Get your Tom + Katie tea towels ready to clean up the muck that has become Vanderpump Rules!
Recovering from Christmas and an ultimate cookie binge, the last thing I’m in the mood for is whining from Katie Maloney and Stassi Schroeder. But, alas, I am nothing if not a consummate professional, so I have wrenched myself from the sluggish glut of a living room filled with wrapping paper (how many calories does wading through wrapping paper burn?) to complete this recap. Happy holidays! Katie just blew her life savings on $18.00 custom tea towels, and her life now consists of hatefully glaring at Tom Schwartz while folding said towels into cardboard boxes, wrapping the whole thing with twine, and mailing it. In case you were wondering wtf: that’s her wedding invite.
Reality Tea is ranking ALL the Housewives from every season and every city! Our list is broken down into three parts with Housewives ranked from worst to ‘best’ (or best of the worst, if you will). Below is Part 1.
What makes a superior species of Housewives? Is it class? Money? Fabulous plastic surgery and good shoes? Beautiful home? A revolving door of crazy that keeps us on our cheaply-clad toes? Is it a supportive husband? An in-home zoo of fabulous miniature fluff balls clad in their own designer wardrobe? Is it a witty zinger or indispensable advice? Is it their ability to rewrite history without irony? To crack open the egg of their emotional travails in front of cameras? Or is it their ability to deftly control the scenery while cracking a Chanel whip?
According to Dorit, that in addition to being truly special friends with LVP, they are two peas in a pod. “You don’t come across a lot of people in life who you can count on and connect with. It’s great to be so playful with Lisa,” she shares. “I just love her and I can’t stop laughing most of the time.”
Lipsa wasn’t present for Panty Gate, or should I say ‘Oops I forgot my panties gate,’ because she was in NYC pimpmomagering Delilah’s modeling career and advising Kyle Richards on what not to wear (I wish!).
Cue the complaints that you won’t watch next season of Real Housewives Of Orange County if Vicki Gunvalson comes back [you so will watch], because the OG of the OC just revealed that she’s indeed returning for season 12 – which has already started filming! WOO HOO!
Not only is Vicki sharing that she’ll live to tell Tall Tales another season, she also appeared to hint that there’s a new lady on board, and Kelly Dodd may be out!
Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills always gives us a glimpse of the rare and finer things in life, right?! All the finer things… from fine China to the family jewels…
Lisa Rinna is off to New York to launch Delilah’s career as the next Gigi Hadid. Of course, Lisa acknowledges that Yolanda would have been a great ally and mentor right about now, so too bad about that Munchausen accusation last season. But let’s not dwell on the past, now. Let’s focus on how Lipsa is flying into her (and Delilah’s) future.
In NY, Lipsa meets up with Kyle Richards, who is opening yet another Kyle By KaftansToo (?!?!?!?!) all while wearing yet another goofy, incomprehensible outfit. Shouldn’t she call them like Kyle By MumusForever just for variety?
Andy Cohen is playing another round of “Ask Andy.” This time the questions centered around Real Housewives reunions, and Luann de Lesseps‘ upcoming New Year’s Eve wedding to the always controversial Tom D’Agostino!
Andy will not be attending the Real Housewives Of New York star’s nuptials, but he smirks that he sees “nothing but happiness” in Luann and Tom’s future.