It’s time for the sick, sad, dysfunctional world of Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills! Thank goodness for the beautiful Tuscan scenery and the epic way Lisa Vanderpump put Kathy Hilton‘s BS on blast or else I’d be suffering from a case of Lymopause-depression! I can’t wait for Erika Jayne‘s kooky-crazy next week to infuse this show with some fun weirdness, because melo-lyme-dramatics is too much!
Yolanda Fosterneeds to break-up from “stabbing in the dark” and “playing detective,” as she refers to the menagerie of ‘treatments’ she’s trying to cure Lyme. What is making Yolanda sicker – the Lyme Disease or all the crazy she’s dumping into her body? Yolanda’s Bathrobe is becoming the new Yolanda’s Fridge, and YoBathrobe just doesn’thavethe same appeal. Lady needs to detox from detoxing, and instead of a weekly colonic to harvest tapeworms, how about a facial, a nice relaxing, massage, a bottle of wine and some My Love sexytimes! Or possibly a trip to the snooze-inducing Amalfi Coast?
Vanderpump Rules lives by its own code of ethics. That code being, if you don’t get caught it’s not cheating, and if you don’t get caught cheating with your friend’s boyfriend, you’re still a good friend. Lisa Vanderpump needs to quit re-educating with sommeliers and instead try educating her employees on HUMAN RELATIONSHIPS. Like maybe Communications 101?
Also, I owe Kristen Doute an apology. Sort of. I used to believe James Kennedy was a super-douchey arrogant jerk because Kristen is so insane, but now I realize it was just a case of Like Attracts Like. They’re both total jerks, who, luckily for everyone else, had found each other to terrorize. Now that James and Kristen have split, James is inflicting his assholery on everyone else. Tom 1 and Ariana Madix are “Adulting,” James is instead “Douchebagging Extreme!” Run Lala, run!
Cole proposed to Chelsea a few weeks ago. The Teen Mom 2 star revealed they are planning a small wedding next fall. Chelsea hinted that it may not be filmed for MTV because Cole is still notoriously reality TV-shy.
Just weeks after giving birth to her daughter Saylor, Kristin Cavallari‘s family is contending with a terrible tragedy. Kristin’s brother Michael Cavallari has been reported missing since the day after Thanksgiving and authorities currently have very little information.
Michael’s abandoned car was found in Grand County Utah on Nov 27. Authorities have no leads on his apparent disappearance, but are listing it as a “Missing Person Investigation.”
Yeah, I don’t know who escalatedCynthia Bailey and Porsha Williams‘ fight, but one thing I do know is that I’m super, ultra relieved it doesn’t appear the fallout will drag on all season, and into the next, and into the next, and into the next until I contemplate throwing them both overboard into Lake Lanier, Atlanta’s unofficial morgue, without a lifejacket, so they are stuck fending for themselves amid the ghosts. Well, at least Phaedra Parks said there were ghosts in that lake.
Anyway, to briefly recap Fight Float, there are “fake as f–k” women causing “fake as f–k fights,” there are fingers in faces, then fingers being grabbed, there is Porsha starting to stand-straddle? (adjusting her position?) – I don’t know – over Cynthia’s lawn chair. Then all of the sudden Cynthia kicks Porsha in the crotchal region! Shocking, yes. But I was mostly relieved no one’s pants burst because, holy crap, I would not be getting all acrobatic and ‘Hi-Yah! Housewives’ in pants that tight!
Reacting to the impending YoDa divorce, Lisa insists she initially didn’t believe the rumors. Because, you see, Yolanda and David hid their marital strife so very well through the excellent filters of Instagram!
“You expect on a reality show that you’re seeing what’s going on in somebody’s life. When I heard that and was told, I said, ‘That’s absolutely nonsense, absolute rubbish. I don’t believe that for a second,'” Lisa exclaims.