I have a confession to make: I love (and miss) those crazy kids from Jersey Shore. Admittedly, I wasn't onboard when MTV's train wreck originally started, and my dear friends who raved about it and subsequently got me hooked piddled off after the second season. I didn't. Granted, I had to watch it for Reality Tea, but I so would have watched regardless…however, it was nice to have the guise of the blog to hide my true addiction. I could GTL (well, technically just "L") with the best of them. On the rare occasion I call for a taxi, I whisper "cabs a heeya" to myself when it arrives. True story.
Vanderpump Rules' Scheana Marie recently said that wedding spin-offs are "boring," and it's the only thing on which I will EVER agree with her. However, I'd totally watch Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi walk down the aisle. Of course, I'd want the entire gang (sans Jolie Trashbags) involved. Alas, I don't think I'll get my wish of televised Seaside nuptials (although my fingers remain crossed!), but it seems that Snooki's wedding to fiance (and dad of the cutest tiny guido gorilla juicehead toddler) Jionni LaValle is full steam ahead. After a year long engagement, Snooki has finally started planning the exciting event!
Of course, Joyce is also giving us her take on Monday's episode. She begins her Bravo blog, "I want to thank you all for the cyber friendship and the support you've given me through this journey called Housewives. I also want to take advantage of this platform to answer something lots of you have been asking. For those who've asked me on social media how I feel about the fact that Brandi uses every chance she can to try to disrespect me, all I can say is that she is a classless person who thinks everything she says is OK and funny. Apparently she has no friends to tell her that making racial remarks, backstabbing all her fellow Housewives, making horrible remarks about other women (Joanna Krupa and Kenya Moore), and talking crap in all the interviews that are meant to be about her book are not OK…Sorry Brandi! Your card is overplayed and you have zero comedic timing! You are not funny and since I learned to take things from the source…Knock yourself out and keep proving me right."
Kim Kardashian and her sisters will slap their names on anything and everything, won't they? From make-up to accessories to their Sears Kardashian Kollection, Kim, Khloe, and Kourtney have built quite an empire above and beyond their often annoying and crude reality television personalities (guilty, I watch the reruns!), and not surprisingly, they are going to keep adding to it.
Now, the sisters are announcing the launch of a kids' kollection launching at Babies 'R Us that Kim hinted about not too long ago when a fan asked her if she'd ever put North West in clothes from Target (answer: when hell freezes over). I guess you need to keep making beaucoups of money if you, oh, I don't know, decide to hire a full-time tailor just for you! Oh Kim. She's so down to earth!
What's that you say? The sisters are designing baby clothes? Kim is bankrolling a personal seamstress? Which to discuss first…
There is a reason why we're a gossip site and not CNN, as this story certainly falls into a category more in line with the former. It involves the always Gone with the Wind Fabulous Kenya Moore and her "African Prince" beau. Twirl! Could we know his identity?
The Real Housewives of Atlanta star has been called out for some shady behavior in the past (most recently this charity debacle), and she hasn't been exactly lucky in love. If you recall, she had an embarrassing break-up with last season's boyfriend for hireWalter Jackson. Kenya cites this heartache as the reason she's been so secretive about her new love interest.
I don't even have words for Abby Lee Miller, and I have started to dread watching Dance Moms. My heart breaks for these little girls! New dance mom Kira and daughter Kalani have replaced Kelly, Brooke, and Paige, as Abby has kicked them out of the studio and banned them from the premises after Kelly broke her bump-it. Abby warns Kira that the moms can be vicious so she'd better have up her guard. Holly, Melissa, and Jill question how long Kira will be joining them, but they don't get any straight answers.
Not surprisingly, Brooke and Paige are at the bottom of the pyramid. Abby reminds everyone that they are no longer a part of the ALDC. Then why put them in the pyramid at all? Nia follows for messing up during the group number. Chloe rounds out the bottom, with Abby reminding her that usually when she does duets, she gets first place. Well, she would have gotten first had Abby not entered Maddie and Kalani at the last minute! Kendall is in the fourth spot because she was fine in the group dance and Jill kept her mouth shut. MacKenzie is in third, and Abby warns her to watch out because she's seen a lot of talent. Maddie is in the second spot, and her face says it all. Kalani is on top, which confuses the moms.
Back pedal, back pedal, back pedal! If Brandi Glanville was back pedaling any faster, she'd be going in reverse! The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills star has been in some hot water with her "friends" lately after "repeating" gossip regarding Lisa Vanderpump's finances and trying to pin it on Kyle Richards. She's now weighing in on what happened between Kyle and Carlton Gebbia and that blue-skull-peace-offering-washed-to-get-rid-of-bad-ju-ju-is-it-a-ring-or-a-crown-do-we-care situation. Ridiculous. Of course, Brandi is calling it like she sees it, but this time around, she's quick to insert compliments and let us know just how much she loves this group of women. Even Lisa.
Taking to her Bravo blog, Brandi begins with a little self-deprecating humor. I guess she figures if you can't beat 'em, join 'em. She begins, "Let me just start by saying after seeing my spray tan, I am definitely getting back into the gym to work on my mommy pooch. At this point Kim [Richards] and I were getting very close, and I really am happy to have come such a long way with her from when we first met." And they certainly have done a complete one-eighty from the crutch stealing and meth accusations, haven't they? Such cute biffles!
Back in my last life when I taught first grade, I used to read "Which Witch Is Which" to my students around Halloween. For some reason, when I watch this season of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, the same question resonates in my head! Is it the actual Wiccan Carlton Gebbia? Kyle Richards for her comments? Brandi Glanville? I just don't know anymore. Of course, Carlton thinks there is no bigger bwitch (my new hybrid word) in 90210 than Splits and Joyce Giraud. I think someone needs to Escape from Witch Mountain! Who's with me? Kim? (Sorry, couldn't resist!).
In her Bravo blog, Carlton has had enough of the judgment and hypocrisy, so she goes and does the proper amount of judgment towards Kaftan Kyle herself. Perhaps these ladies should be friends as they seem to act in the same general manner!
Good gravy, Scheana Marie is quite a piece of work. The Vanderpump Rules waitress and sometimes pop star wannabe has certainly gotten down the rules of Bravolebrity as she dishes on her upcoming wedding. Will it be televised? Scheana hopes so! Someone call Andy Cohen!
Of course, Scheana is smart enough to know (did I just type that?) to scoff at the idea of a wedding spin-off…nice way to beat the network to the punch of NOT asking you to have one! In the wise words of Sweet Brown, "Ain't nobody got time for that!"