Someone’s gotten a bit of a haircut! Sister Wives returned last night with a vengeance. Kody Brown excites with his fresh trim–it’s so subtle that only one as obsessed with his mane as I am might notice the glorious new style, but it’s fresh.
Leading up to the new season, the participation of Merihas been questioned, but I think last night’s premiere solidifies that she’s pretty much here to stay…although we didn’t see much of Christine. Janelle looks amazing, but I am waiting for her exodus. Go girl. As for Robyn? She’s already relishing her role as Kody’s real wife, although it’s purely on paper. That said, I made my friend Trey watch with me, and asked his thoughts after the episode ended. “Girl, if we had to take a shot every time that guy with bad hair and the denim suit said ‘paperwork,’ we’d both be dead.” And he’d be right.
I’m just going to say it. Meghan King Edmonds needs to find another way to stay relevant rather than clinging to the coattails of the whether bottom-feeder Brooks Ayersis lying about having cancer. There has to be something else the Real Housewives of Orange County newbie can focus on to stay in the spotlight, right? It’s just so tedious. While I believe Meghan’s concern started from a good place, now it’s just turned ugly. I’m no Brooks fan, and if it turns out he was lying about his diagnosis, that is really gross and low. However, you know what’s grosser and lower? Being the person who keeps accusing someone of lying about being sick when that someone actually does have cancer.
To be honest, I really wanted to like her. I figured Meghan’s youth would spice up the group, and anyone who wants to go head-to-head with Vicki Gunvalson is a-okay in my book. However, even though it’s fun to watch her call out Vicki, it’s not fun to watch her constantly whining about why it’s her mission to expose Brooks.
“I’m on a boat, and it’s going fast and, I’ve got a nautical themed penis folded afghan…I’m the king of the world on a boat like Lee (oh! Ha!), if you’re on the shore, then you’re sure not me…oh!” Yes, I am a huge Lonely Island fan. Of course, I am also a Below Deckfanatic, and the show has yet to disappoint me so far this season. I just hope I don’t run out of ship-themed intros!
As last night’s episode begins, the Eros crew has five hours before the new charter guests arrive. True to form, Raquel “Rocky” Dakota Bartlow is bawling on the phone to her dad about how mean Kate Chastain is as a boss. Her dad quickly reminds her that she has a job to do and her boss is there to make sure she does it properly. Amy Johnson sympathizes with Rocky as she was Kate’s punching bag last season. Amy promises to help alleviate any of the tension as long as Rocky is willing to work with her to make sure things get done. Rocky is no quitter, so she dries her tears, makes weird faces at the camera, and sets her sights on doing anything but what is asked of her. Sounds about right…
Hasta la vista, Atlanta. It’s time to say hello to Hollywood. Last night was the premiere of Love & Hip Hop Hollywood. In case you missed it, Soulja Boy hasn’t gotten any smarter (nor have the ladies who love him), Hazel E isn’t making better decisions, and Ray-J is every bit as whiny as you remember if…if not more. The episode begins with Teairra Mari, Moniece, and Apryl Jones are lounging on the beach, with Moniece revealing she’s in a relationship with a new man who shall remain nameless–for the time being at least. Teairra has washed her hands of her relationship with Ray-J, and the women revel in the gossip of Princess’ recent arrest in New Orleans on the heels of an altercation with Ray. Apryl, sporting a new nose ring, interjects to say she’s planning a post-baby party, but she’s invited her new friend Princess. Teairra promises that she’ll behave if Princess can do the same. Apryl hopes she’s able to be the bigger person.
Across town, Hazel has ditched her obsession with Berg and is back in the studio with producer Milan. She’s mourning the recent loss of her grandfather and was surprised that former friend Teairra reached out to her after his funeral. Milan has been seeing someone for a while, and he’s ready to get married and start a family. It’s a conversation he needs to have with his love, although he’s not sure how it will be received. He is apparently the antithesis of every other dude on this show.
Three quick lessons that y’all already know: 1) People are stupid; 2) It’s disgusting what people think they can get away with when it comes to deplorable behavior; and 3) If there’s a Love & HipHop franchise that isn’t airing at the moment, its stars will still make headlines. No new information.
With Love & Hip Hop Atlanta ending just this week (I miss you already, Dee!), and Love & Hip Hop Hollywood premiering it’s latest season on Monday, who is even thinking about the original series? It’s filming now so we won’t have to go a week without VH1’s guiltiest pleasure. Thank goodness! However, one half of New York’s most ridiculous couple has landed in the news. Tahiry Jose was allegedly attacked at New York Fashion Week.
Just sit right back and you’ll hear a tale, a tale of a fateful trip that started from this tropic port, aboard this giant ship. The mate was a mighty sailing man, the skipper brave and sure. The newbies were a crazy bunch looking for a bitchy resting face cure. On last night’s Below Deck, Raquel “Rocky” Dakota Bartlow proved once again that she is a whiny horndog who is used to getting her way, Don Abenante proved once again that he is a whiny meathead who is too good to use a mop, and Connie Arias proved that she may be the only semi-normal, halfway likable newbie aboard Captian Lee Rosbach’s Eros.
The episode begins as Bosun Eddie Lucas and Chief Stew Kate Chastain summon Rocky and Emile Kotze down from the radar, warning both that it could fry their brains or at the very least knock them off the yacht and send them toppling into the ocean. Are these people for real? Eddie then threatens to fire Emile if he does anything that stupid again. Rocky gets a more passive aggressive but similar speech from Kate. Luckily, Captain Lee is going to have the final word. Rocky smirks as she’s scolded and then complains that everyone is making a mountain out of a mole hill. The charter guests are still recovering from the foam party and have decided to sleep in, which makes Kate very grateful.
Kids do the darnedest things, don’t they? They grow up so fast, and if their parents are lucky, they’ll be excited to take over tasks that have become mundane to adults. Brandi Glanville is banking on this with her two sons (and let’s be honest, “bonus mom” LeAnn Rimes likely is too). She’s already got her boys trying new things that they no doubt find to be super cool when the rest of us are way over it…like pumping gas.
I remember being fifteen and having my dad show me how to pump gas because I was clueless. At the time, the lesson was much more exciting than the one about changing a flat tire or checking the oil…both of which I had to sit through (and master) before I was given the keys. However, the formerReal Housewives of Beverly Hills star is going all out, allowing her twelve-year-old son to be responsible for filling up her car (this one??) with gas. Of course, I would imagine that with Brandi there is less supervision and more pretending to be Jessica Tandy in a scene from Driving Miss Daisy.
The reunion begins with Joseline responding to her statement on an After Party episode that Mimi was her b*tch as well as Stevie’s. She reveals that the pair had a threesome together. Mimi doesn’t deny it, instead she just claims to be sickened by Joseline. Stevie reiterates his same old tired excuse that he had many foggy nights back in the day. It gets pretty intense as Joseline describes the encounter shared, adding that a lot of begging took place. Mimi clarifies that it wasn’t a threesome by definition. Instead, she and Joseline took turns with Stevie, but they were all present. Momma Dee interrupts to remind everyone that as long as you’re having fun that’s all that matters. Ariane never knew about this dalliance, but she’s proud of her friend for being so adventurous. Wasn’t a sex tape adventurous enough? Everyone claims it was a one time thing, and Joseline apologizes for her treatment of Mimi which Mimi seems to accept it. They agree that Stevie has been the root of their issues. Stevie thinks it’s going to be a great night for him–perhaps a replay that he’ll remember this time?