Last night’s Sister Wives introduced us to Madison Brown’s now-fiance Caleb, and it teased us about next week’s finale that has Meri rehashing her catfish situation. There is certainly going to be plenty of fodder for the reunion! The family is heading off to Alaska for a vacation, and Logan and Madison are both taking their significant others. Logan reveals that he still plans on only having one wife, and his girlfriend Michelle jokes that she doesn’t plan on sharing her husband with anyone. Madison is head over heels with Caleb, and she admits that he has been interested in her since they first met when she was seventeen. Of course, due to their ten year age gap, he didn’t pursue her back then.
Kody and Robyn head to their sonogram appointment to find out the sex of the baby. The family’s consensus seems to be that Robyn is having a girl, but TLC needs to drag out the reveal for a story line. Upon arriving in Alaska, the kids are running around, and Garrison does the unthinkable. He complains that Kody and crew are too lenient with Solomon, comforting him when they should be disciplining him. Kody booms that he is the parent and he doesn’t need to Garrison criticizing his parenting skills. Garrison retorts that he wasn’t criticizing, he was advising. Kody doesn’t like being called out by his son…who is right, by the way. Logan is concerned that his giant family is going to overwhelm his poor girlfriend.
Finally. Last night was the season finale of Don’t Be Tardy, so we had to bid farewell to chef Tracy. Don’t cry. It’s Bravo. She’ll be back. They’ll all be back. That said, if Brielle gets a job at E! News, I officially give up…on everything. Plus, I have a big birthday coming up, and every time I watch this show and remember that Kim Zolciak Biermannclaims to be is a few years younger than I am, I want drown my sorrows in some of her sparkling raspberry moscato. If you’ve had it, you know how badly this realization is for me.
The episode begins with KJ and Kroy building a kite. Kroy is heading off to camp with the Falcons which makes KJ the f$%#&* head of the household. KJ has it covered. He plans to chain Brielle in her room for at least a week. Smart kid. Meanwhile, Brielle and Slade are debating how much a ton weighs, and Kim and Kroy are taking the couple to Kim’s favorite psychic, Rose, so they can figure out the future of their relationship. Kim loves the psychic so much, Kaia’s middle name is Rose. Rose predicts that Brielle will have three kids, a wonderful husband and good fortune…and it’s starting next year. Rose reads Slade’s palm and also sees a marriage within a year. Slade jokes that it will be a really tiny ring then.
“Take a picture, trick, I’m on a boat, b*tch; we drinking Santana champ, ’cause it’s so crisp. I got my swim trunks, and my flippie-floppies; I’m flippin’ burgers, you at Kinko’s straight flippin’ copies.” This Lonely Island song is perfection. No seriously, take a picture. Take one million pictures…and post them all on Instagram! And those copies of which you sing, are they perhaps copies of friendship contracts? Last night’s Below Deck epitomized Bravo’s love of a crossover. Forget the Bailey Agency and wild rice, Real Housewives of Atlanta’sCynthia Bailey was all about the Eros!
After the fire that ended Eyebrows McEgo’s reign in the Eros kitchen, chef Leon Walker is out, and Ben Robinson is back in the galley…and in the opening credits! As the crew gets ready for their latest charter, Ben gets all judgy about Leon’s science experiment he called a refrigerator. Connie Arias is all googly-eyed over Ben, but he’s too busy throwing away rotting vegetable to notice. On deck, Eddie Lucas is thrilled to see Dave from season one, and he’s just as adorable as I remember. He’s saving up for his wedding to his equally precious boyfriend, and Captain Lee Rosbach can’t hide his glee at the new addition. Dave is introduced to Kate Chastain, Amy Johnson, Emile, Koutze, and Rocky “Raquel” Dakota Bartlow. Someone quick tell her he’s gay before she tries to make him her next victim!
Last night’s Love & Hip Hop Hollywood begins with Amber on her mission to get dirt on Miles, storming into Milan’s studio’s session. He hasn’t spoken to Miles in weeks, save a few texts, and he’s ready to confront Amber about her relationship with Miles…as she wants to do regarding his. Milan breaks the news that the pair have been dating for two years. Amber is floored. Two years? She admits that she’s hurt and upset, and he reveals that he’s been urging Miles to be honest for ages. Milan shares that Miles claims Amber is a friend who can’t distance himself from his clingy pal. He’s even been fronting Miles the money he’s lent to Amber. This news is an extra blow, and Milan can’t help but feel sorry for her. She counters that had Miles been honest, she would have been friends with both of them…as a couple. The one time adversaries end the conversation with a hug.
Omarion and Willie are shooting hoops and talking music. Willie requests Omarion’s guidance with the independent label contract he’s trying to skirt. Omarion can sympathize, but it’s a rite of passage that can lead to great success. Willie needs to hustle in any way possible to reach his goals. Willie understands, but he’s worried he’ll lose Shanda’s support if he’s unable to get out of his contract. Meanwhile, after her emotional exchange with Fizz, Moniece is wondering why her mother is trying to sabotage her relationship with Rich Dollaz. Like Fizz, Rich is confused as to why Marla is on a rampage against her daughter, but he’s even more confused as to why Moniece doesn’t want to know her mother’s motives. Moniece goes from calm to crazy, breaking down in Rich’s arms.
So now that Kody Brown has adopted wife Robyn’s three children from a previous marriage, what will be the focus of Sister Wives going forward? Oh, I know! Let’s send the kids to spend a few weeks with their biological father! Robyn is concerned about the trip, and she hopes they have a positive experience. Dayton and her two daughters are very excited, although they admit they haven’t seen their biological father for two years. Kody reveals that in the past when the three have been to visit him before, they come back a bit different…a tad detached from the Brown family. It’s a good thing Kody and Robyn made sure they were Browns before leaving.
Since the adoption hype is over, the Browns fall back on their regular party planning plot. They are hoping to throw an adoption soiree to celebrate the three newest Browns. Kody is meeting with his wives, and Meri questions the food being served. He wants barbecue, but Robyn wants something more along the lines of Sunday dinner. Janelle nods her head in approval to pretend she’s paying attention, and Christine giggles wide-eyed at everything discussed like she’s watching a ping pong tournament. Her meds are great! Kody interrupts to say he’s getting chicken wings and meat, but Robyn attacks. She has white linens and floral arrangements–this isn’t going to be a cook-out. Kody hasn’t placed the order yet, but Robyn is won’t listen. She lays into Kody as her fellow wives join her in ganging up against him. Christine loves the camaraderie of the wives in an alliance against Kody. He urges them to get their panties out of a wad, and Janelle gives Robyn an mental high five for jumping all over him for that comment too.
We are one episode away from the Don’t Be Tardy finale. Are y’all as stoked as I am? That said, after next week, I’ll spend months wondering if Brielle is really trying navigate Los Angeles all by her lonesome, as well as what curse words KJ has added to his vocabulary! Let’s get started with the recap, shall we?
On the eve of their trip to Los Angeles, Shun swings by the Zolciak-Biermann abode to help style Brielle for her big break. Kim reveals that not only will the mother-daughter duo be visiting E! News, they will also be apartment hunting. Kim divides her time between fawning over Brielle’s fashion and hounding Slade about he’ll survive if his lady love moves permanently to the West Coast. Gloria is taking some time off from being Kim’s bitch assistant so that she can get married. While it’s the most inopportune time for Kim, she’s happy for Gloria. Chef Tracy goad Gloria about how easy her job is, and she offers to do it ten times better in Gloria’s absence. Gloria wishes her luck with an eye roll. Who thinks this chick will make it another season? Wait, why do I expect there to be another season?
In the event you didn’t already think Leon Walker was an asshat with overly manicured eyebrows and Raquel “Rocky” Dakota Bartlow was a few sandwiches short of a picnic, allow me to remind you of the always wonderful Internet…where nothing ever truly goes away. Ever. Even when you delete it. Remember that, teenagers!
Many of you have been buzzing after last night’s Below Deck, Leon’s brooding exit and Rocky’s dramatic exodus (and subsequent return). However, thanks to the Twitterverse a lot gossip is swirling about the part of Leon’s departure we didn’t see on camera.
“Somethin’ ’bout a boat, sittin’ on the sea; Out there in the wind, floatin’ on the free; Take you ’round the world, bring you back home; Gives a man hope, somethin’ ’bout a boat…Ain’t it crazy how somethin’ seems like nothin’ at all; Take a big old room, make it seem so small; Seein’ windows where there are walls, makes a whole lot of something out of nothin’ at all.” I admit it, these lyrics are in no way indicative of what we witnessed last night, but I love Jimmy Buffett, and he does use the word “crazy” which is applicable!
For the .07% of Bravo’s viewing population that wasn’t convinced that Raquel “Rocky” Dakota Bartlow is five-star crazy, last night’s Below Deck episode was just for you! It begins with Eddie Lucas putting out the kitchen fire and blaming the issue on Kate Chastain not taking the dirty pans out of the oven. Captain Lee Rosbach oversees the debacle as chef Leon Walker sleeps through the entire event. Kate tries to calm the guests who were awakened in the middle of the night by a fire alarm. The following morning, Amy Johnson can’t believe that Leon isn’t the least bit phased that his galley was up in flames the night before, and Connie Arias is shocked that Emile Kotze didn’t hear the ruckus. Rocky is quick dish to Leon that it was all Kate’s fault as Amy delivers breakfast in bed to the primary charter guest to start off his birthday celebration.