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The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills - Season 5

I’ll be honest, I don’t know what to think about ol’ Kyle “Splits” Richards on this new season of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. She is clearly trying to come back from ganging up on Lisa Vanderpump in hopes of becoming a fan favorite, but sometimes she seems very disingenuous…and then sometimes, I find myself liking her. It’s at these times that I swill more pinot, rock in the corner and cry. 

She’s certainly panning to the viewers, hoping to be more likable, and it’s especially evident in this week’s Bravo blog where she dishes on mother/daughter bonding, fun times with friends, and of course, that precocious Portia (seriously, Mauricio, take me shopping!). Kyle begins, “Watching Lisa [Rinna] getting ready for her birthday makes me smile. Her daughter giving her tips is very familiar to me. My girls hang out in my room while I get ready and give me style advice. When I don’t listen and they question why, I have to explain that while I love their advice, I’m not 14 years old, and I have to fine tune the advice to make it age appropriate. They still don’t get the ‘pointy witch shoes’ that are so popular amongst my friends and me. I love seeing Gigi’s career take off. I know how excited and proud Yolanda [Foster] is. Gigi is such a young girl to have such a busy life. She has a good head on her shoulders, due to her parents’ love and guidance. Bella is another beauty who I have no doubt will have her own exciting career. At this point, Yolanda and I are counting down the days until Bella and Alexia leave for college. A bittersweet time.”

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mob wives big ang

Thank God for the highlight reel of last season’s Mob Wives before last night’s premiere! I had totally forgotten just how crazy Renee Graziano is, how much I adore Big Ang, and just how delicious the whole crew is. Bring Karen Gravano (as a blonde!) back into the mix, and we’ve got a legitimate World War III brewing right on VH1!

The reformed Drita D’Avanzo is happily recoupled with the recently released Lee. They are running three businesses, which is better than when Drita just wanted to run to the next fight. I’m glad to see she’s still tight with Ang, who has just renovated a new house. The women are ready for a girls’ night out, and they plan to include Natalie Guercio now that she’s a respectful and reformed Philadelphian. Because of Ang and Drita’s willingness to hang out with Natalie, Renee has turned on her two most loyal friends. They reveal that she’s been talking smack about them all over Staten Island just because they refuse to freeze out her nemesis. Wait, why is Natalie Renee’s most hated rival? Oh, that right, because Natalie once told Renee’s date he smelled delicious. 

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jionni-lorenzo-snooki

While it isn’t exactly what I thought Jionni LaValle would be doing two days after his wedding to Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi, I’d say that a court appearance for a recent DUI puts him right up there with the behavior we’ve come to expect from reality stars. Sure, he married the fist-pumping, alligator loving, Britney-flashing, publicly intoxicated meatball from Jersey Shore, but Jionni always seemed to be the mature one…the voice of reason…the one who, you know, calmed the orange beast.

Obviously, there is nothing funny about drunk driving, but I have to say I am in shock that he was able to keep the arrest under wraps. That’s how we know he’s not a true reality star–his bad judgment wasn’t a catalyst for publicity! I doubt it’s even featured on the final season of Snooki & JWoww….

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phaedra-parks

Y’all remind me to stay off of Phaedra Parks’ bad side! Geez Louise, she throws so much shade, she’s like a Ray-ban/parasol/beach cabana hybrid. Even those with the palest of complexions have no need for sunscreen if Phaedra is talking smack about them! Granted, she’s got pretty good reason to exercise her razor tongue thanks to her soon to be incarcerated husband.

Unless you’ve been on an all things Real Housewives of Atlanta sabbatical (and why would you want to do that?), you know that things between Phaedra and Apollo Nida are strained…to put it mildly. In my opinion, he’s a giant douchebag (pardon my French), who is now taunting his wife with his lying (or his lying about lying) about sexting with Kenya Moore. Of course, Phaedra reserves her harshest criticisms for Krayonce. 

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french montana instagram kim kardashian 1

Is anyone as surprised as I am that these two crazy kids aren’t going to make it as a couple? I kid, I kid. I certainly never considered Khloe Kardashian and French Montana to be a Disney inspired love story of the century…hell, even a Bratz doll lust story of the month!

Apparently, I’m not alone. Khloe’s family is over the pair’s dysfunctional relationship, and surprise, surprise–they think he’s a dirty cheater! Given her history with ex-husband Lamar Odom, its nice to see her family showing koncern instead of promoting her romance for a story line. Plus, I do like Khloe (if I’m going to have choose a sister, at least), and I think everyone deserves to be happy. 

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love hip hop hollywood princess pool

Y’all remember last week on Love & Hip Hop Hollywood where Ray-J side stepped Princess’ drink throwing and she landed in the pool? That was hilarious. Last night’s episode begins with Ray utilizing what he’s learned in anger management by just walking away. Princess chases after him, flashing the production crew that tries to restrain her. Ray is so over this relationship. They are finished! Plus, it makes for a good story line with Teairra Mari, right?

Soulja Boy is reevaluating his relationship with Nia after her miscarriage and a bad car accident. Nia and Cameron were involved in an accident where Nia’s car flipped twice. The two are very fortunate that they escaped with minor cuts and bruises! Soulja wants to focus on rebuilding their love and being attentive to Nia and Cameron. I’m so glad they are alright–it’s crazy the real drama that coincides with this heavily scripted mess! Speaking of messes, Teairra is hoping that another showcase will make people forget about her horrendous debut (re-but?) back into the music scene. This time around, Yung Berg is cosigning this debacle, and he’s hoping that Teairra will prove to Sincere that she is worth the trouble after their spat. Berg and Teairra gossip like middle school girls about how he now considers Masika to be his girl, and the fact that Teairra is feeling nostalgic about Ray. They should be passing notes out of a Lisa Frank notebook, don’t you think? 

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teresa and joe giudice on wwhl after-sentencing special

When you want to get the dirt on the Housewives, it’s always best to go straight to the source. The King of Bravo Andy Cohen recently opened up about his most difficult interview and some casting drama surrounding Real Housewives of New York. As y’all know–and as Elton John would say–the bitch is back!

Okay, so I personally don’t think Bethenny Frankel is as awful as many viewers do…I just think it’s annoying when she pretends to eat fattening food and then models her four-year-old’s clothing. Of course, that’s neither here nor there, but Bethenny’s return is sure ruffle some feathers. Andy admits that he’s right in the thick of it as well.

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southern-charm-thomas-ravenel

On a serious note, I am so thankful to you, dear readers…thankful for your loyalty to this site, for your comments, and yes, even for your critiques! ;) I feel very grateful for a gig where I am able to watch awesomely bad reality television and share my snark, shock, opinions, and life with all of you. That said, I’m also thankful for the Charleston police for releasing what may be the most amazing cell phone video footage…ever. I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again–I am so glad that I didn’t grow up in a time where technology was the norm. Unfortunately, Southern Charm’s Thomas Ravenel didn’t either, yet it’s not working out for him at the moment! 

By now, y’all know that my Bravo guilty pleasure is returning with T-Rav front and center (I never believed him when he said he was done!). You’ve also heard about his recent incident where ex-girlfriend/baby mama Kathryn Dennis’ stylist/baby-sitter accused Thomas of assault and claimed to have iPhone video footage to prove it. Well, Merry Christmas, y’all! The Post & Courier (my local paper) has said footage, and it’s every bit as fabulous as you’d hoped. There is yelling. T-Rav accuses Kathryn and her friend of smoking weed in his house. Kathryn reminds him multiple times that he fell into the pool with their baby (baby is fine!), and someone is fishing for a new designer bag. Did I mention that T-Rav is naked the entire time? Yes, Christmas certainly came early! I still have a weird affinity for Thomas, and I kind of wish that his business wasn’t blurred in the video. #sorrynotsorry Happy Thanksgiving and blessings to you and yours!

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