Oh Vanderpump Rules – why you make so many menz cry? Perhaps it's because I grew up in the south but I think a man should drown his tears in whiskey instead. Does that make me a cold-hearted biatchStassi Schroeder?
Last night the gang traveled to LAKE ARROWHEAD, mythical kingdom of all things powerful and magical, or you would have imagined it was by the awestruck way the entire cast said the name over and over again! Jax Taylor is going to implore Stassi's mom to accept him so Stassi will be his girlfriend again. Stassi's mom is pretty much exactly like Stassi – only scarier and with worse hair.
The real reason they're going is so Jax can show Stassi his tattoo – ac-ci-dent-tal-leee, as he takes his shirt off on the beach. "What's that?!" she wonders grabbing his arm? For me… she gasps. 'Next I want you to get my vaj tattoo over your heart. Then I'll love you again. Maybe…' Stassi is slightly disgusted by the gesture but alas her ego explodes into a thousand cosmic rays of gloriosity – someone wants her enough to permanently mutilate their body. Jax and Tom 1 giggle in the bedroom over how well it went. Meanwhile Stassi complains to her mom about how desperate Jax is.
Last night on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills battle lines were drawn in the mythical sand using witches wands and Louboutins. Did I mention the witches were also wearing Louboutins, because yeah… Beverly Hills and all that.
So Brandi Glanville invites us all over to her bathroom to watch her take a bath while the editors blurred over her ladybits. Jennifer Gimenez stopped by because doesn't one always entertain while they're naked?! They talk boys; Brandi and JR's relationship isn't going anywhere and Jennifer thinks he needs dumping.
Brandi goes on a date with JR where she confronts him about not ordering a drink first and oh yeah – taking a couples trip to Texas without 1/2 of his coupling. That half being her! Apparently JR was with all his friends, who are couples, but he didn't want to bring Brandi.
JR is pretty unapologetic about the whole thing and it triggers Brandi's "trust issues" since in case you have been living in a black hole or on Mars and weren't aware, Brandi was cheated on you guys. She was like SO cheated on and like she needs to discuss it forever and ever and ever and ever because she apparently doesn't have anything else going on besides Botox and drinking.
Brandi Glanville sometimes has a hard time keeping her comments to herself. But what's a girl to do when she has so many comments to make?!
Last week Brandi's potty mouth got her in trouble with Yolanda Foster when she took it upon herself to gossip about Yolanda's ex-husband Mohamed Hadid and his alleged extramarital affair with Joanna Krupa. But oh no, Brandi did not stop there! She then gave us some extreme potty mouth when she discussed Joanna's nether regions. I'll never look at shellfish the same way again…
"I have met most of these women only once and consider them friendly acquaintances — but I don't actually know any of them personally other then Lea Black," Brandi says of the Real Housewives of Miami cast. "Yolanda and I had both heard that this woman from RHOM had an affair with her ex during their marriage. While at a Bravo party this other woman started to walk up to me — and when she saw Yolanda turned and ran the other way."
Adriana described the ups and downs in her relationship with Joanna Krupa and just what exactly happened between her and Lea Black. She also discussed some of the things viewers don't know about her and talked season 4 – if there is one!
Describing the reunion as "emotionally draining and explosive," Adriana says many of the conflicts are "bound to happen."
Do you have any regrets?
"Not really. I regret the downfall of my friendship with Lea because she's so unflexible and unsympathetic. I regret the fact that our boys aren't as close they used to be."
A source told E! News the "intimate party" included friends Jennifer Gimenez and former beauty queen Adrienne Janik (who was briefly rumored to be a contender for joining RHOBH) and Brandi's on-again/off-again realtor boyfriend J.R. "All in all, it was just a really nice dinner. Everyone, especially Brandi, had a good time."
Last night on Real Housewives of Atlanta things continued to be down for our ladies as they dealt with family and marriage problems, divorce, eviction(!), surgery, and unemployment.
Things begin with Kandi Burruss talking to production partner Don Juan. Kandi has a brand new office and tells us she writes her best songs when going through complicated situations. And complicated is about to get more complicated as Don Juan has obviously been talking to Mama Joyce about Todd! `
Don is worried Kandi will let love get in the way of her seeing dollar signs and that her business will suffer. Ok – Poor Kandi! Seriously why is everyone all over this girl's bank account? Back off her, gold diggers! She needs to write a new version of No Scrubs!
Kandi discusses the situation with daughter Riley who reminds her mom that her marriage will have to come before her relationship with Joyce, who is either going to have to accept Todd or not! Watch Kandi write the best songs of her career and not give anyone a dime! #Scrubless
In the latest round of twirly-telling from everyone's favorite "beauty queen on bathsalts" Kenya explains her version of the eviction nonsense (re: it's not her fault) and complains about NeNe Leakesand Phaedra Parks! Welcome back Real Housewives of Atlanta!
Breaking her blog into chapters, Krayonce covers all the ground with serious shade.