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Breaking news, y’all!  Kris Humphries’ friend/booty call/serious girlfriend (depends on who you ask) Myla Sinanaj does not have a bun in the oven.  It turns out that she was lying about it the whole time! the media just attacks girls with rounder figures.  Forget about the fact that she told both her attorney AND KRIS (!!!) that she was expecting his child, she tells TMZ, “I am definitely not pregnant.”  So how did these crazy pregnancy rumors get started?  Well besides the fact that she started them herself, Myla blames the media.  She explains to the site that people just like to start rumors, saying, “Of course, me not being a size zero kept it going.”  That, and you keeping it going…

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Last night’s Dance Moms was the showdown between Abby Lee’s Dance Company and Cathy’s Candy Apples.

Abby Lee Miller isn’t thrilled (to say the least) that her girls lost their last competition by one-tenth of a point.  It’s time to cowboy up!  These girls are the ones to beat, not the ones to be beat.  This week the troupe will be traveling to Ohio to compete…against former dance mom Cathy’s group of Candy Apples.  Abby, the girls, and their mothers are all rolling the their eyes at the thought of seeing Cathy again.  At least they finally seem united! Abby wants to make apple pie out of Cathy’s group with her dancers as the a la mode.

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Oh gracious.  Last night’s Love & Hip Hop Atlanta was just as crazy as usual with the fighting, and the name-calling, and the fake, scripted situations.

K. Michelle heads over to Ariane’s apartment to have drinks with Ariane and Mimi Faust.  Mimi reveals that she’s met with Joseline who confessed she was pregnant with Stevie J‘s baby.  She is crying and angry, especially at the fact that when Stevie met up with the pair he had Joseline’s pregnancy test in his pocket.  She wants to move forward with her life.  Mimi is sick of Stevie saying one thing to her and then doing another.  K. Michelle, and of course Ariane, think she’s finally gaining some sense when it comes to her deadbeat boyfriend.

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NBC wants to continue making money off of Donald Trump‘s hair and his “you’re fired” catch phrase.  According to the New York Post, the network is hoping to launch not another Celebrity Apprentice, but an All-Star Celebrity Apprentice.   Wow…there are a lot of past celebrity apprentices to choose from, no?

Some of the celebs being tossed around to return to the mega-show include former winners Piers Morgan, Joan Rivers and Bret Michaels, as well as Omarosa, Gene Simmons, Lennox Lewis, Meat Loaf, Jesse James, Trace Adkins, and Gary Busey.  The Donald is reportedly also considering Sharon Osbourne, Cyndi Lauper, Marilu Henner, Marlee Matlin and Dennis Rodman.  An insider close to the show says that many other past contestants are clamoring for a gig on the show, although both Trump and NBC have no comment.  What, no Teresa Giudice?

WOULD YOU WATCH AN ALL-STAR CELEBRITY APPRENTICE?  WHO WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE RETURN?

Paging Austin Scarlett!  Mr. Austin Scarlett!  Project Runway All-Stars is at the center of recent host drama, and I, for one, need it to be settled stat.  I love this show.  It’s been reported that supermodel Rosie Huntington-Whitely was poised to host the newest season of of Lifetime’s design fabulousness, but she backed out to film the upcoming Mad Max movie.  Tina Turner is probably torn on her opinion of this gossip.  We all know that Tina loves couture but has a special place in her heart for the Thunderdome.

The New York Post is reporting that producers scrambled to replace Rosie with Estée Lauder model Carolyn Murphy just days before the season started.  One source tells the site, “Literally days before filming, the show suddenly had no host. Rosie had been pushing really hard for the job. She’d charmed everyone. But then with less than three weeks to go, Rosie pulled out to do ‘Mad Max,’ creating a huge drama. It put the production in a terrible position, and the Weinstein Co. even threatened to sue Rosie.”

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Big Ang already has my heart so I’m going to love her show, right?  I mean, her intro is graphitti in her likeness.  Fabulous.

After touting her love of bartending at the Drunken Monkey, Big Ang introduces us to her cast of characters: Crazy Linda, Patty Slaps, and Lil Jen.  Patty Slaps is already my favorite on name alone.  Lil Jen almost died of pancreatic cancer, but now she’s healthier than ever.  She’s fifty-three and still lives with her parents.  Maybe she’s my favorite.  Gah!  The choices.

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I don’t mean to be a broken record, but could VH1 be any more obvious?  Hair-pulling bar fights are now tempered with a “non-violent” episode.  How stupid do you think I am, VH1?  Well, last night’s Mob Wives Chicago had no violence, but just wait till next week!   The women b*tched and moaned about one another, but there was thankfully no slapping or hair tugging.  I am at a loss for words.

Nora Schweihs welcomes Pia Rizza in for a glass or three of wine.  Nora is reliving Renee Fecarotta Russo‘s attack.  Pia is upset that Nora still wants a friendship with Renee.  Nora’s account of the pair’s fight is much different from what I watched, but apparently Nora thinks she was the instigator and the stronger fighter of the two.  Nora makes the mistake of telling Pia that she’d rather strip than worry about Renee.  Pia laughs at the comparison, but she doesn’t call out Nora on her verbal ridiculousness.  I mean, after all, Pia is dancing.  All the time.  On a pole.

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Quick!  Somebody call the press!  Oh, wait…I am pretty sure cameras were there to capture something that we have never, ever seen in the history of Bravo–or, more specifically, the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills franchise.  To what am I referring?  You may want to sit down.  You’re certainly going to need a minute to recoup.  And you’re most definitely not going to believe me.

Here it is…this year, on Sunday, July 1st,  Kyle “Table Splits” Richards hosted her annual White Party.  She’s quite the Diddy, you know.  Anyhoo, (are you sitting down?) word on the pearly white streets is that there was no drama, I repeat, NO DRAMA at said party this year.  I know.  I am as shocked as you are.  Take a moment.  I believe the first year we were introduced to Kyle’s White Party, she yelled at a woman for hitting on her husband.  Not shockingly, Camille Grammer also showed up with a snarky etiquette book for her former nemesis.  Of course, who can forget last year, when Taylor and Russell Armstrong after Russell threatened to sue Lisa Vanderpump?  White party = drama.  Always.

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