Gracious, help me! Last night was the season finale of Love & Hip Hop: Atlanta, and I don’t even know where to start…so I’ll just start at the beginning. Benzino and Althea are picking out invitations for their upcoming nuptials. Geez, ‘Zino is hoping for an invite that plays music, a la Hallmark’s finest. He reminds viewers that this won’t be the most polished event that VH1 will have ever hosted. The-The is plagued with coming up with the guest list, especially since the big day is a week away. Benzino is concerned that he may not have a best man since he keeps taking shots at Joseline Hernandez on Twitter and Instagram in retaliation for her threats to Althea. Stevie J. isn’t too happy with his friend calling out the Puerto Rican princess for being a ho. Since when is Instagram for fighting? My newsfeed hasn’t gotten the memo…it’s all first day of school and people dumping ice over their heads!
Tammy Rivera and Waka Flocka Flame are dining and dishing over their future family. Tammy admits to going to the fertility clinic with Waka’s mom Deb, but he isn’t too keen on the idea of participating in the doctor’s recommended exercises. When she teases about pursuing other options, Waka begrudgingly gives in and agrees to go see the doctor to make sure his boys can still swim. Across town. Mimi Faust goes to confront Nikko in the studio where he’s recording a song called–wait for it–Shower Rod. Wow. Nikko promises Mimi that he plans to get a divorce since his marriage bothers Mimi so much. She isn’t upset about the marriage anymore. Mimi is more concerned that Nikko may have leaked the tape and wanted to film her without her knowledge. This conversation isn’t going as Nikko planned. She cusses him every which way till Sunday before storming out of the studio. I love that Mona is promoting Shower Rod as the show heads to commercial break.
Oh, Sonja Morgan, how badly she wants to be the voice of reason as this season of Real Housewives of New York comes to a close. It’s been entertaining to say the least! I’ll give it to Sonja…when she’s sober, she at least tries to keep the peace. She’s fiercely loyal to Ramona Singer, and sometimes–sometimes–she even makes sense when discussing the drama among her co-stars!
Poo-pooing the idea that ghost writing allegations should cause such a hullabaloo, Sonja begins, “At this point, I am numb to the whole BookGate debate. I am not on anyone’s side, I just hope that both books are bestsellers and that Carole [Radziwill] and Aviva [Drescher] are making enough money to pay the bills with their books because BookGate has definitely taken an emotional toll on their friendship. I know that they were close and had great times together. In fact, Carole was once the godmother to Aviva’s daughter. How can this come between them? Such contention over the accusations! I don’t know why they let it get so heated. It’s not worth it! I just hope that they can forgive each other at some point. As you get to know someone, you get to see their strengths and weaknesses — and you have to accept those if you’re going to be friends.”
She reveals, “I was surprised when the girls laughed at me discussing my ability to forgive and voicing my Christianity. I think that it is one of the reasons that I can live my own life and not worry about everyone else’s or the grass being greener. It’s all relative. We are on Earth for such a short time. I am enjoying every day of my life. I am grateful for the family and friends that I have and my beautiful daughter.”
Last night’s Dance Moms starts off on a high note…for once! After succeeding in the group number against the Candy Apples, the girls gather in the studio. Gino is a distant memory and will go down in ALDC history as the kid who made perfect Maddie lose a duet. Poor kid. Maddie is absent because she’s in Los Angeles recreating her Chandelier video on Ellen. Have you seen it? It’s almost creepier than the actual video because Sia spends the entire time refusing to show her face and singing in a corner. Of course, that makes me love her and the song even more, and Maddie is quite the talent. If only Abby Lee Miller would stop trying to pit her against her friends…
Shockingly, Maddie is on the bottom of the pyramid for her absence, followed by Chloe for her fall. At least she gives her a tiny bit of credit for continuing on like a professional…a smidgen of credit if you will. Nia takes the spot after Chloe because, you know, Nia isn’t a ballerina as we’re reminded again, and again, and again. Newbie Sarah is the bottom of the next rung, much to Christ-y’s chagrin. MacKenzie is in second, although Abby calls her out from detracting from the number for being too short. Kendall is in the top spot (although, did you notice, there wasn’t a top of the pyramid?) for taking the piece so seriously.
If I were a method blogger, I’d have been smokin’ indo and sippin’ on gin and juice to prepare for this recap. Sadly, I have to settle for a glass of Three Buck Chuck, and the only thing smoking is leftover casserole that I burned for dinner. #Snoopfail
Last night’s Love & Hip Hop Atlanta begins with Mimi Faust confronting Nikko about an article on Media Take Out that claims he’s married. She knows it can’t be true (it is, after all, Media Take Out), but she wants to be sure. Nikko doesn’t miss a beat when telling her that his marriage was a secret he planned to take to his grave. Um, what? He just wants to be honest. Mimi is too exhausted to cuss him every which way to Sunday. Nikko admits that he never planned to tell her, but he blames her for never asking him outright if he had a wife. Yeah, that’s totally Mimi’s oversight. As she storms out, he asks her to dinner. The man has some balllzzz.
Stevie J., Kirk Frost, and Tony are helping Benzino celebrate his last few moments as a single man. Going against the norm, the gentlemen decide to hit up a strip club for his bachelor party. As pole dancers make-out in Zino’s face for his amusement, he explains that he doesn’t need a pre-nup because he and The-The (I HATE that nickname) will be together forever. Benzino then announces that Stevie will be his best man. The following day, a very hungover Stevie is being yelled into consciousness by the Puerto Rican alarm clock. Joseline Hernandez can’t imagine why her husband would want to be in a wedding where he’s smashed the bride. When he tells her that he is heading to L.A. to record with Snoop Dogg, Joseline smells trouble.
Y’all know I’m not going to know what to do with myself on Monday nights when this season of Love & Hip Hop: Atlanta comes to an end. Sure, VH1 will have something just as dramatic, and catty, and horrific to slide right into its time slot, as if we won’t be mourning the loss of the Puerto Rican Princess and Benzino’s neck. I’m not buying what you’re selling, VH1.
Mona Scott Young tries to sell us on other franchises of the show, but nothing and no one can measure up to the scripted insanity that is Atlanta. New York City? Please! I’m yawning just thinking about it! And what about Love & Hip Hop: L.A.? Is that even still happening?
What would Dance Moms be without the long running feud against the Candy Apples? On last night’s episode, Abby Lee Miller once again faced her nemesis while bragging about that one time she judged Dancing With The Stars. Is it just me, or do the original moms—even crazy Christi—seem tame in comparison to the new antics?
As the girls enter the studio, Abby dubs it their walk of shame. She’s sent home her new team to rest and revel in their victory, but she’s allowed Sarah to join the original dancers because her mom stirs up so much drama…oh, and because she’s talented. Yeah, totally the second thing I just wrote. Sarah is eight years old and sporting what have to be eyelash extensions. Abby reminds Sarah that if her mouthy mom has anything negative to say, Sarah will be ousted for good. After Abby rakes the girls over the coals for being sore losers, Jill interrupts to say the team wasn’t sad to lose, but rather they felt let down by their teacher.
Chloe is on the bottom of the pyramid for poor turns, followed by Maddie for crying in public. Kendall is third on the bottom, and Nia is criticized for not working hard enough to make up for her lack of raw talent. MacKenzie is second, and Sarah takes the top spot for performing with the winning team. Abby cackles as she reveals they will be competing in Ohio against the Candy Apples. The group number will be entitled “Broken Dolls” so art can imitate her dancers’ real life. Abby announces that the duet will be called “I’ve Just Gotta Be Kissed” and all of the girls are giggling and blushing. Maddie will be dancing with Cathy’s former student Gino.
VH1 has totally messed with my mind. A new episode of Love & Hip Hop: Atlanta happened last Thursday? I am a creature of habit…Remember that, Mona Scott Young. At least the network aired it again last night so I was able to catch up with all of the crazy drama. Karlie Redd is confronting Yung Joc and his Jill of all Trades at the fashion event she’s attending with Erica Dixon. Joc doesn’t even pretend to hide the fact he’s stepping out on her (unless you count the fact that he originally told her he was going out of town), and Karlie is cussing him up one side and down the other regarding his taste in Telly-Tubbies. Can’t she come up with something more original?
Waka Flocka Flame’s mother Deb is meeting with Mimi Faust, and she’s hoping the two can be each other’s support through their current hard times. Deb has recently lost her son, and Mimi’s father has just passed away. They share their respective stories of missed communications with their loved ones. Mimi reveals to Deb that Stevie J. has been so hateful to her, and she admits that her issues with Stevie are spilling over into all aspects of her life. Mimi sobs as she realizes that her childhood turmoil mixed with Stevie’s attitude is affecting her more than she ever knew. She didn’t meet her father until she was sixteen, and even though she hates Stevie, she wants Eva to have a good relationship with her father.
Can it get any worse? Last night’s episode of Dance Moms certainly proved that it could. Abby Lee Miller was quite the whirlwind of negativity with her new competition team while the original moms–and dancers–dealt with the consequences. Not surprisingly, Christi has nicknames for the new mothers, including Christ-y (for the Jesus loving mom with a penchant for pot stirring and physical violence), Purple Haired Dud and Count Stalkula. I won’t remember those, but kudos to crazy Christi for her creativity. Abby opens with the pyramid (glad that some things never change), as Abby touts Maddie for leading the newbies to victory. Sadly for Abby, she hates the new moms as much as she can’t stand the veterans.
Christ-y, I mean Christy, isn’t happy to be one of Abby’s customers because Abby hasn’t yet heard the saying that the customer is always right. Abby needs the new team to serve as replacements for when her original stars have auditions in Los Angeles and New Work and Farmville. Maddie admits that she likes the new team, but she’d rather be with her friends. Before revealing the pyramid, Abby bad mouths Kira for pulling Kalani from the team so she could go be with her boyfriend. I guess that’s Lifetime speak for she’s no longer needed for a story line.