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RHOA - Reunion Part 1

Part one of the Real Housewives Of Atlanta began with a preclude of the explosive drama at the end … which left me feeling like ‘yada, yada, yada… ‘ about everything else and wishing I could fast forward through the “Many Wigs Of Phaedra Parks” to just get to the crying, sobbing, hysterical meltdowns. In the meantime everybody is “sitting on ready” as they bicker about African princes, Apollo and Kenya Moore, and My Mansion’s better than your mansion…

Haven’t we already talked about all of this? Does time stand still in RHOA land?

Anyway Andy Cohen stuffed our Easter Baskets with golden eggs from rich Africans, construction refuge from Moore Manor and Chateau Sheree, and the easter grass was shredded legal documents. And just to be clear Porsha Williams reunion look is channeling Halle Berry, not Kandi Burruss circa season 2.

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Cheryl Burke - ALDC & Chloe

Ding-dong the wicked dance teacher is gone! Abby Lee Miller huffed, and she puffed, and she screamed, but she couldn’t blow the Dance Moms franchise down – and the cast is thrilled with her replacement, Cheryl Burke. There’s been a lot of changes on Dance Moms, actually, and now former dancer Chloe Lukasiak is speaking out about her “high-stress and intense” experiences on the show with an inspirational new memoir.

Last month Abby Lee publicly quit the show she helped build, claiming that Lifetime execs and producers refused to give her creative credit for dances she choreographed for the ALDC troupe, featured on the show. In the past Abby has also complained that producers forced her to maintain her bully persona for ratings.

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Luann & Tom

Luann de Lesseps, now going by Luann D’Agostino (she will never be without her Extra D), wants everyone to know that she and Tom D’Agostino are completely in love and their marriage is very much closed – well except for the plethora of Real Housewives Of New York who can’t keep their noses out of what’s happening under Luann’s sheets!

Dorinda Medley also agrees that it’s time to leave Tom and Luann be.

On the season premiere, Ramona Singer used her crazy eyes to hypnotize Luann into believing she truly wishes her and Tom all the happiness in the world, and will stop speculating about their relationship. Then Ramona guzzled some Pinot and resumed her Googling.

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Teen Mom 2 recap

I can’t think of anyone I would trust less to ‘fix’ my life than Leah Messer, but apparently she wants to be a life coach. How in the hell do they determine the certification process for that?

The Teen Mom 2 star who had two disastrous marriages, a cheating scandal, a terminally messy house, a messy custody battle, and Cheetos, spray tan, man, and ‘other’ addictions, but has no job to speak of, just announced she is in the business of giving US advice on how to fix our lives. Heaven help anyone who would hire Leah!

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Real Housewives of Beverly Hills reunion

Last night’s Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills reunion was wash, rinse, and repeat pantygate. And even though the stains have come out, Erika Girardi and Dorit Kemsley still can’t toss them in the drawer and move on. Can’t one of Dorit’s three full-time housekeepers clean up this mess? What about “Soapy and Sudsy“?

Andy Cohen wastes no time defrosting the world of Erika Jayne, wondering why she has to be so cold? But Andy and I are on different time frames, so my first order of business is discussing wardrobe. Which means Kyle Richards.

UGH. How does Kyle By KantDressTooThousand expect us to take her boutique seriously when she is wearing a cold-shoulder leotard that she put a strapless bra over. With a skirt that looks like shape wear. SERIOUSLY!? I just cannot. even. fathom. why?! Kyle is aware that when organizing a ‘sitting down for TV outfit’ one should, you know, TEST how it looks while seated? Apparently, these are things only non-showbiz people know – the former F-list child stars did not get such stellar education.

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Dorit - RHOBH reunion

So the days of our dramas rage on with the first segment of the Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills reunion.

Tonight continues the battle of the vajaynejayne as Erika Griradi and Dorit Kemsley (plus her plus one PK) discuss the minutia of pantygate. At this point I think they should all just call it even by joining a nudist colony. ENOUGH! Seriously – it is Eileen Davidson levels of obsession – and beyond.

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Lala

On part two of the Vanderpump Rules reunion Lala Kent was asked the hard questions, and Jax Taylor‘s d–k in a pic was put under harsh scrutiny once again. I can’t imagine how he and Brittany Cartwright get it on considering how fuzzy that thing is – I mean… (I’ll be here all week folks!)

One of the major revelations of last night – and I say this with full and utter complete sincerity – is that James Kennedy and Jax realized they are essentially the same person, separated only by a decade, a sexual conquest number, Botox treatments, and a British accent. And nobody pops the lid off a Jax In The Box quite like a James In The Box!

So, after Jax realizing that he’d spent the reunion sitting next to his evil twin, and recognizing that there is power in numbers, Jax gleefully announced that he welcomes a Return Of The James (the Sequel Part 2) to SUR. Then Andy Cohen asked if James would DJ his birthday party. See – everybody loves sober James!

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Phaedra gets some info about Kandi

Phaedra Parks‘ divorce has blown up in her face, and now rumors are circulating that she was fired from Real Housewives Of Atlanta over explosive lies against former BFF Kandi Burruss.

The reunion will reportedly expose Phaedra as being the source behind Porsha Williams‘s claims that Kandi is a lesbian, and that Phaedra encouraged Porsha to make the “date rape” accusation. As a result Phaedra has not being given a “renewal contract” for season 10. Contracts were allegedly already sent last week. (seems a bit earlier than the usual)

Phaedra tried to blame the rumors on former Executive Producer Carlos King (Carlos supposedly had a professional beef with Todd Tucker over a reality show on another network and apparently this manifested into a vendetta against Kandi). Kandi has obviously been was VERY, VERY unhappy with her storyline this season. So upset that Carlos was also reportedly fired, and won’t be returning next season.

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