Last night was the season finale of Teen Mom 2. Aaaahhh… Jenelle Evans oh my, my, my. Man every single season this girl does something to make me think less of her. I mean just when I think she can't top getting arrested for heroin after marrying someone she barely knows, she goes and makes a baby with another lunatic she barely knows not 3 months after having an abortion.
For all of that, I felt a little bad for Jenelle last night – if only because it became more than abundantly clear that she is not right. Nathan Griffithis a sociopath. Something is seriously wrong with him. We will be seeing him as the subject of a Dateline NBC mystery where he has done something truly heinous.
And also, this recap is sponsored (kidding, not really) by the maternity lingerie photo of Kailyn Lowry and topless Javi Marroquin that is framed above their bed. At least Snuffy was smiling and that may be the only smiling photo of her I've ever seen!
Quad Lunceford-Webb pays a visit to Lisa Niccole's house to discuss Dr. Heavenly's Black Tie fiasco. Lisa Nicole has a business partner who is a familiar friend (with another new face) – Dwight Eubanks! I hope his partnership with Lisa is more lucrative than his affiliation with She By SheBroke's fashion show. Dwight is looking good – his nose seems to have some added putty, his cheeks a little fuller, and he's rocking a fade.
They dive into the ludicrous behaviors of Mariah Huq – and her 'When Doves Died' outfit at Heavenly's. "What the hell," wonders Dwight. Exactly – the perfect way to sum up Mariah.
Last night Bravo was up to some chicanery – telling us Real Housewives of Atlanta's finale was an hour and a half and then tacking on some sit-down special with NeNe Leakes for the last 30 minutes. I have to admit NeNe basically ripping up Cynthia Bailey's friendship contract and making it acid rain all over the WWHL stage was far more entertaining than any old memorial for Kenya Moore's dog on what looked like Chateau Sheree's dirt patch vacant grounds.
So anyway, Kandi Burruss and Todd have been through a lot in their relationship, most prevalently they have dodged the mighty weave-wearing bullet of Mama Joyce and her Wal-mart wedges being thrown at them from all angles. Now that they've done a MJ exorcism by developing the play A Mother's Love together, it's time to talk prenup. Kandi wants one and wants one she shall have – so long as the requests are reasonable according to Todd. Basically both parties leave with what they came in with and split everything they accrued together down the middle.
The ladies will close the season with as much drama as they opened with. Kandi Burruss and Todd Tucker celebrate their joint-creation of A Mother's Love, which hopefully Porsha Stewart will actually show up for!
And Kenya Moore will formally say good-bye to her beloved Velvet with a funeral. Next week the ladies head into the epic – and I mean that for real this time! – reunion where Porsha reportedly assaulted Kenya resulting in her getting fired.
The OGs of the Real Housewives line-up are back next week. The Real Housewives of Orange County has had many ups and downs, but last season the ladies thusly represented on the drama front and brought in big ratings!
Everyone's relationships were thrown in a blender as friendships fractured and reconnected. Tamretchen fell apart (like no one saw that coming) and Tamricki was restored to their rightful order as queen bitches. Businesses were opened, weddings were planned, the Dubrow marriage was strained, and Lauri Peterson staged a dramatic comeback!
The topsy-turvy season began with a brought back from the dead Alexis Bellino who had to go on Xanax to deal with Tamra Barney. Yes, she was so desperate to famewhore she needed psych drugs. While Alexis focused on relevance and opening a tramboppily boob-bouncing for Jesus trampoline park, Tamra opened C.U.T Fitness.
Caroline admits her relationship with Teresa was strictly business, "She was never a friend. She was someone I worked with. Someone I knew." Caroline met Teresa through sister Dina Manzo and they quickly formed a tight-knit group on RHONJ – or so it appeared. Caroline claims she tried to have a legitimate relationship with Teresa, but Teresa wasn't interested!
Pierre claims he agreed to have the piece filmed as a vocal test, but had no idea it would actually be represented as Porsha recording his song — especially because he says she sucked at singing it!
In response to the allegations that she's a worthless song thief who simply can't sing, Porsha is firing back! She tells TMZ that Pierre – who has worked with Usher, P.Diddy, and Nelly – signed a release with Bravo and is simply try to ride her coattails for 15 minutes of fame! And he actually pleased with what Porsha did with the song – and she has proof!
Interestingly Sonja defends Avicious MeViva on the case that she's clearly a crazy person of unsound mental standing and therefore we should all be more patient, nice, and sympathetic to her plight. Sonja – really? Try again. Although, yes, Aviva is crazy.
"Everyone really seems to have ganged up on Aviva who is, in my eyes, in a fragile mental and health state," Sonja writes in her Bravo blog.