Last night's episode of Real Housewives of Orange County was giving me flashbacks of the Bill Clinton trial. It was all a buncha semantics, except with Housewives mumbo-jumbo. "I did not say they were having sex, they were just in bed." "I didn't say it was a threesome" "I've never had multiple partners." "You have a different guest role on Malibu Country." Whatever the case: "Uh Oh! Somebody's lyyyyyying!" (Adrienne Maloof voice).
Lydia McLaughlin tried to take her new friends to her old country, Canada, for some good old fashion skiing fun at Whistler. Truly showing she's a sparkly-eyed, pixie winged novice for all things Housewives she predicted it would be drama free. Why? Did she think the negative temperatures would freeze their drama capacitors off? Nope, if anything the cold made them extra twitchy and jumpy and turned the trip into a true The Shining nightmare. Except Lydia was the only person trapped on the mountain and unable to escape.
Good thing Alexis Bellinogave Lydia a special, drama-debunking gift! Alexis has decided she'll come on the trip under one condition – she can carry a concealed weapon. A Swaorvski crystal studded bible! Alexis gives Lydia a matching bible. Um… I love these two; they truly are Jesus Barbie and her little sister Bible Skipper! I hope Barbie doesn't wear Alexis Couture to teach Sunday School.
Tamra Barney cast Simon aside and found her true-true love in Eddie, but she and Simon still have three kids together. And Simon does not want his children to have anything to do with Real Housewives of Orange County – or any its spinoffs! Is Simon smarter than I remember him being or just spiteful?
“Simon has refused to allow his children to appear on the Real Housewives of Orange County since his split from Tamra and he wasn’t about to change his view for the wedding,” a production insider dished to RadarOnline about Tamra's upcoming 3-part wedding special.
"Producers of the show had approached him to allow the kids to appear on the show, Tamra’s OC Wedding. The kids were even offered financial compensation. But Simon wouldn’t budge. He blocked it.” Tamra's oldest son Ryan will appear in the series, however.
Teresa Giudice's friend and co-authorHeather Maclean has become the "invisible Housewife" on Real Housewives of New Jersey. And since Twitter really is the 6th castmember on this show, Heather has taken to tweeting the show and revealing some of the producer machinations that happen behind the scenes. Yummy! I guess after the Posche Fashion Show debacle everyone has learned their lesson to cover their bases!
Last night Heather commented on Teresa allegedly sitting by while Jan trashed Melissa Gorga and accused her of cheating on Poison with her ex-boyfriend. Well, Heather says that what viewers saw was edited to make Teresa look guilty and involved in the setup, when in actuality she left the table! Isn't that always Teresa's MO?
"After this episode, you will clearly see that I have obviously been established as 'the villain' of the season," Kim hints. "I’ll own it proudly! After all, things do just fall into my lap! [;)] " Anything for fame right, Kimmie BePosched?
Oh Real Housewives of New Jersey. I just don't know what to do with you. Like ever. Last night Melissa Gorga was officially accused of cheating by a former BFF who now doesn't like her. And since this is RHONJ some heavy betrayal was involved. Does anyone like Melissa in NJ? What did this girl do to make so many enemies? Did she give a lot of people unwanted sprinkle cookies?
Anyway, there was also talk of a retreat. I need a retreat from this show – am I invited?
Things begin with Wallpaper Wakile having a meeting of the minds in her brand new test kitchen. She's got her mixer all set up in one corner and the entire vast remainder of the industrial kitchen sits unused and empty. Pretty soon Kathy is going to start moving her bed, her dresser, all her clothes, etc in because if there's one things she's realized about ol' test kitchen – it's a great retreat from Richie. And one long overdue.
And speaking of retreats from hubbies, here comes Caroline Manzo. Is Al in the same country as her anymore? Caroline, Jacqueline Laurita, and Rosie the Rampager are meeting to talk about Rosie's big meet-n-drink with Teresa Giudice. Rosie reveals that the pounding on the table severely bruised the cartilage in her hand. Rosie needs serious help. Gross.
Tonight Teresa attempts to prove she's the bigger cannoli by planning a retreat to rebuild her family and end the Gorgadice bickering. Hopefully she can keep her Milania Weave on long enough to avoid any fireworks. We know it's all made for TV drama but it will be nice to see an end to all the fighting!
Oh poor Aviva Drescher! She just wants everything to be about her, her, her! Sadly being an overgrown Veruca Salt (with a creepy daddy to boot) doesn't win you friends or fans on reality TV!
Rumor has it that producers for Real Housewives of New York hired an image consultant to boost Aviva's appeal to viewers. Good luck with that, Bravo! Aviva has been spotted filming several scenes with her longtime friend Amanda Sandersaccording to the NY Post's Page Six.
Sources reveal that Sanders, who is actually an image consultant in her real life, was hired by Bravo to "make over" Aviva and turn her into a more "likeable" Housewife – to both fans and her castmates!
The Real Housewives of Orange County star shares her hot body secrets and no surprise it involves junk food deprivation (laaaame!) and exercises (laaaamer!). Didn't Lydia McLaughlin accuse her of not eating?
Gretchen says her road to body acceptance and health has been difficult. “I’ve struggled in the past with having an eating disorder way back in the day in high school and going through yoyo dieting and trying every pill on the market," Gretchen confesses to RadarOnline. "But none of it worked [because] I wasn’t feeding my body or taking care of myself." Wasn't this Alexis' storyline already?