Really quick before y’all start reading, what (or who) is Munchausens?? Is she a fancy, rich German lady who will be joining the cast on next season of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills? No, no, it’s Lisa Vanderpump’s next club endeavor after the popularity of SUR and Pump, right? Wait, is that the brand of Yolanda Foster’s coveted refrigerator? Sorry, my bad, is it just the name of Lisa Rinna’s new line of incontinence products?
It’s been an entire season, and I’d rather debate the definition of Munchausen (and to be clear, I know what it is…I saw Sixth Sense!) than pick a side between the Lisas. Who’s with me? That question is easy to answer…Kyle Richards. She’s dissecting the RHOBH finale, and she’s trying to be as impartial as possible. Best of luck to her. Discussing the volatile episode, Kyle opines, “Well, here we are. Back in Los Angeles after our whirlwind Dubai trip. Much of what I wrote last week really pertains to this week as well. I know it is confusing to some since this happened off camera. That always makes it a difficult story to tell. What happened that day at LVP’s when Rinna said the word Munchausen was very clear to me, which is why I confronted LVP right after. We had the discussion in her bathroom. That is when I said, ‘I know what you’re up to, and I will take you down in flames with me’ half laughing, because I just didn’t want to make a big deal out of it.”
No, no, no. Just no. Just because you’re good at something doesn’t necessarily mean you have to make into a second (or third, or fourth) source of revenue. Who am I kidding? Of course it does, especially if you’re a reality star, and even more so if you’re a Bravo-lebrity. As I sit at my computer, I can see the bottle of Kim Zolciak Biermann’s Viva Diva sparking mango moscato that sits on my bar cart…a reminder of the perks of blogging and why I love this gig so much. And in case you’re wondering, it’s unopened – surely it will get better with age!
So, I guess it shouldn’t shock me that the Don’t Be Tardy matriarch has her sights set on yet another money-maker. Hocking wigs and wine and skincare while attempting to be a momager to son KJ and her twin of a daughter Brielle isn’t enough for Kim. She wants to be the next Jeff Lewis!
Last night’s Dance Moms was it…the BIG ANNOUNCEMENT. I think I took it about as well as Abby Lee Miller, and I’ve had a head’s up for months! 🙂 As the episode begins, the mothers are all atwitter about whether Melissa and her daughters will be sticking with the ALDC. When asked pointblank, Melissa admits that Maddie and MacKenzie will be exploring other opportunities and will no longer be a part of the elite team. Jill feels betrayed. Holly is confused that she wasn’t able to share this news long before now. Ashlee (I’m not shocked) is convinced that Melissa leaked the news of Maddie’s departure to the media herself in order to create more of a buzz. She may actually be on to something! Melissa promises she was just following her attorney’s advice, and hey, at least the moms’ know before MacKenzie does…she has no clue. Melissa predicts that Abby will be sad about letting go of her daughters, but happy that she’s prepared them for fame. Good luck with that.
Melissa approaches Abby who seems more consumed with her lipstick than Melissa’s admission. Melissa hems and haws and feigns fake tears while staring at the ceiling before breaking the news that this her daughters’ last season with the ALDC. Abby freezes, and Melissa is quick to assure the emotionally fragile studio owner that she had nothing to do with the rumors that her daughters would be peacing out from Abby’s tutelage. Abby quickly regains composure and warns Melissa that Maddie better never be on So You Think You Can Dance, Kids! Melissa back pedals. Melissa stumbles over her words, “Um no, Maddie won’t be, um, dancing on So You Think You Can Dance, Kids. No, no dancing. I can promise you I have never even heard of that new show that my daughter is in no way affiliated with so, um…” Don’t quit your day job, Melissa, if your day job is not being a giant liar. Abby tears up and acknowledges the cameras…why did Melissa wait until now to break this news? Could she not have given her a courtesy phone call?
As with every episode, the show begins with each charmer starting a new day in the Holy City. Negotiating a real estate contract reminds Cameran just how much she loves being a modern Southern woman. Her place doesn’t have to be in the kitchen (or in the nursery) – she can have a career! She just needs husband Jason to pick up an ink cartridge for the printer on his way home so she can commence with commerce. Scarlett O’Hara was also a modern Southern woman, but even she knew when to call in reinforcements. Cameran reveals that after two years of marriage, Jason is ready for a baby. Unfortunately, Cameran’s biological clock has yet to start ticking, but she’s building up to some mild domestication with a practice round–she’s planning a dinner party for her friends.
Not shockingly, the Bravo franchise that at one time seemed beneath Skinnygirl maven Bethenny is now regaling in her return. She makes the show great. And you don’t have to trust me on that one…she’s the one who thinks it! I kid, I kid. Bethenny may be the expert on everything, but it’s the ladies’ special blend of drama that makes the show fun to watch.
To quote my favorite now defunct VH1 show, Kathryn Dennis may be having the Best Week Ever. Not only did the unfiltered, controversial Southern Charm star look stunning on Monday’s Watch What Happens Live–I’ll refrain from commenting on all of the hair flipping, except for this sentence :), but she’s gaining support of fans who once just loved to hate her.
On the heels of this week’s Southern Charmpremiere, the mother of two-year-old Kensie and five-month-old St. Julien with on-again-off-again-WAY-OFF-AGAIN boyfriend and old school scoundrel (I mean that in the most charming of ways) Thomas Ravenel is opening up about the duo’s tumultuous relationship. And this time, she’s not airing her dirty laundry on various forms of social media with snarky tweets and passive aggressive status updates. Instead, Kathryn is articulately discussing why she and T-Rav just don’t work. Is our favorite little strumpet maturing into a force to be reckoned with? I’d say so!
On last night’s Dance Moms, Christ-y returns! Ashlee wanders into the viewing room to a find a new mother. Christy explains that she’s not exactly “new,” since Abby Lee Miller has been training her daughter Sarah for ages. Ashlee looks a bit deflated and admits that while her daughter has been working hard to make the team, she’s not very popular with the moms. Christy understands…and agrees with Ashlee’s detractors. Abby needs to keep to girls she’s been training since they could walk, and she warns that Brynn’s ALDC jacket can easily be taken away from her. It’s extremely rich when Melissa enters and hugs Christy, thanking her for her support and text messages. Could this be more fake? When Jill and Holly welcome Christ-y with open arms, I know it must be a sign of the apocalypse. They all used to hate this woman. Ashlee is basically Christ-y 2.0! At least Jessalyn remembers how horrible she was.
At pyramid, Abby praises the girls’ David Bowieroutine. The bottom row is comprised of Kalani (she’s absent for her great-grandfather’s funeral), MacKenzie (sloppy feet), and JoJo (good job in the group number, there’s no real reason why she was arbitrarily placed on the lowest rung). Kendall follows on the second tier for making it through a morning without a meltdown, and Maddie is shockingly in the third spot for her silly string aim. Nia is in second for a great performance in the group number, and Brynn takes the top spot for her solo win.
Finally! Dear readers, our patience has paid off and last night we were rewarded with the start of the new season of Southern Charm. It was as if Christmas, my Pearl Harbor birthday, and my day job holiday bonus all came at the same time, except it’s not December, it’s April–and spring has sprung in a major way! It’s all there: Cameran Eubank’s hilarious one-liners, Shepard “Shep” Rose’s charming frat-tastic world views, Thomas Ravenel’s black-eye, Kathryn Dennis’ eyerolls (complete with false lashes and snark), Cooper Ray’s attempts at peace-keeping, Landon Clements’ transition from background sidekick to major player, Craig Conover’s return to the Holy City, Patricia Altshul’s gorgeous caftans (son Whitney Sudler-Smith was there, too). It was all perfect. Did I mention I got to watch it all at a wonderful premiere party at JD’s Sermets hosted by Cordially Cooper? Pinch me.
So that dinner party, right? Bravo has perfected the art of the hook with a minute-long tease of the finale. Move over, Camille Grammer, your Dinner Party from Hell has been replaced…tenfold. As we view the entire cast imploding over a meal at T-Rav’s downtown compound (did Thomas just remove Cameran from the premises? Are Shep and T-Rav going to come to blows?), we’re hit with the news that the start of the third season of Southern Charm is going to rewind three months to regale us with the build-up to the epic moment. Damn you, Bravo.