It’s just four days until the fantasy nuptials of the future Mr. and Mrs. Kroy Biermann. As the time runs out, drama amps up…but it’s no longer mama drama on Don’t Be Tardy for the Wedding. Jen has become the MOH who is MIA.
Just like with every episode, the show begins with Kim Zolciak talking to the adorbs K.J. She is complaining to him about how lax her matron-of-honor Jen is being, and he is just giggling away in his Spiderman hoodie. Kim can’t dwell on slack attendants for long, she has tent issues to worry about. Severe tent issues that drive her to drink white zinfandel before lunchtime. Kim has visions of covering the pool and and getting hitched under a gazebo which will sit atop the jacuzzi. She never ever ever ever had dreams of a tent in her backyard to shield guests from potential bad weather.
The chefs of Around the World in 80 Plates are heading to Barcelona, Spain. All of the contestants are talking mad shiz about their cooking skills…and survival skills. Nookie Postal reveals that he and his wife lived for a year there solely on money from his stellar gambling skills. Nicole Lou is hesitant to return to Spain as that is where she married her now ex-wife. Chevin had an experience with a hermaphrodite upon which I won’t expound.
The first challenge pits every man for themselves. The first five people to reach the goal, which is basically a ski gondola, will be teammates, and the players are trying hard to make it to the gondola with people they want to compete with on a team. The first team, red, ends up being Chaz Brown, Cheven Lee, Gary Walker, Nick Lacasse, and John Vermiglio. The black team is…everyone else. For those of you keeping score at home, that means, Nookie, Avery, Nicole, Jenna Hansen, and Liz Garrett. Nookie is the sole dude with the ladies on the black team. Red team member John is worried about the sausage party in which he’s now involved. The red team arrives first to meet Curtis Stone, and one of the teammates yells, “Boys rule, and girls drool.” I’m taken back to my former first grade student Roy who said that. All. The. Time. The teams must sort and prep different seafood for cash. Whichever team wins the most money will win the exceptional ingredient.
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And the winner of American Idol is…nah, I won’t give it away until after the jump for those of you who decided to watch Law and Order: SVU (and by “you” I mean me) and save the Idol recap for later. I actually learned who won right before I started watching. Thanks DVR and internet. It’s down to Jessica Sanchez and Phillip Phillips. Who will it be? Let’s find out in what may be the most anticlimactic AI finale EVER. At least that lead in was dramatic, right? The final twelve perform, and blah, blah, filler, blah. Really do we need two more hours of Idol after two hours of Idol last night?
After the initial hoopla performance, the judges and Ryan Seacrest are introduced. Ryan and his bump-it recap the prior evening, making a two hour finale seem like just minutes with his suave style…in just a short two hours, we will have a new American Idol. He meets with the finalists, and Jessica admits she managed two hours of sleep before her big night. Smug Phil slept for nine hours. I want to reach through my television and smack him. I can’t remember the last time I slept for nine hours straight…and I need it. I need it bad, people.
Reality stars never cease to amaze me. Namely, one Evelyn Lozada, but that’s neither here nor there. Vibe recently interviewed Evelyn of Basketball Wives, alongside Tamar Braxton of Braxton Family Values, Kandi Burrus of RHOA, and Chrissy Lampkin, formerly of Love & Hip Hop fame. The interview addresses the violence and drama fueled fights often highlighted on these shows, and the women, one in particular, seems to like laughing all the way to the bank. I was, however, extremely impressed to see Chrissy take responsibility for her temper. It’s a long interview, so I’m just sharing my favorite highlights. You can read the whole discussion here, and try not to laugh when Tamar says Evelyn is beautiful “inside and out.” Enjoy excerpts from that interview below!
Devon Broyles from Richmond, Virginia is the teem mom we met on last night’s 16 and Pregnant. She brags about being mature for her age, as she’s sixteen and pregnant with her twenty-year-old boyfriend Colin whom she met after his first tour in Iraq.
Devon lives at home with her older brother, two sisters, and mom. Her folks are divorced, but her parents are still friendly, so her dad stays at their house when he’s in town. Hmm, what else? Oh yeah, Devon’s sister Jane is also a teen mom, so her one-year-old daughter lives there as well. Her mother also let Colin move in after the pair started dating. Where’s John Stamos because this is clearly a full house!
The couple reminisces about the many nights Devon would sneak Colin into the house late night, and once her mom busted them the following morning, he was allowed to move in for good. She got pregnant a few months later. Devon is focused on school while Colin supports the family by serving in the Reserves. She admits to her friends that she didn’t figure out she was pregnant until she was five months along. Yea prenatal care! Her friends laugh at her misfortune as she was always the life of every party.
After a volatile competition on the last Dance Moms: Miami, last night the dancers are back to learn their places on the list. Abby and Sammy are noticeably absent. Debi isn’t too sad to see that they aren’t present. Angel is upset about the drama that went down at the competition, especially with the moms (cough, cough, Suzie, he means you!).
Sammy is at the bottom of the list, presumably since she dropped Kimmy and then tried to blame shift, but it works out well since she’s also a no-show at practice. Hannah is fourth on the list due to technique even though she did well at the competition. Lucas, who won first for his solo, is third because he threw Sammy under the bus and tattled on her for saying Kimmy’s timing was off in the group number. Am I seeing things or did smoke just come out of Brigette’s ears? I think she’s more upset at that news than Lucas. Kimmy gains second place for taking the blame for something she didn’t do. Ani is shocked. She figured her daughter would be much further down the list due to her dancing. How weird is it not to see a mom get upset about their child’s placement! Jessi places first for dancing well and juggling the stress that her crazy mother bestowed upon her. True that!
If you were watching last week’s Real Housewives of Orange County, you know there was an quite the jaw dropping scene, and I’m not talking about Alexis Bellino’s birthday speech. Vicki Gunvalson and newlywed daughter Briana Culberson got into quite the war of words regarding Vicki’s new beau Brooks Ayers and Briana’s new husband Ryan…you know, the guy who took Vicki’s one and only daughter to a drive-thru wedding chapel. She just can’t get over that, can she? Briana even goes as far as saying that her mother was having an emotional affair with Brooks while still married to Donn. Vicki discusses the fight in this week’s Bravo blog:
When I was in Briana’s condo having this terribly heated discussion with her, I knew no matter what I said, I wasn’t going to convince her to accept Brooks and I dating. For that matter, no matter what she said was not going to convince me that marrying Ryan so quickly was the best decision either. I believe no matter who I was dating, she would have reacted the same way. It wasn’t Brooks in particular; it was me dating in general.
What you didn’t see is I left her home in tears, and just sat in the street and prayed, cried, and prayed some more. I realized it was not the end of the world if my daughter does not like the man I am dating.
It’s Basketball Wives time yet again, and last night the ladies were still stirring up drama and screaming their way around the resort. I sincerely hope no one else is staying there on vacation!
Jenn WilliamsandKenya Bellhave arrived in Tahiti. I wonder if they passed Kesha Nichols in the airport. Jenn reminisces about her very similar honeymoon with Eric. On the sunset cruise, Tami Roman is already starting the damage control. She tells Evelyn Lozada and Shaunie O’Neal she wants to talk to Kesha calmly, like an adult, and hopefully they can coexist. What a novel concept. The women are sidetracked when the boat passes Jenn’s bungalow where she is lounging on the balcony. Why is Tami drinking her beer through a straw? Tami decides to try to fix the rift between Jenn and Evelyn, but there are huge loyalty issues.