It’s two weeks until Nationals, so y’all know that means that Abby Lee Miller is on the precipice of turning into Ursula from The Little Mermaid. It’s not going to be pretty folks, and I have a feeling only Maddie will be left with her legs! After returning from a stellar competition, last night’s Dance Moms begins as it always does…the pyramid, complete with the moms muttering under their breath, defeated faces on little girls, and, of course, the fear of facing Candy Apple Cathy! Kendall is on the bottom for being last to the game on an upstand. Chloe follows for “being fine. Just…fine.” MacKenzie rounds out the bottom for not beating her mini counterparts. Nia is second for leading her team to victory in the group dance. Of course, Maddie is on the top for her highest scoring routine.
Abby reveals that Gino will be dancing a solo at the upcoming competition, and she wants Maddie to dance a solo. However, Maddie may have to head to Miami to film a web series on the day of the competition. Abby enlists Chloe and Kendall to be her understudies. If Maddie is unavailable, one of them will take her place. Likewise, Maddie is the lead in the group number. If she’s absent, there will be no lead. Why not just plan as if she’s not going to be there? Or hey, I don’t know, make her pick which one she’d rather do. Perhaps she sacrifices a potential web series to because she is already committed to the ALDC? Not that I expect Maddie to make these decisions, but Abby and Melissa could make this easier on the poor child. Christi and Jill seem to agree. The moms (and dancers, for that matter) can’t believe how much Abby puts her dancers down while praising Maddie. At Holly’s suggestion, the moms start a tally of insults for the team versus compliments for Maddie. The results are not shocking, and it’s no wonder the girls look so defeated.
Third time’s the charm, right? Probably not, but at least last night was the third and final installment of the Love & Hip Hop: Atlanta Reunion. Thank goodness. I really don’t think I could take anymore. On last night’s conclusion, Sommore once again recapped the epic throw down among Joseline Hernandez, Stevie J., Benzino, and Althea, and of course, they finally tackled Mimi Faust’s sex tape with Nikko. I have to laugh as Mimi’s rise to porndom is highlighted. I’d forgotten how innocent she claimed to be about her knowledge of the leak. Mimi stands by Nikko’s claims that he had nothing to do with leaking the video, reminding everyone that she was with Nikko when their luggage was stolen at the airport…and in that luggage was the laptop that contained the footage.
Nikko pretty much shoots himself in the foot as he claims innocence yet refuses to take a lie detector, reiterating that he has nothing to prove. Um, yeah you do, my friend. Yeah. You. Do. Deb wants Nikko to own up to his behavior. The Kardashians owned up to their videoed sexcapades, and Deb believes they are better people for it. Sure, we’ll go with that. Nikko protests that people are buying the tape, so it really doesn’t matter who leaked it. When asked if she’s hurt that Nikko is refusing the polygraph, Mimi sighs that she’s over it. Perhaps she knew of Nikko’s intentions all along. Ariane thinks that Nikko is fake and insincere, and she lays into him about what an ass he is. Rasheeda Frost agrees, wishing that he’d just own up to his actions. Erica Dixon can’t stand the fool either. Mimi doesn’t like being in the middle, but she is extremely defensive about her relationship, and Nikko tries to explain his situation. Sommore jokes that Nikko needs to invest in a lock for his luggage. A show of hands reveals that it’s pretty unanimous among the cast that Nikko leaked the tape. After another offer, Nikko still refuses to take a lie detector test.
I interrupt your weekend to bring you this truly gag inducing story. Plus, we can never get enough of the Kardashians, right? I kid, I kid. Clearly, they can’t get enough of themselves, and Kim’s recent nekkid GQ shoot is just more of the same for this crew.
The other day we asked what you thought of Kim’s bare bum and fake tan (missed it? Check it out after the jump! You’re welcome). I thought the picture alone was bad. I was so, so, so wrong. Along with the photograph, Kim also gave an interview in which she brags about her sex life with husband Kanye West, hints about another potential sex tape (she does love to star in those, doesn’t she?), and reveals that Vogue editor Anna Wintour put her stamp of approval on North’s creative name. Poor Anna. She’s losing cool points left and right these days!
She may have gotten downgraded to a “friend” of the housewives of this season (maybe on the Real Housewives of New Jersey it’s being relegated to a “relative” of the housewives!), but Kathy Wakile is using her free time constructively. Kathy has finally penned her first cookbook regaling her love of dessert making. Her cannoli kits have even been featured on RHONJ.
Maybe it’s because she’s sweeter than her co-stars (bad pun!), but Kathy is excited to feature her in bite-sized bits of deliciousness in“Indulge: Delicious Little Desserts that Keep Life Real Sweet” (St. Martin’s Griffin, $26.99), and she’s not even trying to compete with another cast member/friend/relative who is also delving into the dessert realm after building her food empire. Table flipping anyone?
I can’t imagine the pressure most dancers feel when preparing for a national competition, but it has to be next to impossible to train when your dance teacher is the wench known as Abby Lee Miller. Dance Moms just keeps getting more and more ridiculous, does it not? On last night’s episode, Christ-y is invited to rejoin the group after Abby’s mini-me assures her boss that Sarah’s turns are improving ten-fold during her private lessons. Abby warns Christ-y to keep her mouth shut or else she and her daughter will be banned for good…again.
Instead of a pyramid, Abby has fashioned a totem pole for her ranking, and Nia is on the very bottom for not having enough facial expressions. MacKenzie is above her for being too quick, followed by Kendall for lacking turn-outs. Tea is above Kendall for being on the winning team, as is Chloe. She’s just one below Maddie who is at the top for garnering the highest score in the competition. This weekend the ALDC is heading to Michigan to compete. MacKenzie, Sarah, and Tea all receive solos. The two lowest scoring little ones will be axed from the Nationals team. Nia has the lead in the group routine which is called tribal council. Abby learns that Ava will be competing with Jeanette’s studio against Tea and MacKenzie. The moms believe that Jeanette wants to get her daughter in front of Abby one more time, but they think it’s unfair given she had her chance last week. Jeanette’s plan is surely going to backfire.
So, just how many security personnel does it take to restrain one Joseline Hernandez? Scratch that…how many does it take to restrain the entire cast? The first few minutes of last night’s Love & Hip Hop: Atlanta reunion are total insanity and chaos. I can’t believe they filmed this madness. I’ve said it before, but this time I truly mean it. Shame on you, Mona Scott-Young. That was terrible.
First Joseline goes in on Althea, and I believe Benzino pops her in the head causing Stevie J. to turn into a wild animal. The women are fighting and throwing guitars (that poor band), as host Sommore is escorted off-stage. ‘Zino is screaming “Get off me, get my girl” to security as five grown men are unable to contain Stevie. He is literally undressing to get out of their grasp. The screen goes dark, and we are informed that Joseline and Stevie were able to break away from security. Joseline then bum rushes the stage and starts wailing on Tammy Rivera. What? They had about two minutes of minor beef in the second episode. Really? As Joseline loses her weave in the melee, Tammy procures an arm load of water (vodka?) bottles and starts pelting them. The screen goes black again, and we learn that the set has been locked down and Stevie and Joseline have left the building. Zino and The-The also choose to leave.
The second part of the reunion is off to a seriously scary start, and Sommore apologizes for the “altercation” after the remaining cast members rejoin her on the stage. She informs us of the Twitter battle that Zino and Stevie have been embroiled in pre-reunion, and she is shocked that Joseline was able to go from zero to a hundred on the psycho-meter just seconds after the ladies were chatting about shoes. Erica Dixon brings up her outfit (Joseline apparently didn’t want to dress like she was going to the Oscars), and Lil’ Scrappy believes she came dressed to fight. Erica recaps what started the fight, and Karlie Redd and Rasheeda couldn’t believe the level of rage in Joseline. My bad, the hair I originally referenced was actually Tammy’s. Poor Tammy seems to be the consensus.
Tsk, tsk, tsk, Mona Scott Young. You’ve created more than a few monsters, and instead of taking your cash cows to rehab, you seem to be laughing all the way to the bank. Too harsh? Perhaps you need to rewatch the first installment of the Love & Hip Hop: Atlanta reunion. You know, the one where Stevie J. bowed up to his former bestie Benzino, only to be interrupted by the wild animal known as the Puerto Rican Princess.
Since the one-sided brawl ensued that entailed Joseline Hernandez punching the shiz-nighee out of Benzino’s fiance (and former Stevie jump-off?) Althea Eaton, blogs have been ablaze with rumors that Joseline was higher than the ratings for this ratchetness! So, is there any truth to that gossip? Did you see her eyes and her brute strength?
With Nationals right around the corner, Abby Lee Miller is hellbent on creating a winning team with top placing soloists. You know what that means…the revolving door of Dance Moms wannabes keeps shuffling through the studio. After losing last week to Bleu, Abby wants to strike fear in the hearts of her original team–moreso than she does on any regular day, at least. She also takes the opportunity to lecture the moms of the selected new group. Even after doubting Abby’s training, Loree has defected to the elite competition group with the veteran moms, and her former newbie counterparts aren’t happy about her move.
Abby wants to reserve any bickering until after the pyramid. Poor MacKenzie is at the bottom for being pulled from the group number so Abby could place the girls in a higher age bracket and hopefully avoid tough junior competitors (epic fail) her lack of maturity during an improv practice. Chloe follows for her sixth place finish. Nia rounds out the bottom rung because she’s Nia, and Nia rarely ever traipses up to the top half of the pyramid. Jade is third on the pyramid for being third in the solos, and Kendall is second for finally figuring out what it takes to become a favorite. Perhaps it’s because she’s been hanging out so much with top dancer Maddie.