Did y’all have a nice weekend? I did…until I saw these pictures. Like the generous person I am, I had to share them with all of you…if for no other reason than to have people to commiserate with in the “Things You Can’t Unsee Club.” Remember when Porsha Williams entered the Real Housewives of Atlanta scene with a very reserved and conservative demeanor? My how times have changed!
After going through the requisite housewives divorce and becoming acclimated to feuding nastily with her co-stars, Porsha has been totally initiated into the realm of reality television. Girlfriend’s even got her own line of lingerie to boot which she promotes shamelessly all over her Instagram.
It was all about the hot mess express on Monday’s episode of Southern Charm, but the mode of transportation wasn’t a crazy train–instead it was a golf cart! After Kathryn Dennis went off on Whitney Sudler-Smith in a cyclone-esque storm of hate (one friend described it as “feral”), Craig Conover came to her rescue with more vino, keys to a battery operated tiny-car, and sticks and sand to generate body heat. It was, as you all recall, scandalous.
While Shepard “Shep” Rose had plenty to say about Craig’s recent tomfoolery during the group’s dinner on Jekyll Island, Cameran Eubanks has been the one talking it about it post-show. While some see her as a pot-stirrer, I honestly believe she cares for these turds, and she’s at her wits end trying to help them make good decisions. Of course, we all know that good decisions make for bad reality television. Thankfully for Bravo, there is no shortage of idiotic behavior when it comes to the charming cast!
Kate Plus Seven doesn’t have quite the same ring, now does it? Until the Gosselin sextuplets turn eighteen, you can bet their fame hungry (one confirmed, one claims to hate the spotlight but always ends up in the tabloids) parents will be fighting over the welfare of all eight of their children in a very public manner.
TLC’s first family became even more famous after Jon and Kate divorced. Kate ditched her signature rooster hairdo and sought out any television appearance available, while Jon spent his time in tumultuous relationships with much younger women, palling around with Michael Lohan, and morphing into a free Ed Hardy billboard. Sure, they were super entertaining to those of us who love a reality train wreck, but their poor children didn’t sign up for this madness! And, like all things Gosselin, the saga continues.
I’d say congratulations are in order, dear readers! Cheers to each one of you for making it through yet another extra-long season of Dance Moms with the always controversial Abby Lee Miller at the helm. Last night was the last reunion before Abby packs her bags and opens an ALDC franchise in Los Angeles. As always, executive producer Jeff Collins rules the sofa roost, but this time, the once silver fox has died his hair a special shade of carrot and gotten himself a spray tan. Fame, y’all!
Abby is the first one who joins Jeff on the stage, and he brings up her now contentious relationship with Holly. Abby feels Holly’s jealousy runs deep, and she believes that her dancers are a success because every last one of them is chasing Maddie’s fame. Nia’s turn will come, she admonishes. Jeff summons Holly to the couch, and Jeff shows footage of Abby lying about saying Maddie and Kalani were the only ones who would ever book jobs. Holly cites her frustrations stemming from Abby attacking the children to retaliate when she’s upset with the mothers. All Holly wants is for her daughter to be treated with respect, but Abby doesn’t care to try to repair their relationship. Holly has several fond memories with Abby that she holds dear, but Abby remains stone-faced. Thankfully, the girls take the stage to perform their Stomp the Yard group number inspired by Orange is the New Black. More dancing, less mindless bickering please!
Southern Charm, I can’t thank you enough for being the beacon of light in my dreaded Mondays, and last night’s episode was no different…although Shepard “Shep” Rose could’ve have laid off Craig Conover just a tad. The cast is packing for their Jekyll Island adventure, and Landon Clements’ fingers are crossed for a refined weekend of manicured lawns and low-key dinners. Craig calls Whitney Sudler-Smith to bum a ride, but alas, Whitney is an hour into the trek or else he’d turn around to retrieve him. Of course, Whitney spins this lie as he packs his Louis Vuitton weekender just a quarter mile from Craig’s apartment, but whatevs. Cameran Eubanks and Shep are tasked with carpooling the wayward law student, and they have agreed they need continue the tough love when it comes to his downward spiral. Shep is all in, and Captain Craig (seriously dude, that hat?) gets defensive about bar study and rent payments. Meanwhile, in the car with Jennifer Snowden, Kathryn Dennis hopes this trip will solidify her spot in the clique on her own merits, and not just as Thomas Ravenel’s plus one.
Landon and her sister Powell are the first to check in, followed by Whitney. Over drinks, Landon apologizes in advance to the bartender for her friends who have yet to materialize. Shep and Craig can’t handle the geriatric vibe they’re getting from the island. What is this place? Heaven’s waiting room? The two are forced to mainline Scotch to tolerate this retirement community. Cameran is beyond embarrassed by their childish antics. This is why she’s child free at the moment. Jennifer and Kathryn arrive as the others take off on a bike ride. Their swift departure and refusal to wait for the girls is an omen for Kathryn. She’s all Stephanie Tanner about the situation. Rude. They should be thankful they avoided the testosterone fueled beach cruiser nightmare that is Craig and Shep arguing over how to best reach the ocean. Shep takes every opportunity to insult Craig about his current life situation, calling him so broke he can’t even pay attention. I am definitely stealing that line. The boys spar over their mapquest skills when they’re informed they are about as far from the beach as is humanly possible.
Last night’s Love & Hip Hop: Atlanta wasn’t really what I was expecting. Sympathizing with Stevie and mild S&M? Game changer for sure! Stevie J. has survived his first ten days in rehab, and he’s feeling much better about his recovery. However, he’s not permitted to have visitors so Joseline Hernandez has arrived to rehash her sit down with Mimi Faust. There goes Stevie’s calm vibe. He wants her to work on her anger management, and he urges her to give up smoking now that he’s giving up drinking. Stevie shares that he can’t be around liquor for at least a year once he’s out of the program, and he’d prefer not to be subjected to any tempting substances. Hold up! It’s not Joseline’s problem that Stevie has a drinking problem…she’s not giving up smoking just to appease him. Stevie requests that she talk to his doctor about his post-rehab needs, but she isn’t interested in talking to some bunk-ass therapist.
I didn’t realized that Kalenna and Tony Vick would be joining us again this season, but they’re back and she’s about to give birth. They complain that the pregnancy came about at the most inopportune time. They are suffering from financial problems and had to close their studio mid-production of her latest album. Tony relays that he has the chance to invest in some clubs with a a real estate developer. Kalenna thinks his scheme is too risky, plus the last time he worked with this friend, there were rumors all over town that Tony was cheating on her. Speaking of bad business deals, Karlie Redd is meeting up with Rasheeda to discuss the messiness at her boutique opening. Karlie wants to know why Rasheeda brought Erica Dixon to the opening of her event after Karlie ditched her plan with Erica to open a store. Rasheeda accuses Jessica Dime Piece for stirring the pot unnecessarily, and the one get into a screaming match in the restaurant in an attempt to one-up one another. AARP Karlie speeds off, and not a single patron in that crowded restaurant acted like anything was weird about two grown woman shrieking insults at one another during the lunch rush. Weird for “reality,” I know…
Last night’s Dance Moms was the second part of the Abby Lee Miller’s swan song in Pittsburgh before heading out to Los Angeles to open the West Coast ALDC studio. Of course, it wouldn’t be a finale if it wasn’t coming on the heels of a tween video showdown, and it’s certainly only fitting that Cathy and her Candy Apples were involved! Even better? We don’t have to sit through a pyramid…we can just head right into the competition.
With the other dancers involved in the various JUMP convention showcases, JoJo and Nia are the only ALDC members ready to compete. Despite Melissa’s tepid excuses for the team’s absence, Holly can’t help but think that something shady is going on to which she wasn’t privy. Jessalyn and Holly are confused as to why Abby double-booked her team (especially since Kendall and Kalani are supposed to have solos), but Kira and Jill play dumb. Cathy interrupts to question why half the group is MIA, and on cue, Abby arrives to ignore Cathy’s insults about her blobby, big hair. She wasn’t about to have her dancers miss out on the coveted time with master choreographers at the convention. Jessalyn is livid to learn that Abby texted the mothers whose daughters were involved, instructing them not to mention the scheduling conflict with her and Holly. “Shame on you,” admonishes Holly. As Abby and Holly scream at one another, Cathy takes great pleasure in watching the demise of the friendships crumbling in front of her. Jill scolds Holly for airing their dirty laundry in front of the Candy Apple moms, and her anger is only exaggerated by the fringe on her tacky jacket. Holly and Jessalyn storm off, realizing they are getting no support from their counterparts. Cathy cackles with delight, while relishing in Vivi’s starring role in the Candy Apple’s group routine.
When it comes to being a good friend, Whitney Sudler-Smith didn’t raise the bar very high for himself when he and Shepard “Shep” Rose went with Craig Conover to visit his family on last night’s Southern Charm. Speaking of bars, Craig’s pals are concerned that he’s spending so much time frequenting them, he’s going to have a tough time passing the one that is most important. Sadly, if Craig did sit for the February bar, he didn’t pass, as results were posted on Friday. It breaks does break my heart for him because the test is so subjective–I have no clue how I passed the first go round, and I have no clue how some of the smartest folks I know had to take it multiple times. UPDATE: Craig didn’t take the February bar, tweeting earlier, “Just so everyone knows — I did not take my Bar Exam in February — I’m excited to announce that I finally get the chance to take it in July!” Good luck to him this summer! Last night’s episode begins with Extreme Akim doling out some tough love as he bids his former employee adieu. Craig is embarrassed that his mentor, who once had such high hopes for him, believes he needs to reign in his behavior.
Landon Clement is facing the fact that she no longer has the safety net of her ex-husband’s income. She has a plan to sell “a lifestyle,” but she’s going to start with a test run pop-up shop in a local home. Her vision is that everything in the house is handpicked from local merchants and is for sale–from the artwork on the walls, the designer clothes in the closets, and the vintage cars in the garage. Shep reminds Landon that she can’t focus too much on work, and she assures him that she’s going to make time to socialize. In fact, she’s planning to invite the crew to Jekyll Island the following weekend. Despite their recent rough patch, she wants to include Thomas Ravenel and Kathryn Dennis as well. Shep looks like he wants to pat Landon on the head and whisper, “oh sweetie, no,” as I would envision Patricia would do, poo-pooing the footman’s vermouth pour. He thinks Landon is naive when it comes to T-Rav and Kathryn’s relationship. Shep believes the duo needs to cut their losses, go their separate ways, and amicably co-parent baby Kensington. In other words, they don’t need to drag down the fun quotient on any upcoming mini-vacays.