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dance moms

I want to try to have a bit on an introduction for last night’s Dance Moms episode, but I just feel so sick after watching it. Those last five minutes were some of the worst in the show’s history (in my opinion), and both Abby Lee Miller and Lifetime should be utterly ashamed of themselves. Let’s get started, shall we? 

So apparently the process server doesn’t want his fifteen minutes of fame because he has his face blurred when he serves Abby with court papers in Paige’s law suit. Abby is tearful that her former students and parents are trying to humiliate her in her place of business. Abby just can’t have this negativity around these kids. She is so good at playing the victim. As she storms out into the parking lot, Holly and Jill show their support for Abby. Abby wants to make a public statement, but everyone (and by everyone, I mean Holly) agrees that given her defensive attitude will only dig her deeper into this mess. They finally get her to quit her dramatics and start class, and Jill and Holly make sure to point out that Kira and daughter Kalani are late once again. Off with their heads! Okay, that may be harsh…no soup solos for you! When the finally arrive, Kira blames the traffic, and Abby totally gives her a pass. Double standard much? 

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love hip hop peter gunz tara wallace

Oh, Love & Hip Hop! Anything for a story line, right? If this is how we’re going to play the entire season, I’m going to need Mona Scott Young to invest in some serious acting classes for Diamond Strawberry. She is far from believable. She’s anticipating (and responding) to Cisco’s baby mama drama before he can even get the words out of his mouth. Last night’s episode begins with Diamond flipping out over the news that Cisco has a six month old child with his other child’s mother when he and Diamond have “been together for two years.” He defends his baby mama to her outcries of “that ho” and “that b!tch,” but he feels horrible to upset Diamond at her own party. Diamond can’t believe this turn of events. Doesn’t he know she left her friends and family back in L.A. to make this work? By God, her daughter misses her. No one feels badly for you stupid decision to move away from your child for some cheating man, honey.

Peter Gunz is still walking a fine line between Amina Buddafly and Tara Wallace. Peter shares that he’s been tapped to be the face of a new energy drink, and they need him to fly to Trinidad for a photo shoot. I think he meant to say he was taking a family vacation to Barbados with Tara and his boys. Amina is floored that he could possibly miss the birth of their child. She is, after all, due in two weeks. Peter guarantees that he won’t miss the birth unless there’s a hurricane. He guilts her by saying that now more than ever they need the money. I wonder what’s going to happen when she finds out he’s spending money on Tara instead of making it. He feels bad lying to his wife, but a guy’s got to do what a guy’s got to do, right? 

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Tamra Judge

Real Housewives of Orange County’s Tamra Judge recently found herself in a terrifying situation. No, she wasn’t in fear of being booted from RHOC (we’re not that lucky). Instead, she was worrying about her unborn granddaughter who gave the family quite a scare last week!

The reality star is expecting her first grandchild in the spring. Tamra’s son Ryan and wife Sarah Vieth are ready to welcome a baby girl named Ava…but not quite yet! Sarah is thirty-four weeks along in her pregnancy, and last week she went into preterm labor. Thankfully, Sarah and the baby are fine, but the family is on pins and needles that Ava won’t be making an early appearance.

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sister wives

So did anyone change the channel from the Golden Globes to tune into Sister Wives? I think Kody Brown’s hair could have trumped any of the celebrity manes on the red carpet!

Last night was yet another road trip with the Browns to–you guessed it–meet another polygamist family! We also learn that the latest lady to move into the cul-de-sac compound is Christine’s mom. Mykelti is clearly her mother’s daughter when it comes to enthusiasm, and Janelle is nervous about returning home. After the vacation, Janelle hopes to speak to Meri about their tumultuous past. The family’s first stop is at their friend’s polygamy museum. Of course it is. Kody plans to hit him up for a business loan for My Sister Wife’s Closet. Kody asks for about $100,000, but his friend wants collateral for the loan. Perhaps Robyn would suffice? I just don’t see how that tacky jewelry inventory is worth securing that amount of money. 

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mob wives ladies

Wow. Last night’s Mob Wives was like something out of the cartoon movie The Secret of NIHM. Am I aging myself? Probably. But gracious! Both have a lot of rats! It begins with Big Ang and Renee Graziano hashing out their issues, but Ang has invited a surprise guest. It’s Darryl Hannah from Splash! Sure, she’s a little older and she’s wearing a suit, but the hair is the same! Renee tries to raise an eyebrow (damn, Botox!). She has no issues with Victoria Gotti, but the Gottis and Karen Gravano’s family have beef. Renee wonders why Ang would invite Victoria knowing that her loyalties lie with biffle Karen. Ang is hoping that Victoria and Renee’s past will make Renee listen to what she has to say. Immediately, Renee wants to know Victoria’s opinion on outsiders. “Hate ‘em.” Check!

Renee feels like she may have an ally and tells Victoria that an slime ball outsider is slandering her all over the Twitterverse, yet Ang stays friends with her. Ang reminds Renee that she’s the one who brought Natalie Guercio into the group. Ang doesn’t have issues or drama with friends. In fact, Renee is the only one of her friends who consistently decides to hate people. It’s exhausting. Renee babbles on about loyalty, but Ang wonders why they can’t just be ladies and not gangsters. Victoria sees Renee’s point (Renee is so excited to think that Ang’s plan has backfired). Ang brings up the fact that Renee has disrespected her family and also called her a clown. Victoria reminds the women that they are closer than friends…they are family. She should get her own therapy themed reality show. I’m kidding, VH1! Don’t even!

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Lisa Vanderpump

I don’t know about you, but I am still reeling–REELING!–from Brandi Glanville’s behavior on this week’s episode of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. I’ve always loved Lisa Vanderpump, and up until she got too big for her britches last season, I enjoyed Brandi and what appeared to be her genuine friendship with Lisa. I was duped, y’all!

The addition of Lisa Rinna and Eileen Davidson was enough to make this three plus decades Days of Our Lives fanatic over the moon (I was watching in the womb…I’m not really that old ;) ), but I didn’t realize I’d adore them on the show as much as I do. They are both such class acts, and I have to say, I wish Eileen had channeled her inner Kristen DiMera when Brandi’s chardonnay hit her square in the face. She, my friends, is a class act. Not surprisingly, Lisa agrees with me. 

Addressing the situation with Brandi in her Bravo blog, Lisa begins, “Hello to all of you. As I sit here with a bit of a cold, I am trying to make sense of this complicated situation. Here goes…So we open with the decision made that I would meet, much to my husband’s chagrin, Brandi for lunch. Ken is fiercely loyal, and as you saw in the flashbacks, he went out of his way, almost to his own detriment, to defend Brandi. He felt strongly that after last season she would no longer be in that position again. I believe what hurt him the most was when Yolanda [Foster] intimated he abused her, which the footage shows he clearly doesn’t. He wouldn’t, and he is a protector of women, so when Brandi tweeted, ‘A man should never put his hands on a woman’ (all in the master plan attempting to discredit him),he was extremely hurt and disappointed. Little incidents like these, including bankruptcy allegations, accumulated in his mind apart from all the footage we had seen, and I think, unfortunately for him, it is just too big to forget.”

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porsha williams wwhl 12/14 nude dress

Ladies and gentlemen, put on take off your sunglasses and step into the shade. However, I must warn you, this is a scepter and weave-free zone! In case any of y’all were worried that hell was in the process of freezing over or that pigs may begin to sprout wings, Porsha Williams wants to assure you that the Kenya Moore hug on this past episode of Real Housewives of Atlanta was nothing short of fake…like Kenya’s hair according to Brandi Glanville (although I am pretty convinced from Krayonce’s latest appearance on WWHL that while she may be crazy, she is #blessed with a beautiful and natural head of hair. Don’t be hatin’, ladies!). 

After that more than tumultuous reunion, Kenya and Porsha have finally hugged it out–at Kenya’s prompting, no less!–in an attempt to put the past in the past. But did we viewers really buy it? Nope. And Porsha wants to make sure we all know not to buy what Twirl is selling!

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dance moms girls

Am I ready for this? That’s my first thought as I settled in last night for the fifth season premiere of Dance Moms. Immediately, I am distracted by Abby Lee Miller’s new hairdo. She looks like my middle school gym teacher circa 1988. She greets her favorites Maddie and Mack Z…oh, and Kendall and Nia as the ALDC pile in and shower her with gifts. I’ll give Abby a little bit of credit because she has lost a lot of weight. Of course, I am anticipating that Lifetime will let me down sooner rather than later. With Chloe missing from practice, Maddie reveals that she and Kendall have both attempted to text and Facetime their friend to no avail. Jill has her fingers crossed that Christi and Chloe will walk in the door. Holly senses a hole in their team, but she hopes the girls can overcome her absence.

In the pyramid, Abby congratulates the ALDC on their fourth Nationals win. Abby screams that Chloe was invited back, but her evil mother is keeping her from being part of the group. Off with her head! Who needs Chloe when you have ALDC: LA? Abby has determined that her troupe will no longer be just dancers. Each week they will focus on singing and acting as well. She will produce triple threats. Is it possible that my ears are already bleeding from her shrillness? The pyramid is more of a square this go-round, but there is a mystery fifth spot on the top. Kendall is on the bottom for coming in ninth overall. Jill is cut off before she can begin to defend her daughter. Oh, wait, Chloe is still on the pyramid, one up from Kendall. Nia is in third, followed by McKenzie. Surprise, Maddie is on the top!

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