I apologize in advance. There is so much for me to be sorry for in this post. I am sorry to each of you, because what you are about to read is truly ridiculous, but I urge you to keep reading. Why? Because I can't unread it, and I want people to suffer with me. I'm sorry to Jessica Alba (you'll want to apologize to her too, trust me). I'm sorry to the English language. I butcher you enough, but I am no where near the offender that Farrah Abraham is, and she's a flipping New York Times bestselling author.
I'm really sorry to the blogger at Celeb Buzz who had to interview the Teen Mom star turned porn queen and try to make sense of some of the things that come out of this chick's mouth (double entendre not intended…wait, yes it was). Lastly, I feel sorry FOR young Sophia because she is going to have a lot to overcome. I even pity Farrah. Sure, she's making more money than I'll ever see in my life, but wow. She is just a sad, lost soul.
Since husband Apollo Nida's arrest on fraud charges, the RHOA star has stayed relatively under the radar. However, now she's making her way back into the media to tell us all that she's been oversharing…along with the rest of her cast mates. It's time to dial it back a bit according to Phaedra.
Joyce begins her Bravo blog, "I can't believe it's finally the last Episode. So before I dive into my thoughts on tonight's Episode, I want to once again THANK ALL of you for the support, the love, encouragement, and the messages — as I love reading them."
I'm going to sound like the biggest old fogey on the planet, but I say it to the young kids all the time (read: the teens and twenty-somethings I used to baby-sit for), "The Internet doesn't go away." That naked picture you sent your boyfriend he swears he deleted? Out there. That video you didn't mean to post of you drinking under age that accidentally made its way to Tumblr because you were too drunk to know better? Still in cyberspace. It's bad enough having to feel generations away from these yahoos (and I'm really not that old!) and their reckless abandon for all things dot.com, but I totally neglected an entirely different dynamic.
It seems that people who are maybe a bit older and not adept in technology need a lesson as well. Case in point? Mario Singer's text messages with his alleged mistress have now been leaked. You know he's thinking, how did that happen? Don't they disappear when I hit send? Nope. Even though it's being reported that Real Housewives of New York star Ramona Singer is attempting to reconcile her ex, she may want reconsider…or at least get on the same text and data plan!
So what's the big reveal? Elementary, my dear Watson! I've determined that Kim is just being a stellar fiance to Kanye West. All of this Instagram craziness is just her way to make us all realize that the tiny rapper's Bound 2 video is an actual work of art. I mean, compared to Kim's latest postings, it is…right? Slow clap, Kimmie. Slow. Clap.
Lisa begins, "Well, as we come to the final conclusion of this tumultuous season, I wonder have all the questions been answered? You have been promised and assured that the many things would come to light and the puppeteer would be exposed — if not in the season then maybe the reunion. Well I am sorry to disappoint, the endless angry diatribe was just that, a plethora of ridiculous comments and mindless accusations. Of course, we have all made mistakes, and that is the reason for this yearly debate — to work them out. I am mystified as to why certain Housewives have not honored their commitments with regard to blogging. Don't they want to hear what you have to say? Of course it takes time, but it is an opportunity to explain your reasoning — and it's your duty to to those who watch."
I know Yandy Smith is a happy camper this week…even if she's slightly poorer because of it. The Love & Hip Hop star's fiance is out of jail, thanks in part to her $200,000 bail pledge. That's right, y'all! Medicine Mendeecees Harris is a free man. Well, kind of…and VH1 was there to capture the moment. Of course they were!
On Monday, Yandy walked into federal court in Rochester, New York and put up $200,000 of Mendeecees' $600,000 bond package. Later that day, Mendeecees was released from Yates County Jail where he's been, um, residing, for over a year. Does this mean Yandy will have more of a story line next season? I kid, I kid. I know she's happy to have him back home with his kids.
I want to feel sorry for Abby Lee Miller because I know she's going through a very rough time on this season's Dance Moms due to her mother's failing health, but I can't help but feel she'd be just as hateful and horrible if her life was all raindrops on roses and whiskers on stuffed dogs. Abby is trying to keep her mind off of things by focusing on a photo shoot for MacKenzie and auditioning dancers for upcoming music video. This should be rich.
In the pyramid, Maddie is on the bottom, followed by MacKenzie, Kendall, Chloe, and Nia. Maddie looks like she may vomit until Abby reveals that they are all on the same level for doing such a great job. Kalani is on the top of the pyramid for being the overall high scoring soloist. Abby reminds the girls and their mothers that she will be introducing her new team to the studio at some point soon. She then delves into the fact that her mom is dying, and Melissa interrupts to share how much she loves Mrs. Miller. Maddie and Chloe are in tears as Abby hugs them and reminds them how much she loves children. Maddie and Chloe have grown up with Mrs. Miller, and I can't believe this damn show has me crying in the first five minutes. I've hit a new low.