that makes me love her and the song even more, and Maddie is quite the talent. If only Abby Lee Miller would stop trying to pit her against her friends…

Shockingly, Maddie is on the bottom of the pyramid for her absence, followed by Chloe for her fall. At least she gives her a tiny bit of credit for continuing on like a professional…a smidgen of credit if you will. Nia takes the spot after Chloe because, you know, Nia isn’t a ballerina as we’re reminded again, and again, and again. Newbie Sarah is the bottom of the next rung, much to Christ-y’s chagrin. MacKenzie is in second, although Abby calls her out from detracting from the number for being too short. Kendall is in the top spot (although, did you notice, there wasn’t a top of the pyramid?) for taking the piece so seriously. 

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lhh atl snoop dogg

If I were a method blogger, I’d have been smokin’ indo and sippin’ on gin and juice to prepare for this recap. Sadly, I have to settle for a glass of Three Buck Chuck, and the only thing smoking is leftover casserole that I burned for dinner. #Snoopfail

Last night’s Love & Hip Hop Atlanta begins with Mimi Faust confronting Nikko about an article on Media Take Out that claims he’s married. She knows it can’t be true (it is, after all, Media Take Out), but she wants to be sure. Nikko doesn’t miss a beat when telling her that his marriage was a secret he planned to take to his grave. Um, what? He just wants to be honest. Mimi is too exhausted to cuss him every which way to Sunday. Nikko admits that he never planned to tell her, but he blames her for never asking him outright if he had a wife. Yeah, that’s totally Mimi’s oversight. As she storms out, he asks her to dinner. The man has some balllzzz. 

Stevie J., Kirk Frost, and Tony are helping Benzino celebrate his last few moments as a single man. Going against the norm, the gentlemen decide to hit up a strip club for his bachelor party. As pole dancers make-out in Zino’s face for his amusement, he explains that he doesn’t need a pre-nup because he and The-The (I HATE that nickname) will be together forever. Benzino then announces that Stevie will be his best man. The following day, a very hungover Stevie is being yelled into consciousness by the Puerto Rican alarm clock. Joseline Hernandez can’t imagine why her husband would want to be in a wedding where he’s smashed the bride. When he tells her that he is heading to L.A. to record with Snoop Dogg, Joseline smells trouble. 

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Ray J leaving Fred Segal

Y’all know I’m not going to know what to do with myself on Monday nights when this season of Love & Hip Hop: Atlanta comes to an end. Sure, VH1 will have something just as dramatic, and catty, and horrific to slide right into its time slot, as if we won’t be mourning the loss of the Puerto Rican Princess and Benzino’s neck. I’m not buying what you’re selling, VH1.

Mona Scott Young tries to sell us on other franchises of the show, but nothing and no one can measure up to the scripted insanity that is Atlanta. New York City? Please! I’m yawning just thinking about it!  And what about Love & Hip Hop: L.A.? Is that even still happening?

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dance moms gino maddie kiss

What would Dance Moms be without the long running feud against the Candy Apples? On last night’s episode, Abby Lee Miller once again faced her nemesis while bragging about that one time she judged Dancing With The Stars. Is it just me, or do the original moms—even crazy Christi—seem tame in comparison to the new antics? 

As the girls enter the studio, Abby dubs it their walk of shame. She’s sent home her new team to rest and revel in their victory, but she’s allowed Sarah to join the original dancers because her mom stirs up so much drama…oh, and because she’s talented. Yeah, totally the second thing I just wrote. Sarah is eight years old and sporting what have to be eyelash extensions. Abby reminds Sarah that if her mouthy mom has anything negative to say, Sarah will be ousted for good. After Abby rakes the girls over the coals for being sore losers, Jill interrupts to say the team wasn’t sad to lose, but rather they felt let down by their teacher. 

Chloe is on the bottom of the pyramid for poor turns, followed by Maddie for crying in public. Kendall is third on the bottom, and Nia is criticized for not working hard enough to make up for her lack of raw talent. MacKenzie is second, and Sarah takes the top spot for performing with the winning team. Abby cackles as she reveals they will be competing in Ohio against the Candy Apples. The group number will be entitled “Broken Dolls” so art can imitate her dancers’ real life. Abby announces that the duet will be called “I’ve Just Gotta Be Kissed” and all of the girls are giggling and blushing. Maddie will be dancing with Cathy’s former student Gino.

lhh mimi deb

VH1 has totally messed with my mind. A new episode of Love & Hip Hop: Atlanta happened last Thursday? I am a creature of habit…Remember that, Mona Scott Young. At least the network aired it again last night so I was able to catch up with all of the crazy drama. Karlie Redd is confronting Yung Joc and his Jill of all Trades at the fashion event she’s attending with Erica Dixon. Joc doesn’t even pretend to hide the fact he’s stepping out on her (unless you count the fact that he originally told her he was going out of town), and Karlie is cussing him up one side and down the other regarding his taste in Telly-Tubbies. Can’t she come up with something more original?

Waka Flocka Flame’s mother Deb is meeting with Mimi Faust, and she’s hoping the two can be each other’s support through their current hard times. Deb has recently lost her son, and Mimi’s father has just passed away. They share their respective stories of missed communications with their loved ones. Mimi reveals to Deb that Stevie J. has been so hateful to her, and she admits that her issues with Stevie are spilling over into all aspects of her life. Mimi sobs as she realizes that her childhood turmoil mixed with Stevie’s attitude is affecting her more than she ever knew. She didn’t meet her father until she was sixteen, and even though she hates Stevie, she wants Eva to have a good relationship with her father.

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dance moms christ-y

Can it get any worse? Last night’s episode of Dance Moms certainly proved that it could. Abby Lee Miller was quite the whirlwind of negativity with her new competition team while the original moms–and dancers–dealt with the consequences. Not surprisingly, Christi has nicknames for the new mothers, including Christ-y (for the Jesus loving mom with a penchant for pot stirring and physical violence), Purple Haired Dud and Count Stalkula. I won’t remember those, but kudos to crazy Christi for her creativity. Abby opens with the pyramid (glad that some things never change), as Abby touts Maddie for leading the newbies to victory. Sadly for Abby, she hates the new moms as much as she can’t stand the veterans.

Christ-y, I mean Christy, isn’t happy to be one of Abby’s customers because Abby hasn’t yet heard the saying that the customer is always right. Abby needs the new team to serve as replacements for when her original stars have auditions in Los Angeles and New Work and Farmville. Maddie admits that she likes the new team, but she’d rather be with her friends. Before revealing the pyramid, Abby bad mouths Kira for pulling Kalani from the team so she could go be with her boyfriend. I guess that’s Lifetime speak for she’s no longer needed for a story line.

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lhh atl zino and stevie

Admittedly, I can’t keep up with all the story lines on Love & Hip Hop: Atlanta. Some are definitely more juicy than others, so sometimes we’re left with a show that mixes in all the second and third tier drama…and that’s what we got last night! Mimi Faust’s father passed away, and she’s upset that she can’t grieve properly because she is too busy defending her actions to everyone. She reveals that Stevie J. sent her a text message saying “Karma is a bitch” which she received the day her father died. He is certainly a classy character. 

Yung Joc and Karlie Redd are back in the studio, and back in the studio now that Karlie has gotten over Joc’s recent cheating. I’m not sure if she’s actually over it though since she continues to grill him about his actions. Whatever happened to having nothing to do with a serial cheater? Karlie feels supported by Joc since he’s pushing her career forward, and she can’t be bothered worrying about his Teletubby fling. 

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sister wives tamron and kids

How are we already at the end of the Sister Wives’ season? It’s reunion time, and Tamron Hall is hosting Kody Brown, his hair, and his four wives, and she is such a class act. Right off the bat, she revisits Meri’s decision to get a wet bar go back to college and Kody’s stick straight locks in the scene. Geez, it’s horrible. Kody is supportive of his first wife’s plan, but Robyn is just a ball of fun when she learns the news. The sighing and the jaw clenching is intense. Meri is tearing up just watching the playback of the situation. Robyn tries to clarify that she didn’t feel betrayed, but she did feel ditched. She doesn’t want Meri to find better friends outside of the family…um, these women aren’t friends. Christine thinks that Meri heading back to school is the best thing for Meri. Since Mariah left, Christine feels that Meri has disengaged, and fulfilling herself through college will be just what she needs to find happiness.

Next we go back to the time that Kody pounded on his chest and talked about hormone swapping through make-out sessions with Mykelti and her now former boyfriend. Kody is so proud of his little speech, and Robyn once again reminds us that pre-marital sex is bad, bad, bad. Christine loves that Kody makes kissing sound gross to potential suitors. Tamron looks perplexed by the entire conversation, and I can’t say I blame her. The topic segues to the importance of My Sister Wives’ Closet. Finally, Janelle speaks, and she looks amazing. Tamron chides Kody about his temper tantrum in the counseling appointment where he said he never got to be the leader of the family. He is constantly asking for permission from his wives and seeking a consensus. Robyn praises Kody for being a great leader. I wonder if she ever gets tired of constantly stroking his ego…

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