Kim Zolciak will be back to traumatize us next week. Oh how I've missed my television sans wigs, cigs, and mistresses on an egotrip! Luckily for me I will not long await the return of classless wig porn talk, fast food binges, and the bellowing war cry of "SWEEEEETIEEEE!"
Don't Be Tardy premieres with back-to-back episodes next Tuesday! Bravo just released the official press photos of Lady Wigs and her strands of terror.
Last night on Real Housewives of Orange County bad behavior along with Vicki Gunvalson's swollen face and insane hair continued to haunt us. She got allll that work done on her face and she couldn't throw in a keratin treatment to deep condition that straw weave she had attached to her head? Dyed-N-Fried.
With all the renovations and double-dealing and lies and dastardly deeds and attention seeking manipulation plots she was accused of, Vicki didn't have time to get her nose done AND her hair. To think all this time I thought she was just a neurotic insurance salesperson. No rest for the wicked, eh?
We resume at Heather Dubrow's glambake. Heather instructs Tamra Barney on how to eat a lobster. Of course since Tamra is saltier than lobster brine she has to make a sex joke out of Heather's instructions when she says to bite on the lobster leg until it "comes in your mouth." Tamra brays across the table like a donkey with a bullhorn about how FANCY PANTS MADE A SEX JOKE. Why doesn't she just wear a sign that says: 'I'm desperate for attention and have no manners!'
Discreetly Heather crosses Tamra's name off the future invites list. Vicki may look like a mutant person with the face of Bride of Frankenstein but at least she talks quietly and uses inside voices at Heather's!
We've written about plenty of reality TV stars and their sex tapes here on Reality Tea. We've written even more about reality stars and their TMI sexytimes. But I do believe this is our very first article about a reality star making an adult entertainment movie! Things are getting exciting around here.
Yesterday it emerged that Farrah Abraham may or may not have starred in a leaked sex tape. Today it emerges that she may or may not have made a full-on XXX movie with legendary adult film star James Deen! Classy, classy…
Farrah, who previously expressed an interest in writing erotica, apparently took her fantasies to the next level because James told TMZ that he and the former Teen Mom star got down and dirty on camera together. "Word travels fast … it isn't even edited yet. We shot it yesterday," James shared.
Vivid, who is behind the Kim Kardashian sextape among other celebrity sexcapades calls Farrah and James' on-camera sexytimes "amazing." The company promises they're doing everything in their power to get it released ASAP! I cannot wait.
"I get introduced to the group because Alexis [Belino] brings me to a party and Alexis, at the time, most of them don’t like Alexis," Lydiatells WetPaint. "So you’re walking in and they automatically don’t like me before I opened my mouth. So that was an uphill battle at first."
"I thought I was going to get along with Gretchen, but she was the coldest to me when I joined the group. I have no idea why," Lydia adds. Surprisingly it was Heather Dubrow who was the most receptive. "Most of the girls have been nice. Heather’s taken me under her wing and given me lots of advice."
Lisa Vanderpump has had a rough go of things as the first Housewife onDancing With The Stars. She's been plagued by harsh critiques over her wooden dancing and an inability to loosen up with her partner, Gleb Savchenko. Lisa is now having trouble keeping up with the physical pace of the show!
Lisa fainted during rehearsal last week citing an exhausting week with lots of travel and press responsibilities. "By the time Thursday rehearsals rolled around – let's just say I was exhausted and everything felt off," she writes in her People blog. "Gleb and I were rehearsing our cha cha and suddenly I just blacked out."
Lisa discovered she has a viral infection, along with exhaustion. "I am still fighting the bug and feeling under the weather but I am staying in the game as long as they say I can. And I will give it my best!"
Moving on, Kyle Richards has not had an easy season on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. She accused former friend Lisa of organizing a smear campaign against her at the reunion. She claims off-camera arguments with Lisa are the true cause of their break-up, although she wouldn't name the subject of those disagreements. Why are all Kyle's issues "off camera"? Isn't that convenient!
Following the disgraceful Real Housewives of New Jersey brawl that took place during filming for season five, local business owners are complaining that RHONJ not only destroyed their facilities but may be harming their reputation!
"Yes, a fight broke out, but we're not happy about it," Jenntold the Ridgewood Patch, adding that other local business owners were also unhappy about the latest embarrassment to have occurred while filming for the show. Following incidents in previous years the show has been banned from other local establishments.
Last night was the first installment of the Real Housewives of Atlanta reunion. Kenya Moore lived in the hot seat this reunion as she got it from all the ladies (even Andy Cohen!), so that must explain why she was constantly fanning herself. Reunions By Krayonce!
This whole reunion could be photo-capped with the fantastic facial expressions of both Phaedra Parks and Krayonce. Everybody knows a picture is worth 1000 words. Both ladies threw shade at each other up one side and down the other, but Phaedra and her legalese definitely trumped Miss WHO-S-A. Sorry!
Kenya brought two accessories besides a full arsenal of nonsense: a fan and illusion netting. Illusion netting!
Girl was also shades of radioactive orange not found in nature that only seemed to glow more and more ominously as the snark got heaped on her in spades. Kenya was twisting like a tornado trying to twirl her way out of the insults. As Phaedra pointed out, that fan was a weak defense and she better have something stronger if she wants to battle!