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Last night's episode of Real Housewives of Miami was all about mama drama. Sometimes you gotta take one for the team and go to an evil haunted mansion filled with the ghosts of friendship's (kitchen's) past. Or a Russian grocery store with the living embodiment of Julia Child's voice. 

Things began last night with Lisa Hochstein's everlasting nightmare; an unpleasant reminder of the things we do for money… errrrr… I mean love. And boobs! Lisa's inlaws are in town and her mother-in-law, Marina, lives to torture her.

Marina doesn't appreciate Fembot's fully constructed fabulosity. If only she had read that instruction manual Lenny faxed over, but Marina doesn't do new-fangled. She also doesn't understand what exactly Fembot does. I mean she doesn't work and she just swans around advertising her son's reconstruction prowess. Was anyone else aware that Lenny was the best plastic surgeon in the world?!

Anyway, Lisa's other major drawback is that she doesn't cook and she's not Russian. Score 0 for the daughter-in-law from Canada! Among the many ways Marina tries to destroy Fembot is by force feeding her fried fish. The horror had Lisa needing Xanax and colonics for weeks. Fembot wonders if Marina will ever like her, but you can tell she really doesn't care! Nor does Marina for that matter, who still believes she runs the show. All shows. Maybe she should take over Bravo. 

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Ciroc Ultra Premium and OK Magazine host Coconut Cabana Summer Celebration

I cannot believe I am about to type the following sentences. I mean if you could see my face right now, you would see me with my mouth hanging open. Gretchen Rossi has some lofty, lofty ambition, y'all!

The Real Housewives of Orange County star has big plans to get a spinoff come hell or high water. When staging a proposal to Slave Smiley didn't work Gretchen has transitioned her attempts into plotting to adopt/birth a horde of children. 

"We want to be Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie! That's the goal,” Gretchen gushed to Life & Style. “At this point, we want to have, like, 26 kids.” Oh rllllyyy… well, perhaps she needs to borrow some money from Angie and Brad if that's her plan cause um… well, you know… 

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kim kardashian kanye west date 081012

All kindza shakeups happening in Keeping Up With The Kardashians kingdom! 

In the wake of the Lamar fiasco, Kim Kardashian is parting ways with the long-time Kardashian family publicist and hoping to create a new identity for herself besides sex tape vixen and reality TV queen. You think she'd be more grateful for the brave soul who made these do-nothings famous! 

Kim wants to set herself apart from the Kardashian p.r. machine, and Kanye West advised her to build her own team.” a source told Page Six

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rhonj-recap

So last night on Real Housewives of New Jersey the producers teased us with progress, yet again, but then we all ended up right back where we started with some sort of family drama nonsense. 

Gaaawd. Gawwwwwd. Gaaaaaaaaaaaaawd. It's all sooooo boring. We don't care. And you know what, it doesn't even seem believable anymore. Ugh. That's like all I have to muster. Recap over. Bye! Just kidding, but I'm gonna go ahead and say the highlight of last night's show was Penny Drossos-Karagiorgis' 10 foot long ponytail extension from the My Little Pony Weave Collection! Seriously that synthetic tail she was sporting was the color of Kraft Mac & Cheese and looked like straight up plastic Easter grass. As RuPaul would say: 'Grrrrrrrrllllll…' 

My other favorite part of the episode: Melissa Gorga's "singing". Her music career is about as believable as Penny's hair. Alright let's dive in!

So Teresa Giudice is pimping out Skinny Italian foods. She's got some sort of "store" where she has all the packages displayed. Is it edible? Apparently she's saving pasta from being boring by dumping a bunch of love in some pre-packaged rigatoni. Whatever. The real point of this meeting is so she can discuss the Melissa drama with her mom and mother-in-law. I'm not gonna snark – the mommies are adorable. They encourage Teresa to invite Joe and Melissa for a family lunch. Alls good now… for less time than it takes to boil a pot of spaghetti! 

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BOBS from Skechers Summer Soiree

Adrienne Maloof apparently didn't get the memo that we don't like her. She's still clinging on to the belief that people want to watch her on television!

OK – to be fair many of us (me included) intially appreciated her voice of reason candor on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. But then it emerged that she orchestrated a plot to destroy Lisa Vanderpump, and she threatened legal action against Brandi Glanville, and she accused her now ex-husband Paul Nassif of abuse via her chef… Safe to say her true colors came shining through neon, vegas-y, and tacky! 

Anyway, now that she's been booted from RHOBH Adrienne is hawking a product-a-minute and cougar-dating. And she's also attempting to angle her way back onto our televisions! 

"I have several different opportunities I have that I can't talk about, but they're big opportunities," Adrienne hints to Wetpaint about a return to TV. "Something along the lines of is what I'm all about is a businesswoman. Giving back philanthropically."

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Kim Kardashian Baby Shower

Last week Lamar Odom was arrested under suspicion of a DUI

The wayward husband of Khloe Kardashian failed multiple field sobriety tests and was taken down to the station and booked, but refused a blood alcohol tests to confirm if he was in fact intoxicated! 

Today the Keeping Up With The Kardashians star was officially charged with 1 count DUI according to TMZ. Since Lamar refused the blood alcohol test he automatically lost his license for one year. 

Lamar will be arraigned on September 27th and if convicted he will likely land probation and alcohol awareness classes since he is a first time offender. Hopefully he doesn't turn into LiLo! 

No word on what Khloe thinks on all of this, but sources connected to the star tell People (print edition) that she wants to save her marriage and hasn't given up on Lamar. She continues to wear her wedding rings. 

[Photo Credit: JP/JFXimages/Wenn.com]

TELL US – DO YOU THINK LAMAR IS GUILTY OF A DUI?
 

bethenny-frankel-people-magazine

Aaaahhh… Bethenny Frankel! Since her talk show bethenny premiered this week, our favorite over-discloser is using the divorce woes with spinoff scheme ex-husband Jason Hoppy to generate some publicity. 

Speaking to People Magazine (print edition), Bethenny opens up about recovering from what she believed was 'Hoppily Ever After' in between begging us to watch her new show. 

"You never think you're going to be in these situations, and then suddenly you are," Bethenny says of the implosion of her brief marriage happening in front of TV cameras on Bethenny Ever After. Bethenny failed to mention Jason's name throughout the entire article, interestingly. Wonder if that gag order rumor was true?!

Bethenny admits that she she is soured on the idea of a fairy tale love story. "Part of my identity was always looking for a man. I always wanted to meet someone – to complete you, take care of you," Bethenny acknowledges of her history with men and with reality TV. 

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brielle-fashion-week

Brielle Zolciak: budding supermodel! 

Kim Zolciak's eldest daughter may soon be able to buy her own Range Rover instead of relying on Daddy Kroybucks, because the sixteen-year-old just walked the runway in the Michael Kuluva fashion show!

Kim tweeted excitedly for Brielle, who was accompanied by Kim's stylist, Don't Be Tardy regular Shun Melson. Unfortunately Kim couldn't be there because she has three other kids and is pregnant WITH TWINS

Congratulations Brielle, you look super duper cute! B-to-the-rielle? Pretty soon Andy's gonna need an everlasting gif like he does for G-to-the-eeya

[Photo Credit: Twitter]

TELL US – HOW CUTE DOES BRIELLE LOOK?!

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