Row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream, when Don gets replaced with a hotter deckhand, it’s Rocky’s perfect dream! After Don Abenante’s departure and Emile Kotze and Raquel “Rocky” Dakota Bartlow’s drunkalicious failed date last week on Below Deck, it was time for some new blood. I think the correct term in this situation is “chum.” But beautiful chum, nonetheless!
Last night’s episode introduced us to Dane, and Rocky was all about him. Sorry Emile! Also, perfect, sweet, unassuming bosun Eddie Lucas suffered a hit involving his long-term, long distance relationship. The show begins with Rocky tackling a pile of laundry and dismissing Emile who is now trying harder than ever to win her heart. She needs maturity, experience, and someone who can handle his liquor. Connie Arias decides to jump ship from her cabin with Emile in favor of bunking up with Kate Chastain. Kate is thrilled because she’s much rather share living space with a friend than Don’s unknown replacement. In the kitchen, Emile shares with chef Leon Walker that he plans to head to California to win over Rocky’s family. Delusional, party of one? Leon joins the majority in thinking that Emile is clueless about girls, and Amy Johnson agrees as she hears Rocky’s recap of the date. There is a reason why Captain Lee Rosbach likes to keep yacht crew hook-ups to a minimum.
We haven’t heard much from Angela “Big Ang” Raiola recently as the beloved reality star has been battling throat cancer. However, after opting for two major surgeries instead of chemotherapy, the Mob Wives scene-stealer is recovering well after doctors removed a tumor the size of a lemon from her throat.
Big Ang is rarely filmed for the VH1 series without an ever-present cigarette dangling from her giant painted lips, but that is no longer the case. Diagnosed in March, Big Ang immediately gave up the nasty habit cold turkey. She’s ready to be back in business, and her struggle with cancer, as well as relationship stresses with husband Neil Murphy, will be featured on the upcoming season of Couple’s Therapy.
Do y’all know how frustrating it is to talk to AT&T technical support to complain about spotty internet and cable, explaining I need it for work, only to have the technician (who is in a time zone 12 hours ahead) that I shouldn’t be working so late? Is that the point, ma’am? Gahhh, the things I do for Love & Hip Hop Hollywood. Of course, I don’t want to miss a second of Soulja Boy’s antics, but it’s my job. The people have a right to know how whiny Ray-J is at any given minute and just how shady Teairra Mari is being to her “friends.” Enter Hazel-E. We all know the history between these ladies is complicated, but I believe that Teairra always holds the upper hand. Hazel gets her former roommate to concede to an inappropriate relationship with Berg where her music was concerned, there was no knee bending in a back alley. Win-win?
Ray is meeting with newbie Brandi (not his sister, I repeat, not his sister). She’s Whitney Houston’s goddaughter, and her husband Max Lux is a big time producer. If you forget that halfway through the episode, she’ll remind you again. Ray complains about the new found friendship between Princess and Teairra, and Ray makes the mistake of saying he’s going to working with Max on some “music.” Brandi is fully aware what it means for Max and Ray to work together….side chicks.
On last night’s Don’t Be Tardy, we were treated to a trip down memory lane for the former Real Housewives of Atlanta star. The photographs (oh the photographs!) alone were enough to make it a fabulous episode. Kim Zolciak Biermann with dark brown hair and braces? Yes please! The episode begins with Kim and Kroy heading to Connecticut, leaving Gloria and chef Tracey in charge of the brood. Not only is Kim scheduled to do an appearance at a casino, she’s also returning to her roots. The casino is in her hometown!
In their absence, Kroy has charged Slade with building a shelving system for the boys’ playroom. Wait, what? Slade is unsure as to whether he’s capable of constructing furniture, but he concedes that it shouldn’t be impossible. After all, he can read. Just not well, right? Returning to the town where she grew up, Kim is overwhelmed by the time warp. Nothing has changed, except her nose. Seriously, does she think we are that dumb? As the couple cruises the main drag, Kim remembers working at every fast food restaurant from Burger King to Taco Bell to Krispy Kreme. She always got fired for giving out free food to her friends.
There’s no MER I in “team,” so the legal union of Kody Brown and Robyn Sullivan Brown took place on last week’sSister Wives sans original first wife Meri. Now, it’s time for the family to focus on the purpose behind this paperwork shuffle…adopting Robyn’s three kids from her previous marriage. Of course, wouldn’t it have been more prudent to find out if said children’s biological father was willing to terminate his parental rights before shifting the family dynamic? Janelle and Christine are secondary players in this triangle, and they don’t seem all that bothered by it.
Kody has come to the realization that he’s got a lot of children, and having a lot of kids is hard when you have to tackle such tough topics like building a new play-set for the younger kids, newly engaged Madison joining the LDS church, and adopting Robyn’s three children. The moms call in Robyn’s children and clumsily try to explain the paperwork shuffle that will allow Kody to adopt them once they get the green light from their father. Robyn’s oldest daughter is over the moon. Kody reminds the children of Meri’s part in this deal, and they all offer up hugs of thanks.
“Yeah, never thought I’d be on a boat. It’s a big blue watery road. Poseidon, look at me! Never thought I’d see the day, with a big boat comin’ my way…believe me when I say I f*&$ed a mermaid!” Well, not quite. Right, Emile? I hate to use Lonely Island’s song two weeks in a row (False. I LOVE everything about it), but given the theme of last night’s Below Deck, it was definitely fitting. Plus, who doesn’t love T-Pain?
The episode begins with Don Abenante douchily (new word?) peacing out on Captain Lee Rosbach and bosun Eddie Lucas. As he leaves the bridge, he summons Kate Chastain on to the deck as Eddie reveals the news to Amy Johnson. Don gripes to Kate about feeling under-appreciated and being called out for something as stupid as a quick ocean dip, and she supports his decision to leave if it’s not for him. Dean is napping while his guests lounge in the hot tub as the the tale of Don’s demise travels through the crew. Raquel “Rocky” Dakota Bartlow is shocked, Connie Arias is thrilled, and Emile Kotze can’t imagine being a quitter. With Don back on solid ground, Rocky has once again set her sights on young Emile. Sure he’s immature, but that’s how she likes him. Chatting with Amy, Rocky determines that maybe Eddie would be a good conquest as well. Amy reminds her of Eddie’s long-time girlfriend, but Rocky doesn’t care.
If last week’s premiere of Love & Hip Hop Hollywood was any indication, this season could prove to be as entertaining as its Atlanta counterpart! Sure, Ray J is no Stevie J, but Princess can fight with the best of them, Omarion is endearing, Soulja Boy is sure to be as ridiculously juvenile as last year, and can we just talk about the fact that Moniece is responsible for a Rich Dollaz crossover? Let’s not forget Miles and Milan’s love that Miles doesn’t feel comfortable sharing with friends and family…only with hundreds of thousands of VH1 viewers! Keep up the momentum, folks!
Last night’s episode begins with a swagalicious Soulja who is in a good place with on-and-off girlfriend Nia. Like every other woman on this show, she’s quick to complain about her beau’s infidelities, but even quicker to forgive. Lil’ Fizz is working hard on a mix tape, and he’s excited to catch up with Soulja. Fizz brags about embracing the single life, and Soulja can relate (sorry, Nia). Nis is his ride-or-die chick, but when he’s on the road, he’s on the road. Soulja claims Nia is fully aware of his road chicks (is she?), and she knows she’s the only girl in his heart. Speaking of players (of the reformed variety), Rich is head over heels for Moniece. While their relationship is fairly new, both are hoping for home run. For Rich, that means, he’s planned a sexy date. For Moniece, that means she wants Rich to move to the West Coast and meet her son and spend time with her family and reverse his vasectomy (or did she say get a vasectomy? Either way…whoa). Sexy talk! After dropping those bombs, Moniece turns on the charm to get their romantic dinner back on track.
Last night’s Don’t Be Tardy was a plethora of lessons on family, vocabulary, and just how insane Tracey the chef may actually be. Kim Zolciak-Biermann doesn’t want her children to ever leave home. She’s distraught at Ariana’s plotting to fly the coop as soon as possible–who will watch KJ, Kash, and the twins? Kroy spends the episode basking in Tracey’s praise and chugging the champagne of beers. It’s like Norman Rockwell threw up all over this family.
Ariana is a built-in baby-sitter for her younger siblings, while Kim, Kroy and Tracey joke around in the kitchen. Ariana gripes that sister Brielle uses the youngest kids for nothing but selfie props. Tracey is in love with Kroy in a heterosexualhomophobic just like you love your favorite neighbor way. She thinks he’s just the best guy, and she wishes her girlfriend of ten years could be more like him. Kim questions Tracey about her relationship with Brooklyn, and Tracey admits they argues a lot. Brooklyn isn’t passive and go-with-the-flow like the perfect Kroy, and Tracey spends too much time playing games on her phone to make an effort. It’s not Tracey’s fault she was couldn’t pay attention at the euthanasia party for Brooklyn’s cat…she was crushing candy!