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dance moms tribal group

I can’t imagine the pressure most dancers feel when preparing for a national competition, but it has to be next to impossible to train when your dance teacher is the wench known as Abby Lee Miller. Dance Moms just keeps getting more and more ridiculous, does it not? On last night’s episode, Christ-y is invited to rejoin the group after Abby’s mini-me assures her boss that Sarah’s turns are improving ten-fold during her private lessons. Abby warns Christ-y to keep her mouth shut or else she and her daughter will be banned for good…again. 

Instead of a pyramid, Abby has fashioned a totem pole for her ranking, and Nia is on the very bottom for not having enough facial expressions. MacKenzie is above her for being too quick, followed by Kendall for lacking turn-outs. Tea is above Kendall for being on the winning team, as is Chloe. She’s just one below Maddie who is at the top for garnering the highest score in the competition. This weekend the ALDC is heading to Michigan to compete. MacKenzie, Sarah, and Tea all receive solos. The two lowest scoring little ones will be axed from the Nationals team. Nia has the lead in the group routine which is called tribal council. Abby learns that Ava will be competing with Jeanette’s studio against Tea and MacKenzie. The moms believe that Jeanette wants to get her daughter in front of Abby one more time, but they think it’s unfair given she had her chance last week. Jeanette’s plan is surely going to backfire.

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lhh atl joseline ripped mag

So, just how many security personnel does it take to restrain one Joseline Hernandez? Scratch that…how many does it take to restrain the entire cast? The first few minutes of last night’s Love & Hip Hop: Atlanta reunion are total insanity and chaos. I can’t believe they filmed this madness. I’ve said it before, but this time I truly mean it. Shame on you, Mona Scott-Young. That was terrible.

First Joseline goes in on Althea, and I believe Benzino pops her in the head causing Stevie J. to turn into a wild animal. The women are fighting and throwing guitars (that poor band), as host Sommore is escorted off-stage. ‘Zino is screaming “Get off me, get my girl” to security as five grown men are unable to contain Stevie. He is literally undressing to get out of their grasp. The screen goes dark, and we are informed that Joseline and Stevie were able to break away from security. Joseline then bum rushes the stage and starts wailing on Tammy Rivera. What? They had about two minutes of minor beef in the second episode. Really? As Joseline loses her weave in the melee, Tammy procures an arm load of water (vodka?) bottles and starts pelting them. The screen goes black again, and we learn that the set has been locked down and Stevie and Joseline have left the building. Zino and The-The also choose to leave. 

The second part of the reunion is off to a seriously scary start, and Sommore apologizes for the “altercation” after the remaining cast members rejoin her on the stage. She informs us of the Twitter battle that Zino and Stevie have been embroiled in pre-reunion, and she is shocked that Joseline was able to go from zero to a hundred on the psycho-meter just seconds after the ladies were chatting about shoes. Erica Dixon brings up her outfit (Joseline apparently didn’t want to dress like she was going to the Oscars), and Lil’ Scrappy believes she came dressed to fight. Erica recaps what started the fight, and Karlie Redd and Rasheeda couldn’t believe the level of rage in Joseline. My bad, the hair I originally referenced was actually Tammy’s. Poor Tammy seems to be the consensus.

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mona scott young, stevie j, joseline

Tsk, tsk, tsk, Mona Scott Young. You’ve created more than a few monsters, and instead of taking your cash cows to rehab, you seem to be laughing all the way to the bank. Too harsh? Perhaps you need to rewatch the first installment of the Love & Hip Hop: Atlanta reunion. You know, the one where Stevie J. bowed up to his former bestie Benzino, only to be interrupted by the wild animal known as the Puerto Rican Princess.

Since the one-sided brawl ensued that entailed Joseline Hernandez punching the shiz-nighee out of Benzino’s fiance (and former Stevie jump-off?) Althea Eaton, blogs have been ablaze with rumors that Joseline was higher than the ratings for this ratchetness! So, is there any truth to that gossip? Did you see her eyes and her brute strength? 

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dance moms maddie

With Nationals right around the corner, Abby Lee Miller is hellbent on creating a winning team with top placing soloists. You know what that means…the revolving door of Dance Moms
wannabes keeps shuffling through the studio. After losing last week to Bleu, Abby wants to strike fear in the hearts of her original team–moreso than she does on any regular day, at least. She also takes the opportunity to lecture the moms of the selected new group. Even after doubting Abby’s training, Loree has defected to the elite competition group with the veteran moms, and her former newbie counterparts aren’t happy about her move.

Abby wants to reserve any bickering until after the pyramid. Poor MacKenzie is at the bottom for being pulled from the group number so Abby could place the girls in a higher age bracket and hopefully avoid tough junior competitors (epic fail) her lack of maturity during an improv practice. Chloe follows for her sixth place finish. Nia rounds out the bottom rung because she’s Nia, and Nia rarely ever traipses up to the top half of the pyramid. Jade is third on the pyramid for being third in the solos, and Kendall is second for finally figuring out what it takes to become a favorite. Perhaps it’s because she’s been hanging out so much with top dancer Maddie.

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lhh atl scrappy lie detector

Woo. I can’t even. Last night’s Love & Hip Hop: Atlanta reunion was a lot to digest…and even then I barfed it all back up when I watched the finger sucking scene again. The good news? It was the first of three crazy installments!  The bad news? It was the first. Of THREE. Mona Scott Young, you are an evil genius, my friend!

The cast arrives, drinks in hand and prep people in tow as if they are walking the red carpet for the Oscars. Perhaps Mona will win an Academy Award for promoting bad acting and ratchet behavior. I think it would be a great category addition to the awards show, don’t you? Erica Dixon, Karlie Redd, Mimi Faust, and Ariane are all getting ready in the same room. Karlie admits she has some secrets she’d like to share, and Erica shares that there are some “animals” she doesn’t want to see. Momma Dee threatens anyone who threatens her family, while Yung Joc nods in agreement. People who wear sunglasses inside always look super douchey. Case in point? Nikko. Bambi tells Lil’ Scrappy that Stevie J. posted a picture on Instagram the morning of the reunion which shows a nekkid The-The on her Knee-Knees about to pleasure the Stevie J. bus. Something tells me his friendship with Benzino isn’t going to survive this train wreck!

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2013 MTV Movie Awards Arrivals

It’s the end of an era, for sure. My fist isn’t pumping as high as it normally would be on Little Friday. My tan is fading, and my laundry is dirty. I would consider it a sad day, but then I think about all the Caboodles make-up organizers whose lives will be saved because of this news. “Sad” just isn’t the right word; perhaps bittersweet is a better description.

In the land of airbrushed cut-out t-shirts, trucker caps, day drinking, astroturf lawns, and Sunday dinners, the landscape just got a bit less…club-ish. That’s right. Former Jersey Shore stars Ronnie “Rawn” Ortiz-Magro and Sammi “Sweetheart” Giancola have called it quits. Again. For real this time. It’s over. More over than it was the last time it was over…or the time it was over before that. What I know about love and healthy relationships has apparently all been a scam. If these two crazy drunk kids can’t make it, who can? WHO CAN! {shakes fist at Bunim-Murray for false hope and hair gel dreams}

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dance moms girls

I know y’all have mentioned it before, but what say we pool our resources and donate to Lifetime so Dance Moms can get a new introduction sans the mother and former dancers who are embroiled in a legal battle with Abby Lee Miller. Is that too much to ask? Of course it is, just like it’s too much to ask for Abby to be kind to her students. After victory at a very suspect competition (were there any other dancers there?), Abby is hoping to find a replacement for Maddie in the event Sia wants her star student for every other music video she ever makes.

Not surprisingly, Abby brings in another new dancer to go head-to-head with Chloe. Jade will be dancing with the ALDC this week. Chloe is at the bottom of the pyramid for placing second in the solo division. We all know second is first loser. Nia follows for being the fourth in the top five. MacKenzie is third because her budding pop star status doesn’t give her an excuse to have poor posture. Maddie is second because, woohoo, she was in a Sia video that has allowed her to perform on Ellen and has been interviewed for Seventeen magazine! Kendall is on the top of the pyramid for winning the junior solo division. 

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love hip hop atl mimi nikko

Gracious, help me! Last night was the season finale of Love & Hip Hop: Atlanta, and I don’t even know where to start…so I’ll just start at the beginning. Benzino and Althea are picking out invitations for their upcoming nuptials. Geez, ‘Zino is hoping for an invite that plays music, a la Hallmark’s finest. He reminds viewers that this won’t be the most polished event that VH1 will have ever hosted. The-The is plagued with coming up with the guest list, especially since the big day is a week away. Benzino is concerned that he may not have a best man since he keeps taking shots at Joseline Hernandez on Twitter and Instagram in retaliation for her threats to Althea. Stevie J. isn’t too happy with his friend calling out the Puerto Rican princess for being a ho. Since when is Instagram for fighting? My newsfeed hasn’t gotten the memo…it’s all first day of school and people dumping ice over their heads!

Tammy Rivera and Waka Flocka Flame are dining and dishing over their future family. Tammy admits to going to the fertility clinic with Waka’s mom Deb, but he isn’t too keen on the idea of participating in the doctor’s recommended exercises. When she teases about pursuing other options, Waka begrudgingly gives in and agrees to go see the doctor to make sure his boys can still swim.  Across town. Mimi Faust goes to confront Nikko in the studio where he’s recording a song called–wait for it–Shower Rod. Wow. Nikko promises Mimi that he plans to get a divorce since his marriage bothers Mimi so much. She isn’t upset about the marriage anymore. Mimi is more concerned that Nikko may have leaked the tape and wanted to film her without her knowledge. This conversation isn’t going as Nikko planned. She cusses him every which way till Sunday before storming out of the studio.  I love that Mona is promoting Shower Rod as the show heads to commercial break.

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