So apparently not a soul in New Jersey is currently in the market for a shore house swathed in the scent of Bain de Soleil, moscato, and Joe Giudice’s sweat and failure. I know…I’m as shocked as y’all are. However, we’ll just chalk it up to yet another financial scar on the credit report of the Real Housewives of New Jersey’s Juiciest duo.
With the table-flipping, Italian-cooking, Fabellini-swilling Teresa Giudice behind bars for fraud–and Joe entering the clink once his wife serves her sentence–those owed copious amounts of cash thanks to the reality pair’s shady dealings are trying to recoup what little of their investments are left. Most recently, the beach house the Giudice clan called their weekend getaway was part of a foreclosure sale. Who was lucky enough to score the keys to such a special piece of reality television history? Welp….
All good things must come to an end, and such is the case with this season of Love & Hip Hop Atlanta. Last night was the finale episode and like a timeless classic, Joseline Hernandez unleashed her inner wackadoo (we’ve been waiting), and Stevie J. revisited the age-old love triangle that has made this franchise great. Is he revisiting a reconciliation with Mimi Faust? Lil’ Scrappy made an appearance at the Royal Wedding, and, oh yeah, Rasheeda and Kirk Frost were there too.
The episode begins with Jessica Dime insulting Mimi Faust at the showcase Mimi planned with an impromptu performance by Margeaux. After the song, a passive aggressive Mimi compliments Jessica’s song and dismisses Stevie. When Stevie takes offense to Jessica’s diss, Mimi starts to go off on her performer. Security circles in the event that Stevie loses his temper yet again, but luckily he just spews stripper insults. After meeting with a counselor, Kalenna is back in the studio, writing music to help her get through her post-partum depression. Her husband Tony Vick is proud to see his wife working through her struggles, and he hopes she’ll allow him to manage her career again. She’s more excited than when he actually proposed.
Geez Louise! Just the preview for the upcoming season of Don’t Be Tardy gave me the spins–I’d almost forgotten how quickly that theme song infiltrates your brain and refuses to leave! Good thing I still have some of Kim Zoliciak Biermann’s mango sparkling moscato to get me through the premiere. Kidding…if a bottle of wine goes a week (much less a year) in my house without being opened, there’s a reason.
The episode begins with Kim and Kroy wrangling their youngest children as KJ helps their full time chef Tracey. Should I be bothered that Tracey just said “ass” in front of a four-year-old? Brielle enters dressed in her mother’s hand-me-downs from the first season of Real Housewives of Atlanta, and in tow is her boyfriend Slade. Yep, there are at least two of them in Bravoland now! He changed his college plans just so he could stay in Atlanta and be close to his love. The family is celebrating Ariana’s constant string of straight As as Brielle brags about being on the top ten list of most absences. With Kroy as a free agent, everyone is frazzled about the possibility of moving, and the older girls are hellbent on staying in Atlanta.
I think we all can agree that it’s not a party in Santa Barbara until Jackie Christie has bandaged her tongue and Shaunie O’Neal arrives. We learn something each week on Basketball Wives: LA, don’t we? She arrives right after the fight between Mehgan James and Brandi Maxiell. At least Brandi, Mehgan, and Malaysia Pargo are able to sit civilly in the kitchen as they rehash the brawl. Shaunie questions Jackie’s drinking, and Jackie goes off on Draya Michele for being mean to Mehgan.
Shaunie, Malaysia, and Brandi retire to a bedroom to further discuss the fight as Meghan and Draya bond over the realization of Jackie’s craziness. Jackie resurfaces to scream about what a great friend she is to Mehgan. With a manicured nail in Mehgan’s face, Jackie swears she had her back before totally losing it. Mehgan grabs a water bottle to launch at Jackie, and Jackie returns the favor by spitting on her. Nostrils is appalled. It’s one thing to punch somebody, but it’s quite another to be trashy and spit. Jackie packs her bags and calls Doug. He needs to take out bail money if anyone else comes after her. Mehgan feels badly for Doug, citing that he’s probably been with someone else because he couldn’t be faithful to the crazy.
The couple was constantly defending their relationship–which caused a rift between family and friends–to anyone who would listen. Coming up on this season, Brooks will be accused of faking cancer (not to be confused with the time he was accused of hiring a hit man), although it’s a claim he and Vicki vehemently deny….of course, they also denied engagement rumors. The pair has issued a joint statement on their break-up through their PR representative.
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I can’t believe I’m about to admit any of this, but here it goes. Because Bethenny Frankel has always been such a polarizing force in Bravoland, I’ve always tiptoed around her in my posts, claiming I was lukewarm, citing I had no real opinion of her one way or another. I neither loved her nor loathed her, and I was lying. Please accept my sincere apology. You see, when I had to recap Bethenny Ever After and write on that custody case a hundred times, she grated on my last nerve. Just thinking about the sound of her voice gave me a headache. I purposely didn’t try anything SkinnyGirl just to spite her (I’m sure she felt the sting!). I just pretended to be neutral, but the truth is, I didn’t like her (as much as you can dislike a stranger).
When she was added to this season’s Real Housewives of New York line-up, I rolled my eyes so far back in my head, it’s a wonder they didn’t get stuck. My friends and I would chat after each episode…is she going to keep being so defensive and rude and loud and then turn around and start crying? Who talks to others like that? What’s her deal? And then something happened. Maybe it was her friendship with Carole Radziwell. Maybe it was because she chilled out a little. Maybe it was her innate ability to go off on Ramona Singer and have everything be fine ten minutes later. I can’t pinpoint when or what, but Bethenny grew on me. Dare I say I enjoyed her the second half of the season?
Remember that time the ladies of the OC went on vacation together and it actually ended on a positive? Of course you do…it was this week’s installment! Sure there was drama when the Real Housewives of Orange County invaded Mo’orea, but it didn’t end with a screeching Tamra Judge promising never to return. Hasty words, I guess. Despite the constant tension between Shannon Beador and Meghan Edmonds (or Meghan KING Edmonds, as Shannon calls her…like she’s disciplining a child who has done something bad enough to warrant the dreaded three names), their last supper ended with laughter instead of screaming.
The women had some fun along the way, as well, with Heather Dubrow leading the charge to ignore comfort zones and keep things light. Lizzie Rovsek hasn’t quite recovered from the insanity of last year’s girls’ trip, so she tried to stay in the background and out of the squabbles. She keeps a surprisingly level head when rehashing Sunday’s show.
I should know by now never to believe any rumors that involve the star of a reality show not wanting to return. Let’s face it, they only stop being on the show when they get canned. Yes, I’m looking at you, Jill Zarin! The latest culprit in this phenomenon is none other than the lady everyone loves to hate…Dance Moms’Abby Lee Miller.
On this week’s finale, Abby infamously shooed her dancer off stage during the Nationals awards ceremony after placing second in group routine. The interwebs have been working overtime with speculation that Abby is refusing to return to the show that unfortunately made her a household name. Whether you believed that Abby was fed up with how she’s been portrayed (yeah, it was all totes editing!) or disputes over salary, it seems that none of the rumors were true. It looks like Abby’s back for season six, but the fate of the mothers and dancers is still up in the air!