Okay, here's a total honesty moment: I love blogging about reality stars because it makes me so appreciative of my wonderful family and amazing friends. I'm very thankful that I don't need a make-up line or a self-tanning package to be relevant. The truth is, I'll never be relevant like that, and I'm fine with that. However, there are some stories that make want to curl up in a ball and rock quietly in a corner. This is one of those.
I'll cut right to the chase. It's a what the bleep moment for sure. Real Housewives of Orange County'sGretchen Rossi is now designing for Rolls Royce. Now, I'm not jealous that Gretchen is teaming with the luxury car brand–I'm quite happy with my paid off Acura from another decade–but I'm really disappointed in Rolls Royce. She's getting her own Rolls Royce Edition. What is the world coming to, I implore you, what is the world coming to? Shouldn't those perks be set aside for the George Clooneys and Dame Helen Mirrens of the world? Apocalypse, I am ready for you.
If y'all thought former Real Housewives of New York starJill Zarinwas going anywhere, you'd be wrong. I personally think some network needs to introduce a show that follows Jill as she tries to claw her way back into reality television stardom kicking and screaming. I'd watch. Kidding, I'd just DVR it and watch it on a slow Sunday.
Jill, of course, is all about showing Bravo who is boss. Poor Andy Cohen. She's coming out guns blazing about what it would take to get her back in Bravo's good graces…and it's not much. Bless her heart.
Have any of you been missing Dina Manzo since she bid farewell to Real Housewives of New Jersey? Well, fear not, because she's back…and her name is now Alessandra DiGiacomo. That's right! Dina's an actress now, y'all!
I'm actually really excited about this news. Following in the footsteps of Real Housewives of Atlanta'sNeNe Leakes, Dina has landed a role on an upcoming scripted dramedy. The series, called Tainted Dreams, portrays the drama among soap opera actors behind-the-scenes of their daily stories (was my grandmother the only one who called soap operas her "stories"?). How very Melrose Place of Dina!
On last night's "Betty White's Off Their Rockers" NeNe, as well as some of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills ladies, joked around with the veteran funny lady in a show that had seniors pranking the younger generation. Who doesn't adore Betty White? Meanwhile, Kenya took major offense to Phaedra's accusations of being bipolar…and I don't blame her. Mental illness isn't something to throw around all willy-nilly…it's a serious topic, and Kenya has clearly been learning all about it on WebMD so she has the proper ammunition against her co-star in their Booty Battle.
Let's start with something light though, shall we?
Let's revel in how horrid and scripted last night's Dance Moms was, shall we? If I didn't love these precious little talented girls so much, I'd be kicking Abby Lee Miller and her momtourage to the curb…and out of my DVR season pass! I do agree with one thing Abby said in her recent interview–viewers need to be treated to more dancing and less drama (Abby's hateful shenanigans included!).
Abby receives a phone call from a judge at last week's competition in Greensboro. There was an error in scoring, and Maddie and Kendall's Sugar and Spice solo was actually supposed to get second place, not the top prize they were awarded. Abby seems to salivate at the mouth over this news, as it validates her argument that Kendall screwed up her part. We all know what second place is, right? Say it with me, folks…first losers!
Abby goes into pyramid with the smuggest of smug looks on her face. She tells her dancers that she was unimpressed by all of their dancing regardless of how well they place. Abby takes great pleasure in sharing the mathematical error that caused Sugar and Spice to take first place when they were really supposed to be first loser. She goes after Kendall and wonders if she thinks she's as good as Sophia…guess what, she's not. Wait, who is Sophia again? Oh yeah, that little girl that danced once and hasn't been back for two episodes. A dear Chloe consoles her tearful friend who finds herself back at the very bottom of the pyramid. Joining Kendall at the bottom is Maddie. Abby explains that if her duet partner falters, she falls with her. Nia is also on the bottom for an "okay job." Paige and Chloe make up the second tier. Paige moves up for placing in the top five, and Chloe joins her for exceling in the group number. An excited MacKenzie is at the top of the pyramid, and she has earned her spot back in the group number. A very present Brooke is still nowhere to be found in Abby's hierarchy.
Now that she's on her book tour for her new tome "Drinking and Tweeting and Other Brandi Blunders," Brandi seems to be back on the shock value train where she speaks without thinking…and then continues to speak, and chat, and talk, and–just let it rest already! Brandi doesn't seem to realize that she has the upper hand in this situation if she would just close her mouth. LeAnn will implode all on her own. Brandi won't go down with her if she would just hush. Am I the only one who feels this way?
This is the song divorce that doesn't end…yes it goes on and on my friends! Show of hands, who thought Bethenny Frankel and Jason Hoppy's divorce proceedings would go as smoothly as they both initially promised? Yeah, that's what I thought.
The battle for Bryn is now amping up as both Bethenny and Jason have filed for primary custody. Jason seems to want more stability for his young daughter, while the reality star/talk show host wants mommy-daughter bonding to occur while flitting around the world. Hmmm…middle ground shouldn't be too hard to find with these two. #goodluckhoppyyouregoingtoneedit
Is it just me, or do these girls get dumber the longer this season of Teen Mom 2 continues? It's like, they do something stupid, and I'm convinced that they can't top their own stupidity, and then BAM! The next episode happens, and they've proven me wrong. Case in point…on last night's episode, Leah Messer Calvert took out her IUD because she wants her kids to be close in age. Pay no attention to the fact that at this point she's only known Jeremy for two months. Jenelle Evans admits she slept with her best friend's boyfriend around the time she got pregnant, so she doesn't know for certain who Jace's father is. Chelsea Houska was more concerned about Adam's twenty-first birthday than studying for her GED, and Kailyn Lowry brought yet another dude into Isaac's life. I can't wait to see what they have in store for us next week!
After the twins' birthday party, Leah drops off the twins with Corey. He's lamenting (well, not really…he's be lamenting if he knew what it meant) about what to get the girls for their birthday since they already have every toy under the sun. Leah tells him she got them a Barbie jeep before riding off into the sunset for a romantic getaway with Jeremy. They head up to a cabin in the mountains, and Leah is blown away by the coziness of it all. Plus, there's a hot tub! Jeremy sneakily hides what I'm assuming is an engagement ring in a vase in the den. I'm just glad these crazy kids are taking it slow.
Jo has Isaac for the weekend, and Kailyn has a date with Javi. I'm getting that Kailyn's favorite restaurant is a diner. Javi is studying criminal justice in school, and he wants to be a cop. They flirt, eat, and cut to the chase as far as dating, Isaac, and Jo are concerned. Seriously, what is up with these girls throwing themselves into relationships? It's a breakfast date, not an interview for a spouse.