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southern charm patricia

It’s here y’all! Oh, how I’ve been waiting with bated breath for the return of Southern Charm. I’m auditing a class, and I kid you not, the professor reminded us to watch the premiere tonight. Of course, he then said he was joking and hoped that none of us would watch something that portrayed the Holy City in such an unholy manner, but I only heard the first part! It’s been far too long since I’ve gotten my T-Rav fix. Thomas Ravenel, he loves the taste of the finest bourbon and the smell of the best cocaine. The former politician is raising his infant daughter Kensington Calhoun with his much, much, MUCH younger girlfriend Kathryn Dennis. Despite Facebook break-ups and pool snafus, the couple is trying to make it work. Thankfully motherhood has tamed young Kathryn’s eyelashes. 

Cameran Eubanks is married to a doctor (surprise!), but she still wants to grow her business as a realtor. Shepard “Shep” Rose has enlisted her to find his palace (and not his Palace Hotel…but more on that in a second!), and the duo has found the perfect home for him to renovate (read: rebuild) on Charleston’s east side…where I live and work. Just a coincidence though, I swear! Although she once made a prediction that Shep would be married in two years, she’s come to the conclusion that his house won’t see a goldfish, much less a wife! Shep is proud of his restaurant/bar endeavor. Remember that investor who warned Whitney Sudler-Smith that opening so much as a hot dog stand with Shep would be a bad idea? Well, he can suck it. And speaking of hot dogs, the Palace Hotel serves up gourmet versions, as well as a mouth-watering watermelon ricotta salad and amazing cauliflower tacos. Ignore the barred windows and doors, they are just part of the neighborhood’s charm. 

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love hip hop diamond

Something was missing on last night’s Love & Hip Hop, but I can’t quite pinpoint what it was. Did any of the ladies in Rich’s harem of crazy decide he wasn’t worth it? Nope, that wasn’t it. Did we watch genuine story lines fraught with raw human emotions? Yeah, I’ll let you stop laughing before you answer that question. Oh, I know! Peter Gunz was nowhere to be found. Nailed it! 

Yandy Smith doesn’t understand why Mendeecees is taking an issue with her firing Remy. She won’t be disrespected by her fiancee’s employees, and he doesn’t understand how a firing equates to her having Kimbella jump his assistant. Yandy tries to explain that Remy was mouthing off, and she gives her best impression of how Remy reacted to being fired by her boss’ future wife. When she doesn’t win that argument, she changes the subject to their upcoming baby shower. She barely fares much better with that conversation.

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brandon leah jenner baby

The two most grounded, normal, and–in my opinion–gorgeous people to ever make their way onto Keeping Up with the Kardashians are sharing some exciting news. Unlike their Kardashian kounterparts, they made their announcement in a grounded, normal and–again, in my opinion–gorgeous manner…via Instagram.

Brandon Jenner and his wife Leah Felder Jenner are expecting their first child, and that is going to be one beautiful baby! Brandon is one of Bruce Jenner’s six children from three marriages, and he and Leah, along with his equally good-looking brother Brody are often featured on KUWTK. However, Brandon and his bride seem to be polar opposites from his Kardashian step-sisters. Thank goodness.

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The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills - Season 5

We’re all still reeling from that slap heard ’round Holland on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. Amster-damn straight no one should ever lay a finger on the fabulous Lisa Vanderpump, even if it was supposed to be a joke! Can I be honest for just a moment though? While it was stupid and tacky and rude and childish, had it been anyone other than Brandi Glanville, everyone would probably find it funny. I’m no Brandi fan, but it seems like if you’re talking and joking about slapping each other, there is potential for a legen–wait for it–dary round of Slapsgiving. Sure, you could argue that no one besides Brandi would ever behave in that manner…and you’d be right. That said, Kyle Richards barely mentions it her recap of this week’s episode because she’s confused as to how Lisa Rinna and sister Kim Richards went from screaming and glass shattering to shopping buddies in the blink of an eye.

Kyle begins, “We pick up in Amsterdam where we left off last week. I had decided to just stay clear of Brandi, because we had enough problems so far and I knew the possibilities that awaited me if I were to continue engaging with her. The next day I went to visit Yolanda [Foster] in her room. While I appreciated her wanting me to fix things with Kim, it just is not that simple. It’s difficult to get advice from someone who really doesn’t have the complete story. Frankly, I wanted to try to enjoy my time in beautiful Amsterdam and I knew that trying to fix things on this trip was impossible. This ‘fight’ isn’t an isolated incident. There is way too much baggage to explain to someone that is not family. I think it’s hard for someone like Yolanda to understand not just wanting to ‘patch’ things up, because she and her brother have a fun, easy going relationship. They are very fortunate. That doesn’t mean Kim and I don’t love each other. I love my sister very much and wish things were different. Unfortunately, sometimes you have to take a step back.”

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mob wives reunion

Holy cleavage! The first installment of last night’s Mob Wives reunion was a giant boob parade. Vivica Fox hosts, and I’m hoping she has a better handle on these broads than she did on Krayonce. Drita D’avanzo is the only one who doesn’t look like she’s hosting Kim Kardashian’s ass on her chest. Natalie Guercio is wearing what can only be described as a chain metal gladiator suit complete with suspenders to cover her nips. She claims it’s her warrior look, but she’s not going to be fighting anyone when she has to constantly fiddle with her hands to keep her girls from warranting their own black bar. Renee Graziano is sporting a boot-cast on her foot, and she jokes that Drita finally came after her. Oh, if only the whole reunion could be this cheery!

Karen Gravano’s return is addressed, and Renee admits that it was nice to have some support after feuding with her other friends. Natalie cites her loyalty to last season’s Alicia as the reason for her social media beef. Karen finds it ridiculous that Alicia is so upset that her father killed the father-in-law she never met. Yeah, that’s fair, right? Karen knows that these mob wannabes are just trying to ride her big Mafia coattails. Renee reminds us that you can be loyal to one friend without trashing another, but the wannabes will never be “about this life,” a phrase which may need its own t-shirt line (if one of the ladies hasn’t already beat me to it). Again, remind why these family ties are worthy of such pride? Renee can’t even. Literally.

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Dance Moms Maddie

Abby Lee Miller, whatever are we going to do with you? Last night’s Dance Moms was the Brynn show with the talented newbie pitted against Abby’s favorite, the unbeatable Maddie. Is she Maddie 2.0? After being absent last week so that her mother could tend to her diabetic brother, Brynn returns with mother Ashley to the ALDC. Jill predicts Abby had to have been incredibly persuasive to woo them to Pittsburgh.

At pyramid, Nia is on the bottom for not placing in her solo. JoJo follows with Abby citing an actual improvement–JoJo didn’t stand out in the group routine, she conformed…and nicely at that! MacKenzie rounds out the lowest tier with praise for comprehending choreography so well. MackZ is all smiles, but it’s clear from Melissa’s face that she expected a higher ranking. Kendall is in third overall for an exceptional solo. It’s Kendall’s birthday, and Abby warns that a birthday means that she’s back competing against Maddie. Perhaps she should have stayed eleven forever. Maddie is in second, and if you thought Melissa was peeved about MacKenzie’s spot on the pyramid, it wasn’t anything compared to her sour face at this news! Kalani finally makes the top spot for winning the teen solo division as well as being the highest scoring soloist of the day. 

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kandi burruss

I think it’s safe to say that no one is safe from rumors, backstabbing, or shade throwing on this season of Real Housewives of Atlanta! Cynthia Bailey has been gossiping about Phaedra Parks’ alleged Mr.C chocolate cravings, and Phaedra is stirring the pot regarding Kandi Burruss’ loyalties. Phaedra has been venting to Porsha Williams about how she feels her friend is siding with Apollo because of his friendship with Kandi’s husband Todd. As for Kenya Moore, she’s just waving her Krayonce flag and twirling with delight not to be the this season’s main target, while NeNe Leakes channels her inner cruise director…on a boat ride straight into the heart of darkness! 

Kandi, like her counterparts, seems to suffer from the innate inability to be able to dish it, but not so much take it. In the RHOA realm, “it” refers to any combination of whispers, scandals, and busy body chit-chat where the only applicable rule is “talk with me about anyone but don’t talk with anyone about me.” Sixth grade social rules in their most basic form, for sure! 

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love hip hop chrissy rich jhonni

Last night’s Love & Hip Hop once again took a turn for the ratchet. We preheat with women falling all over men who don’t give two flips about them, mix in some horrific wig courtesy of Chrissy Monroe, and serve with a half-baked brawl at some random nightclub. Later, rinse, repeat!

Not surprisingly, Yandy Smith is still livid about Mendeecees’ false claim that their son was in the emergency room just to get her to answer the phone. That’s normal, right? She’s catching up with Kimbella (welcome back!) who I would never have recognized, and she shares that she has barely spoken to Mendeecees in the last week because she’s so mad. Kimbella is shocked to hear about Mendeecees’ stunt and Yandy’s subsequent fight with his assistant. However, Kimbella wonders if Mendeecees may have felt disrespected. Perhaps he’s owed an apology? Like Yandy, I am perplexed by Kimbella’s take on the situation.

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