On last night’s Vanderpump Rules, the Toms demonstrated that age is just a number and even when you’re 35, you can still pretend to be 21 with no responsibilities. I guess when you have stunted bartender jobolescence, growing up is hard to do! Even if you have “buishischeness deschisions” to make!
SUR is back in action with a facelift, because Lisa Vanderpump turns raging fires into restaurant redesign, and everything winds up looking a little fresher and sparklier. The new chandelier at SUR has the added benefit of making everyone look younger. Tom and Jax look positively like their first season selves. Too bad all Hollywood ‘facelifts’ don’t turn out so well! This is all a prequel to Tom Tom, which the Toms will get a larger taste of during their ‘work trip’ to Vegas.
Lisa will show Tom 1 and Tom 2 “a day in the life of the Vanderpump regime.” Which is more than just design elements, but showing them what running an actual business looks like. A business which has nothing to do with pretend statement necklace collection, or ‘online beauty blogs’ that get updated once every 3 months. Or at least that’s her plan…
Scheana, on the other hand, is still putting all her faith in ol’ Super Rob. She insists that Jax misunderstood Rob’s comments, and Rob like so totally did and does and always and forever will love her as much as she loves herself.
Sigh. Does no one understand Kyle Richards? It is so hard to be Kyle Richards. She is the most loyalist, kindest, most sincerest, genuinest, funnest, friendest friend on Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills but no one appreciates her. Especially not Lisa Vanderpump, who quite literally could hand Kyle her heart on a silver platter and Kyle would insist Lisa was lying while actually giving her a dog turd. OK maaaaaaybe that’s a bit dramatic, because LVP can also be frigid and oblique, but last night she really did, in her own way, hand Kyle her heart. Let’s see what Kyle does with it!
Last night’s Vanderpump Rules was a matter of love and death. In the complete and utter trainwreck that is watching Scheana Marie transcend from Stage Five Clinger to total stalker and future subject of Snapped (or her own Lifetime Movie Of The Week). Jax Taylor was literally drowning (*well kinda) but Scheana was drowning in her own delusion and Rob Valetta is not about to be dragged under with her.
Thankfully Rob can swim perfectly, and amazingly, and better than anyone in the whole wide word even Michael Phelps, and he can also save people with his boogey board of life! Just ask Jax!
There was so much relationship dysfunction last night that the thought of looking through a Choose Your Own Designer Vagina catalog seems like the lesser of evils. Yes, that is a thing, but you have to be willing to travel to Thailand to get it installed… Do they make any that are STD resistant?
“Happy 21ST to my favorite person!! I’m blessed to be able to grow with you & I’m excited to see where our future takes us. I love you so much and I’m so thankful for you, @briellebiermann,” Michael declared on Instagram, attached to the above photo of Brielle holding “21” balloons. Kimadded, “ITS OFFICIAL @briellebiermann is 21!!!! I can’t believe it!! Happy Happy Birthday Hunni Bunni!! We love you so much!!!! #Brielles21”
Kail is literally obsessed with Jeremy and Leah getting back together. She loves them as a couple, and thinks there’s a real possibility of them giving their relationship another go. She also wants them to have another baby together! Leah however, insists it’s “never” happening. “I think he knows that,” she teases, although at Kail’s prompting Leah finally admits Jeremy recently asked her out on a date, but she suggested they take Addie out instead. Ouch! Leah and Jeremy did go to some a pottery place together (which was filmed!) and Leah made a dog bowl for her dog.
You would think after Kim Zolciak sent everyone – cast, crew, employee at the convenience store near NeNe’s house – a video supposedly showing roaches in NeNe’s bathroom, NeNe would be on a full-scale rampage. Instead she is calm and collected when she joins the ladies for brunch the next morning. It is everyone else who’s saltier than the hairy balls olives NeNe was scared to eat!
Alright so this is a cold day in hell because last night’s Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills had me feeling sorry for Kyle Richards. I was also Lisa Rinna bellowing across a bar “What happened?!” cause seriously I’d like to know how we got to the hot mess express and threw Kyle under?! Also, I am warning you: I have nothing nice to say about Dorit Kemsley.
The ladies are in NYC for Fashion Week and because Dorit has achieved the meteoric accomplishment of landing the cover of a magazine no one would’ve heard about were it not for Lisa Vanderpump previously landing a cover there. If you recall when LVP had her Bella Magazine party it ignited apology-gate with Eileen Davidson, and after Kyle and Dorit’s disastrous issues last night, it appears to me that Bella Magazine is bad luck for Real Housewives. It is better to be cover-less than covered in bad friendships!