On last night’s Dance Moms, Christ-y returns! Ashlee wanders into the viewing room to a find a new mother. Christy explains that she’s not exactly “new,” since Abby Lee Miller has been training her daughter Sarah for ages. Ashlee looks a bit deflated and admits that while her daughter has been working hard to make the team, she’s not very popular with the moms. Christy understands…and agrees with Ashlee’s detractors. Abby needs to keep to girls she’s been training since they could walk, and she warns that Brynn’s ALDC jacket can easily be taken away from her. It’s extremely rich when Melissa enters and hugs Christy, thanking her for her support and text messages. Could this be more fake? When Jill and Holly welcome Christ-y with open arms, I know it must be a sign of the apocalypse. They all used to hate this woman. Ashlee is basically Christ-y 2.0! At least Jessalyn remembers how horrible she was.
At pyramid, Abby praises the girls’ David Bowieroutine. The bottom row is comprised of Kalani (she’s absent for her great-grandfather’s funeral), MacKenzie (sloppy feet), and JoJo (good job in the group number, there’s no real reason why she was arbitrarily placed on the lowest rung). Kendall follows on the second tier for making it through a morning without a meltdown, and Maddie is shockingly in the third spot for her silly string aim. Nia is in second for a great performance in the group number, and Brynn takes the top spot for her solo win.
Finally! Dear readers, our patience has paid off and last night we were rewarded with the start of the new season of Southern Charm. It was as if Christmas, my Pearl Harbor birthday, and my day job holiday bonus all came at the same time, except it’s not December, it’s April–and spring has sprung in a major way! It’s all there: Cameran Eubank’s hilarious one-liners, Shepard “Shep” Rose’s charming frat-tastic world views, Thomas Ravenel’s black-eye, Kathryn Dennis’ eyerolls (complete with false lashes and snark), Cooper Ray’s attempts at peace-keeping, Landon Clements’ transition from background sidekick to major player, Craig Conover’s return to the Holy City, Patricia Altshul’s gorgeous caftans (son Whitney Sudler-Smith was there, too). It was all perfect. Did I mention I got to watch it all at a wonderful premiere party at JD’s Sermets hosted by Cordially Cooper? Pinch me.
So that dinner party, right? Bravo has perfected the art of the hook with a minute-long tease of the finale. Move over, Camille Grammer, your Dinner Party from Hell has been replaced…tenfold. As we view the entire cast imploding over a meal at T-Rav’s downtown compound (did Thomas just remove Cameran from the premises? Are Shep and T-Rav going to come to blows?), we’re hit with the news that the start of the third season of Southern Charm is going to rewind three months to regale us with the build-up to the epic moment. Damn you, Bravo.
Even though she’s no longer on this earth, Big Ang is still bringing people together. The Mob Wives star passed away in February after battling metastasized throat cancer just weeks before the series’ finale aired.
While several of her co-stars spent the time following her death battling on Twitter about stupid rumors, one of the larger than life star’s friends was thanking Ang for playing match-maker from beyond the grave. That’s right, folks. Renee Graziano met her new boyfriend at Ang’s wake.
All season, Rinna’s overly plumped lips have been talking about Munchausen and Yolanda Foster. She’s tired of being the scapegoat. No, she’s not tired, she enraged. And then there’s Lisa Vanderpump, or LVP as she’s been newly dubbed this season (I blame newbie Kathryn Edwards). The all-around fan favorite has been relegated to the group villain thanks to editing and an inability to apologize for whatever her co-stars think is deserving of an apology. Erika Girardi has her own opinions.
She acts a fool. She sings. She dances. She bloops. NeNe Leakes may have risen to fame on Real Housewives of Atlanta, but she didn’t follow the normal housewives branding with fruity alcoholic beverages and cookbooks. The Neenster is one of the few reality stars (who wasn’t famous before her reality show) who has managed to crossover into acting…and not just in Sharknado movies! She’s guest starred on Glee. She’s starred in a short-lived sitcom. She’s acted on Broadway (twice!!!). What’s next?
Well apparently, stand-up comedy. NeNe is taking her act on the road with her “So Nasty, So Rude” tour. I guess “Close Your Legs to Married Men….WIG!” tour was too much to fit on the flyer?
Last night’s Dance Moms brought the drama, but Abby Lee Miller managed to stay slightly above the fray. You know that means it’s bad! As the episode begins, Abby is as unhinged as ever as she lectures the mothers on not respecting how busy she is as Ashlee lobbies for a pyramid to prove to the other moms that Brynn is worthy of the ALDC jacket. She’s still fuming that the team refuses to accept her daughter as its newest member, and I’m fuming that I get riled up and forget this a scripted mess.
At the studio, JoJo inquires to the whereabouts of Ashlee’s friends, and Ashlee retorts that she has no friends. Meanwhile, Melissa drives her daughters to practice, and Maddie admits that she love Brynn, but her addition to the team was awkward thanks to the mothers. MacKenzie chimes in to say how sad it was that the moms accused Brynn’s win of being rigged, and Melissa quickly shuts her down. “We don’t say that word.”
The tabloids had a field day when Hank was exposed for cheating on his wife, who was pregnant with the pair’s second child, during a drug fueled affair with a transgender model. After some very public ups and downs, Kendra is determined to stand by her husband and be open about the situation with their two children, six-year-old Hank, IV and two year old daughter Alijah. Wait, what? Yes, you read that correctly. Kendra is explaining all about daddy’s uh ohs and boo-boos to two kids who should be allowed to discover this drama the old fashioned way…by accidentally coming across it while surfing on the Internet at least a decade from now…you know, just like how all other reality stars’ kids learn about their parents’ sordid pasts! But that Kendra, she’s a free spirit, and she wants an open dialogue. Is is just me or should an open dialogue with kids this age be more about the tooth fairy and less about their father’s infidelities. Call me old-fashioned…
It’s been a hot second since Kris Jenner and the brain trust at E! gifted us with a “Choose Two Random Kardashian Siblings to Take On a Major City While Opening a New Dash Store” spin-off. It’s about time, don’t you think? Let’s go in a slightly different direction, shall we? I’m thinking Rob and Blac Chyna Take Calabasas…and Share a Home with Kylie and Tyga. I know that would be the one show spit out by this family that I’d actually watch. I have a pact with my better self not to view any Keeping Up With The Kardashian kraziness. Sure, this pact is maybe two weeks old, but baby steps.
We may be closer to the perfect storm of a spin-off now that Rob Kardashian has seemingly reconciled with his momager and over-exposed siblings. After bouts of weight game, rumors of depression, and throwing shade at sister Kim Kardashian on social media, Rob seems to be in a better place now that he’s dating his youngest teenaged sister’s much older boyfriend’s baby mama. Small world with those Kardashian-Jenners…