There will never be another Love & Hip Hop Atlanta. I wish Mona Scott Young would just figure this out and spare us all of these L&HH franchises, but I know that will never happen. So, let’s just dive into the premiere of Love & Hip Hop Hollywood.
We first meet Teairra Mari, a singer who signed with Def Jam when she was sixteen. No longer with the label, Teairra is determined to prove she’s still in it to win it when it comes to her music. Hazel-E is a former superstar publicist who left her high powered career to pursue her dream of being a rapper. She and Teairra are roommates, and they are catching up after some time apart. The love of Teairra’s life is Ray-J, and she reminds us that we may know him from a few songs and perhaps a tape or two. I love it. Teairra reveals that while the pair had an on-and-off relationship for nine years, she hasn’t seen or talked to Ray-J in eight months when she found out he was cheating. Hazel can’t believe they’ve been apart for so long, and I have to wonder what “roommates” go eight months without a gossip session or two. Sounds a bit staged to me. Ray-J has moved his new lady into his house without returning any of Teairra’s belongings, and she’s ready to rectify that situation.
Well, color me shocked! True Tori is coming back for a second season. Forget about that very public affair of Dean McDermott that was tabloid fodder for months as he and his wife Tori Spelling prepped for their latest reality series. Pretend like the world didn’t watch as they went to therapy about said infidelity. Let’s not even get started on Tori’s subsequent hospitalization for stress. No big deal! Apparently, it’s all about living life on camera no matter what. Why am I so surprised? After all, I blog about people just like them (lovers of attention, every last one!) almost every single day.
Still, after a very raw and awkward first season, I couldn’t believe that Tori and Dean would put their young family back in the spotlight. I guess I should look for themes. This season will totally be “the rebuilding.” Am I right?
I guess sometimes what happens in Vegas doesn’t stay in Vegas. Sometimes it kloses in Vegas…because no one wants to shop for overpriced, tacky, Kardashian branded klothes there. It’s a sad day for the empire built on the letter K. Those krazy Kardashians will put their names on anything, from make-up products to game apps. Unfortunately for us, the nice and normal public, nine times out of then, their kooky ventures take the kake.
However, every once in a while, the Kardashian brand just kan’t kut it. Alas, that is the kase for Khaos. Okay, I’ll stop with the “k” thing. Trust me, it’s annoying me as much as it’s annoying you!
It’s two weeks until Nationals, so y’all know that means that Abby Lee Miller is on the precipice of turning into Ursula from The Little Mermaid. It’s not going to be pretty folks, and I have a feeling only Maddie will be left with her legs! After returning from a stellar competition, last night’s Dance Moms begins as it always does…the pyramid, complete with the moms muttering under their breath, defeated faces on little girls, and, of course, the fear of facing Candy Apple Cathy! Kendall is on the bottom for being last to the game on an upstand. Chloe follows for “being fine. Just…fine.” MacKenzie rounds out the bottom for not beating her mini counterparts. Nia is second for leading her team to victory in the group dance. Of course, Maddie is on the top for her highest scoring routine.
Abby reveals that Gino will be dancing a solo at the upcoming competition, and she wants Maddie to dance a solo. However, Maddie may have to head to Miami to film a web series on the day of the competition. Abby enlists Chloe and Kendall to be her understudies. If Maddie is unavailable, one of them will take her place. Likewise, Maddie is the lead in the group number. If she’s absent, there will be no lead. Why not just plan as if she’s not going to be there? Or hey, I don’t know, make her pick which one she’d rather do. Perhaps she sacrifices a potential web series to because she is already committed to the ALDC? Not that I expect Maddie to make these decisions, but Abby and Melissa could make this easier on the poor child. Christi and Jill seem to agree. The moms (and dancers, for that matter) can’t believe how much Abby puts her dancers down while praising Maddie. At Holly’s suggestion, the moms start a tally of insults for the team versus compliments for Maddie. The results are not shocking, and it’s no wonder the girls look so defeated.
Third time’s the charm, right? Probably not, but at least last night was the third and final installment of the Love & Hip Hop: Atlanta Reunion. Thank goodness. I really don’t think I could take anymore. On last night’s conclusion, Sommore once again recapped the epic throw down among Joseline Hernandez, Stevie J., Benzino, and Althea, and of course, they finally tackled Mimi Faust’s sex tape with Nikko. I have to laugh as Mimi’s rise to porndom is highlighted. I’d forgotten how innocent she claimed to be about her knowledge of the leak. Mimi stands by Nikko’s claims that he had nothing to do with leaking the video, reminding everyone that she was with Nikko when their luggage was stolen at the airport…and in that luggage was the laptop that contained the footage.
Nikko pretty much shoots himself in the foot as he claims innocence yet refuses to take a lie detector, reiterating that he has nothing to prove. Um, yeah you do, my friend. Yeah. You. Do. Deb wants Nikko to own up to his behavior. The Kardashians owned up to their videoed sexcapades, and Deb believes they are better people for it. Sure, we’ll go with that. Nikko protests that people are buying the tape, so it really doesn’t matter who leaked it. When asked if she’s hurt that Nikko is refusing the polygraph, Mimi sighs that she’s over it. Perhaps she knew of Nikko’s intentions all along. Ariane thinks that Nikko is fake and insincere, and she lays into him about what an ass he is. Rasheeda Frost agrees, wishing that he’d just own up to his actions. Erica Dixon can’t stand the fool either. Mimi doesn’t like being in the middle, but she is extremely defensive about her relationship, and Nikko tries to explain his situation. Sommore jokes that Nikko needs to invest in a lock for his luggage. A show of hands reveals that it’s pretty unanimous among the cast that Nikko leaked the tape. After another offer, Nikko still refuses to take a lie detector test.
I interrupt your weekend to bring you this truly gag inducing story. Plus, we can never get enough of the Kardashians, right? I kid, I kid. Clearly, they can’t get enough of themselves, and Kim’s recent nekkid GQ shoot is just more of the same for this crew.
The other day we asked what you thought of Kim’s bare bum and fake tan (missed it? Check it out after the jump! You’re welcome). I thought the picture alone was bad. I was so, so, so wrong. Along with the photograph, Kim also gave an interview in which she brags about her sex life with husband Kanye West, hints about another potential sex tape (she does love to star in those, doesn’t she?), and reveals that Vogue editor Anna Wintour put her stamp of approval on North’s creative name. Poor Anna. She’s losing cool points left and right these days!
She may have gotten downgraded to a “friend” of the housewives of this season (maybe on the Real Housewives of New Jersey it’s being relegated to a “relative” of the housewives!), but Kathy Wakile is using her free time constructively. Kathy has finally penned her first cookbook regaling her love of dessert making. Her cannoli kits have even been featured on RHONJ.
Maybe it’s because she’s sweeter than her co-stars (bad pun!), but Kathy is excited to feature her in bite-sized bits of deliciousness in“Indulge: Delicious Little Desserts that Keep Life Real Sweet” (St. Martin’s Griffin, $26.99), and she’s not even trying to compete with another cast member/friend/relative who is also delving into the dessert realm after building her food empire. Table flipping anyone?
I can’t imagine the pressure most dancers feel when preparing for a national competition, but it has to be next to impossible to train when your dance teacher is the wench known as Abby Lee Miller. Dance Moms just keeps getting more and more ridiculous, does it not? On last night’s episode, Christ-y is invited to rejoin the group after Abby’s mini-me assures her boss that Sarah’s turns are improving ten-fold during her private lessons. Abby warns Christ-y to keep her mouth shut or else she and her daughter will be banned for good…again.
Instead of a pyramid, Abby has fashioned a totem pole for her ranking, and Nia is on the very bottom for not having enough facial expressions. MacKenzie is above her for being too quick, followed by Kendall for lacking turn-outs. Tea is above Kendall for being on the winning team, as is Chloe. She’s just one below Maddie who is at the top for garnering the highest score in the competition. This weekend the ALDC is heading to Michigan to compete. MacKenzie, Sarah, and Tea all receive solos. The two lowest scoring little ones will be axed from the Nationals team. Nia has the lead in the group routine which is called tribal council. Abby learns that Ava will be competing with Jeanette’s studio against Tea and MacKenzie. The moms believe that Jeanette wants to get her daughter in front of Abby one more time, but they think it’s unfair given she had her chance last week. Jeanette’s plan is surely going to backfire.