I hate Mondays, y’all. Or rather, I hate Mondays until I get my Southern Charm fix! Nothing is more hilariously rich than Ms. Pat using the phrase “bitch slapping,” am I right? As the recaps for this bourbon and bow-tied deliciousness are a tad verbose for my liking, let’s get to the meat (medium rare dry-aged rib eye from Hall’s, naturally) without the pleasantries of an introduction, shall we?
After a big night out for Shepstradamus’ birthday, Kathryn Dennis is recovering on Jennifer Snowden’s sofa having gotten into a fight with tequila and losing to Jose Cuervo. Jennifer attempts to cure her friend’s hangover with “rich people water,” listening to Kathryn lament about her current situation with Thomas Ravenel. Kathryn doesn’t care if T-Rav is mad that she spent the night away from Kensington, she’s just so exhausted from trying to make things work. Kathryn thought they were a team, but Sandy Duncan is hellbent on causing a rift between the couple with her campaign planning mojo. Across town, Shepard “Shep” Rose calls Landon Clements as he struggles to iron his shirt on the corner of his bedside table. He’s getting ready to show his mother the progress on his house, and he needs to look presentable. Who was as surprised as I was to learn that Shep owns an iron? And who found it as adorable as I did when he joked he was holding out for the right ironing board? Season 2 Shep is head and broad shirtless shoulders above his season 1 counterpart! Mama Shep is everything you’d expect her to be, and she’s a bit concerned about his transitional neighborhood. Reminding us that he’s still a bit of a douche, Shep points out a neighbor’s Audi that he promises isn’t stolen. Mama Shep has already bought the home’s furnishings (she still dresses him for goodness sake!), and she urges him to get an oven, if not for soup then at least for resale value. Now that Shep has a house, she’s ready for him to lock down a spouse. Shep admits that he has an upcoming date…that’s a start!
From what I understand from you dear readers, we won’t be seeing Joseline Hernandez on the first few episodes of Love & Hip Hop: Atlanta due to her behavior on last season’s reunion. It’s kind of like when I got suspended from cheering in one high school football game for being late to practice one too many times. Breaking bottles over people’s heads, tardiness…both valid reasons to use suspension as a punishment. Lessons learned in both cases for sure! At least we can count on Stevie J, Lil Scrappy, and Kirk Frost’s antics to entertain us in her absence, right? At least Rasheeda is now aware of Kirk’s secret downtown “office”!
Last night’s episode of Love & Hip Hop: Atlanta begins with Stevie confronting Nikko in a dark parking lot. Both men pretend to push one another (with nary contact made) before being dramatically pulled apart by the production team. Thankfully, the other guys on this show are acting more like gentlemen. Yung Joc is dressed for the part of day at the driving range with Scrappy and Kirk. Scrappy admits he’s more strip club than golf course. Joc is in a serious relationship with Khadiyah, and Kirk questions how many children his friend has total, crossing his fingers that someone besides Stevie has more kids than he does. Joc has eight in his brood, including two sets of twins (whose moms were pregnant at the same time). Pheeww! Kirk breathes a sigh of relief…he’s only got six kids and four grandchildren. Kirk reveals that he’s been hanging with his artist Ashley, who he met at a sports club…just like his last lady “friend,” but it’s totally professional no matter how attractive he finds her. He also tells his friends that Rasheeda has no clue about his downtown crib and money problems. As only Scrappy can (unintelligibly and sans subtitles), he warns his friend to not to mix biz-nigh-ee with banging.
I hope I’m not the only one who is waiting to see what transpires between Kathryn Dennis and Craig Conover on tomorrow night’s episode of Southern Charm. When we left the crew last week, most of the cast was shooting tequila and celebrating the thirty-fifth birthday of everyone’s favorite boyish philosopher, Shepstradamus.
Craig and Kathryn’s friend-fest is a far cry from where we left the former nemeses on the freshman season of the Bravo show. From the upcoming previews, we know there is a decent amount of salacious gossip insinuating that the pair spent the night together at the beach (I’m assuming at Whitney Sudler-Smith and Shepard “Shep” Rose’s Sullivans Island bachelor pad), but does it amount to anything other than a hill of butter beans? I’m guessing “no,” considering some of Kathryn’s recent comments.
Oh, Married to Medicine, I mean Medicine (thanks so much to the commenter who always makes me laugh by giving him that moniker!), I guess you’ve learned that it’s always best to tell the truth…even if the truth could cost you millions of dollars and potentially years away from the free world. And we all agreed that this past season of Love & Hip Hop was boring–what were we thinking?
Mendeecees Harris, one of the stars of VH1’s original L&HH franchise, has finally faced the music…and not of the hip hop variety. On Tuesday, Yandy Smith’s fiance pleaded guilty to the drug charges that have plagued him of late and sent him to prison for a good portion of the past season.
Last night was the ALDC’s final week in Los Angeles on Dance Moms…somehow I feel like I’ve typed that more than once! As usual, Abby Lee Miller was her normal horribly hateful self…with a few (very few!) moments of compassion. The episode was the battle of the video vixens, except (sadly), in this case, the “vixens” are preteens. Don’t get me started on age appropriateness! Much like MacKenzie was transformed into MackZ, Kendall is no longer Kendall. She’s Kendall K. As she and Jill arrive to the set of her military inspired music video, the first words out of Abby’s mouth are “take that, Holly!” Such class with this one! Abby goes on and on about how Holly has extracted Nia from the group by choosing to work with Aubrey O’Day. Let’s be honest…had she not, is there any one of you who thinks Nia would have gotten the same attention that Abby is now giving Kendall…K? Jill chooses to sleep at night by telling herself that Holly created the ultimate betrayal by not blindly trusting Abby to have her daughter’s best interests at heart. As long as Kendall is finally Abby’s golden child, Jill doesn’t mind potentially losing a friend. I think she’s forgotten just how fickle Abby can be!
At pyramid, JoJo is on the bottom for not standing out in the group routine. MacKenzie joins her for not living up to her potential while in LA. Nia and Kalani make up the middle rung for impressive performances in the group number. Kendall is in the second spot for a stellar video shoot, and Maddie regains her top spot for getting winning the overall solo routine at last week’s competition. This week, Maddie is performing at the Grammys, and she shares that she and Sia have become like family. Kendall and JoJo are granted solos, and JoJo will be dancing in a straight jacket. The group number is entitled Platinum, and Abby likens it to Kendall’s musical future. Nia stands stone-faced, getting zero recognition from her lifelong dance teacher. Abby reveals that this week’s competition will be judged by their peers.
I have officially been Southern Charmed. This Shakespearean comedy of errors continues to grow on me from week to week, and I’d be remiss if I didn’t share that I was lucky enough to pop in on Cooper Ray’s recent fashion show promoting his Social Primer line. The vibe was Risky Business, with chiseled models in Oxfords and undies sporting his whimsical designs. Who knew one could make classic seersucker and madras so cutting edge? Cooper was a gracious and genuine host, and he revealed that he styled NYC Prep’s Sebastian for the Paper Magazine article I harped on a few weeks ago. Did someone say “kindred”?
Last night’s episode begins with Kathryn Dennis tending to the adorable Kensington as Thomas Ravenel struggles to move a crib into the new downtown nursery. Cameran Eubanks is working the real estate market, and, not surprisingly, Craig Conover and Shepard “Shep” Rose are snoozing through a beautiful morning. Shep admits he doesn’t do anything productive before noon, citing that he once broke up with a girl who tried to start his day at 9:30. No thank you. Patricia Altschul is perusing Garden and Gun (but of course) as the OG butler plays veterinarian to her pampered pooches. She dials up son Whitney Sudler-Smith who regales her with his European vacation plans–Look kids, Big Ben! Parliament!–with his German reality star girlfriend, giggling at how pretentious his travel agenda sounds. He relays that he will be attending a party thrown by Winston Churchill’s grandson at a pristine castle. It’s all so gauche I can hardly stand it!
Kathryn and T-Rav head to Upper King to buy out Morris Sokol for their downtown abode. I once took out a loan to buy a throw pillow there, but the store’s furniture is absolutely stunning. Thomas is beyond thrilled that the new house will keep Kathryn preoccupied with decorating and coffee dates and ladies who lunch, but Kathryn thinks the closer proximity to Thomas’ office will allow for more couple time. T-Rav humps a temperpeadic (“I like it, it’s quiet…”) and claims that they will have plenty of opportunity to work on their relationship once his election is over. Until then, he needs to focus on the campaign trail.
After JoDez (I may be trying out some new nicknames this season…)went down in a blaze of glory at last season’s reunion, Mimi can only hope that Stevie has enough sense to steer clear of the train wreck. If not, she refuses to get involved with their drama (yeah, right!). After that pesky shower rod incident with Nikko that ended up making Vivid gajillions of dollars, Mimi has penned a tome about her experiences and kicked Nikko to the curb. Sex tape leaks she can forgive, but secret marriages? Not so much. We’ll see how long this lasts. She’s also traded her mop bucket for recording studio, and she’s teamed with Stevie to manage new artists. After listening to Tiffany Foxx, Stevie knows that no one can compare to Joseline’s music but he’s willing to ogle her creepily. When he learns that she’s on the outs with Nikko, Stevie offers Mimi a bottle of his special sauce–I honestly thought he’d started a barbeque line or something, but he means his sperm. Please stop now. Mimi can’t believe how ridiculous he is, yet she still wants to work with him.
TGIF, y’all! I needed to let you decompress from that mess we like to call the final reunion installment of Love & Hip Hop. Are you over the scriptedness? I’m not, but I’ll plow through for you, dear readers. You know the old saying–when a door shuts on fake storyline rachetness, another one opens…and Stevie J. is waiting on your welcome mat!
That’s right. Once we get through this weekend, we’ll be treated to the star of VH1’s ridiculous L&HH franchise. After her violent exit from the season of Love & Hip Hop: Atlanta, Joseline Hernandez is back, along with other favorites. It’s the greatest of life’s lessons. No matter how horrible the behavior, if one brings the drama (and the viewers), that cash cow will never be put out to pasture!