I know you all still believe in the power of the Bachelor and Bachelorette franchise to find true love, given as it's happened so often! There are countless examples of how couples have come together, forever, thanks to fairy tale romance, a booze-infused mansion, Chris Harrison, and no hint of the real world. Works every time!
The most recent couple to find a match made in heaven is Emily Maynard and Jef Holm. Oh, who am I kidding? If they can't even bother to keep up the charade, why should I try? These shows are ridiculous, yet I cannot turn away. I am obsessed…and even though some insiders are spilling some of the shows' secrets (and by secrets, I mean exactly what you thought producers were doing behind the scenes), I will still be glued to my television when Emily looks for love for the ninth time.
Oh Brandi Glanville! I love when you open your mouth because we never know what is going to come pouring out of it! The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills star is notorious for not having a filter when it comes to speaking her mind. Sometimes it's hilarious, sometimes it misses the mark, and sometimes we're left scratching our heads wondering just what point she was hoping to convey. Today, we cover all three of those bases!
With the upcoming premiere of Season 3, the women of RHOBH have been making the rounds and chatting with any media outlet that will listen. Brandi has a lot to talk about, whether it's her strained relationship with her ex-husband's new wife, her new book, or a bunch of other gibberish that seems to spew from her mouth. She's a piece of work, that one!
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Draya Michele and Malaysia Pargo are meeting up to discuss…well, Jackie. It seems that she is the only topic anyone speaks about on this season! Draya reveals that she will never be on board with a Jackie friendship and she is certainly not going to her eighty-eighth wedding. Draya doesn't see Jackie's vow renewal at a gay club as a tribute to homosexuals. She sees it as a slap in the face as the gay community is forced to watch a straight couple get married knowing that gay couples don't have the same rights. Malaysia hadn't thought about it in those terms, and honestly, neither had I! BrookeBailey arrives dressed to the nines, and Malaysia tells the other women she really doesn't want to go to the wedding, and she feels like Jackie used her to get back into the group and then just dumped her. She plans to pull Jackie aside at the rehearsal (they've done this forty-seven times…do they really need a practice round?) to share her feelings. That should go over well!
Having to go through such a personal and private matter in such a public forum is no doubt extremely difficult. Not to mention, they both have to go through it the first time and then re-watch it with the rest of the world. I'll just stay behind my computer…I'd rather not have to deal with all of that!
I feel like high stepping, finger snapping, dance-off gang fight is about to happen in Miami a la the Sharks and Jets, and the Sharks are the Kardashian sisters and their fans and the Jets are, well, everyone else. As you recall, the Kim and Kourtney got the boot from South Beach, but they landed in a very nice gated community in North Miami Beach. Granted, said gated community is near strip malls and convenience stores (I know, I totes have hives too just typing about it. Gag.), but those Kardashian girls are nothing without without their keen ability to adapt in any situation with other vapid ridiculously rich for no reason people.
Oddly enough, it was living near the Kardashians that led potential South Beach neighbors to send the girls packing. Now that filming has begun for the umpteenth spin-off of their family reality dynasty, the North Miami Beach natives are getting restless…or at least one of them is! There is apparently a disgruntled realtor on the scene. Um, he clearly didn't get the memo that it's called Kourtney and Kim Take Miami, not Some Guy Wants Money Thanks to Famewhores. Some people will always try to make a buck at the expense of innocent reality stars. Sadly, in this case, I'm not being sarcastic.
Because Bravo knows a good thing when it sees it, last night we were treated to even more madness from the Real Housewives of New Jersey. While the season was supposed to be over after the reunion trilogy (The Hunger Games it was not), the network decided to milk a little bit more out of the women and the viewers. So it is without further ado, I present to you the lost footage from season four. It's actually very telling to see what ended up on the cutting room floor, and what's being revisited in light of the ongoing feud surrounding Teresa Giudice and everyone elseMelissa Gorga. Editing truly is magical!
Narrated by Andy Cohen, the episode takes us behind the scenes of what happened during the season and at the far-too-drawn-out reunion. Buckle up (if you haven't boycotted the show yet!), and enjoy the bumpy ride with Melissa, Teresa, Caroline Manzo, Jacqueline Laurita, and Kathy Wakile. It's truly a sight.
We begin with a lost cause…Andy is trying to convince Juicy Joe (once again) that homophobic slurs are offensive and nasty. Joe is all, Ahhwatdisagain? before turning into a brick wall of Who Cares. By the way, did you know that Joe went on a boat ride with seven guys and one of them was gay? He is not a homophobe. The comments he made about Gregg Bennett were meant to be funny, not mean. He's so sorry Greggy doesn't have a sense of humor! Jacqueline tells Andy that she thinks Joe speaks more out of ignorance than maliciousness. Fair enough.
Brandi, or Brandizzle as she's known on the mean streets, recorded the rap to promote Australian celebrity gossip magazine NW. She prefaces the rap by revealing, “You guys all know I’m gangster.” Nothing says "gangster" like a koala knit cap and sunglasses…although not $25,000 shades presumably. She raps about grilling and dopeness, complete with hand motions that would put Lil' Wayne to shame. It's nothing short of epic. Check it out after the jump, but be warned–if this were an actual CD, it would garner a Parent Advisory Warning for the language. Deuces!
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Ewww. I guess I should know that if a post is going to involve Girls Gone Wild creator Joe Francis, I'm not going to be writing about rainbows and kittens…unless rainbows and kittens are involved with whatever sexual escapade he's describing. Of course, if that's the case, someone needs to call PETA stat.
This time around Joe makes a cameo on Real Housewives of Miami where he alleges that he slept with both Joanna Krupa and her sister Marta. Again ewww. How old is this guy again? Oh, that's right! He's thirty-nine…a perfectly acceptable age to still be bragging about sexual conquests like he's hanging out in his high school locker room. Ewww ewww ewww. Thankfully, we'll all get to witness the madness on this week's episode.
I'll be honest, when I first saw the headlines for this piece of gossip, I was more than slightly disturbed that Joe was implying he had a three-way with the sisters, but I am relieved that my assumption is incorrect. Small favors, right?