Kim, Kimminy, Kim, Kimminy, Kim, Kim, Kah-ree…if Kim needs a chimney sweep, out of luck is he! Why? Because he won't know which multi-million dollar Bel-Air mansion to go to for his chimney services. More on that in a bit. In the meantime, let's chat about Kim Kardashian is living beneath her means…for once.
Oh, and P.S., Kim doesn't want your mommy advice. She is quite capable of taking care of the tiny rapper's baby without you telling her how to live and what soft cheeses to avoid. Seriously. She hasn't listened to the countless people who have asked her to fade into obscurity, why would she want to hear from fans who think she needs to fly less and eat more greens? Please, as if y'all want to give Kim and Kanye West parenting advice…like it would help.
Guess what, dear readers! It's the battle of the booties…the donkey booties! Dare I say it's epic! On the latest episode of Real Housewives of Atlanta, tell-it-like-it-is attorney and mortician Phaedra Parks went head to head with the self-proclaimed favorite new cast member Kenya Moore (And twist!) over a butt enhancing "exercise" video. Somewhere, right now, Richard Simmons is wearing short shorts and a puff-painted American flag muscle tee, rocking back and forth in a corner, and screaming, "Why God, why?" Poor man.
In such a assilicious situation, there is sure to be some discord, but, in my opinion, Kenya was pretty out of line with her demands. Phaedra agrees, and I'm certainly not one to go against anyone who spews gems of advice in the form of the most ridiculous life lessons. Let's be honest, only Phaedra can equate a fancy coffin to an opulent life style…while waxing poetic about dill pickles and homemade macaroni and cheese. Girlfriend is one of a kind, and I love her for it!
Love them or hate them, the Shannon Thompson family has catapulted to international stardom for nothing more than being their normal, everyday selves. Sure, the majority of people think that their normal, everyday selves are unhealthy and a bit gross, but nonetheless, they truly seem to love and accept one another.
Now the crew from Here Comes Honey Boo Boo is facing some sad news, but something tells me the family is going to pull through it even stronger. Sugar Bear's brother and Alana Thompson's beloved Uncle Poodle, Lee Thompson, has just announced that he is HIV positive. In an interview Poodle explains that he wants to use his diagnosis as a platform to put an end to bullying.
On the latest episode of Mob Wives, Renee Graziano let a not so shocking bomb drop when Carla Facciolo accused her of being a junkie. Instead of threatening to shank her former friend (I'm sure that will come later in the season), Renee admitted that she had been struggling with addiction. We all know as well that Renee checks herself into rehab this season.
In a recent interview with Joy Behar, the outspoken, ridiculously dramatic Renee chatted about her situation with ex-husband Junior Pagan, her struggle with prescription pills, and her over the top personality.
Last night's Dance Moms was not fun to watch. Sure, the girls were as cute and talented as ever, the moms are as crazy as ever, and Abby Lee Miller was over the top hateful. I have to keep reminding myself that it's scripted, but those poor girls were treated so badly. I am so sick of watching Abby take out her frustrations with the mothers on her dancers. They are nothing but sweet…well, I'm not so sure about the new squeaky voiced one.
The replacement team is still in place, and while Abby isn't thrilled with their second place finish last week, she feels that this group is much easier to work with than the originals. However, the old moms (or "real dance moms" as Christi calls them) are back having a pow-wow in the parking lot. Kelly has returned because, although she hates how Abby treats her daughters, the girls miss the studio and their friends. In the studio, Abby calls Shelly to find out where her daughter Ally is…and she's back in New Orleans. Shelly wasn't going to have the other moms blaming her daughter for the group dance coming in second, and Abby understands her frustration. She's now livid with the other moms, and she is going to let the remaining new moms know, and she kicks out the two mothers who blamed Ally for the finish. Their daughters are in tears, and I hate it for the girls. Abby doesn't care. She's fine just having Sophia on her team.
The OG moms have finally gotten the courage to enter the studio, but Kelly stays behind so as not to piss off Abby anymore. Since Abby now has some openings, she invites the moms to quit loitering in the parking lot and come in and dance. Holly says that she's got God on her side…"and God on your thighs" says Abby under her breath. Glass houses? She gives the moms an ultimatum about signing the contract and being loyal to her and not to Kelly. Jill and Melissa quickly cave, and Christi and Holly agree to sign as long as Abby will entertain Kelly's girls rejoining the team. Kelly comes in to speak with Abby and ends up (kind of) apologizing, and she signs her contract. Jill is shocked to see Jacqueline and her daughter Sophia. Abby puts all of the original team on the bottom of the pyramid, with Sophia at the top.
Oh Kim Kardashian…if I were a licensed psychiatrist, I might diagnose you as a classic one-upper. You've built an empire on which your entire family was riding the coattails until each of your siblings (inevitably) became famous in their own reality right. It's the snowball effect. And we're all dumber because of it.
Kim watched her sister Kourtney give birth to two precious children, and she counseled (cough, cough) sister Khloe who was suffering from infertility while trying to conceive with her husband. Of course, now Kim is pregnant with Kanye West's baby, but she can't stop one-upping her sisters. I'm gonnna let you talk Kourtney, but this baby is the best Kardashian baby of all time. Sorry Mason and Penelope. Y'all are officially old news. Don't even get me started on poor Khloe's efforts to have a child. Geez. I'll let Kim speak for me.
I have to say, last night's episode of Teen Mom 2 was rather positive. We're not used to that, are we? Both Jenelle Evans and Leah Messer found affordable and spacious rental homes which would benefit their kids. Chelsea Houska worked closer towards her GED, although tragedy definitely struck, and it was heartbreaking. Finally, Kailyn Lowry's mom reminds of why Kailyn acts the way she does. That woman is quite an itch-bay!
Jenelle has moved out of Josh's house after a big fight. That certainly didn't take long, did it? She calls her friend Amber to see if she can crash with her to avoid drama with Barbara. Amber has separated from her husband, and she wants a bigger house now that her baby boy is getting bigger. The girls daydream about getting a grown-up house where they can live with their sons, and Jenelle waxes poetic about how the courts will love the stable environment and Barbara will love Amber's positive influence. Yeah.
Kailyn returns from Texas, and she shares the details of the trip with her friend GiGi, adding that she'd love to move there. GiGi wonders how Jo will feel about Kailyn moving Isaac to Texas, and Kailyn meanly quips that he can have his rap career. If he wants to be a rapper, he'd have to go on tour and leave Isaac anyway, right? Sometimes I am overwelmed by Kailyn's maturity…she is wise beyond her years, that one.
It's date night for Leah and Jeremy. She tells him that she spoke to Corey, and, while she wanted him to want to change, she didn't feel any sincerity on Corey's part. Jeremy is relieved, and he hopes Leah will stop letting Corey mess with her head. Um, did he just hear her correctly? I got the impression that had Corey been super serious, she would be back with him in a heartbeat, but since he's not…eh, Jeremy is a warm body. These girls and their need to have any boy in their bed! Meanwhile, Corey is herding the twins while talking to his friend Austin. The girls are so cute to say night-night to Corey and sissy, and "I love you." Corey shares his confusion and frustration over Leah, and he decides it's best to try to move on with his life.
Sometimes my reality gets skewed. It's been skewed as of late. I'm bewildered. The light of musicals, Southern belle charm, and quick wit wrapped in a tiny little package has disappointed me. Yet, I still can't blame her. I feel as if she's been brainwashed. I can't think of another logical explanation.
I'll just come right out and say it. I've heard the rumors, and I've read the gossip, but I so didn't want to believe it was true. But we now have confirmation. Sigh. It seems that everyone's favorite multi-talented spitfire little cupcake Kristin Chenoweth is, in fact, dating former Bachelor alum and d-bag pilot Jake Pavelka. When did the world go so awry? I'd hoped that she was his beard, but it doesn't seem like that is the case. I don't know what to believe anymore. Gracious.