Having to go through such a personal and private matter in such a public forum is no doubt extremely difficult. Not to mention, they both have to go through it the first time and then re-watch it with the rest of the world. I'll just stay behind my computer…I'd rather not have to deal with all of that!
I feel like high stepping, finger snapping, dance-off gang fight is about to happen in Miami a la the Sharks and Jets, and the Sharks are the Kardashian sisters and their fans and the Jets are, well, everyone else. As you recall, the Kim and Kourtney got the boot from South Beach, but they landed in a very nice gated community in North Miami Beach. Granted, said gated community is near strip malls and convenience stores (I know, I totes have hives too just typing about it. Gag.), but those Kardashian girls are nothing without without their keen ability to adapt in any situation with other vapid ridiculously rich for no reason people.
Oddly enough, it was living near the Kardashians that led potential South Beach neighbors to send the girls packing. Now that filming has begun for the umpteenth spin-off of their family reality dynasty, the North Miami Beach natives are getting restless…or at least one of them is! There is apparently a disgruntled realtor on the scene. Um, he clearly didn't get the memo that it's called Kourtney and Kim Take Miami, not Some Guy Wants Money Thanks to Famewhores. Some people will always try to make a buck at the expense of innocent reality stars. Sadly, in this case, I'm not being sarcastic.
Because Bravo knows a good thing when it sees it, last night we were treated to even more madness from the Real Housewives of New Jersey. While the season was supposed to be over after the reunion trilogy (The Hunger Games it was not), the network decided to milk a little bit more out of the women and the viewers. So it is without further ado, I present to you the lost footage from season four. It's actually very telling to see what ended up on the cutting room floor, and what's being revisited in light of the ongoing feud surrounding Teresa Giudice and everyone elseMelissa Gorga. Editing truly is magical!
Narrated by Andy Cohen, the episode takes us behind the scenes of what happened during the season and at the far-too-drawn-out reunion. Buckle up (if you haven't boycotted the show yet!), and enjoy the bumpy ride with Melissa, Teresa, Caroline Manzo, Jacqueline Laurita, and Kathy Wakile. It's truly a sight.
We begin with a lost cause…Andy is trying to convince Juicy Joe (once again) that homophobic slurs are offensive and nasty. Joe is all, Ahhwatdisagain? before turning into a brick wall of Who Cares. By the way, did you know that Joe went on a boat ride with seven guys and one of them was gay? He is not a homophobe. The comments he made about Gregg Bennett were meant to be funny, not mean. He's so sorry Greggy doesn't have a sense of humor! Jacqueline tells Andy that she thinks Joe speaks more out of ignorance than maliciousness. Fair enough.
Brandi, or Brandizzle as she's known on the mean streets, recorded the rap to promote Australian celebrity gossip magazine NW. She prefaces the rap by revealing, “You guys all know I’m gangster.” Nothing says "gangster" like a koala knit cap and sunglasses…although not $25,000 shades presumably. She raps about grilling and dopeness, complete with hand motions that would put Lil' Wayne to shame. It's nothing short of epic. Check it out after the jump, but be warned–if this were an actual CD, it would garner a Parent Advisory Warning for the language. Deuces!
CLICK THE CONTINUE READING BUTTON TO SEE BRANDI'S VIDEO!
Ewww. I guess I should know that if a post is going to involve Girls Gone Wild creator Joe Francis, I'm not going to be writing about rainbows and kittens…unless rainbows and kittens are involved with whatever sexual escapade he's describing. Of course, if that's the case, someone needs to call PETA stat.
This time around Joe makes a cameo on Real Housewives of Miami where he alleges that he slept with both Joanna Krupa and her sister Marta. Again ewww. How old is this guy again? Oh, that's right! He's thirty-nine…a perfectly acceptable age to still be bragging about sexual conquests like he's hanging out in his high school locker room. Ewww ewww ewww. Thankfully, we'll all get to witness the madness on this week's episode.
I'll be honest, when I first saw the headlines for this piece of gossip, I was more than slightly disturbed that Joe was implying he had a three-way with the sisters, but I am relieved that my assumption is incorrect. Small favors, right?
Is there no end to today's disturbing entertainment news? Do I really want to think about Kate Gosselin disrobing for a potential new gig? No, not at all a-thank-you-very-much!
As we all know, Kate was very recently (and very publicly) fired from her coupon blogging gig. Fear not though, she has a new offer on the table…and it's a doozy! Vivid Entertainment (yes, porn) has reached out to Kate to host her own show. Isn't that what she's been vying for all along?
It's like a Bravo break-up…or is it? There is a lot of gossip swirling about a feud between a neurotic former non-housewife from Real Housewives of New York and a certain Bravo front man who has basically made said woman into what she is today—with multiple spin-offs. Jill Zarin knows what I'm talking about, right?
There is news that Bethenny Ever After star Bethenny Frankel is biting the hand that once fed her. And that hand is attached to a man who will one day be my biffle for life. Ride or die. Perhaps when he stops engaging in housewives of past drama, he'll have more time to cultivate a friendship with me. A girl can dream, can't she?
So according to the interwebs, Bravo main man Andy Cohen isn't feeling the love from the woman–and empire–he had a hand in creating. That has to hurt! Many media outlets are reporting that Bethenny is turning her back on the network and the man who made her into the ultra-skinny multi-millionaire she is today. Again, somewhere Jill is laughing her butt off…while trying to secure a new contract for the upcoming season. Heather who? Holla!
Sweet relief! A certain network realized this week that two hour long episodes of the Jersey Shore weren't holding our attention. Thank you, MTV! Do you know what I realized? It's fun to watch the intro that features the gang circa season one given the amount of plastic surgery the girls have had. I almost don't recognize Jenni "J-Woww" Farley when she talks about ripping guys' heads off after sex! Of course, DJ Pauly Delvecchio looks exactly the same.
Last night begins at the tail-end of the Bamboo brawl. Andre 3000's twin is dressed as "Where's Waldo" and his entire purpose seems to be holding back an overly aggressive Vinny Guadagnino. Roger is scrapping with bouncers and pushes Jenni aside. She quickly throws a drink in his face in an effort to get him to chill. Ronnie Magro-Ortiz is the voice of reason. We all know that's never a good sign! The gang vacates Bamboo, with Roger storming ahead, not listening to anyone who tries to reason with him.
Jenni is wearing some God awful hot pink platform heels, and she seems to be limping. Roger yells at her about getting involved in the fight while his friend tries to calm him. Jenni tries to placate Roger, telling him she knows he didn't recognize her, and she's not mad at him for throwing her down because he clearly didn't mean to do it. His reply? "I knew it was you, and you deserved it." Oh alcohol, bringing couples together for centuries! Jenni and Deana Cortese head back to the house, and Deena is devastated by Roger's behavior. Back at the house, Jenni is worried that she has a broken ankle. Ronnie calls Roger to make sure he's okay and not sitting in jail, and Roger starts yelling about Jenni controlling him and playing the victim.