Something curious has happened to Tom 1 over the course of Vanderpump Rules. He's grown from a boy to a man. He has freed himself from the shackles of Kristen Doute's psychotic tyranny and Stassi Schroeder's emotional manipulations and terrible party planning. He has flourished from a sad, aimless emotional wrecking ball to a proud manish metrosexual.
Last night Tom 1 let his anger roar as he took down Stassi, put Kristen in her place, and practically ground Jax Taylor's aging meathead under his boot heel. And never did a hair bend out of shape! Is Ariana Madix responsible for this surge in testosterone – as if releasing himself from Kristen has allowed Tom 1's poor shriveled manliness to blossom Phoenix-style.
Whatever – I was impressed. Take no prisoners Tom. Actually, no, do take Jax prisoner and lock him away from the rest of us because boy deserves to do hard time not these puny 'you can keep your designer sweater' jail stints!
Everything Housewives gets "gated". And here on Real Housewives of Beverly Hills we have graduated from cheating-gate, and hair-gate, and lastminutecancellation-gate, to necklace-gate; and most excitingly: you'recursed-gate. It's been a while since we've had a good curse on Housewives #Season1CamilleGrammer #Pernicious.
So that's what we're dealing with here and like sand through the hourglass these here are the days of our caftans. Cause you know, Kyle Richards was on Days of Our Lives for a splits richards second.
Anyway, Brandi Glanville has a problem with her tongue and her mouth and her speech and her general planet trashiness was affected by wonky aspirin. Which is a good thing because she also has a problem with *gasp* Lisa Vanderpump. Appprrrrrntly, Lisa holds within her bejeweled hands the power to deport people, destroy their lives, poison their aspirin, and dig up their ex-husband's long-dead mistress from the grave to release her from her coffin on the very moment when you walk into a Bravo-sponsored season finale party at her restaurant. Or something like that that. Cause if anyone knows how to work a good curse it's not plastic tits on a tan witch Snarlton Gebbia, but Giggy-loving Lisa!
In other news it's Kristen's birthday today and what better birthday present is there than letting Stassi ruin your birthday by telling the whole world how much you suck on national TV. It's payback, right, for the horrible way Kristen destroyed Stassi's amazing birthday in Cabo!
Well, well… what have we here! A Kardashian infiltration.
Kendall Jenner, who truly is gorgeous, recently walked in the Marc Jacobs show at NY Fashion week and the skedaddled over to London where she sat front row alongside the impenetrable Anna Wintour and Kate Moss at the Topshop Unique show. The two did not appear to be interacting much (if at all), but Kendall recently appeared in an Instagram style-Vogue photoshoot.
In it Kendall takes selfies while wearing a variety of fashion week looks. While it's a far-cry from landing a cover of Vogue (which sister Kim Kardashian is rumored to be in the process of doing), I think the Keeping Up With The Kardashian star looks great.
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Certain ladies of Real Housewives of Atlanta need to read Secrets of A Southern Belle… – it should be required reading! But if everyone behaved civilly there wouldn't be any of that potent drama! Also, an evite does not an invitation make. When did the evite replace the speakerphone invite?! Technology sucks! Next we'll be tweet-viting.
Kenya Moore is throwing an "elegant Eyes Wide Shut" masquerade ball in the theme of shade. Because NeNe Leakes is furious with her for "ruining" her pillow talk nightmare, Kenya is returning the favor by setting NeNe up to ruin one of her parties. Kenya is sending out evites, she's planning the event with Marlo Hamptonand she's decided to make NeNe the secret guest of honor by having the party actually be a charity auction where the proceeds benefit NeNe's favorite charity.
But – and here's the big BUTT – Kenya isn't going to bother to call NeNe on the phone to discuss how she's the guest of honor. "I'm gonna kill her with kindness," Kenya threatens, adding that she wants to mend things with NeNe because she used to look up to her as an "older sister". NeNe and Kenya are the same age (46 and 43).
Kenya and Marlo discuss her plan at Miss Lawrence's salon (I thought he lost his license?). Marlo warns Kenya that she's looking at months of the silent treatment out of NeNe after pillow talk. Kenya rubs her hands together, cackles her evil laugh, eyes flashing and bellows 'I know how to make a bitch squeal!' Eyes wide shut indeed.
Tonight on Real Housewives of Atlanta the frienemyship between two ladies with egos bigger than Miss WHO-S-A pageant crowns explodes as Kenya Moore plans a masquerade ball and invites NeNe Leakes with the sole purpose of shading her! Oh my…
In the midst of it all NeNe's friendship with Cynthia Bailey is further tested when she erupts into an argument with the ever-meddling Peter Thomas! No, she is still not over the pillow talk implosion.
After leaving her job as a cocktail slinging princess and relocating to NYC and landing a new man, rumor has it Stassi is angling to get a spinoff about trying to make it in fashion. In case you forgot, Stassi fancies herself a fashion writer – or she wants to be.
In her new blogStassi talks her decision to leave LA and SUR behind. "It was just my time to go," Stassi confirms. "Yes, I did disappear for a while, but I was professional and got all my shifts taken care of — and then went in to the office and turned in my uniforms to say I wouldn't be returning."