Last night was the final episode of Real Housewives of Miami. It went the way all reunions go with cocktail dress clad and overly spray-tanned women screaming at each other over an utterly useless Andy Cohen. We were spared an Elaine Lancaster appearance. We were rewarded with a Mama Elsa appearance. And we all got tired of Ana Quincoces making herself sound silly by taking repeated jabs atLea Black's age.
C'mon now – if you're gonna rip someone apart you have to be clever about it. (See: Leakes, NeNe, "Wigs" "Trashbox" "Close Your Legs To Married Men!") That's just elementary, like Housewives 101.
Things begin with a drama in review. And that unfortunate drama is Joe Francis and Joanna Krupa's reported unsavory past. Joanna clears up that she was never in Girls Gone Wild but instead hosted an infomercial with Snoop Dog. She also insists she did not "sleep" or "associate" with criminals.
Ana leaps in to accuse Lea of bringing Joe to the party as a "prop" to set Joanna up. Lea denies it, shrieking that Ana is making yet another false accusation and suggests Ana stick to cooking where hopefully she can keep her ingredients straighter than her facts. I wish Lea had said ingrediences.
Ana keeps speaking over everyone and answering for them. Annoying. Shht! The drama over the bitchslap, broom stick wielding, boob-exposing meltdown continues. Yes, let's talk about this some more. It was actually a productive conversation. Adriana de Moura apologized for smacking Joanna and she was disgusted for herself for getting physical. Apparently Adriana was depressed for days following the incident.
“It certainly feels like I may be the new star of the show,” Kenyagloats to In Touch. “I certainly can keep people’s attention.” I think Kenya is confusing "star" with trainwreck. See people like to gawk and when someone goes overboard with the crazy we can't look away.
So if she thinks embarrassing herself on national TV is star power, well I can see why her career stayed D-List for all these years. But I s'pose I don't understand "gone with the wind fabulous!"
It was recently brought to our attention that Courtney deleted the phrase "Mrs. Hutchison" from her twitter bio. And a quick scroll through her timeline confirms that the last known mention of Doug is on December 22nd when Courtney says he gave her an early Christmas gift.
Adriana describes her style as "romantic and trendy" with the requisite "splash of sexy!" As for her style advice, she believes women should just accept themselves and be happy with who they are.
"Starting with the acceptance that NOBODY is perfect, but there is always some part of your body that is beautiful," Adriana shares. "So find out what it is and wear something that will bring attention to that. This way you can FEEL beautiful and when you feel beautiful, you look beautiful to others."
It's that time of year again. You know what I mean… The time of year when the annual Dancing With The Stars casting speculation resumes in earnest.
We thought we'd help ABC out a bit by dropping some hints about which reality stars we absolutely need (ok want, but semantics, right?) to see strap on a shiny sequined leotard, drop the magical ten pounds, and prance their way into public humiliation whileDerek Houghgyrates them into a sequined disco ball statue.
As for her spinoff, Lisa says hard work and dedication are what made Bravo deem her worthy. It had absolutely nothing to do with fan love? “They wouldn’t have given me a spin-off that just shows me sitting on my fat butt at home,” Lisa says.