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Dance Moms 5

After waiting out a week on pins and needles, we finally got to see the Irreplaceables face off against their former teacher and the ALDC minis on last night’s Dance Moms. Before Abby Lee Miller can cause any drama, Ashlee steps in to yell at Camille for calling Brynn and liar. As the ladies scream in front of all of their fans, the mini moms pretend to take the high road as Jill tries to reign in a furious Camille. Holly believes Ashlee is doing anything she can to justify her decision to remain with the ALDC.

In the dressing room, new choreographer Ayesha expresses her disappointment in the group for pulling their solos. She is a member of the dance community, and it’s embarrassing that she wasn’t able to motivate the girls further out of their comfort level. They need to be more focused, and she admits that she would think differently of them if they came to audition for her. Kira interjects with a nasty comment, but Ayesha is adamant that the girls are being coddled. She calls them out for not even paying attention while she’s talking to them. In the real world of dance, they may only have thirty minutes to learn a new number that has to be stage ready for a Beyoncé show. They aren’t always going to have their moms to fall back on, and Kalani appreciates the lecture.

Does Peggy have Resting Bitch Face?

Like every other franchise, the ladies of the Real Housewives of Orange County know a little something about cattiness (I’m looking at you Tamra Judge), whininess (ahem, Shannon Beador), and alliance shifting. If you had told me after that Quiet Woman fiasco that Shannon and Kelly Dodd would be thick as thieves a few episodes later, I would have called you crazy! Yet poor OG Vicki Gunvalson remains outside the circle of friendship with Kelly and Lydia McLaughlin crossing over to her side of the playground for a cocktail…or colonics. Also, am I the only one who thought that was way much, even for Andy Cohen?

And then there’s newcomer Peggy Sulahian who has a sharp tongue, a fierce closet (and garage), and not the best grasp of common sayings despite majoring in English in college. Add in the women’s confusion over her breast cancer and her motivation for getting a double mastectomy (as if it is anyone’s flipping business!), and Peggy is ripe for hazing. However, she’s no shrinking violet with this group of yahoos.

Cary-Deuber-denies-everything-when-Brandi-Redmond-calls-her-out

Y’all this Dallas trip is beyond bonkers. If these ladies despise one another so much, why are they vacationing together? I have to say D’Andra Simmons is a breath of fresh air on this season of Real Housewives of Dallas, and more power to someone who can tame LeeAnne Locken’s special brand of cray. Stephanie Hollman and Brandi Redmond are definitely better together (that bubble bath!), and Kameron Westcott’s voice is about to throw me over the edge. Without a doubt, the Dallas franchise has grown on me, and I think I could watch it year-round. That said, there seems to be some selective memory (or completely altered memory) when it comes to these girls and their plastic surgeons (“he’s an OBGYN”).

Addressing the drama that went down at dinner in Mexico on this week’s episode, Cary Deuber insists she never, ever, ever implied that Brandi’s mommy makeover doctor had someone die on his operating table. Brandi seems insistent that it was said, and it was sad to see the close friends go head to head. Can we just get the girls some more tequila please?

Dance Moms 2

After last night’s Dance Moms, I wonder if Ashlee is second guessing her decision to stick with Abby Lee Miller. As she convenes with the crazy mini moms, they realize that Abby is nowhere to be found. As the mothers traipse into her office, she starts shrieking that she is braless and they are bombarding her bedroom. She starts grabbing at the cameras and boom mic, and a poor production guy narrowly escapes. Ashlee is indignant. She didn’t sign up for this. Um, yeah you did.

Across town, the elite team the Dream Team the Irreplaceables are rehearsing with their new choreographer. The elite team is growing up, so they are doing a burlesque number. Jill recognizes the girls need to sass (sex?) it up with a dance unlike the minis lyrical pieces. Kendall and Kalani will be doing solos.

Dance Moms 5

It’s Dance Moms time again, y’all! I apologize for missing last week, but Irma left me without power…a small inconvenience given the magnitude of her damage, and our thoughts and prayers continue to go out to everyone affected by this recent rash of horrific storms. Abby Lee Miller is back (oh yea), the Ianas moms are still incredibly annoying (a feat given the company they keep), and Ashlee has a decision so big that it warranted a two-parter. It’s apparent I didn’t miss much in the hiatus, save for the grand dame’s return!

Chloe is leading her group number, and Christi wants to make sure she arrives early in hopes of allowing her daughter to avoid the ALDC. Little does she know, her friends won’t be competing because Abby has chosen the minis over her veterans. The mini moms are salivating to be in Abby’s spotlight. They remind Abby that she has been abandoned by her disloyal older group, and now she has a new group of bright young talent to mold. As the mothers talk over each other in hopes of garnering Abby’s attention, she barks that the minis just need to hope they make it through this week. Abby can’t focus on a future with these mothers and their girls until she runs through their solos. She screams corrections at the dancers and then calls Kate Gosselin 2.0 Hair over to dispose of her lunch trash. She happily obliges hoping Abby won’t notice her sick daughter isn’t dancing up to par.

Dance Moms ALDC

If you thought Yolanda unleashed some serious crazy on last week’s episode of Dance Momsshe must have been contagious (haha!). Just when I thought we’d found an even keeled replacement for the unhinged Abby Lee Miller things started going south rather quickly!

The moms are beginning to doubt Laurieann Gibson’s magic touch. She doesn’t have the formula for winning like Abby has. Laurieann blames the lack of girls’ stamina, but the mothers are buying it. Ashlee is starting to regret her choice to invite Laurieann to the studio. In Laurieann’s A-list, the minis are on the bottom, or D-list. Yolanda tries to put in her two cents, but she’s quickly shut down. Kendall and Nia are on the C-list for not working hard enough or dancing up to their potential…and Maesie joins them for not dancing at all. Kalani and Camryn comprise the B-list with Brynn on the top.

Dance Moms Recap - All Choked Up

Last night’s Dance Moms introduced us to a force of crazy the likes of which the ALDC has never seen. Who knew there would be a mother who could make Abby Lee Miller appear sane? Y’all know who I’m talking about, right? Yo-yolanda was in rare form on the latest episode, and that’s saying a lot given her peers. It’s very difficult to out-crazy crazy with these women!

Poor Laurieann Gibson. She’s really got her work cut out for her! After last week’s fourth place finish and dueling mothers, she is finally getting her feet wet. Laurieanne assembles the group for her version of Abby’s pyramid, which she has revamped as the A-list. Brynn is on the bottom with Kendall, but Laurieanne builds them up with positive reinforcement.  Camryn, Maesie “the black sheep”, and Kalani make up the middle of the A, with the minis on the next tier. Nia Frazier tops the A-list, and man, I just adore her. She’s so humble.

7DM fight Dance Moms

As last night’s Dance Moms begins, Abby Lee Miller is no where to be seen. She’s two days away from her sentencing, and traipsing around Europe. Is it my birthday? It’s the greatest gift, for sure.  Ashlee is is thrilled to bring in Laureanne Gibson, a choreographer and life-changer for stars like Lady Gaga, Beyonce, the Jonas Brothers, and Demi Lavato. Google her, y’all. She’s so tickled to get to work with young dancers and take a break from P. Diddy (Puff Daddy?) and Katy Perry to get the ALDC off their cuckoo for cocoa puffs hamster wheel. Laurieanne has won Emmys and MTV awards, she is ready to break down the monotony of the dance competition world. As she spouts off her resume and accolades and star proteges, Kira interrupts to remind her that this group is on a time frame. Laurieanne questions whether Abby has held back any of the dancers, and hands go up all over the room.

Nia tears up remembering how hard Abby was on her when she embarked on her music career. But guess what? Laurieanne is faster, stronger, better. She’s time, people. Like, literally, she said she’s not worried about time because she IS time. While I’m wrapping my head around this admission, I realize I’m just thrilled to be without the pyramid. When she dismisses the mothers, I’m like, Boom. She’s cray, but I love it.