Last night's Sister Wives once again showed us what a stand-up guy Kody Brown is. Not only does he have those luscious locks, but he's Father of the Year up in here! The episode was quite the downer as he and Christine's daughter was admitted to the emergency room with kidney failure. Thankfully, the little girl is much better now.
Kody and his wives are preparing for their commitment ceremony by buying a ton of flowers for their party. No one is more shocked than Janelle that she's actually looking forward to this celebration. Apparently, all the wives like calla lilies. It's really the only thing they all agree upon…well flowers and Kody. They plan to put a tree on each table as a center piece. Robyn is thrilled by their "Tree of Life" theme. Christine is super excited that the commitment ceremony will also highlight her freakin' family mission statement. Next, the brood moves on to cake tasting. Kody wants to design the cake to look like (drum roll, please!) a tree, and it will only cost the family $8,500, or a semester of college for one of their umpteen kids. Poor Kody mopes about what could have been with his dream confection.
Mariah is heading off to college, so I am sure there will be a lot of tears. As she packs for her adventure, Meri informs the camera crew that she and Kody are going to surprise Mariah with a car, and they will be throwing her a joint going-away/birthday party. How many parties do these people need to have? How much money do they need to spend? Meanwhile, Christine is taking Truely to the pediatrician because she's lethargic and cross-eyed. The doctor sends Christine directly to the emergency room fearful that Truely is suffering from kidney failure. Kody is napping (spending money you don't have is exhausting, y'all!), and Robyn goes to wake him with the news. Kody speeds off to the hospital in his midlife crisis car.
The ladies of Mob Wives…whatever are we going to do with them? Between the bleeps and the rat accusations and promises of 90's rappers, my head is still spinning from last night's episode!
Drita D'avanzo is back in the studio to work on her music career. Her rap career is really blowing up…according to her. Sure. After hearing two beats from a potential "Mrs. Moneybags" single, Drita is raring to go. She's ready to lay down some rhymes. She freaks out when she learns that Method Man may also be on the track. Are you kidding me? Wu Tang? Please and thank you. I once saw them open for L.L. Cool J. Amazing.
After Alicia diMichele Garofalo's rat accusations last week, Renee Graziano felt targeted. Renee is walking with Big Ang and going off on Alicia's attack on her character. No one is going to call her a rat and get away with it. Ang stays quiet, but you can tell that she doth thinks Renee protest too much. Drita is dining with Alicia, and Drita feels badly about the position in which Alicia finds herself. She's shocked to learn more about Renee knowing so much about Alicia's case. Feeling stuck between her friends, Drita reminds Alicia that whatever Renee said wasn't out of malice. It's the lifestyle. Meanwhile, Ang is trying to placate Renee who is going off the rails. Did someone say her boyfriend smelled delicious again? Renee is cool being called a lot of things, but a snitch isn't one of them. I am getting hoarse just listening to Renee shriek.
Well this is the best news I've heard in a while! It may even get me to stomach a full hour a day of DVRed Jenny McCarthy and Babs Walters. Could the producers of The View be adding a dude into the mix?
Of course, they couldn't just pick any dude. They need a man among boys, a dapper, purple tie wearing hunk with a Zen voice and a penchant for roses and the most dramatic things…ever. How do I love Chris Harrison? Let me count the ways.
Does Kim Kardashian live in an alternate dimension (we should be so lucky…)? First, she gets excited about this bag and carries it around in public. Then she and tiny rapper fiance Kanye West start planning a honeymoon to outer space (although, if they actually make that happen, I'm happy to donate to the cause!). Next, the pair actually thought they could have their wedding at Versailles…because they are practically royalty, right?
What's next in Kim's land of delusion? How about a size zero wedding dress? Kudos to Kim for losing seventy pounds after the birth of baby North, but girlfriend isn't meant to be a zero. I'm not saying that as a comment to her size, but she'd look silly! She's supposed to have curves–she paid for them after all, didn't she? Plus, not to get all "soap boxy" but I think women put too much pressure on themselves and other women to maintain a certain standard, and it perpetuates a downward spiral both in fame and in the every day lives of us average Janes. Kim is just adding to it with her recent antics.
I guess I should have braced myself for the return of Teen Mom 2. I'd forgotten that with it would come a new media hurricane of all its "stars." I'm used to Jenelle Evans being in the tabloids 24/7/365 (I'm so 2005), but I kind of forget about the other girls when they aren't stored in my DVR.
Perhaps I need to be grateful for non-Jenellecreated drama, but I feel like it's the same story line over and over again with these girls. Guess what? Chelsea Houska is still pretending she's over douchebag and baby daddy Adam Lind while claiming that she doesn't receive help from her ever-present father. Hey, no shame in taking money from the Bank of Dad if he gives it willingly, right…even if you do have all that MTV money for doing nothing more than being totally immature, irresponsible and overly dramatic. That last sentence is not a dig a Chelsea. It's a dig at all of them.
Now, JWoww and Rog are sharing the gender of their little one. Roger took to Twitter, joking, "Been 4 years trying to figure out one girls brain. Now I get to try and figure out another one. Grey hair is in my immediate future." Oh Rog…I'm sure they make product to cover that!
And here I was thinking that Kelly Hyland was being quite passive (so far) on this season of Dance Moms. I had no idea we'll get to see her assault Abby Lee Miller–and the ensuing hearing–on an upcoming episode! Her poor daughters…hopefully Kelly's behavior will give Brooke some melancholy song-writing material. She needs a good ballad in her repertoire.
Apparently Kelly (who, as you recall is not only a crazy dance mom, but also Abby's high school nemesis), became livid when Abby continued scouting for replacement dancers and she pulled Abby's hair. Wow, this is really going back to grade school, isn't it? However, Kelly allegedly kept harassing Abby via social media, landing her with an additional charge. The judge ordered a Twitter ban for the wide-eyed dance mom. Reminds me of a Seinfeld episode…"No tweets for you!"
It's hard being Kim Kardashian and Kanye West, y'all! With all this talk about space honeymoons and astronaut families, you'd think the folks at Versailles would think it would be an out of this world opportunity to host the attention starved couple's wedding. I mean, they should be over the moon at the prospect, right? Surely with Kimye's celebrity wedding guest list, it will be the night of a thousand stars! Too much?
Unfortunately, the not so royal couple's plans to have their nuptials at the beyond lavish 17th century palace outside of Paris may not happen as envisioned. Is this shocking to anyone? Why would such a historic and high brow location want to be tarnished by the Kimye name? Can you even imagine Kanye's wedding toast? Go ahead and try…you know it will be epic!