Last night on Real Housewives of New Jersey some tepid family bonds were forged while others remained more fractured than a crackle manicure. Oh deja Jersey – coming back to haunt us like bad ju-ju!
Things begin with the aftermath of Joe Gorga's gym baptism by fire. Poison is driving home talking to himself, mumbling "bitch" and other little rude names. The voices in his head really shouldn't be so hard on him. He's only a man, after all. A flawed one, but still only a man with a penchant for weight lifting, Tarzan-ing, and embarrassing himself.
He stomps into the house where a perfectly made up Melissa Gorga is relaxing on her bed begging daughter Antonia to "write" her book for her. Melissa tells Antonia about including stories about her own dad in the book. Melissa is running the including her dad thing by everyone as if she really cares about anyone's opinion. Girl is going to include all her dad's dirrry secrets because it sells books and there is no point to writing a book if it isn't to sell it!
Melissa says she doesn't want her daughter to see the type of family life she had and right on cue here comes Poison grunting and talking himself down from jumping off the faux-marble roof as he barges in to let Melissa know that Teresa Giudice was ranting about fake Chanel on Twitter or something.
Despite what anyone wants to say about Teresa Giudice, the infamous bankrupt villainess of questionable intelligence has managed to convince producers to entirely craft the storylines of Real Housewives of New Jersey around her. Genius or lucky?
In tonight's installment of Teresa's Revenge, she will go head-to-head with cousin Rosie Pierri, who was last seen in a drunken stupor instructing Teresa to participate in some lurid sexual practices. Hey – hate sex works for some people!
Anyhoodle, Rosie and Teresa will sit down tonight and try to iron out all the conflict that has erupted since their parents stopped speaking and Wallpaper Wakile joined the show as Melissa Gorga's sidekick.
Please sayVicki Gunvalson has recovered from the effects of her facial skin being pulled too tight and is finally thinking rationally again. Because it's looking like the Real Housewives of Orange County star has finally shed her deadbeat!
Brooks Ayers hopped on twitter last night to complain about Vicki breaking his heart.
Before the big pregnancy reveal, Kim toted her existing kids to Turks and Caicos to celebrate Brielle's 16th birthday. Proving she is so the daughter of Wigs Delightful, Brielle complained, "It's not the Bahamas, but I'll take it."
Apparently it's not that Brielle has anything against Turks and Caicos, she has something against Kroy Biermann coming along on the vacation, screwing up yet another Wig family tradition. Oh and she really wants a car.
So, Melissa Gorga and Teresa Giudice allegedly make amends this season and start patching their family back together. But for now things are still a hot mess of allegations, crazy, and back-and-forth nonsense.
Next week Joe Gorga will apparently start to recognize that his wife is also instigating the family feud as he catches wind of an explosive tweet she sends. Our source shares with us EXCLUSIVELY that Joe is caught in the middle and has no idea who to believe in all the arguing.
Last night the show celebrated its 100th episode with a 2-hour flashback/recap of some of the show's most iconic moments. Among the milestones was catching up with some of the memorable cast mates throughout the 8-season run and discussing current cast member's reflections to how the show has evolved.
Tamra Barney, you will be relieved to know, hasn't changed one single iota except her hair has gotten less frizzy and her boobs smaller. Thank God for small mercies… #sarcasm In her casting video Tamra is a grade-A bitch and says when producers told her they were deciding between her and one other woman for the spot she turned up the ruthlessness.
Celebrating 100 episodes of true craziness (and for being Housewives pioneers) all the old favorites from the seasons past of RHOC will return to talk shop, dish on behind-the-scenes details, and reveal top secret info we've all been dying to know. Such as, just how on earth did we get stuck with Slave Smiley?