Who doesn't love listening to Kris Jenner wax poetic about just how amazing Kim Kardashian's wedding was to tiny rapper Kanye West? I know I can't get enough of it. However, I've been waiting for her to tackle the real hard-hitting issues from the ceremony and reception.
I don't care about the golden porta-potties or the tantrums, I want to know about the things that really matter. I want to know how Kris felt about Bey and Jay skipping out on the tacky affair. I want to know what in holy hell Jaden Smith was thinking when he dressed in a silver Batman costume for the event. Really? I think it's time his parents decide to actually implement some rules with their children. Uncle Phil would be sorely disappointed. Rest in peace.
Cheerio, readers! I don't know about y'all, but I am hooked on Ladies of London. Talk about some snooty bishes, right? Pinky up! London is one of my favorite cities, and if I wasn't so accustomed to being warm seventy percent of the year, I can picture myself living in a flat, eating fish and chips, and bopping around Chelsea in a smart cardigan and some fab rain boots. Of course, I would never fit in with the cast of Bravo's latest show, but they are so much fun to watch!
Of course, if I did just plop right down into that elite social circle, I'd want to be best friends with Marissa Hermer, party with Annabelle Nielson, and spend my time terrified of Caroline Stanbury. Noelle Reno is also a bit scary, but she's too thirsty for my taste. Heck, I'd hang out with Caprice just because of the cockroach dress and the way she drives Caroline over the verge of cattiness!
Another day, another casting rumor, right? This time around, the gossip is swirling around Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, and I think we can all agree that the ritziest of the franchise is likely to get a major overhaul.
Last night's Love & Hip Hop: Atlanta highlighted the opening of Stevie J.and No-Neck's new venture…and I am going to venture a guess that we didn't even see the tiniest portion of the real drama that occurred that night! Sleazy and Zino's Bistro and Bar is becoming an actuality. Stevie and Benzinohave brought their ladies to check out the space. Joseline Hernandez has grand plans to perform at the club once a week–maybe nightly–because everyone loves seeing what she has to offer. She bonds with Benzino's new love Althea, warning her that KarlieRedd will be back for No-Neck's money given the opportunity. The women laugh over the fact that Althea used to "hang with" Mimi Faust's sex tape co-star back in the day. I just don't get what is so appealing about Nikko. Joseline has heard that Althea gets around, so this news isn't surprising to her. Across the space, Sleaze and Zeen toast to their nightlife endeavor, and Benzino reveals his grand plans to propose to Althea. I cannot get to Atlanta fast enough to belly up to the bar at this magnificent establishment.
Rasheeda's grand plans to make Kirk Frost jealous with a girls' trip to New Orleans are quickly deteriorating. Kirk doesn't think that his wife needs to be out partying when she should be home tending to their son. At least he's finally claiming paternity! Rasheeda can't understand why it was perfectly fine for him to have a threesome at Benzino's cabin, but she can't take off for Mardi Gras for a few days. The couple is taking son Karter for a check-up, and Kirk wants the doctor to tell Rasheeda just how bad it is for her mother to kiss Karter on the mouth. The doctor shares that young babies are definitely receptive to germs, and she discourages them from allowing anyone to kiss the baby on the mouth. Perhaps she should also warn Kirk that it is probably unsanitary for Karter to be chewing on his gold chain as well.
Vicki Gunvalson is in love y'all, and she'd really rather you not bash her about it on social media. I'm inclined to agree. If she wants to screw up her life by dating a grifter, so be it! It's the whole, "Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me" mentality that Vicki simply doesn't seem to have when it comes to Brooks Ayers.
The Real Housewives of Orange County star hung out with on-again-off-again love Brooks at a Toby Keith concert. She then posted the above picture on her Instagram with the caption, "Friday night Toby Keith concert. Friends for over 20 years are the best ones. Love country music and laughing." Of course, she wasn't laughing when people started commenting on it.
There are not a lot of celebrities that annoy me to the extent that LeAnn Rimes annoys me. I used to be obsessed with her back when she was a young country singer dating Andrew Keegan (who didn't adore him?). Now, her penchant for over-sharing and vine videos just rubs me the wrong way. It's not even the infidelity or the Twitter battles she's now famous for, it's just her demeanor. She's very good at being condescending.
Anyhoo, I'll get off my soapbox long enough to write about her upcoming reality show with husband Eddie Cibrian that I won't be watching. Just kidding! I will totally be all over that show. As much as she grates on my nerves, LeAnn is my own personal train wreck. I just can't look away.
So we've got a new opener for Sister Wives…not the words, but at least the outfits. That's a plus right? Some wives are happy while the others are doing what they should be doing…freaking out at the revelation that they are in this polygamist situation while cameras watch…
Several children and Meri Brown are celebrating their birthdays. If you ever have enough children to infringe on your special day MORE THAN ONCE, I'd venture to say you're having too many children. Kody Brown is grilling out for the birthdays, and in anticipation of his birthday and his anniversary with Janelle. Christine could care less about birthdays, she just wants to grow My Sister Wives Closet with some investors. Gracious. There are people who want to put their money into this situation? Christine is channeling her inner Martha Stewart when thinking about what "their brand" can accomplish.
Kody and his hair are stressing about his wife house jumping, and Robyn Sullivan Brown is all about Kody bonding with her kids. Robyn and Kody bicker about her son having Aspergers. She wants to do what's best for him, while Kody thinks it was a ridiculous diagnosis. Let's forget about that gem for a bit, because there are a lot of birthday and anniversary celebrations to tend to in the meantime. Meri loves Keith Urban and she does everything in her power to straighten Kody's hair so he can be the Australian prototype she wants. At least line dancing is good for something!
What's Brandi Glanville been up to lately? Well, if I had to guess, we could probably find the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills star in the club with a bottle full of bub, and she's got what you need if you need to feel the buzz. Oh, she's probably partying like it's your birthday, drinking Bacardi like it's your birthday, but let's be honest. We all know Brandi doesn't give a flying flip it's not your birthday.
See where I'm going with this? Eat your heart out, Eddie Cibrian and LeAnn Rimes. Brandi has been hanging out with Curtis James Jackson, III, and he could buy and sell your piddly selves one hundred times over. I kid, I kid. He probably wouldn't want to…