Last night’s Real Housewives Of Atlanta was all about love. Sweet, blessed, shady, soul mate from another realm love. Lord these ladies need a therapist. Call Dr. Jeff back in!
It was another NeNe Leakes-free episode because apparently she is in LA and Bravo cameras are only permitted there if they’re filming Real Housewives of Beverly Hills (which premieres tomorrow night). What are our thoughts on NeNe getting to participate like every other episode? Like, she misses half the practices but she still gets to play in the all-star games? Hmm. Well, I guess she did start the team!
First up, Sheree Whitfield meets Porsha Williams at an extremely expensive housing fixtures store run by Prince William’s long-lost brother. Sheree pretends she’s buying $8,000 doors for the “spa” she is installing in her basement, but we all know that’s some BS. When life gives you plumbing leaks, make a sauna! Porsha, to her credit, played along nicely that Sheree could actually afford any of this stuff since she was there for the gossip about Sheree’s bae and the mess that happened in San Fran when Cynthia Baileyfled the winery.
Porsha must’ve been inspired by Kenya Moore‘s fake wedding (her for real fake wedding, not to be confused with her real wedding which everyone thinks is fake. Actually, correction: this is Kenya’s SECOND real-fake wedding, because remember Life Twirls On?). Anyway, Porsha was feeling some positive vibes and apologized to Kandi for the rapegate drama. Porsha appeared sincere – for Porsha – but Kandi just wasn’t ready to hear any words coming out of Porsha’s mouth – even nice ones!
Kim isn’t sure if she wants to be pregnant again, per se – after all, she’s become the queen of the sexy mom-bod selfies – so she’s also considering foster care (!!!!!!). Of what – wigs? Kim admits she’s been “bothering Kroy” about expanding their brood again. Kim wants it and Kim wants it noooow! “I love babies! They do grow up. I love being a mom and my pregnancies were always great and easy. Either that or I told him we’re going to do foster.”
Jenelle Evans just tied the knot with David Eason in the abandoned lot she calls “home” in front of Teen Mom 2 fans friends, but not family, but apparently there’s already trouble in swamplandia.
In the least surprising news ever it seems that Jenelle and David’s drama is being dragged to social media. Jenelle seems to think twitter is an licensed therapist. Anyway, the Teen Mom 2 star recently removed a photo of her wedding day, then changed her relationship status on Facebook. Because that’s how mature people – parents! – deal with relationship difficulty.
Of the prospect of Meghan returning for season 13 of RHOC, Vicki remarked, “I think it’s time for her to turn the chapter to something else and maybe not be our show, we’ll see.” And since Vicki’s word is the word of god (I kid)…
Last night was the rather lackluster Below Deck reunion. It turns out, that despite the ENTIRE SEASON FOCUSING ON THIS, nobody really hates Jen Howell (except Kyle Dixon, but that just seemed silly). At least we got the satisfaction of Captain Lee Rosbach telling Nico Scholly how much he sucks. Cause he did (and does).
Nico brought the full package of his douche-holery to the WWHL reunion stage, where he feathered his bangs like a late 90’s Tom Cruise, and acted just as smarmy. Nico regrets that he was caught acting like a self-absorbed, immature, jerk on camera, which he claims was a reaction to his grief. Perhaps, but Lee isn’t buying it. He straight up calls Nico “childish” and tells him he never would have promoted him had he known what was going on behind the scenes. But then later Lee says he’d include Nico in his Fantasy Below Deck All Star A$$holes Draft picks. So which is it – do you Nico, or do you not Nico, Lee?
Well, surprise, surprise Vanderpump Rules fans: Jax Taylor did NOT cheat on Brittany Cartwright! Oh, I’m just kidding – of course he did! I mean Jax probably even did it more than once actually, because Brittany found some false eyelashes in her bathroom once and they didn’t belong to her, or Jax, or Tom Schwartz (who sometimes, when he cries, likes to feel the soft flutter of gently moistened pony lashes on his tender cheeks. It’s comforting. Like a little blanket for his Cabbage Patch Kids face).
Jax apparently cheated with – and potentially knocked up – Brittany’s friend Faith Stowers, who confessed all of this to James Kennedy. Of course – why not confess to Jax’s mortal enemy? James is levitating with glee at this trashy news. Jax vehemently denies it.