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rhoa-recap-kenya

I'm just not sure what to think of Kenya Moore.

By that I mean, is she an evil genius or straight-up crazy? Kenya has orchestrated shade so elaborate it's like a 7-layer taco dip with extra cheese. It's deep and flavorful and frankly scary in its articulate complexity (Kenya IS Top Chef!). And there is no nacho chip to be left unturned.

Kenya has so many targets it's difficult to know if there's a safe-zone, but good lord is it crafty and thrilling to watch. If she is working at this alone, then I bow down to her as the true maestro of all Housewives. And if she's just full-scale nutty then NeNe Leakes better contact the authorities! 

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rhoa-recap-nene

It's been two weeks but the television gods are again blessing us with a brand new episode of Real Housewives of Atlanta. I mean, how dare the Oscars air on NeNe Leakes' night, amirite?!

​Since RHOA's absence there has been plenty of action however – NeNe signed on to do Dancing With The Stars and continued her feud with Marlo Hampton and Kenya Moore. Remember – that's where we left off with our favorite Atlanta ladies!

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teresa-giudice-joe-giuduce

Has Teresa Giudice gotten the remorse bug? Maybe…

Since the Real Housewives of New Jersey star plead guilty in response to her 41-count federal indictment, Teresa has promised to keep a low-profile. Today she thanked fans (she has any left?!) on twitter for their support and love. 

"Thank you all for your love & support of my family & my kids," Teresa wrote. "You know how much they mean to me. I am keeping them protected & private. xx" Except on Twitter where Teresa has been blowing up her feed with photos of the family! 

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couples-therapy-taylor

AaaahhhCouples Therapy. I was promised a trainwreck and a trainwreck we shall have. Oh goody!

Kelsey Nykole saunters out onto the patio where a slurry Taylor Armstrong and a messy, sloppy Liz and Jon Gosselin are talking. Kelsey drops the bomb that she's never masturbated. 

Liz and Taylor are shocked. "That's part of my repertoire," announces Taylor. Lovely. "I'm an expert," says Liz who decimated Jon in an earlier episode for "beating off". Hypocrite much? 

The next day Liz and Jon have a little gift for Kelsey – it's her very first vibrator! Surprisingly it did not come from Farrah Abraham's line of sex toys. She wasn't passing out goody bags?! Oh but wait – she was forced to make those vaj-molds and videotape herself doing it! Cause we all want a keek of Farrah's crotchal region covered in plaster! I don't know what's a grosser vibrator association: Jon or Farrah

Moving on, Taylor is struggling with parenting. "I don't parent," she slurs at the camera before course correcting to explain she doesn't set boundaries. #FreudianSlip Kennedy comes to the house the next day for some quality time with this woman who people say is her mom. Taylor greets Kennedy with villainous laugh that lasts about 5 minutes. In return, Kennedy shoots Taylor dirty looks that could melt a lip-plant. 

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rhobh-recap-kyle-lisa

Kyle Richards is calling shenanigans on Lisa Vanderpump again!  Or at least she's trying to… 

Kyle has claimed she desperately wants her friendship with Lisa back on track and then turns around and does everything to the contrary – even going so far as to blatantly accuse Lisa of lying several times!

In her blog, Kyle again questions Lisa's loyalty, behaviors, and also her friendship with Brandi Glanville. "It's a shame our vacation in beautiful Puerto Rico started off like this. I was hoping to be able to speak privately with Lisa — without the others around the next day. I had a lot of unanswered questions and really wanted to talk things through and hopefully enjoy our vacation together," Kyle begins. 

Unfortunately after being mauled by a bunch of botox-starved sharks, Lisa ditched her Real Housewives of Beverly Hills co-stars and headed to the nearest 5-star resort to recuperate. 

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Kim Kardashian and Kanye West in Soho

ZMOG – the wedding of the century is upon us. And very, very soon! According to sources Kim Kardashian and Kanye West will be getting married on May 24th in Paris. Poor France. 

"It won't be a huge wedding," a source reveals to People. "Around 150 people." Daughter North, who turns 1 in July, will play a prominent role in the ceremony and it's pretty much certain it will be aired on Keeping Up With The Kardashians or some sort of E! Special. Kim hasn't decided on a dress yet, but hopefully her fashion sense improves in time for wedding gown shopping, cause yea – no. 

"[I’ve shopped] a little bit, but I really need a good sit down to plan it all out," Kim revealed. 

Also reportedly making plans to finally walk down the aisle are Kourtney Kardashian and Scott Disick! I guess Kris Jenner finally convinced the stalwart couple that weddings equal big ratings which translates into big paychecks

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Teresa and Joe Giudice arrive at a federal court

This week Teresa Giudice and Joe Giudice finally faced the inevitable and pled guilty for their 41 counts of federal fraud charges. Teresa has expressed her shame for what this has done to her daughters and vowed not to speak publicly about the matter again. Until Barbara Walters or Oprah comes a'callin' I'm sure! 

Faced with an insurmountable indictment, the Real Housewives of New Jersey star is subject to a sentence of 21 – 27 months but Judge Esther Salas has the final say in just how long – if any – Teresa will serve in prison. Perhaps Joe may just be headed to the slammer solo! Teresa's attorney explained to People that Teresa has a strategy for convincing the Judge why she should be permitted to remain a free lady. 

"Teresa's plan is to explain to the court both how she ended up in this mess to begin with as well as how she has made a life for herself and the girls that will see them through it," her lawyer Henry Klingeman revealed. "We have the right to ask for probation and we are going to." 

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rhobh-recap-scheming

These girls just won't quit!

In her recent Bravo blog Lisa Vanderpump explains what motivated her to leave Puerto Rico in the middle of the night (in addition to the onslaught from her castmates they left because Ken was having health problems) and she is saddened that none of her supposed friends reached out to her. 

"I was deeply hurt and had not heard from any of them, which was fascinating by virtue of the fact that this was just an accusation, hurled by someone who had a penchant for vindictive, defamatory statements," Lisa wrote alluding to Brandi Glanville and the tabloid accusation. 

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