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Welcome to the scripted reality television land of Wigs N Cigs where a 40-something 35-year-old woman has never heard of an IUD and can't get along with her parents to save her life. If you were confused for a second; nope that's not Brielle's storyline – it's Kim Zolciak's!

On last night's installment of Don't Be Tardy, Bravo seemed to prove that the only reason Kim got a second spinoff was to exploit the legal/custodial drama happening with her parents because other than that this show has ZERO going on except for completely fabricated and ridiculous plots. 

So Kim and Kroy Biermann take a walk in the woods and decide they are ready for a third child. I mean what else does Kim have to do; she doesn't work and she has two nannies for her other two kids so she can basically sit around and be prego, ensuring her investments will grow and grow. I believe they call that an "installment plan"? Ask, conceive and receive! 

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teresa-melissa-teresabirthday

Last week Teresa Giudice celebrated forty-one and fabulous! 

The Real Housewives of New Jersey star kept things relatively low-key for her birthday (is this a whole new Teresa?) and was spotted enjoying drinks with her sister-in-law Melissa Gorga.

Kim D also posted a photo of her, Teresa, and Melissa together from the same evening. And no – the world did not implode. Shockingly! Teresa celebrated at NYC's STK restaurant. 

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kristen-taekman

With all the originals reportedly signed on to Real Housewives of New York the drama surrounding who the newbie is can resume! 

Bravo allegedly wants to add two ladies to the group to spice up the dynamic. I'm guessing both will come on as 'Friends of the Housewives,' aka trial runs. One name being thrown into the ring is Brandi Glanville's friend Kristen Taekman

In fact Brandi nominated her for the show!

Screen Shot 2013-05-21 at 2.59.32 PMCLICK CONTINUE READING FOR THE REST! 

rhoc-recap

Real Housewives of Orange County was full all about actors last night. Except the only person who was legitimately doing any acting was Heather Dubrow. And no – she wasn't acting like a biatch this episode. Oh wait… yes she was but not as part of her real life, but as part of a role she was hired to play. But not for Bravo. AAAAHHH! I'm so confused… 

Things begin with a blast from the past. Gold digging expert Lauri Peterson is resurrected to give Tamra Barney a little advice on making marriage number three last. Third times a charm, eh! They meet up at a jewelry store and Lauri looks great. All three of her children are doing well and good for her – hopefully life is going smoothly. 

Since Lauri and Tamra were never really friends they resort to talking about someone they have in common: Vicki Gunvalson. Tamra fills Lauri in on how post-divorce Vicki is like soooo delusional and dating a loser. Lauri snickers and chooses this time to remind Tamra about how Vicki broke up her marriage to Simon. That's a great thing to be discussing while you're choosing a wedding ring for your third betrothed. #ManEaters

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Us Weekly Annual Hot Hollywood Style Issue event

It's so hard adjusting to life as a Housewife! I mean all the media appearances and fancy parties and fabulous vacations paid for by Bravo…. oh and of course the totally insane women you're forced to work with!

Lydia McLaughlin is struggling with the curse of the newbie, i.e. forging alliances and getting to know your co-stars all while staying likeable to the viewers. It is not an easy path she walks…

"It is more difficult than I thought it would be!" the Real Housewives of Orange County star admitted to People. "I was just like, 'Yeah, what do I have to lose?! What would people not like about me?! I'm just going to be myself, and I'm going to be positive, and have a different type of voice!'" 

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porsha-stewart-kordell

Just a couple weeks ago we were all wondering if Kordell Stewart was hinting that he regretted his move to file for divorce from wife Porsha Stewart. Apparently not!

The Real Housewives of Atlanta star claims Kordell changed the locks on her!

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ramona_sonja_luann_rhony_s5_reunion

Well, we all knew it was a matter of time. The Countess is back, baby!

After arguing with Bravo, LuAnn de Lesseps has officially signed on to the sixth season of Real Housewives of New York which is currently filming. 

RumorFix confirms LuAnn has signed her contract and will be part of the cast. 

Moving on, Pinot Singer did something unpinot-y. Seriously. Ramona reportedly helped a friend track down a nanny who got a little pawn happy with her employer's jewelry! 

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andy-cohen-teresa-giudice

Last night Andy Cohen sat down the ever-so-crazy ladies of Real Housewives of New Jersey for a little tell-all dish session and some word association. Word association was the best part and if Teresa Giudice's skill at the game is any indication of how she did on the SAT's, well… errrr… yeah. 

Other than word association, the flashback photos were A-MAZ-ZING. Lord knows I love an 80's Jem & The Holograms hairstyle. And speaking of 80's, 'Vacations all I ever wanted; Vacation time to get away… from RHONJ before it even started!' (Courtesy of The Bangles). 

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