It's been quite some time since we parted ways with those crazy kids from The Hills. With the exception of the two queen bees and arch rivals Lauren Conrad and Kristin Cavallari, most of the cast from the Hills and it's predecessor Laguna Beach have faded off into obscurity, only managing a place in the spotlight thanks to DUI mug shots and quickly canceled reality shows.
As you recall, LC had her fill of bad boys, setting her sights on Jason Wahler in high school. After a brief fling, he disappeared, only to resurface as her main squeeze on The Hills. The poor guy clearly has had his issues with alcohol, and their relationship was very volatile. After Jason, Lauren found comfort in the arms of Doug Reinhardt, a former baseball player and total jackleg. He was so skeezy I needed to shower after watching a scene with him in it. Bless his little rich Laguna heart was he a dolt!
It's not until I hear news like this that I remember how flipping awesome the Olympics were…and now, they're coming back to us (sort of) thanks to Ryan Lochte and (no surprise here) E! Yes, that's right, everyone's himbo with the washboard abs has finally secured his own reality show.
Ryan made a splash (so sorry) in the 2012 Summer Games in London, and he was noticed just as much for his classic good looks, piercing blue eyes, and diamond studded grill as he was for his gold medal winning prowess. Granted, you can practically hear the hamster wheel circling in his head when he tries to form a thought, but he sure is pretty.
Oh gracious! I wasn't even a minute in to watching last night's premiere of the original Love & Hip Hop when I realized it had gone by way of Atlanta. It's over stylized and filmed as if it's rap video, not a reality show. It's going to be a long season. I'll be honest, it was hard to keep up with all the drama, but I think it's going to be eventful…and I think we saw it all on L&HHA with just a different cast of characters.
As the episode starts, we're introduced to Tahiry Jose who claims to be a video vixen, model, and actress. Right now, she's also a waitress. However, even she knows that she's most famous for being Joe Budden's ex-girlfriend. She left their five year relationship because Joe wasn't handling his business properly. Joe loves being in the public eye, and he gained quite a following when he would post videos of Tahiry on You Tube. He misses Tahiry and hopes that the two can work on developing a strong friendship. The pair is meeting for lunch, and two things are evident: he likes riling her up, and Tahiry isn't a fan of Joe's shenanigans. Tahiry wonders why Joe so desperately needs to be friends with her…can't he share all his life stories with his new lady? Joe just wants to keep Tahiry on a string for when he needs her. The lunch ends with Tahiry screaming at him and shoving the table so hard that her sangria topples. I have to hand it to that one extra playing the role of restaurant patron number two had the acting sense to appear shocked at the couple's tirade while all the other extras just ate their free lunches and pretended like nothing was happening.
It's all about the Benjamins with those Kardashian girls, isn't it? Well, hopefully they haven't peeved the wrong tabloid, because word on the mean streets of media is that Us Weekly isn't happy with their frequent kash kows for keeping the publication out of the loop about Kimye, Junior's existence.
Instead the magazine was stuck with a "Kardashian exclusive" about Kourtney's post-baby weight loss while the Internet was buzzing about Kanye West's baby mama announcement. It seems that no one cares about Kourtney's flat belly when her sister Kim has a bun in the oven. Sorry, Kourt!
Is it just me, or could VH1 afford to redo the opening credits for Mob Wives? Sure, I love to see Drita D'Avanzo, Renee Graziano, Karen Gravano, and Carla Facciolo walking the mean streets of Staten Island, but doesn'tRamona Rizzofeel a bit left out? What about Big Ang and the new girl Love Majewski? Loosen those purse strings, VH1! The ladies are back with an explosive premiere, and the personalities are all over the place! Drita staying out of drama? Carla growing a pair? Thank goodness we have Ang to be a calm in the ever brewing storm!
The season 3 premiere begins with besties Carla and Drita watching their tiny dogs on the boardwalk. Carla reveals that Ang's son is getting more time than just rehab for his drug dealing, and she's also heard that Renee has yet another problem with her. Drita says that she is finally on Renee's good side (and she wants to keep it that way!), but Carla doesn't care whether she is able to resolve her issues with Renee. She goes off on Renee's pill-popping problem, and it makes Drita very uncomfortable. Drita asks Carla if she can play peacemaker. Carla doesn't care one way or the other. This is going to get ugly!
Renee is changing the locks because she's had a recent break-in and her surveillance camera was camera. Clearly, it was someone trying to intimidate her. They even ripped up her Bible. Renee believes that it was some of Junior's former cohorts who are mad he turned state's evidence. She tells son AJ that she wants to get a gun. He rolls his eyes. Renee wants to talk smack about Junior to their son, and he admits that he knows what his dad did was wrong. However, he hates that his mother wants to speak ill of his dad to him. AJ yells that Renee needs to respect him. I feel for him. He's in a tough spot between both crazy parents.
Alana Thompson and her redneckognizing family are back with a slew of holiday specials. First up? It's Halloween! If the group's time at Shhh! It's A Wig is any indication, we are in for a wild, wild ride. I have not been quiet in my love for all things Here Comes Honey Boo Boo, but last night was overkill. Don't get me wrong, I still love this family, but TLC needs to differentiate between thirty minutes of hilarious redneck reveling and an hour of dragging out poor Sugar Bear in a wheelchair. Although, how awesome was he with baby Kaitlyn?
Oh Lord, I don't even know what to say. Two minutes into the special we are treated to June napping haphazardly across her bed and Pumpkin emerging from the crawl space beneath the house (just how close does that train come to their home??) with some nastiness she's found. Pumpkin ties said nastiness to a 2×4 and dangles it over her mother's face. I can only imagine what the remaining fifty-eight minutes have in store. As for Chubbs, Chickadee, and Smoochie, they love Halloween for the sweets. As Alana so eloquently sings/raps, "Halloween is all about the treats…treatin' myself to candy!" She's practically autotuned!
Poor Sugar Bear is in a wheelchair due to a recent surgery, and Pumpkin wants to dress up Chickadee's baby as a cheese ball for Halloween. The baby is precious! June shares that Halloween is a special time for her family, given that the girls love to dress up (well, duh, they are a pageant fam!), and they love to eat candy. I'd say that's a fair assessment. The family is decorating the yard for Halloween, and I have never seen such an assortment of pumpkin inflatables. There's that darn train again…I'd make spotting the train a drinking game, but I fear that I wouldn't be able to make it through this recap! June and Sugar Bear gather up the girls to head to the pumpkin patch. I'm so happy to see they already have their Christmas lights up on their house. That should make preparation for the yuletide holiday special that much easier.
It's like a New Year's miracle! Could it be that Real Housewives of Miami'sElsa Patton is getting her own show? Andy Cohen would certainly be all for it. Just think of the craziness draped in fur and subtitles. It's already my new favorite show!
RHOM fans know that despite some unfortunate plastic surgery, Mama Elsa tells it like it is. When she's not threatening drag queens, dancing in caftans, or having psychic visions, she's doling out some pretty down-to-earth advice. She's the Big Ang of Bravo.
"This is The Voice!" I don't know what it is lately, but I can't help but get these awful theme songs stuck in my head. Don't get me wrong, I love the premise behind NBC's answer to American Idol (and watching Adam Levine and Blake Shelton isn't too shabby either!), but couldn't they have come up with a better hook? It is a music competition after all!
The show is gearing up yet again to premiere in March, and this time aroundCee Lo Green and Christina Aguilera are taking a break. Good riddance to Xtina and her witchy ways! Replacing the duo will be Usher and Shakira, and while I'll miss Cee Lo, I think these two will be a fun, easy mix with Adam and Blake.
In a recent interview, the four judges, old and new, discuss what we can expect from the upcoming season. Adam admits that he underestimated Shakira's spunk, and Usher, who is responsible for giving us The Biebs, reveals that finding new talent is more difficult than he expected. The blind auditions have all been taped, but the live portion of the show will resume taping in the spring.
