"Kar-dashing through L.A., a pimp momager in tow, a baby with Kanye, a sex tape doesn't make her a —OOOOHHH Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way! It's Christmas time with the famewhoring klan of K-W-U-T-K!" Altogether now! Wait, you're not ready to go caroling in September? Don't let Kris Jenner hear you!
In case you are the most naive and gullible person on the planet and/or have been residing under a rock for the last five years, you realize that reality shows are anything but real…and that goes triple if your last name rhymes with Kartrashian or Money-Spenner. Don't believe me?
Sorry, Tamra Barney, but Andy Cohen has a favorite housewife! Of course, it's Lisa Vanderpump, but I digress. NeNeLeakes is a close second, and she's remarrying ex-husband Gregg which is a story line made in Bravo heaven. It shouldn't come as a surprise that NeNe's wedding spin-off, I Dream Of NeNe, gets nearly a full season of episodes as opposed to a measly three.
To bring everyone up to speed as to why NeNe is re-marrying Gregg, NeNe must spend the first part of the show explaining why she "divorced his ass." Their fifteen year marriage, split, and rekindled romance is described in less than a minute. NeNe is getting adjusted to being back in Atlanta after an extended period of time in Los Angeles. She finds her original wedding program and dress, and NeNe and Gregg reminisce over their first walk down the aisle with their wedding video.
NeNe shares that forgiving Gregg's past behavior is a lot easier than forgetting it. She assures viewers that she wants everything to be different from the first go-round, and she isn't looking at this as a new wedding, but a new marriage. That's a plus! The couple spends time in Athens on their journey down memory lane, and they meet NeNe's aunt and godmother for lunch. NeNe's godmother reminds Gregg of a talk they had a year ago when he promised he'd get his family back.
It's hard being Kim Kardashian, y'all. Not only is her entire being under new management (thanks, Yeezy!) with a new style and a new PR machine, she's also trying to lose her North West baby weight and figure out who will be the godparents for her daughter with Kanye. It's a lot of pressure for Kim, especially given that she's still in the throws of making a monumental life decision…should she get bangs again?
The IB Times dishes on what Kim's trainer has to say. Speaking on Kim's much anticipated weight loss (and by anticipated, I mean, who cares?), Tracy Anderson shares, "Kim is taking as much time as she wants to just be with the baby. She's not even concerned with working out. Kim is amazing as a mom, she's so connected. I knew when I was training her she would be a great mom. She was concerned with all the right things," adding, "Little North is beautiful, she's got the most beautiful skin."
Yea! It's OVER! How I've missed you, Jeff Collins. Lookatcha! He's got a fresh new hairstyle (not to mention new color) and a sleeker, hipper suit than in Dance Moms reunions past. He's also cracking jokes as he introduces Hurricane Abby Lee Miller. He begins the evening by showing the Christi/Leslie smack down on Burboun Street, and Abby admonishes them for the trash they are. It is no way to represent the Abby Lee Dance Company.
Original Extra CrispyChristi and Leslie come out to share their side of the brawl. Christi has a prepared speech where she takes responsibility for her actions while reminding everyone that Leslie has a history of violence. Leslie talks only about her loyalty to her daughters and Abby and how she wants to make a name for her girls in the entertainment industry. She doesn't understand why Christi is so threatened by her. Oh, she's making a name for her poor girls alright (and so is Christi!).
I bet y'all didn't think Bravo could effectively squish all of Tamra Barney and Eddie Judge's wedding insanity into three hours worth of Bravo fluff. Heck, if you're like me, you may be wondering how they managed to draw out Tamra's OC Wedding into three long episodes. Well, whatever your thoughts, I hope you soaked in all the Disney princess magic of last night's "limited series finale." I love what this network tries to make "a thing." Stop trying to make fetch happen, Bravo! Sorry, I thought a Mean Girls reference was the perfect wedding gift for Tamra, as she's the original Housewives version!
Tamra's poor wedding planner Diann Valentine is getting frustrated and freaked out by the bride-to-be. First of all, Tamra doesn't have the place settings finalized, and she informs Diann that her wedding dresses won't be delivered until the morning of the big day…which is in 72 hours. Tamra can't be bothered by Diann's worries because she's got an appointment at the Pretty Kitty to get her Britney waxed. She's a Brazilian virgin, y'all! I'm shocked! Accompanying Tamra on her big day are her mom and two gay friends. While her mom waits with a rented bridesmaid in the lobby, Ricky and Julius are in the waxing room helping contort Tamra's legs for the hair ripping festivities.
That evening, Tamra and Eddie's family and friends are gathering for an outdoor rehearsal dinner. True to form, Tamra's brother is in attendance with his Mason of moonshine. Heather Dubrow doesn't do "communal booze in a jar" but Terry and Vicki Gunvalson find it super tasty. Tamra corners her brother about a moonshine ban for the wedding day, and he reveals that they will be partying to celebrate her big day with Eddie. A tearful Kenny shares that Eddie brings out the best in Tamra, and she apologizes for torturing him during their childhood. After they hug and make amends, Vicki feels the need to make a teary toast which is thankfully interrupted by a drunken Terry's inappropriateness. "Tongue!" he cries as Vicki goes fawns over Tamra mere centimeters from her friend's face.
Last night's episode had all of these attributes and more. Evelyn wants to placate her daughter's fears that her mother is reconciling with Chad. She reveals that she did text Chad that day for his birthday. She just wanted him to have a blessed day, but that's the extent of their chatting. Sure. Evelyn wants to know if her daughter was worried about her during the photo debacle. Her daughter basically calls her out and says she wasn't worried, and she reminds Evelyn that she totally put herself in that situation. Preach. Am I so much on auto-pilot with this crew that I missed the fact that Shaunie was producing a play about Basketball Wives? She thinks it will be a much needed positive spin for the brand. She's looking forward to seeing some scene run-throughs while she's in New York City.
Evelyn and Tasha go shopping and discuss Tasha's peace talk with Tami. Evelyn still isn't totally convinced that her friend has changed. She's knows Tami will always be one to cut a b!tch. For her part, Tami is meeting with a life coach in hopes of getting rid of her anger issues. She knows she won't turn into Mother Teresa overnight, but it's worth a try. Tami shares with her life coach Shaunie's "it could go really good or really bad" comment regarding Tami meeting Tasha a bazillion episodes ago. Really, VH1? This statement is now what constitutes an entire story line?
Quick question…will Bethenny Frankel ever learn? Sometimes I want to think she wants to do the right thing. Heck, sometimes I even think she's more vulnerable than I'd ever want to give her credit for being. Of course, then she goes and does something like this.
It seems that Bethennyis more concerned with standing her ground (which, in real terms, means getting her way), and now she andJason Hoppy are headed to court. So much for that amicable divorce she kept touting, right? Unable to reach an agreement (read: Bethenny wouldn't budge on her extreme demands), sources are reporting that the once semi-happy couple's divorce is becoming more and more contentious…if that was even possible!
According to Radar Online, Bethenny and Jason are likely headed to trial. An insider shares that the pair went before a judge last Friday in New York, revealing, "Bethenny is still seeking sole physical custody of Bryn, whereas Jason wants joint custody. The judge indicated it would be in Bethenny’s best interests if she were to sign off on an agreement, instead of rolling the dice at trial. She didn’t deal.”
It was an intense time with Kody Brown and the family on last night's episode of Sister Wives, as they have chosen to participate in a panel discussion on polygamy at UNLV. Kody is concerned that it could turn into a debate. Not surprisingly, Robyn is unnecessarily fired up, Meri couldn't care less, and Janelle is the only one who comes across as sounding very intelligent. Christine doesn't want any part of the negativity, and daughter Aspyn wants to attend to support her mother.
We learn that Christine's Aunt Kristyn is on the opposing side of the panel, as is Kollene, the teenager that Kody's older children met when volunteering at a shelter for people trying to escape abusive polygamist situations. Christine's aunt is worried that the Browns are painting a rosy and unrealistically sunny picture of polygamy. Kristyn is one of eight children (her sister is Christine's mother), and her mother was the first of thirteen wives to her father. She married at seventeen and it wasn't long before her husband was finding new wives. Kristyn finally left him at age fifty. Something tells me Janelle is going to be very interested in hearing her story…
Kollene grew up in a cult-like polygamist family, and she is quick to admit that her experiences are far different from the Browns. While she's never said it, I have a feeling she suffered a lot of abuse. Kristyn shares that met Kody when he was first courting Christine and she was fully supportive of polygamy. Willie is also a panel member who was part of Warren Jeffs FLDS family. He is one of forty-two children and escaped the lifestyle with his mother and six sisters.