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Big Ang, don’t fail me now!

Ang’s husband Neil is getting a third chance, as Ang allows him to move back into her house.  He hopes his wife will welcome him home with a delicious dinner.  Ang is too busy being stressed by the amount of boxes he’s unloading.  She and her ginormous breasts tell Neil that third time has to be the charm or he’s done for good.

At her sister’s request, Ang goes to the cardiologist.  She says a lot of stuff that I think warrants subtitles.  I may have picked up on the fact that she has to monitor her stool at home, and Ang is appalled about having to place her poop (my word, not hers…duh) in the mail.  I hope I’m wrong.  She chats with her doctor and reveals that she’s there because someone mentioned that she looked like a heart attack waiting to happen.  Her doctor explains that her check-up was fine, but she really needs to quit smoking.  Judging on her voice alone, he can tell that she’s a longtime smoker.  Ang gets a huge kick out of this revelation and rewards him with a raspy laugh.  He warns her that a heart attack or cancer will be the least of her concerns if she doesn’t quit.  I think he may want her to lay off the tanning as well until I remember it’s of the spray variety.

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Last night’s Mob Wives Chicago was yet another party foul.  These women can’t get along to save their lives, although they aren’t nearly as tough as their original counterparts.  At all.

Christina Scoleri fancies herself a designer.  Watch out, Project Runway!  She invites Pia Rizza over to share her new creation.  Christina is designing a dress for Renee Fecarotta Russo.  Pia relives her altercation with Nora Schweihs while Christina can’t believe all of this drama is happening on the eve of her party.  Pia is sick of people disliking her for being a stripper.  She reveals to Christina that Nora also used to “dance.”  Christina is floored to learn that Nora used strip, she doesn’t think she made much money.  While Pia has issues with Renee, she is willing to hang out with her at Christina’s party. Christina isn’t willing to throw Nora under the bus quite yet, because Nora hasn’t done anything to her.  Pia cusses up a storm.  Should be a great party!

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The women of the Real Housewives of Orange County make my head spin.  After a tumultuous season, Vicki Gunvalson is still standing by her man Brooks Ayers.

In an interview with WetPaint.com Vicki opens up about what happened this season, and her relationships with her daughter and former friend.

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So apparently hottie Roberto Martinez isn’t the new Bachelor…yet.   Chris Harrison spoke to RadarOnline.com to quiet the rumors that Roberto was a sealed deal for next season.

“I will confirm it, he’s not the Bachelor, we’ve not named anybody to be the Bachelor yet,” the show’s host tells the site.

“We don’t need to, we don’t name anybody so early,” Chris explains. “I love the speculation and that people are talking about our show but we just don’t need to make decisions yet.”

Don’t get him wrong, he loves Roberto.  He says, “He is a great guy, I love Roberto. First of all I hear he’s stunningly handsome, and he’s a very nice guy, he has a lot to offer and would be a great Bachelor. I would put my vote behind him but luckily I don’t have a vote.”

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Everyone get out your violins!  Real Housewives of New Jersey’s Teresa Giudice is once again talking about how wronged she’s been…while not directly answering questions and bragging about being famous.  Oh, except she’s humble too.  Very humble…with white teeth, because, you know, she and Juicy are getting into the teeth whitening business…which is why he isn’t going to court, as he has to attend a seminar on teeth whitening.  You know, judges are usually pretty lenient on letting you pick when you do and don’t come to court.  My head is spinning already!  Read on to see Teresa’s stellar pity party interview with the Daily Beast.  She hasn’t done anything wrong, y’all.  Nothing!

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Oh Atlanta.  You just want to be a normal metropolis.  I can assure you it won’t happen if you continue to let Love & Hip Hop Atlanta film in the peach state, but now the Real Housewives of Atlanta are adding to your pain.

Sister2Sister is reporting on a fight between NeNe Leakes and everyone’s favorite sex toy purveyor Kandi Burrus in the franchise’s filming of season five.  The cite reveals that the Bravo duo got “into a fight with production.”  Read that again, dear readers.  It’s unclear as to whether NeNe and Kandi were fighting amongst themselves or taking on production in a solidified front.  Who knows?  Who cares?  It’s drama regardless!

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Say it ain’t so!  If Kris and Bruce Jenner can’t last, than by God, who can?  RadarOnline.com is reporting that the couple, who has been happily married for twenty-one years (not all of them on television, thankfully for us), is on the rocks since Kris has been in contact with former paramour Todd Waterman.  He may be the same dude with which she cheated on past husband Robert Kardashian.  I kid, he’s totes the same guy she seduced during her marriage to her eldest paychecks’ daughters’ father.

Bruce was allegedly devastated when he walked in on E!’s latest scripted scene his wife e-mailing the object of her former affair.  What Bruce doesn’t know, according to the site, is that Kris was planning a romantic meeting with her old flame.

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Former Celebrity Apprentice contestant and foul mouthed comedienne Lisa Lampanelli is reveling in some pretty kick-a$$ weight loss.  While appearing on Bethenny’s talk show, the funny lady explains that her decision to get weight loss surgery came on the heels of her husband’s discussion with RHONJ’s Albert Manzo.  As you all know, his daughter Lauren recently had a lap band procedure to aid in her weight loss.

Lisa reveals that she and her husband decided to get a gastric-sleeve surgery together together to improve their health, and after ten weeks, Lisa has lost an astonishing fifty pounds.  Her husband has lost thirty-six pounds in the two weeks after his surgery.  Of course.  Weight loss is always easier for the dudes, right?

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