They say you can’t go home again, and I would think that adage would certainly ring true for those crazy orange guidettes and gorilla juice heads who entertained us on the Jersey Shore. Gracious, I miss them (well, most of them).
Of course, it won’t shock anyone to learn that I was mistaken. You can go home again if you’re Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi and Jenni “J-Woww” Farley, and your one-time home is a wood-paneled wonderland complete with a duck phone and astroturf patio that smells of Sunday dinners, regret, and Axe body spray.
It may have originally been said by Alice Roosevelt Longworth, but last night, Andy Cohen was certainly channeling his inner Clairee Belcher who, in the best movie ever known to man (tied with Goonies, of course) cooed, “Well, you know what they say: if you don’t have anything nice to say about anybody, come sit by me!” That’s pretty much how it went down on the first hour of the Southern Charm reunion. Can I just say how thrilled I am that the crew finally got a proper reunion and wasn’t crammed into the WWHL clubhouse? Finally, right??
Before I get into the meat of the show, I’d like to make a few observations. I try not to share too much of my personal feelings (some of y’all may disagree with that statement, but I do try), but we all know a reunion is 30% footage and maybe 70% reaction, so I need a bit of filler. Y’all ready? People have commented before that I am too easy on the cast because I’m starstruck by people I could run into at Harris Teeter. You would be ninety percent correct.
Good gracious, y’all! The drama surrounding the custody battle between Thomas Ravenel and Kathryn Dennis continues to grow, and I’m sure we’ll see some fireworks between the former flames tonight when Bravo airs the first hour of the two-part Southern Charm reunion.
Fans of the show know that the couple has been famously feuding on social media for the better part of the last three years, yet somehow they managed to be together enough to have two children in as many years. After welcoming son St. Julien Rembert halfway through the season, Kathryn and T-Rav reconciled for all of five minutes before that bomb was dropped at Cooper Ray’s Founder’s Ball.
“Nothing is off limits,” she said. “A two hour honest discussion,” she said. All I heard coming out of Erica Hill’s mouth at the beginning of last night’s Sister Wives tell-all was “TWOHOURSTWOHOURSTWOHOURS!!!” But, if we’re going to get some dirt on the Browns, I’m in for sure. The sit down starts with the easy stuff…Kody and Robyn’s new daughter Aria. Kody brags about how much the baby loves him, and Janelle and Christine get emotional seeing footage of the birth for the first time. The group discusses hospital births in the polygamist community, and Kody says he’s ready to grow up and stop having kids, although he realizes the decision is out of his hands. Robyn plays coy about whether she will have more children.
Erica highlights Robyn’s feisty behavior throughout her pregnancy, and Kody seems genuinely peeved that his other wives found her curtness towards him to be hilarious. The group jokes about the perks of the women overlapping with their pregnancies since it allowed Meri to help breast feed Maddie when Janelle didn’t produce enough milk. While that didn’t bond the pair back in the day, Meri and Janelle are now working on their relationship. When asked if they consider themselves to be friends Janelle quietly nods as Meri offers up an unconvincing, “I think so.” Janelle cites that Christine is the good common denominator that helped them get along. When Erica asks about individual relationships, Kody doesn’t understand the question. As he tries to talk over Christine, his giggly third wife patiently explains what Erica was asking. Erica already seems over Kody.
Everyone’s favorite L&HHATL star and his on-again-off-again girlfriend Althea Hart were featured on Marriage Boot Camp Reality Stars, but Zino has managed to avoid any negative press after his latest arrest in February of last year–it’s not confidential, he’s got potential (shout out the The Killers). You remember that pesky incident? Benzino was pulled over for not wearing his seat belt and the officers discovered he was driving on a suspended license…with a heck of a lot of weed in his car. This was on the heels of accidentally trying to get through airport security with a loaded gun. I mean, people forget, right?
Thomas Ravenel…bless his heart. The fifty-something playboy Lothario whose antics and relationship drama are highlighted each week on Southern Charm is definitely the guy fans love to hate–or, in some cases, hate to love. He seems to be constantly riding a bourbon high even when stone-cold sober, he yells at his dinner guests, and he is likely to jump out the window to avoid confrontation with the mother of his two young children of whom he is now estranged. Hell, T-Rav once drunkenly fell in a pool with his baby girl! All these shenanigans aside, there is something about his that is interesting, a bit endearing, and dare I say, charming? Sheesh. I need to lay off the vino and get some sleep.
The former politician (and inmate) has had his share of ups and downs over the three seasons of the Bravo hit, and all of them revolve around his volatile relationship with Kathryn Dennis, thirty years his junior, and pretty dramatic in her own right. The pair makes for great reality television, but the headlines they cause when the cameras aren’t rolling are nothing short of heartbreaking. The pair is currently in a bitter custody dispute over toddler Kensie and baby boy St. Julien, and they tend to air their grievances on social media (loud and ugly) rather than sorting out issues in private. But hey, isn’t that what makes them so fascinating? Of course, with two beautiful little ones in the mix, I say that with a major dose of sarcasm.
So, could someone finally be taking responsibility for her actions? And, if so, does this mean we’re saved from another season of Dance Moms? Would anyone really watch without the Ziegler girls anyway? So many questions, and unfortunately, we won’t be getting the answers to the latter two any time soon. However, it seems that Abby Lee Miller is finally coming clean about her little misunderstanding with the IRS.
The sharp-tongued dance instructor and reality star is no stranger to controversy, from her tyrannical teaching methods to her childish feuds with her students’ mothers. Add in her often flighty, mid-2000s Britney Spears behavior complete with fast food binges, glassy eyes, and hot rollers, and some wondered if Abby wasn’t the perfect candidate for 5150 hold. Obviously by “some” I mean me.
Um, hello! Just like that, some chick who has had maybe twenty-three seconds of screen time all season made every Southern Charm fan ring their bells for Michael to fetch another shot of what the hell?? Cheers to you, Robyn! You so casually dropped that bombshell about your friend that it seemed almost inadvertent. All that was missing was a “bless her heart” to let us know just how calculated that one innocent statement was. What a doozie! But, like Tennessee Williams (who, according to Kathryn Dennis, writes stuff), I digress…
The best things end far too soon…whether it’s the weekend, my paycheck, or this season’s guiltiest pleasure! The finale begins where last week’s episode ends – with Cooper Ray attempting to corral Thomas Ravenel back into his house as Landon Clements narrowly escapes colliding with a mid-sized SUV with her golf cart. At her place down the street, Landon, Craig Conover, Naomie, and Cameran Eubanks rehash the crazy while Shepard “Shep” Rose laments a dinner uneaten. Landon gets upset when Shep defends Kathryn. Did he not just witness her go all “Moncks Corner” on her ass? Shep counters that Landon refuses to take the high road and presented Kathryn with the ammunition. He believes that Landon, Kathryn, and Thomas are far more alike than Landon would ever admit. Now where’s that damn pizza?