I feel like there is a giant math equation regarding how much gossip we hear about the show in proportion to the ratio of time a housewives franchise has been on the air divided by the amount of certified crazies in the cast and then taken to the third power of the square root of how many on-air divorces occur multiplied by the number of husbands we think could potentially be cheating. It's like E=MC² up in here!
Given all of those mathematical conundrums, it only makes sense we'd be hearing a lot the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills at the moment. We've got the crazies, we've got the divorces, and I have some suspicions about some of those husbands! First up, we've got Brandi Glanville engaging in yet another Twitter war with home wrecker (don't sue me!) LeAnn Rimes and more news on the Adrienne Maloof front.
I don't mean to be redundant, but I know I've said this before…bless Kim Kardashian's heart. Seriously, bless it. Not only does the mere mention of her name make people in the states automatically get a rash, now the Middle East is creeped out by her as well. That's got to be a tough cross to bear, and I don't even care for her. Yet I feel badly…must be the holidays.
As you all know, Kim has been touring Kuwait and Bahrain touting Millions of Milkshakes. I'm sure President Obama is super excited about the amount of diplomacy that's happening with that situation! Anyhoo, I'm sure poor Kim was thrilled at the opportunity to promote the dairy treats on the other side of the world while wearing the finest couture from the Kardashian Kollection and the tiny rapper's new shoe line. Little did she know she'd be welcomed with protests and discord. Of course, we probably all figured she would given her recent controversial (and likely clueless on Kim's part) tweets, but she was totally sidelined by her less than stellar welcome. Damn you, Twitter!
Guess what, y'all? Real Housewives of New Jersey'sTeresa Giudice isn't divorcing Juicy Joe after Christmas! She's waiting for Groundhog's Day…it's more appropriate. Not that I thought all the rumors were a publicity stunt or anything, cough, cough. Of course Teresa is on hand to debunk any divorce gossip that may be heading her way. I can't say I blame her.
At a recent NephCure fundraiser, Teresa was quick to put the kibosh on any talk that she and Joe were heading in different directions. I'll be honest….I never thought that Teresa would engage in such a public divorce. She knows where her bread is buttered. No, it's not with Joe, but it's with the publicity she gets as a reality star who is married to someone whose relationship often makes or breaks the tabloids. Tre has to be totally exhausted.
The meatballs decide to have a dressy dinner date since Jionni is too preoccupied with his softball game to come visit Snooki.Rawn decides it's the perfect opportunity to put on a giant gorilla suit and scare the crap out of a napping Jenni. The gang is heading to dinner (minus the meatballs), and Jenni shares her scare with Sam. Mike wonders why Snooki can't just smile and have a good time with the roommates. Rawn totally disapproves of Jionni putting softball before his pregnant fiance.
Snooki and Deena are enjoying a chill meatball evening. Snooki is glad that they can still have fun without being blackout drunk and getting arrested. She asks Deena to accompany her to the baby store the following day after work. Deena hems and haws about how she already promised Sam she'd go with her to the grocery store. She can't let Snooki go shopping for the baby when they've already bought her everything for her surprise shower. Great save there, Deena! She manages to change the subject to not sleeping naked because she's terrified of bugs laying eggs in her Britney. It's perfectly acceptable dinner conversation, right?
I know, I know…all of these ladies are wearing on our last nerves. However, Caroline is promising to come back for next season with a positive attitude, and she has no time for the negativity that may surround the potential comeback of Danielle (not happening!) or the ensuing drama that swirls around her nemesis Teresa. Why are we still listening to any of these women? Oh yeah, it is mildly entertaining to hear them trade passive aggressive barbs in the tabloids. 'Tis the season!
Leave it to Ashley "Build-A-Bear" Hebert to buck the system when it comes to wedding etiquette. Seriously, someone get this girl an Emily Post book stat! No, I'm being too hard on Ashley and her fiancé J.P. Rosenbaum. I should be applauding the Bachelorette pair for actually making it down the aisle given the curse that seems to plague all relationships born of the Bachelor franchise. Did you know that out of twenty-four seasons there have been twenty-one engagements that failed? I mean, yes, two of those engagements belonged to both Brad Womack and former flame Emily Maynard, but those odds aren't good! My math is bad…I realize that Emily's engagement to Brad doesn't factor in, but I feel like it is worth mentioning. Lots of failed relationships!
Of course, when Chris Harrison talks about the most dramatic rose ceremonies ever I never thought that he would try to orchestrate the most dramatic televised wedding ever. I don't know whether to be disgusted or proud for what will surely be Bachelor Pad style television. Slow clap, Mr. Harrison, slow clap.
Real Housewives of Atlanta'sKim Zolciak should have some extra cash lying around, don't you think? After all, she and Kroy Biermann downsized to Big Poppa's already paid for condo, and you know they are selling baby pictures left and right. So why hasn't she paid for her million dollar wedding? I guess that's what happened when you live way, way, WAY above your means!
While Wig is pretending that everything is hunky dory, there are some people, celebrity party planner Colin Cowie for one, who are waiting to get compensated for their services. It's a good thing Kim has another Bravo spin-off in the works!
So yeah, this post is going to give me nightmares. I am totally freaked out by the paranormal. I have seen a ghost zero times…I have never had any kind of creepy encounter, but I did baby-sit for a family in college (the type of family who would NEVER believe in ghosts) who totes knew they lived in a haunted house. It was the old gallows house (the hanging tree was still in the backyard) and later a hospital during the Civil War. Their young sons would often talk of the "man in the white coat" until they got to the age where things you couldn't see didn't exist. They had countless happenings in that house that couldn't be explained by anything normal. I get chills just thinking about it, but they were such sweet kids. I hope college is treating them well. #old
Anyway, I am equal parts intrigued and terrified of ghost stories. Give me Kiss the Girls on repeat in the middle of the night with a known murderer on the loose than The Ring at 9am surrounded by puppies and friends. Weird, I know. Every now and then I like to scare myself silly with a random episode of A Haunting during the middle of the day, but those times are few and far between. Long Island Medium is about as supernatural as my television watching gets, and I'll admit I'm addicted.